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Complete Harry Potter and the Wastelands of Time by this_old_dance (joe6991) - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Oz, Feb 25, 2008.

  1. eXcalite

    eXcalite Seventh Year

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    Hum... Don't know, don't care.


    On to the review:
    There is Harry Potter and there is joe's Harry Potter. He simply has a hang for epicness and hes good at what hes doing. You just have to like his his way of writing to tolerate hs stories. I can understand if some of you have problems with that. It's a bit like the Hero Trilogy. High on the super epic scale.
    Will there be more similarities like Harry's false identity?

    4/5 cause it not finished yet
     
  2. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Lulz, that's more than what a lot of writers can say for their own stories.

    And Jon is bluffing. Or at least, I prefer to believe that.
     
  3. 007_rock

    007_rock DA Member

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    A well written story..... Nice original twist Joe..... Its seems to be well-planned and the author has pulled off first-person quite nicely which is a very hard thing to do....

    Only complaint is the very little amount of magic that we have seen till now. Maybe its because till now it has reached only the first day, but do write some innovative spells to backup all the impressive buildup....

    I have one doubt to ask though..... I thought that cigarette lighter fluid was actually a gas compressed into liquid at high pressure. So wouldn't it turn back into gas when it is released????? So that burning trick wouldn't work. I know its a stupid question, but its just a doubt I can't seem to let go.... I would like an answer from anyone who knows.....

    As for the story 4/5....
     
  4. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    It's definitely a fluid when it comes in one of those Zippo squirt bottles. Trust me, dude, voice of experience here. It's greasy, not quite as thick as olive oil, and when ignited the flames flare blue and gold.

    Set my hand on fire once refilling a Zippo and it burns fast and hot. Lost all the manly hair on my arm and everything. Whilst I may have taken a bit of a liberty with the overall severity of the flames, it would definitely distract the Death Eater, and burn him pretty damn good.

    Lighter FLUID is definitely a fluid - its naptha, a petrolleum distillate - lighter GAS is a whole lot different, and wouldn't work the way I used it in the story.

    This is the stuff Harry used: http://www.antiquesextant.com/images/zippo3141.jpg

    The greasy fluid can indeed evaporate as well, given enough time at room temperature, but not in the few short minutes Harry had it out of the bottle.

    Cheers, thanks for reading,

    joe
     
  5. liansk

    liansk Second Year

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    Great story so far, something really different from anything I've read before. I'm loving the time loop stuff and the whole epicness of the story is fine with me, BUT as soon as I've saw the name Atlantis a red light started flickering... MEGA-cliché ground there, dude, proceed with care.

    And a few more things i noticed: You tend to overuse certain phrases ("hurt like all hell";"Maybe yes, maybe no ", etc.).

    secondly, are you trying to tell us that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, Hero, Last Guardian of Atlantis, Time Warrior, the Pink Power Ranger himself heals his wounds with a "bucket of fucking ice"?! Also, I must agree with some other reviews in that you need to improve you fighting scenes (spellwise)...

    All-in-all, this is shaping up to be a classic, and i give a solid 4.7/5
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2008
  6. Garret P.I.

    Garret P.I. Backtraced

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    ^ LOL.. classic, World.

    I'm giving it the 5/5 .

    I understand Taure's points and I agree with them... but there's a built in explanation.

    Harry keeps talking about how he's got these "fuzzy" memories of the future.

    The comments about all that power are from later on... as if he's commenting from the future about his actions in the current.

    In the current time that the events are being written in, he doesn't have all this power he's talking about. It's as things progress that things open up.

    Time travel is a funny piece of business... events that might happen won't... and those that mighten't not... will.

    As a result things get bolluxed up real easy.
     
  7. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Eloquent as always Garret
    I notice joe didn't make any promises regarding the next update... damn.
     
  8. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    That phrase is repeated intentionally. It adds to the story rather than detract.

    Yak.
     
  9. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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  10. Boofers

    Boofers Groundskeeper

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    Longer chapter indeed.. But it still didn't feel like anything happened.. I dunno.. I still like your story and feel that you're a good writer.. But this chapter just had WAY too much filler for my tastes
     
  11. rj_stone2

    rj_stone2 Seventh Year

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    I liked the new chapter. It gave us a framework, and explained how Harry has managed to keep losing every time through the time loop. I'm a little worried that this could leave the HP-verse and turn into some kind of DragonballZ "Atlantis-power-hyper-attack!" thing, but so far so good.

    One question--has Harry ever tried leveling with Dumbledore about the loop situation? It seems like he should have enough knowledge to prove that something is going on.
     
  12. NightFox

    NightFox Seventh Year

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    I love this whole piece, the character is artistically represented and expertly presented. His past is still a mystery, but in my opinion, too much is left unresolved. The sheer epic-factor of this piece, as many have already stated, bogs it down somewhat.

    I have no qualms with the speed; most of it is purely developmental at this point to play catch-up, as many stories with highly divergant histories are made to play.

    Especially enjoyed the character discussions between Dumbledore and Harry. Both converse with a sense of maturity and wisdom with their words -- Harry by the repetition of time, and Dumbledore through pure age and experience.

    4.5/5
     
  13. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Fantastic update joe. I did spot a few mistakes... but then I forgotted them, so they probably weren't important.
    I especially liked your characterisation of Dumbledore, one of my favourite characters.
    The conversation with that old crone was amusing as well. Beatles references ftw!
     
