Title: Harry Potter and the Consuming Darkness
Author: Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
Rating: M
Genre: dark arts/mature
Pairing: HP/various(starts with susan bones)
Status: WIP
Summary: When the world fell to Voldemort, Harry immersed himself in the darkest of arts. And when Voldemort fell to Harry, he was immersed in madness. What happens when he is thrown back to a time when a young Voldemort is coming into power? Dark!HarryVarious
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3236549/1/
DLP category:dark arts

only one chapter so far, harry kind of goes psycho on susan after she berates him....

 

Yeah, I've seen this. It's written pretty well, but dark!psycho!Harry just isn't my thing. 3/5, 4/5 without personal anti-dark bias.

 

I'm actually kind of surprised to see my story here, but I'm glad that it's been getting some attention, if not a lot of feedback (here and on FFNet). For the feedback I have gotten, I appreciate it.

I see that most readers that have replied are under the impression that Harry goes psycho, and while that is sort of what I'm trying to portray, I'm also trying to make him have conflicting views on that, as in, he will try, and in vain, to fight the darkness. I guess I might have went a little overboard on that in the first chapter, and some aspects of my story might be cliched, (sudden gaining of immense power, going to Knockturn for books of the dark arts), but I tried to make it as realistic as possible (Harry still getting his but whooped by voldemort even after his power being awakened + reading on dark arts).

I'm currently writing chapter 2 and in this chapter I think it'll show a lot more inner conflict on his turning dark, and eventually I think he will snap after all he's been through.

Appreciate the feedback so far and I hope others have things to say as well. Thanks

 

Glad to see you've dropped by. Don't expect a lot of feedback until you breach at least 20K mark. Also, few people can stomach completely dark Harry, when he's not fighting against some equal or greater evil.

 

Thanks! Although Harry will eventually turn dark, the way I'm leaning is towards a psychological conflict in which he has sort of a mental breakdown. If any of you have ever watched the Chinese movie Infernal Affairs, or the more recent Hollywood version, the Departed, you know what I'm talking about.

I hope that I can keep up with the number of words I set off to, although I sometimes find it hard to break 6k. The first chapter was an exception as I knew what I wanted in it, and couldn't find any way to shrink it down. Other chapters, I have a sketchier view of the contents, so in that case the word count probably won't be as high

 

Is there an unedited version of this story kicking around anywhere?

Great job by the way, not a whole lot to say with only 1 chapter so 4/5.

 

No unedited version yet, I've never tried my hand at writing smut. I just didn't bother writing that scene since I was posting it at FFNet anyways. The actual scene might be written when most of the story is already done.

 

He's physically crippled, not magically. I personally do see magic as a muscle...the more you excercise it, the more strong its effect is.

This is a little irritating. Do you have any intention of writing the smut, or are you just gonna allude to what happened and carry on? If the smt isn't written, and won't be for a while, then change the rating to R. Not only will that get you more readers, but it is also more appropriate to the content. Alluding to rape is 'R', writing it out is 'NC-17', and at no point does the level of violence become gory enough to warrant an NC-17 rating.

 

Appreciate the criticism Xiph0:
The first part with Harry and Susan could have been viewed as a pairing although it wasn't really my intention. I just needed a character that the readers knew had a little bit of interaction with Harry in canon and that others were familiar with so that his deed would have more significance. I'd rather not he just off some random character I made up for that chapter. Although I've seen this done quite well before, I didn't think I could do it justice. But if it (H/S being a couple) was viewed as such then it's just another thing I need to work on in the future.

I had no intention writing the chest monster in HBP. Harry just has trouble emoting himself and his problems, and I think that it is the same with some males as well, myself included. He just can't express himself, what with his upbringing with the Dursleys. Although he as the "ability to love", I still don't think he would be comfortable expressing his problems and feelings to someone, even though he may be familiar with them. His dip into the dark arts (btw, does this need to be capitalized?) has warped that even more, and thus would do some psychological damage, as well as emotional instability.

I agree that the part with Susan later wasn't really well done or in good taste. I don't want to seem to blame it on someone else, but I started this story as a response to a story challenge by Demon God of Chaos, and it needed smut, so I just tried to include some, and it came out forced. Since then, I've thought of my own plot and departed from writing the response, so, as Yarrgh! alluded to as well, the rating will go down to R.

There are some pretty big cliches, I admit it, especially with him coming into power. But those points aren't really big parts in the story and I will depart from those in the future.

The "Power" that Voldemort doesn't know about from the prophecy is his ability to expand his core after draining it. The concept is kind of like that of Dragonball, how a saiyan's strength increases through injury. Harry's magical core will expand and replenish itself through exertion. That's why when he uses rituals they are much more effective for him than Voldemort or anyone else. That's how he was able to attain so much power in such a little time after getting dealt by Voldemort multiple times. I'm using a concept I've read where each individual wizard has a pre-set core size and through maturity they come into their magic, kind of like in Bobmin's Sunset Over Britain. That's why Harry's power is something Voldemort doesn't know about. I didn't really explain it well in the first chapter but I will expand on it later.

I was actually looking for a review like this, and although positive feedback is good of course , critical reviews like yours really helps me realize what's wrong with my story and writing and what I can improve on.

Yarrgh!: As I said before in this post, the rating will drop to R since I am no longer writing the story as a response to a challenge.

 

Sweet. By the way, don't sweat the cliches...employ some of them liberally, or your fic won't turn out the way you want. Stuff like Slytherin's library might have been used extensively, but the way you're doing it is perfect. As long as you don't slowly write Harry's progression from Wizard to SuperWizard all due to the Library, alluding to it is just fine.

After all, there has to be some reason that the place is called the Chamber of SecretS. And in any case, a Basilisk is a bit of a shitty secret >_<

 

story has been updated on fanfiction

 

The story was entertaining, but it wasn't very well written and the plot has some major holes in it. It also moves far too fast. The characters were flat and dry as well.

This, with the fact that it hasn't been updated in three years and only has two chapters make me give this a 2/5. The resulting score gives this thread a *** rating, which is below the requirement of the Library.