Not to mention that using Legilimency will make him much better lover than Krum has a chance to ever be (well, after initial awkwardness).

 

Read the chapter, and if Calypso is trying to turn Harry dark, I gotta give her points for subtlety. And then I have to take points from Harry for willful blindness or just sheer fucking idiocy. Practice Legilimency on random people in school. In other words invade the minds of random people because you can't even be bothered to ask Victor, or look for some other way first before you try to rifle through peoples mental drawers? Granted we were shown the consequences pretty fast but still.

Then there's his reaction to finding out Calypso has been doing the same to Victor. What? A subtle sign of how Harry views Legilimency perhaps? I would think someone invading your best friends most private space would be a no-no. I didn't think he was that far gone though, to not care at all at violating peoples privacy.

As for Calypso, yeah, still as unlikeable as ever , especially when she read Krum's mind, but even before that, when she went behind Harry's back and announced their courting. She seems to be subtly manipulating Harry and he doesn't even know it, which for the purposes of this story is good I guess. Which unfortunately means she's here to stay.

But her relationship with Harry is easily the worst part of the story.It feels overly fluffy. And while I can see a former social outcast like Harry latching on to the first people who come his way...Idunno, it just rubs me wrong. It's kinda like that Denna chick in WMF, she makes me lose interest in the scene once she starts on.

And yes, I get that the fic needs a lot of set-up and all but by this point there really should be some major tension.Going back to Rothfuss, large sections most of his book were dedicated to Kvothe's at the his own wizard-ish University yet with Ambrose and that cunt of a master whatshisname and his tuition it was never dull. Just because you have to show your character learning new things doesn't mean it has to be the same formulaic "I-want-an-M-so-I'm-going-to-attempt-something-way-beyond-me" motivation over and over again.The magic doesn't need to be cut out but it does need to be counter balanced by some conflict.

And yea, please, please please don't tell me Harry is going to cast his first Patronus because of some happy memory of him kissing Calypso or something.

EDIT:

Totally disagree. If I had started a fic that was this lauded now, I would have quit, regardless of how many chapters there were.Just like I stopped Renegade Cause. Unlikeable character plus glacial pace, yeah I'm out. Like I said, plot/character development and conflict are not mutual, in fact quite the opposite.

 

Yeah, you're right, and I know you're right. The end of the last chapter and this chapter were always the parts of the story I was the least looking forward to writing. There's a lot that needs to be done, but, at the same time, I'm not really giving it the attention it deserves since the Tri-wizard stuff is so close, and that's what I really wanted to write from the beginning.

So, yeah, I might be rushing some stuff, relying on established character traits too much, and being a bit formulaic. Lesson learned I guess.

I'll take a look at my outline and see if I can't find a place to insert some stuff to better develop Kira's character as well as address some of the stuff with Calypso. I probably won't have anything to post for a bit, but the next set of scenes should have some more depth to them.

 

I just came.

(Prematurely).

 

Out of curiosity, are you one of these authors who keep writing their stories strictly chronologically or since it's what you wanted to write most, you've already done few scenes from the tournament and probably redone them more than once?

 

I don't think it's a matter of Calypso trying to turn Harry dark for the purpose of turning him dark (well, maybe she is, but it's speculation at this point). For example, it seems that she recommended he use Legilimency on random students because it is something she would do. The difference, then, would be that her advice is geared towards what she would do in his situation instead of it being something that he would be more comfortable with morally (invasion of privacy in this case). The result would be a Harry that has an inclination towards the 'dark', should he follow Calypso's advice. It doesn't necessarily have to be expressly for the purpose of making him a dark wizard.

Sure, Voldemort had that intent by setting up the events for sending Harry to Durmstrang, but as I see it, Harry's progression to becoming a dark wizard isn't a matter of nurture, at least not in the sense that everybody is purposely pushing him towards it.

From what I've gleamed from the story, it's all based on matters that nobody really has any control over. Harry was advanced, felt that he had to leave Hogwarts (though Voldemort had influence on that aspect), was in a situation where he had to appear a burgeoning dark wizard to avoid being hurt. On the other side, his family is worried about what he might be delving into, people are misunderstanding what he's really learning (Ron Weasley mostly), etc...

This undeniably creates a rift, which in turn pushes Harry towards the 'dark' (IF he feels that his family is wrong). It can be thought of as a series of unfortunate events rather than someone pulling the strings.

As for the relationship between Harry and Calypso, while I admit to liking the pairing, I can also say that their position is difficult to change. We've seen how Calypso feels about Harry, and Harry's seen it too. We also know that Calypso isn't some Master Occlumens that's leading Harry astray because she isn't even as adept at Occlumency as Harry (her scene with her father confirms that). We also know that she's chosen (or at least considered) him as the person she wants to marry. Harry also knows that, and he's dating her knowing what she wants in the end.

Realistically, few people ever end up marrying their first girlfriend/boyfriend (though that usually only seems to hold true in societies with a Western influence). However, rather than what is more realistic, a story needs content that works. If the relationship between Harry and Calypso suddenly veers off course and she ends up being a completely manipulative bitch out of nowhere, it would be pretty daunting to the story, especially considering the pace that it's kept. Though I suppose the fluff could be kept down.