  14. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I think I said in chapter... four? five, maybe? that Harry has never tried levelling with anyone about the whole time travel thing - although it seems more people (demons) know about it than he thought. The path he took to become Bill Murray in Groundhog Day is not one to be proud of.

    Ha, yeah I know a bit about epic. I have another series of stories that I think put a tick in the epic box. I'm trying to avoid that here, but it's creeping in - I'll ground it maybe, with a relationship - or not, but I won't let it get out of control... probably not.

    Mistakes? I don't make mistakes, Oz. Any spelling/grammar errors are there on purpose to show just how little I care for conforming to society's 'norm'.

    Thanks, mate.

    Cheers,

    Joe
     
  15. fash

    fash Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    I have also set my hand on fire with that exact type of zippo lighter fluid, over filled it and then tried to spark the lighter... lets just say a large ball of blue flame later left my hand wrist hairless and my fingers on fire :/

    Great story, the only problem I had was the fight against those two guys/demons what every they were... for all his power and skill he didn't seem to do much :(

    4/5 - still great, update soon eh?

    Luke
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2008
  16. Bukay

    Bukay Professor

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    From what I understand Harry doesn't have all of his memories back. There's also the fact that his "new" body isn't accustomed to casting really powerful spells.
     
  17. 007_rock

    007_rock DA Member

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    Thanks for clearing that up Joe...... My bad... In my country the only type of lighter available uses gas type fuel.... About Zippos, I just know that its a lighter and have seen them only in movies, so I just assumed it was the same type....

    Newest chapter rocks dude.... Though such a meeting with Dumbledore came out of the blue.... Keep surprising the readers, it is a sure-fire way to keep people readers wondering what next.....
     
  18. Shadowglen

    Shadowglen First Year

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    2/5

    Once upon a time, back when I was new to fanfiction in general, I came across a brand new story on FictionAlley.org titled Sword of the Hero. It quickly became one of my favorite fics, blowing out of the water much of what was available at the time. To this day the scene of Harry Potter bursting into the Great Hall on his broom during the announcement of his death remains one of my all time fanfiction moments. I became a hooked fan of the story and loved it. When the sequel came out I tore into it and it started out just as good, I especially loved the dimension travel, which at the time was not nearly as cliché as it is now. But then about half way through Defiance, about the time of the scene of the first battle at Hogwarts something changed.

    Shit got weird.

    I tried giving the story a chance and fought my way through the next few chapters but it became clear after a couple months that the series wasn't what it was before. My suspension of disbelief had snapped and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I left the story then and never went back.

    The problem was that the story got too big. Demons, galactic and inter-dimensional enemies, massive power boosts and ascensions to Godhood blew apart, in my mind, the essence that had made the first part so good.

    That was a few years ago, and the Hero trilogy has long since been finished. So with the great things I had heard about this story I figured I'd go back to Joe and see what his new works would bring.

    Sorry Joe, but even more than three years later I can't get back into your works. You're one hell of an author, but I see in this story much of what turned me off to the others. I thought it might be different if things were set forth as such from the get-go, as is done in Miranda Flairgold's works, but there's just so much here that I can feel the story starting to collapse under its own weight, losing itself in its own rubble.
     
  19. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Ouch, man, ouch... 2/5? Ouch. To each their own, I reckon. Awesome to hear what you think though, dude.

    Sword of the Hero was, in its day, something new, for the most part action-orientated - it was canon with little else, and that works, if the plot is gripping enough, but it didn't break the mould. Sometimes you can never go home again - the Epic is pretty tame so far in Wastelands of Time, but Atlantis may blow that out of the water. I'm trying hard to avoid it though, because epic does breed rubble - I agree with that.

    All the best,

    Joe
     
  20. Sol

    Sol High Inquisitor

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    I agree with Shadowglen and Taure to an extent. I was an avid reader of the Hero Trilogy all the way up to Soul, but then you took a long break, and when that ended I found I couldn't get back into the story again.

    It wasn't that the ideas or anything weren't interesting, it's more that there was just too much to it. Chapters were massive. I'd seen smaller fics than one of the chapters in Soul. On top of that was the rather extreme lengths it went to outdo itself over and over again. It felt like I was reading an extremely well written Dragon Ball Z-type anime. I'm sure I'll finish it at some point, but I still can't really muster the inclination.

    Thus bringing us to the actual topic. This story seems rather reflective of Soul, complete with Ethan alter-ego and soul-destroying acts and Harry waxing philosophic all over the place.

    What I don't get, and what I've never gotten is that Voldemort is somehow able to overwhelm Harry in power seemingly no matter what. If they're supposed to be mirrors, Dark and Light, why does Voldemort keep winning? This Atlantis power must be something massive.

    I love your attention to detail and your lovely descriptions, but I would attempt to mesh them a bit more with what Harry is doing/thinking at the time to cut down on long periods of nothing happening while you're describing the surroundings. I'd also expect Harry to be a trifle more cynical. Or perhaps explore why he feels the need to persevere through all the shit that gets thrown his way. He's philosophical to a fault perhaps, doesn't really make him seem human on an emotional level.

    I'll rate it after a few more chapters.
     
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