^ Like Dick. Dick kicks all ass. * bows to Dick

Yes, that sounds wrong, but you know what, you can suck Dicks tiny snake dick.

 

Like Amerison said
A-fuckin-men
What's an 11 year old going to do with bussiness shares... blow it all on worthless shit is what I would have done at 11 and now
If you had a million dollars or even a 10000 dollars at 11 you would have bought a swimming pool full of pudding or some shit
another fucking nail in the coffin for manipulative Dumbledore

 

I don't know if we already had this, but the story ip posted brings me to this:

Harry's muscular, in the athletic and lean way. I mean come on, just because he has to do some chores he isn't a fucking athlete. I'd like to see those kids who rule the sports grounds because they ran around the garden when they were kids. Or because of Quidditch. You sit on a fucking broom for hours looking for a tiny ball and grabbing it once or never. I'd like to see the muscular chest you develop from that!

 

Well, to be fair, he does work outside all day pulling weed, hefting fertilizer, and that IS canon, but yes, your'e right, it's bullshit.

 

In canon Harry ran away from Dudley alot. Running develops strong legs and abs. I don't know about the chest I guess strong arms are needed to sharply turn a broom which can in turn work out the pecks as well, kinda like swinging a baseball bat. Iono I'm just throwing shit out.

Honestly I don't think Harry would waste his money if he got it earlier, I think he would have learned to be responsible for it. I mean even his trust fund is a shit load of money and you don't see him buying mountains of toys or hookers just because he didn't have anything as a kid. Harry was not a regular kid. You have to get that in your head.

 

And what about every time harry gets a snake the snake always say and I quote "what is this name you speak of ?"

 

Talking animals piss me off, full stop. If I wanted that sort of thing I'd watch a Disney movie. Crookshanks is always a snotty little bastard.

 

Kids run around a lot and they don't get all lean and athletic. It's normal for kids to run around and annoy adults.
And even if you could argue for flying giving you muscle, Harry doesn't really fly much. He sits on his fucking broom waiting for the fucking snitch to turn up. Someone professional like Krum, or a Beater or heck, even a Chaser, but not a friggin Seeker. It's just an excuse for authors to make Harry handsome or strong.

 

Heh, I would like to see one where Harry takes steroids to get better at quidditch, and gets addicted. Then to sate his addiction he does more magic, hoping to cancel it out. But nothing works, and his anger from steroids push him to use Dark Magic. He get's addicted to that, and we have a Dark Lord, super buff, Harry.

 

I want Harry to use magical steroids.

Instead of just jogging to make him buff, what can be better than him using steroids?

On the topic of magical drugs, what about magical substance abuse?

 

Well, that would be interesting to see. I would definently read that, but one can only hope that it would be done well.

Anyways, I have another cliche: The wards around Number 4 being the strongest in history. Why would those wards be the strongest in all of history? I would think that something more important would have stronger wards, like, maybe, the wards surrounding the grave of Merlin or something.

 

Cause snakes live alone all their lives except when they have their massive orgies.

 

Dumbledore stated they were more powerful than the ones protecting Hogwarts, and as the old man also said it was the best protected place in the world, it must be extremely powerful.

Since they depend on blood relations, Aunt Petunia being 1 gen off, I wonder how strong they would be if Harry lived with himself?...

Infinitely Strong?

100 square miles? Push the Death Eaters off the UK?

 

Harry's mother is the heir of Salazar and Rowena while his father is the heir of Helga and Godric, thus making Harry the Heir of Hogwarts.

 

What I just noticed...
Harry going to Borgin & Burkes and practically 'pwning' the owners. He looks menacingly, pulls a wand or mentions the name Malfoy or something, and he gets every dark artefact for half the price. I mean come on, if they were so easily bartered with or fooled, do you think they'd still be in business? No, it takes more than a dark voice to haggle with those guys.

 

This probably already said, but what the fuck is with Ronald Weasley being quidditch captain? He's been on the team for one fucking year, he is a decent keeper, that's it. It's like a fucking excuse to go the BESTFRIENDSFOEVA! route and make it so he isn't so jelous of super cool Harry dating Hermione, or Ginny. Blah.