Anyway, the Triwizard Tournament sounds like a lot of fun to read. I'd imagine that both Harry and Calypso would accompany Krum to Hogwarts; otherwise it'd make for a weird direction for the story to take if they weren't there.

As mentioned by someone else previously, I'm guessing Harry is going to be considered as Grindelwald 2.0 at Hogwarts. And it probably wouldn't help when people find out he's dating Calypso, her being a Rosier and all. I'd expect that's when a fallout would occur between Harry and Nathan (though it'd get overblown by Ron). But not Lily and James. They'd be wary, but I don't think they'd tell him to stop dating or being friends with a girl because of her last name, especially considering his past luck with making friends.

Eh, we'll see.

 

Chronologically. Oh, I've outlined the tri-wizard, and gone back quite a bit to add or remove things that I think might work better. But I always write in order. If I jump ahead to write a scene, I'll end up losing focus on the earlier stuff, and the story will suffer.

 

Maybe you could do a team tri-wizard instead of the usual. The canon one is basically just a single competition instead of a school. So my idea is that the chosen champions, get to pick one teammate for their school. This can introduce a lot of tension into the story, an example being Krum picking Harry over Kira (obviously), but you can also show other characters relationships as well. Would Cedric pick a friend as teammate, or someone else who he may not like but would improve his team. Same with the Beauxbatons champion and Nathan if it's the same.

I would think this would also be used create more tension between the schools themselves although ti would be slightly difficult.

 

An interesting idea but I really doubt that Santi is simply going to rewrite the canon tournament. I'd bet that he already has something groundbreaking cooked up for us in that regard.

And now that I think about it, this increases my anticipation for the tournament even more.

 

That'd also break lore established hundreds of years before the 20th century.

Even a minor change in the past causes ripple effects/butterfly effects; go back and kill a single bug or lizard back a few million years ago, and through a chain of events it would cause cataclysmic problems/changes to what we know, now.

The Tri-Wizard Tournament has always been about three schools, three champions.

Judging from the fact that the tournament formula (three tasks, etc) hasn't been changed much since its inception, it's safe to say that there's some sort of rule or tradition dictating that it remains as it is. (See Goblet of Fire artifact).

 

She lied to her father to get him off her back (and to keep him from writing a marriage contract with someone else). Not really unusual or even unlikable behavior from a teenager. She had to tell him something so she went with the most palatable half-truth. It's not like she stood up on the steps to the school and told everyone that Harry is courting her, which is what the term "announced their courting" implies.

Not to say that you don't have very valid criticisms and what not, in fact you raised some excellent points. Nevertheless this sentence made me laugh a little since this is a remarkably apt description for just about every character in Renegade Cause. Thanks for the unintentional lulz :awesome

 

Fuck you

RC Voldemort is a fucking boss :awesome

 

...

<_<

>_>

What is it about this thread and massive leaps of logic?

(To expand:

1. What makes you think that the Triwizard tournament formula hasn't changed over the years?

2. If it hasn't changed, why must there be a rule to keep it unchanged? Why can't it just be habit, or sticking with a good thing? The way I masturbate hasn't changed in a decade, but that doesn't mean there's a rule dictating that I jerk off in only one way).

 

You're right. And quite posssibly almost certainly Calypso is nothing more than a teenager with teenage motivations. What got my attention was how,after having laughed about it with Krum, Harry found himself going down a path he had never expected nor wanted.

 

I often found myself going down a path I had never expected and wanted, at least beforehand. Sometimes because of friends, but I do'nt regret it. So I don't see the problem.

 

Glad I provided you lulz, but I'm confused now: what about Tonks, Sirius, Cassane, Luna, Moody, Ron, Dolohov, Voldemort, and Peeves make them unlikeable bitches?

/derail - we should take it to other threads if we're going to continue this conversation

 

I find the Harry/Calypso interactions one the best things the story has going for it at the moment.

To be honest, any scenes with Krum or Kira are very predictable at this point in the story. Krum plays quidditch, slowly improves his dismal classwork, gets hounded by fans, and spends time with Kira. Kira is so annoying that I'd almost rather read a James/Snape fic than any scene with her in it.

I'm eager to see more of the Potters and Dumbledore, I'm impressed at how fleshed out you've made those characters.

 

And gets his animagus first. And warns Harry about Calypso. And is the best characterization of this character in the fandom. Yeah, no variation there. Krum is an awesome character, and while he may not be the most epic, he is a good part of the story.

You're right about Kira though. And the Harry/Calypso scenes would work if we knew anything about their relationship other than they work together on homework. Too much mystery in characters rarely leads to believable relationships.

 

Agreed... I'd like to see an awesome kill-off for Kira, however unlikely that is.

 

I get the feeling that Krum and Kira will be breaking it off right before the Tri-Wizard arc. Seeing as Santi has tried to keep Nathan's (canon Harry's) events as unaltered as possible, it would seem a little out of place to remove the Krum/Hermione subplot when it would serve as a nice bridge between Nathan and Harry.

That being said, it could be a temporary thing; Hermione and Krum were never serious, and it could just be that one of them needed space. Maybe Kira doesn't want him leaving for an entire school year? /shrug


All things considered, I don't particularly dislike Kira as a character. As a person? Hell yeah. But she serves a specific role in the story, and I wouldn't want her simply to vanish.

Gonna have to disagree with this. Most relationships are founded upon not knowing the other person very well.