Don't know where all the 'confusing' comments are coming from, it's fairly straightforward =/. Well besides for all the incarnates, I always get names mixed up XD.

Anyway, good writing, great update progress, inspired plot, terrible name. I would have skipped over it if it hadn't been in dlp's library. 4/5.

 

First time I've ever come across this one. An excellent read, glad it was moved. 4.5/5 from me.

 

confusing as hell. decent story, but I guess it's more of a 'guilty pleasure' type of fic. 3/5, i'm generous.

 

Just read the story and what is up of its sequel.

Damn fine story, nice ideas and the supernatural aspect is walking the fine line between comic book and religious nonsense nicely. I don't think there is too little characterization, it's just about right. I can't stand it when authors think they have to explain everything their characters do, so i like actually having to think about the reasons for their behaviour for once.

That said, I've got two small issues with the story: The mystery is good, but at some times crosses the border into being too much and slightly annoying. Not necessarily because of the plot itself, but because sometimes there are just too many scenes with too much mystery directly following each other and in most of them we don't even know the protagonists until half way through.
The second thing is that Harry ignores things too often. It's what I call the "Lost-phenomenon". It's like in the series, something mysterious is going on but the main character just doesn't seem to want to check it out. At the moment Harry is more dragged from scene to scene rather than doing something himself. That's okay, seeing that he is only 12, but I hope it will get better.

The current chapter ( 8 ) promises some more and better H/Th interaction. Very nice.

P.S.: It's basilisk, not basalisk.

 

Thank you! Basilisk, I knew there was something wrong with how I was spelling it but couldn't remember what it was.
And yea, the mystery is a bitch to balance but (un)fortunately you aren't supposed to know who the protagonists are until halfway through =/ I'm disappointed that I'm not getting any feedback for the sequel though so I'm flying blind in that one.
And yes, Harry's reactive attitude will start changing, I'm trying to portray him as a fledgling Slytherin. He won't respond to anything that doesn't directly mess with him right now but he'll get more assertive.

 

I read this all in a day or so, and wasn't any more confused than I expect I was supposed to be, which is a middling amount. Thana's a bitch, and Harry sorta takes it, but for some reason I find it not to bothersome to me. She might be getting overspill coolness points from Susan Death, though she's nothing like her (except in that her adverse reaction to being Death's Avatar is a core element of her personality, which I like). I also like the sweeping mythology, which at least will give Super!Harry something challenging to deal with.

However, the sequel was last updated 6 months ago, and I'll wait to read it until it's finished (if ever). I expect if I read half of it now and the other half then, I'll be pretty confused too. This is the type of fic I'll think of again going through the library in 6 months and be dissapointed that it was never continued.

4/5

 

Attempting to rewrite this actually. 4 chapters in currently.

Deathly Hallowed

 

Good luck, I liked the original one quite a bit. Even if the OC always got on my nerves a bit. I hope you stick with the re-write as well as you did with the original.

 

Chapters are much longer, but so far I'm sticking to one every 3-4 days.

 

I haven't really finished the original story, bu I'm really enjoying the rewrite. I think the writing is a lot better.

I think good horror and suspense usually hides the absurd or terrible behind normalcy. For example in the The Cask of Amontillado the murderer walks the victim into the wine cellar all while making sure that the victim is comfortable and is not bothered by the damp air. It is only in the last third of the story that things change and the victim is chained to the wall. Up until that point, everything was friendly. I don't know if it was the many references to the weave and the mysterious talks with the other Incarnates, or if it was Harry's comfortableness with Thanos and his ability to visit her Realm when he wanted to, but it seemed like the original was making the horrible somewhat normal. And I found that disengaging.

But, as I said, I'm really enjoying the rewrite. I also like the longer chapters, I think 6k+ word chapters give more room for characterization in a plot section.

 

Looking back over it, that was my major gripe with the entire thing: Incarnates were too human. And everyone else found it confusing as fuck. I was kind of sad that I couldn't reuse the 'random quotes from witches and wizards through history' but I got over it.

 

So I read the re-write and was pretty impressed by the writing. How the story unfolds from the second chapter onwards is great, little fact by fact - I had fun trying to put it all together. I also like how you wrote the kids, their interaction felt real, as did the dialogue & rational. Petunia's reflections were great. I wish there was a little more Harry/Lily interaction though. It seemed a little limited for the scope of the reunion and I kind of expected Harry to voice (even internally) some disappointment at that.

I think I've read a Lily was the survivor story or two, I don't remember thinking too much of them. So far your take is interesting... intriguing

To be honest, I don't think I liked the original. I skimmed the first few chapters of it after reading the re-write, and yeah, wasn't too impressed (which isn't a judgement on the whole, btw)... I didn't add to my favourites when I originally read it, some time ago.

I'm really looking forward to what you do with this new version.

 

Just started reading the rewritten version, unfamiliar with the old one.

It's quite fantastic, really. Your horror is evident and in your face, yet subtle, and frankly each chapter had me on the edge of my seat. Your ability to keep up the tension is spectacular.

I don't have many critiques, besides the fact that I felt that Lily and Harry's reunion deserved to be significantly longer and more important.

Regardless, a solid 5/5 so far.

 

That makes you the second person to say that, so apparently I need to do something about that. I did get my first "too many characters, not answering questions, too many holes" the other day. I tried asking what questions they had and what holes they spotted...didn't get an answer. Not surprised.

It's my first time writing any kind of horror, glad it's up to snuff. It's a challenge figuring out how much description it needs to be emotionally moving. I'm trying to go for less is more. I read other horror fics for tips on how to set a mood like Ruskbyte's Evil Be Thou My Good and Lady Salazar's Unholy, but there aren't a lot.

Any tips?

 

Admittedly I'm interested in Horror but absolute shit at writing. If you want some fic recommendations I'll look and put some down. The few I can think on the top of my head where those 2 and a Naruto fanfic called "He Had No Fingers" by Gleam. In fact for Cosmic Horror I'd go with pretty much everything Gleam wrote, although it can get confusing sometimes.

I'll have to rummage through my favorites to look around.

 

I look forward to any examples you can dig up for me. I probably should look into the other genres as well.

 

Rather enjoying this story. Haven't read the old version as I don't really want to spoil or have preconceived notions for the new story. It's really different and unique, and I absolutely love the underlying sense of of horror and mystery. I don't think i've ever seen a fic where i've been able to "feel" the actual "dark" vibes of black magic and the occult. Normally I just feel this juvenile good guy / bad guy comparison with magic, but in your fic I can actually feel the otherworldly supernaturalness of the events. Really great.

The biggest problem I have with the story is one of clarity. Frankly its rather hard to follow various "scene" changes. For example; in the scenes with Lily, Severus, and the penseive, I'd be reading about Lily and Snapes conversation and suddenly you'd be describing stuff from a memory. So my confusion came in not being able to tell what was something that happened years ago, and what was currently happening. I even went as far as to stop halfway through the chapter to tell my brain that it was goin to be flipping back and forth with no warning.

Not sure if it's really fixable, but if there was a way to provide just better overall clarity thought the story, then I'd love to see it. This is of course assuming you can do that without undercutting the "mystique" of the fic.

 

Not having a beta sucks. I just wanted to get the chapter out, but yeah, I will definitely work on that. I'm not so much concerned with the mystique as with the overall atmosphere, so I will definitely be cleaning ch 5 up. Thanks.

 

Updated!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9172846/6/