Title: Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos
Author: ACI100
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
Status: Incomplete Currently over 333K words at Chapter 34 in Year 2
Library Category: The Alternates/Dark Arts
Pairings: Unannounced as of yet. Most likely based on clues: Harry/Daphne, Harry/Fem!Tom or Harry/OC
Summary:
AU: When Voldemort attacked the Potters on Halloween night, she not only created a living legend in Charlus Potter, The Boy Who Lived, but she touched the life of another just as deeply. What will happen when a more jaded, more focused, and more gifted Harry Potter shows up at Hogwarts in 1991 after being abandoned and forgotten? Fem!Voldemort, WBWL
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13507192/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Ashes-of-Chaos

Review:

Recently found this, and the first 10 or so chapters have apparently been recently updated in September…

Not perhaps the most unique tale as it does contain some typically cliches as Abusive!Dursleys, and some others such as the Ministry over-regulation but there are some interesting twists, and its written competently at worst, and I’d certainly say above average. It does go into some interesting developments with Magical theory and such as a bit of focus.

The AO3 tags do show Light bashing of James and Albus. I’d say they for the most part they, and Charlus, Harry’s twin, are treated with reasonable respect. But

Spoiler

Dumbledore does lean in to some of his more negative aspects later on.

There are some prominent OCs that apparently also showed up up in previous work by this Author that was “Almost Recommended”, but I don’t recall reading the previous work, so can’t say if there have been any changes in them. Overall I find myself rather ambivalent/lukewarm about them, which is certainly not the author’s intent.

Honestly that almost all sounds more negative, and not worthy of a post here. But I don’t know there’s something about this one that has me hooked ; at the very least as a Guilty pleasure.

3.5/5

 

It's okay, with frequent updates and the writing is competent.

The problem is it feels like a mash up of many many fics. I mean, The Slytherin Harry and Secret Slytherin Room is from Prince Of Slytherin, Lockhart and Pettigrew are influenced by it(which the author admits), the relationship between Harry and Quirrel substitute reminds me of Old Blood and several other things which remind me of fics that I've previously read. C

Charlotte OC pretty annoying but the other OCs are good. Characterization wise, Daphne is not the Ice Queen(thank God for that), and the characters actually feel different, which is good.

It is a WBWL fic, which I have a weakness for and one of the better ones in that particular genre. And James and OC Twin are written pretty well. So I will be giving it 3/5.

Oh and if you read it, the first three to four chapters are really bad, it improves after that.

 

I think this is an almost recommended fic. The writing is grammatically fine for the most part, but the style isn't good. It's both bland and overdone. The premise of the story is alright, but there's nothing unique or exceptional about it. The plot is an integration of a lot of tropes from other stories with a hefty focus on "light", "dark", and "gray".

It doesn't really feel like an HP fanfic. It reads to me more like an HP fanfic of HP fanfic. There's not a lot that's great or good about the story and there's a lot holding it back. 2/5

 

Yeah she's who I was mostly thinking off when I mentioned being Lukewarm about the Originals.

While I am over all more postive on it than you, I think this is a great way to put it.

 

Just happened to try this the other day and have given up on it.

It has two sets of issues:
1. The various world building/AU premises are so shallow that they jar the reader out of the story flow almost continuously.

2. The philosophy of magic and the sociopolitical backdrop are not coherent.

Specifically

Spoiler

The wbwl mechanism is so poorly thought out that it just doesn't make sense. The author should have had James raise both sons, favor Charlus because of his burdensome destiny and continually pawn Harry off onto others, perhaps including the Dursleys, such that we get a WBWL scenario that makes even there barest amount of sense. As executed there is no value. James might as well have had the concept of a second soon stricken from his mind rather than a paragraph of poor dialogue about how he would ultimately drive Harry away by favoring Charlus and thus the best plan of action would be to send him away ignominiously with no heritage, no support, never talk to him for 11 years, and orphan him effectively instead of any other available avenue.

