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WIP Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos by ACI100 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Peregrine 2K, Sep 29, 2020.

  1. Peregrine 2K

    Peregrine 2K Muggle

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2019
    Messages:
    3
    Title: Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos
    Author: ACI100
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Mystery
    Status: Incomplete Currently over 333K words at Chapter 34 in Year 2
    Library Category: The Alternates/Dark Arts
    Pairings: Unannounced as of yet. Most likely based on clues: Harry/Daphne, Harry/Fem!Tom or Harry/OC
    Summary:
    AU: When Voldemort attacked the Potters on Halloween night, she not only created a living legend in Charlus Potter, The Boy Who Lived, but she touched the life of another just as deeply. What will happen when a more jaded, more focused, and more gifted Harry Potter shows up at Hogwarts in 1991 after being abandoned and forgotten? Fem!Voldemort, WBWL
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13507192/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Ashes-of-Chaos

    Review:

    Recently found this, and the first 10 or so chapters have apparently been recently updated in September…

    Not perhaps the most unique tale as it does contain some typically cliches as Abusive!Dursleys, and some others such as the Ministry over-regulation but there are some interesting twists, and its written competently at worst, and I’d certainly say above average. It does go into some interesting developments with Magical theory and such as a bit of focus.

    The AO3 tags do show Light bashing of James and Albus. I’d say they for the most part they, and Charlus, Harry’s twin, are treated with reasonable respect. But
    Dumbledore does lean in to some of his more negative aspects later on.

    There are some prominent OCs that apparently also showed up up in previous work by this Author that was “Almost Recommended”, but I don’t recall reading the previous work, so can’t say if there have been any changes in them. Overall I find myself rather ambivalent/lukewarm about them, which is certainly not the author’s intent.

    Honestly that almost all sounds more negative, and not worthy of a post here. But I don’t know there’s something about this one that has me hooked ; at the very least as a Guilty pleasure.

    3.5/5
     
  2. Pathological Liar

    Pathological Liar First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2018
    Messages:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wakanda
    It's okay, with frequent updates and the writing is competent.

    The problem is it feels like a mash up of many many fics. I mean, The Slytherin Harry and Secret Slytherin Room is from Prince Of Slytherin, Lockhart and Pettigrew are influenced by it(which the author admits), the relationship between Harry and Quirrel substitute reminds me of Old Blood and several other things which remind me of fics that I've previously read. C

    Charlotte OC pretty annoying but the other OCs are good. Characterization wise, Daphne is not the Ice Queen(thank God for that), and the characters actually feel different, which is good.

    It is a WBWL fic, which I have a weakness for and one of the better ones in that particular genre. And James and OC Twin are written pretty well. So I will be giving it 3/5.

    Oh and if you read it, the first three to four chapters are really bad, it improves after that.
     
  3. RandyRanderson

    RandyRanderson Second Year

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2019
    Messages:
    67
    Gender:
    Male
    I think this is an almost recommended fic. The writing is grammatically fine for the most part, but the style isn't good. It's both bland and overdone. The premise of the story is alright, but there's nothing unique or exceptional about it. The plot is an integration of a lot of tropes from other stories with a hefty focus on "light", "dark", and "gray".

    It doesn't really feel like an HP fanfic. It reads to me more like an HP fanfic of HP fanfic. There's not a lot that's great or good about the story and there's a lot holding it back. 2/5
     
  4. Peregrine 2K

    Peregrine 2K Muggle

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2019
    Messages:
    3
    Yeah she's who I was mostly thinking off when I mentioned being Lukewarm about the Originals.
    While I am over all more postive on it than you, I think this is a great way to put it.
     
  5. happyg

    happyg First Year

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2015
    Messages:
    39
    High Score:
    0
    Just happened to try this the other day and have given up on it.

    It has two sets of issues:
    1. The various world building/AU premises are so shallow that they jar the reader out of the story flow almost continuously.

    2. The philosophy of magic and the sociopolitical backdrop are not coherent.

    Specifically
    The wbwl mechanism is so poorly thought out that it just doesn't make sense. The author should have had James raise both sons, favor Charlus because of his burdensome destiny and continually pawn Harry off onto others, perhaps including the Dursleys, such that we get a WBWL scenario that makes even there barest amount of sense. As executed there is no value. James might as well have had the concept of a second soon stricken from his mind rather than a paragraph of poor dialogue about how he would ultimately drive Harry away by favoring Charlus and thus the best plan of action would be to send him away ignominiously with no heritage, no support, never talk to him for 11 years, and orphan him effectively instead of any other available avenue.

    The consequences that proliferate through the narrative based on this decision are just as nonsensical, shallow, and boring.

    There is no benefit from the secondary plot because it's characters are shallow caricatures.

    The magic/world building are taken from other stories and from the fanfic canon in general (not maliciously mind you) but unlike in say Victoria Potter, where Taure seems to perfect both his own and wider thoughts on magic, Ashes handwaves and muddles any thread of consistency.

    Building on a backstory that was coherent would also help clear up the sociopolitical canvas the political intrigue storyline. There is insufficient understanding of this part of the story by the author which translates into a poor understanding for the reader.
    Not sure how to fix that issue, but it doesn't work. It is forced and explanatory at every turn. Daphne and the Charlotte house fire are sore thumbs. The older housemate and the in house Slytherin politics are far better and more interesting.

    Suggestions
    If the author was trying to change this story for the better my hope would be an overhaul of the Wbwl mechanism that leaves Harry to his own devices, props up the idea that Harry could be a political minded eleven that old, cuts out altogether or drastically improves the Charlus/James train wreck, and gives more backstory and characterization of the neutral political groups and characters that will be presented.

    On the whole I don't love this story, I think it has potential, but it flirts dangerously with being drivel at points, and consistently with being mediocre.

    Conclusions

    The author needs to thoroughly trim this story. It is full of unnecessary plot lines, shallow characterizations, and lacking in overall thematic elements, and direction. It actually has the chance to be a good story, but the author needs to decide what it is about.

    The author might go back and read some of Taure, enembee, and Druid of Holy and Yew, to get a sense of how to approach a magical system thoughtfully and get narrative benefit from it.

    In some scenes we have an exploration of magic, in others a hero journey, or political intrigue, or politics, etc. They do not weave together though and thus feel amateurish.

    Here's hoping. 2/5
     
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