We would all remember, remember! The Fifth of November.

If I gave you a single, legally-immune bullet...

 

You will never ever see that sodium again. Also your house is on fire.


If I gave you a cow, three chickens, a bowl, a semi-automatic handgun, and several billion tons of titanium alloy.

 

I would build the most :awesome building guarded by a cow, three chickens, a bowl, and a semi-automatic handgun.


If I gave you five pounds of bubblewrap, two hundred ping-pong balls, and a mailing address.

 

I'd build a giant artificial penis using bubblewrap and ping-pong balls and send it to Bill Gates' home address.

If I gave you a lawn chair, a pair of fuzzy dice, three fried chickens, a crate of watermelons, a hookah, and a gatling gun...

 

Said mailing address would be buried under a hail storm of ping-pong balls while I sleep peacefully on a bed of bubble wrap.

If I gave you President Bush's head, two Russian hookers and a purple space monkey...

Edit: Gah! I must have been on a cached page. I didn't see Tragedian's response. Sorry.

 

I'd sell the gatling gun, whore out the hookah, enjoy the chickens and watermelons, then beat people with the fuzzy dice.

If I gave you a lawnmower, two toads, lubricant, and a tennis racket...

 

Your ass would be sore.

If I gave you a velociraptor and a chariot.

 

I would be the coolest kid on the block.

If I gave you, A toaster, Syrup of the maple kind and a Canadian who will remain nameless. *COUGH* INQUISITION *COUGH*

 

I'd tie him up and force him to make me toast and maple syrup under penance of death. Before hand though, I would remove his eardrums and hire Armin van Buuren to play in the living room. Lets see him laugh about it now.

If I gave you several intoxicated fighting dwarfs.

 

I would start a fighting rendition of river dance.


If I gave you a time machine that could take you to any time and or place.

 

I'd fight Gandhi.

If I gave you an elephant, a rake and a cup of water.

 

I'd sell the rake, drink the water and ride the elephant to rampage through town.

If I gave you a bag of weed, a balloon filled with piss, a slice of pizza...

 

I'd smoke the pizza, eat the balloon and throw the weed at some unlucky passerby... Wait, that's wrong >_>.

If I gave you a box of lube, some dog food and a rope...

 

Tie up Tom Cruise with the rope, chuck some dog food on his ass and let Clifford the big red dog figure out what to do with the lube.

If I gave you 10,000 miniature Death Star models and the original cast of SW: The Empire strikes Back.

 

I would throw them at Anakin.


If I gave you a penny, a time and a case of Nitroglycerin. Along with a Donkey, and a Pigeon.

 

I'd flip the coin to decide whether to train kamikaze suicide pigeons or just find out what happens when you explode a donkey in the middle of grade school recess.

If I gave you the best night of your life and herpes...

 

I'd have to check to see if I was really Jenkins.

If I gave you $50, a handgun, and an order to kill all of the people who like Cuban cigars...

 

I would take the fifty and shoot you.


If I gave you a Horse, a rubber sword and a plastic bow with suction cup arrows, along with Zombie.