The consequences that proliferate through the narrative based on this decision are just as nonsensical, shallow, and boring.

There is no benefit from the secondary plot because it's characters are shallow caricatures.

The magic/world building are taken from other stories and from the fanfic canon in general (not maliciously mind you) but unlike in say Victoria Potter, where Taure seems to perfect both his own and wider thoughts on magic, Ashes handwaves and muddles any thread of consistency.

Building on a backstory that was coherent would also help clear up the sociopolitical canvas the political intrigue storyline. There is insufficient understanding of this part of the story by the author which translates into a poor understanding for the reader.
Not sure how to fix that issue, but it doesn't work. It is forced and explanatory at every turn. Daphne and the Charlotte house fire are sore thumbs. The older housemate and the in house Slytherin politics are far better and more interesting.

Suggestions

Spoiler

If the author was trying to change this story for the better my hope would be an overhaul of the Wbwl mechanism that leaves Harry to his own devices, props up the idea that Harry could be a political minded eleven that old, cuts out altogether or drastically improves the Charlus/James train wreck, and gives more backstory and characterization of the neutral political groups and characters that will be presented.

On the whole I don't love this story, I think it has potential, but it flirts dangerously with being drivel at points, and consistently with being mediocre.

Conclusions

The author needs to thoroughly trim this story. It is full of unnecessary plot lines, shallow characterizations, and lacking in overall thematic elements, and direction. It actually has the chance to be a good story, but the author needs to decide what it is about.

The author might go back and read some of Taure, enembee, and Druid of Holy and Yew, to get a sense of how to approach a magical system thoughtfully and get narrative benefit from it.

In some scenes we have an exploration of magic, in others a hero journey, or political intrigue, or politics, etc. They do not weave together though and thus feel amateurish.

Here's hoping. 2/5

 

Right, Year 2 is a hell of a lot better than year one. The characterisations are solid, the writing is good, there is some actual character development, it drags a bit especially in the middle, but I do love how things are moving in this fic. The writing style is still a matter of taste but I honestly like the author's writing style.

There's multiple things happening at once, related or unrelated to each other but they're all interesting.

And frankly, any author who tries to make a new prophecy and near succeeds is a author worth looking at in my opinion. And here the author has done that and more.

Rating upped to 3.5/5. Maybe higher if I like the future years.

Note: It is still a very slow paced fic

 

2/5.
I made it to the Lockhart backstory till I started skipping ahead, so 55/66 chapters in. Fanfic of a fanfic is spot on. You want drama and explanations right after every event? You want random stuff to happen then a flashback to justify it? You want 11-12 year olds playing therapy and politics? You want a day to day account of a prodigy and a retarded explanation for why a parent abandoned a heir? You want lord lady nonsense? It’s all here.

Interesting stuff does happen but it’s all shackled by the overlying canon plot- we all know the chamber of secrets and we all know the stone drama. I don’t see the point in expanding on canon if you are going to tell a very similar story. I also think the author is trying to make the dark lord a sympathetic and understandable figure and I don’t care for it. I believe the author also has too many characters and noise going on, that it’s really really hard to care about 70% of the story- and trust me by the time you hit the Harry is a true mage conversation you want to throw up.

Character development isn’t just characters training or emotionally reacting to things, it’s a organic sense that the character is choosing to act differently like a maturing process. In this story, Harry is already mature and is “author coddled” where he has nearly unlimited access to information, available mentors and the inhumane ability to take advantage of it all. Harry is no different than a Pokémon you force feed rare candies and stat steroids, and it trivializes most events because we know Harry is going to be fine. The only instance Harry was clever by his own nature was more to do with how dumb Draco acts. It’s like Harry is mentally 26 and all his year mates are in their teens.

This story I think the author wants to tell would be better if Harry had already graduated Hogwarts, but Patreon Authors are incentivize to fatten and draw out their content- we are 600k words in and starting Year 3, Canon was under 300k AFTER book 3. No mention of hallows and horcruxes really, yet.