 

Because JK is a stupid bitch and the mirror of erised has to come true. Ronald Weasley will be Headboy and Harry'll probably give him quidditch captain in his 7th year. Ron being a prefect in 5th year is proof that Dumbledore was senile.

 

Agreed. I'd rather that Dumbledore gave the Prefect position to Neville than bloody Weasley.

Prefect status, which is a very British tradition, is given to students that show academic excellence, and in some cases, to students that show an all-rounder attitude...being good at sports/music/academics.

Ron is:

1) A bad keeper, who easily gets daunted by even Hogwarts crowds...300 people at best. Sure, he ends up doing well in the end...but that's another JK Rowling "BEST FRIENDS' moment. Even if he was a STELLAR keeper...he only made the team in 5th year, after getting the Prefect's Badge.

2) An idiot: He doesn't work hard, copies off of Herman, is bad at casting spells, and not only distracts himself from learning, but also distracts Harry.

3) Music...let's not even think about it.

So...Ron REALLY doesn't deserve the Prefectship. Okay...Harry has shit to deal with, so forget him. What about Dean/Seamus/Neville? I'm sure they aren't dunces. And why can't both prefects be girls?


Also, i have to wonder...is Harry a fucking idiot? A stupid question, you say...it's outright obvious that he's a bloody dunce.

See...realistically speaking, Harry is in the SAME position as any of us readers. If, at the age of 11, after being abused and shit, someone came by and said "Buddy...you're a wizard. Let me take you to a place where you can do MAGIC!" .........i would have jumped for joy. I dunno about you, but this would be TEH AWESOMEST THING EVA!!!!11!1!!!1one!!eleven!!

Now, considering he's been exposed to this magical environment, no pun intended, and has a wand, can cast spells, and is generally able to turn himself into something of a good wizard...WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T HE???

Shit...if i was in that position, i would be in the library 24/7 trying to learn new spells and learn new magic. What the fuck was JK thinking making him an academic delinquent like that? I mean, honestly...what the fuck???

Fuck...if i couldn't make that goddamn matchstick turn into a needle, i'd fucking MAKE SURE that i could do it as SOON as class ended. Harry, of course, plays grab ass with Ron instead. What a fucking piece of shit...so much wasted potential.

This is exactly what i went for in Chimera. This isn't fucking History or Math...learning Magic would be awesome as hell. I'd fucking pay out of my own pocket for it, so why the hell would he NOT put effort in when he's getting it for free? I'd think it would be the coolest thing in the world to be able to do a spell that others couldn't. At Hogwarts, rather than being impressed that the Mudblood got it right, they point fingers and laugh. Sure, she's a tramp, but for fuck's sake...use your brains!

That's why i put that part into Chimera where he says that in his position, Magic was the most awesome thing he'd ever encountered, so he naturally wanted to elarn as much as possible. To go with Canon, though, i had to make it so that he did it by night.

Point is...Harry's a fucking tool. Sorry for swearing like a sailor...no pun intended, but this irritates me.

 

God damn, it's so unfair I can't rep you for that brilliant rant!

Agree about everything, especially Harry. In my fic, I explained it by magical blocks that make learning very difficult + the poor sucker having a friend for the first time and not wanting to lose him by sticking his nose in book shit.

But really, Harry is an idiot. JKR went to hell and back to make Harry into an ordinary shmuck, with TEH GREATEST FRIENDS AND THE BEST TWUE LUV EVER!!! Pathetic, I really hope she starts another series after HP is done and create a powerful and smart character for once...

 

Well, the two themes of the series are:

You don't have to be extraordinary to do great things + Love conquers all.

Thus, Harry is moronic idiot with no special powers, and he. with the uber love of Ginny and his friends, can defeat the major evil that is Voldemort.

--

That said, I, like Yaargh! would learn every single thing there is to be learned about magic. I would learn the compulsion charm, the memory charm, legilmency...god..so many possiblities.