"Harry Potter & the new life" has already been taken over by another author.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3912202/1/Harry_Potter_&_the_new_life

 

It is kinda dull. Harry has all manner of powers and is thrust into a 10 year old body with those powers, including shadow magic, and a wand that once belonged to this amazing wizard king. No one is too upset when he threatens Ollivander with a knife. There is Neville who acts like Malfoy on the rag.

Just too many cliches.

 

Such a shame this story is being abandoned. I rather liked the H/Fem!Harry.

/me sighs

Won't anyone write more of this pairing?

 

Amerision, after much consideration I've concluded that you need to find yourself a disciple.

I have little hope for Harry and the New life, considering the author's note:

I'd take over The Girl Who Lived. I tend to live up to my avatar more when the material's already there, just waiting for me to coat it with a sheen of fresh coyote blood.

 

Taking applications. Please send a short paragraph or more detailing what you believe makes you worthy of becoming my disciple.

 

Well, I've taken it upon myself to begin the rewrite. Amerision's cause is a good one, and I whole-heartedly support it. It's pretty easy to get myself into highgear when editing a story with knowledge of what happens 8 chapters in advance. I rewrote the first chapter of this story, and got about 600 words for the sixth chapter of To Define Treachery done, and even temporarily revived my muse for Serpent of the Haradwaith.

Really, it's like being a beta.

At the very least, I'll procure a version of this story without Harry being a phoenix animagus, and without the pedophilic undertones, ie "We need to get you back into shape."

Link a la http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3921614/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Girl_Who_Lived

I'm keeping a log of cliches I've killed and replaced. The biggest one is replacing the origin of the mind-linking spell in chapter one. Instead of the Room of Requirement, Harry recovers a spellbook from beneath Gringotts, during an extended siege.

 

It's a good start, Andro, I am looking forward to your version of this.

I think I asked this in a review, but I will ask it here too....When Harry says that his power is monumental are we talking he has enough power to equal Voldemort and Dumbledore? Or are we talking Harry's mountain of power to Voldemort's ant hill?

 

Doesn’t she know who he is? Perhaps better fitting would be; Didn't the girl know who he was?

The Tournament hasn’t been held since his 4th Year; The Tournament hadn't been held since his 4th year.

The precursor to his fifth yearthat saw; The precursor to his fifth year that saw.

These are the few mistakes I caught. I think all of them are SilverAegis' whose story you are re-writing. I look forward to reading your version of Harry Potter and The Girl Who Lived.

Best Of Luck!
Homer

 

According to SilverAegis, it looks like mountain to anthill. I'm keeping Harry's power on Dumbledore's footing, and slightly under Voldemort. It'll gradually rise as time passes. Unfortunately for him, the power-grows-with-age will apply to them as well, so their hierarchy of power will be static, for the most part.

I'm going to redo the third/fourth chapter where Harry spills his guts all over the floor. I'll introduce something like the Time Accord, a set of rules that govern what a time traveller can divulge about the future, and go from there.

What do you guys think about a species called the Precursors, the overseers of time and most evolved magical species in existence capable of speeding or winding back evolution ? There would be five or four at most, and would work to sabotage Harry to balance out his advantage of knowledge of the future.

Harry is initially aware of this, and so does not actually tell Lily what happens, but some moves by Voldemort forces Harry to tell Lily what happens so that she may live, which provokes the Precursors to make an appearance, and ally themselves with Voldemort. They use their abilities to hasten the evolution of the werewolves and vampires, etc. It would give me another opportunity to write a good Voldemort.

Thanks for the error-catching Phil. I left a few sentences alone that I thought were ok, but they apparently weren't. The last one was mine, forgot the space.

Also, what is the forum's opinion on what SilverAegis intended to do concerning Voldemort's rebirth? My impression was that Harry expected for Voldemort to return. I could come up with something that prohibits in 'time markers', which are events that must come to pass, with the same end result. So while Voldemort must return, Harry would be able to alter things slightly, such as hiring a gang of mercenaries to eliminate some of the Death Eaters.

