Agreed.

The worst part of the story are the Author Notes, In my opinion.

The story did start boring, and it took me a couple days just to get past the first ten chapters, since I don't like skipping large chunks of a story. Year two, so far, has been interesting. You're goal may be to realistically portray what the series would be like if Harry was sorted into Slytherin, but that doesn't make it into an interesting story. You'll either have to go A/U like you seem to be doing, or keep it following canon, which is boring for the reader, and possibly even the writer. If you're going so A/U that actions of side characters don't make sense, then you've gone too far.

I'd rate it a tentative 3/5, rounding up. But that isn't library worthy. You're writing well enough for a library worthy story; your plot just isn't there yet.

As for Daphne. I don't really care either way. We've seen one scene of her. One scene of Luna didn't leave a lot of inspiration either. Of course, Luna still pisses me off.

 

I'll keep that in mind about side character's actions, Kai Shek. I will be going AU. Working on the next chapter as we speak. Dobby is going to reveal a bit about the Chamber of Secrets to Harry, and then I'm going to go down the 'Harry investigates' road after this. Along with that, I'm going to get rid of Lockhart, replace him with a more competent DADA teacher as I've been planning, and then I'll see what to do about the Heir of Slytherin. I've got the idea that the school will think he is the Heir of Slytherin, like in canon, and the majority of the Slytherins will see this as a good thing. However, we know Voldemort is behind this, so he is going to have a Slytherin petrified so as to isolate Harry because that would make the Slytherins turn their backs on him. That's just my vague idea about where to go next. Of course, I have other details worked out and many more to work out. I'm writing at the moment, actually. Also, I'm going to have to lead in to Harry and Malfoy becoming less friendly toward one another in the near future. It simply won't work. Malfoy will join Voldemort. That's more in his character. Harry will never accept Voldemort.

And I am not trying to be a pompous, egotistical, argumentative moron here. I'm obviously coming across as one. I can't help getting defensive, though. For the most part, you are raising good points. I haven't read any of the fanfiction here, but I'll take people's word that it is of the highest quality. Therefore I should probably be happy someone bothered to post a link on it anywhere.

By the way, My Immortal is the most horrible fanfic in existence, but that also makes it the best. I read parts of it any time I want a good laugh.

 

Actually, I think you'll find that I said that the fic focuses on all the wrong things, because there's virtually no characterisation in there, and there should be. You're too busy writing about Quidditch we saw in canon and the lessons we saw in canon and the mysteries we saw in canon.

The story is too event based, rather than character based. You're writing it like an action/adventure, when it should be a drama.

 

I never thought I'd see the day other people at DLP would be asking for a story to be more character-driven. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This makes me happy.

Anyway, Xarkun, the reason I posted your story was because, like Sesc said, we share what we think are quality stories more or less regardless of genre, even if our Founding Fathers didn't have that in mind.

 

Ahhhh. I get you now, Taure. Miscommunication. I had no idea these types of places even existed. My fics have never broken over 100 reviews, much less branched out to other sites. Weirdest thing.

 

I don't mind this work, being a fan of canon rehashing myself. For what is posted now, I probably wouldn't rate it higher then 2/5 at the most for originality, but a high 5/5 for canon rehash-ness.

Still, I wouldn't mind reading what the story will be like when the author actually decides to write his own work. Half the stuff he says in ANs would actually be interesting to read. Oh well, one day.

 

Is there a good thread for Slytherin!Harry? I haven't stumbled across many good ones except Big D's.

 

Just updated.

The way Harry dealt with Dobby in this new chapter was very gratifying. It's about time someone took the little freak to task.

 

It's not. Comic-relief still needs to be a three-dimensional character. Having Daphne just rant about random shit makes her just a more retarded and badly written Luna.

It's possible that in you and your friend's heads, Daphne is a retarded girl who says really dumb things, and there is a reason for it and you find it lulzy. However, to the reader, all we get is what's on the page. What's on the page is an insane dialogue that's neither engaging or funny. She's not a character, she's a couple of sentences that don't make any sense.

That being said, she's better that a lot of Daphnes out there. Congrats, I guess.

I completely agree. I promise to read no more.

I agree with Sesc here. When I read a book I buy, I invest a few bucks, and then spend a few hours reading it. While I'm not investing cash in fanfiction, I am investing time. You are of course entitled to write for whatever reasons you like, but the fact that people expect it to be as good as if they'd decided to read something else isn't particularly surprising.

 

Someone mentioned to me that Harry never talking about Dobby was a bit contrived. And I'm glad you thought so. I took a while writing out that entire conversation between them, trying to make it as good as possible. Anyway, to my point: Harry's going to tell someone about Dobby now. He couldn't before, since I needed Dobby as a plot device for that scene to get Harry going on his investigation for the Chamber. Now, however, I do not think I will be needing Dobby anymore, and logically, Harry WOULD talk about him now. Well... you can probably see where I'm heading with this.

 

Le sigh. This was mindlessly boring. Though it does have some worthwhile points: Harry's attempt to strangle Dobby, oh how I wish that was part of canon! McGonagall is done fairly well, Daphne was funny, thank god she wasn't the 'ice queen hotness', and for some reason even though Snape is AU, I did like him.

The rest, the story creeps and it crawls. Maybe as Harry's mudblood hate deepens and there is a schism in his friendship with Malfoy, there will be more interesting things happening. So far it's a rehash without much to look forward to.

I am holding out some hope for there to be a break within the 'Slytherin trio,' Harry getting isolated, and taking more of a Tom Riddle path. Disliking muggles but not willing to fall in with the Death Eaters.

 

Not sure if anyone's reading this, but pretty enjoyable new chapter.