 

It would be good. I think the fic will need some more conflict besides Voldemort. Lily will focus on Voldemort while Harry has to deal with these Precursors more so than Voldemort. Just don't make these beings so powerful that Harry needs some deus ex machina to beat them

 

I really don't like the idea of the Precursors. They seem to be some sort of deus ex machina. Harry can use a (proverbial) scalpel to change the time line, and here comes these super-beings joining Voldemort and changing things with a chainsaw. The fact that Harry changes things means that other things will also change, which will slowly and naturally negate any advantage he has.

Also, if my memory serves me, this isn't a rewind fic, it's a alternate (but similar) dimension fic. As much as things are similar to the old world, there will be differences and it's likely that some of Harry's knowledge about the world and it's people will be inaccurate.

I do hope you do something about Harry's pedo/incest problem he seems to have had in this fic too. It was just creepy in the original.

And finally I hope to see more chapters for your Serpent of the Haradwaith fic.

 

What part of Harry/Fem!Harry in the summary did you miss?

 

Red has a point, even though I think it's both genres.

I'm thinking of something else - the Colleagues of the Mind, of which all official practitioners of the Mind Arts are a member of. Their original purpose was to find Dimension/Time travellers via Legilimency.

However, Dimension/Time travellers are rare, and some of them don't really do anything. Thus, the original order shifted their focus to the Light and Dark opposition. The Light Colleagues search for potential Dark Lords, while the Dark seek to kill the Light Colleagues to prevent them from killing Dark Lords before their power matures.

Anyway, I don't think Harry will come in and say "Well, I decided to solve the whole Light and Dark thing." by uniting the two factions against him.

 

Seems like a race of Mary-Sues in my opinion. To be honest I've always seen Dumbledore and Voldemort as being on a completely different level from other wizards. For example DoM fuck up, Dumbledore arrives and every Death Eater in the Veil room finds themselves bound and disarmed. When the DAs caught and Fudge trys to arrest Dumbledore, flash of light and everyone’s unconscious.

Voldemort slaughters Aurors while laughing, against Dumbledore Death Eaters might as well not exist, and if Harry is on the same level then he can do the same... Though perhaps to a lesser degree.

The Order of the Phoenix exists to counter the Death Eaters not Voldemort. But despite the fact that both sides seem balanced it's always the 'Light' on the defensive, as long as you write the story properly and give Voldemort the credit he's due it doesn't matter that both Dumbledore and Harry are arrayed against him it's still going to be a challenging war/fight/whatever.

There’s no need for a race of ‘uber magic people’ to counter Harry because as redawgts said, as soon as Harry changes something his knowledge of the time line becomes unreliable, the more he changes the less reliable it becomes. And again, this isn’t a time travel fic but an Alternate Reality, is Lilith the only difference?

 

I think you shouldn't add the Precursors. It would be better to let Harry make a huge mistake by assuming something in this dimension is the same as in his original to even out his advantage.

 

Super!Harry vs. the folks that hit and run.
see harry chase, find clues, lay clever traps etc....

 

Yes, Redawgts convinced me, no Precursors. Harry'll miscalculate, some of his risks and dares won't be pulled off.

I'm working on the pedo thing. I think it could be taken care of if Harry met up with Rosmerta... Really, at least until Lily's seventeen, late sixteen, there's really no need for any romance.

 

Personally i think the best way to handle the time travel, is to change things fast, sometimes even without harry's influence. You already have small changes (e.g. Hermione forsaking her instead of standing by her), if you make some more changes along those lines Harry's knowledge becomes less powerfull.
Concerning the pedo thing, while i like smut fics, there is really no need for there to be any in this fic. I think it would serve best if they had a brother sister relationship, since that would be the most "natural" to him (face it, most 20 year olds don't suddenly fancy 14 year old girls, especielly if they are related in some ways). It would reduce the ick factor and sugery sweetness of the original.

 

I would just like to say that I will also be writing a version of the story, though it appears it will be very different from the one discussed. It will be my first fanfic, so I'm trying not to rush it. Working on the outline and Prologue now.

I am considering putting it up on the Work by Authors section.

 

So far I think you've done a good job of dispelling most of the cliches in the first two chapters. I'm glad you got rid of the idea of the Precursors, and am interested in what you will do with the Colleagues of the Mind. Besides a few grammatical errors along the way, I believe you are doing a good job of rewriting the story. I look forward to later chapters.