So my knowledge of the actual methods at Salem is a bit off. The question is, does that information really matter? A fair amount of people - the number eludes me due to lack of study on the subject - were killed there for the "crime" of "being witches."

The method of the killing, at least for the purpose of that post, is absolutely irrelevant.

 

Your date is a little off too - the Salem witch hunts took place more than 3 centuries back

Back on topic, the first two chapters are good - I'd give it a 5/5 based on the high standards of Nuhuh's other fics.

 

I figured it happened after the U.S. was its own nation. *shrug*

 

I dunno why you people like this so much. >_> Harry hasn't screwed Ariana yet. D: Takin too long, Nuhuh!

Anyway, in all seriousness. This is epic. A nice start, and as long as people like myself and Jon are around to make sure Nuhuh keeps pace, it wont get too fucked. ^_^

Awesome job so far, Nuhuh, and you need to write moar nao.

4.5/5

 

That was a level of stupidity on Harry's part never match before in all the fanfiction world. Just wow, but what's even more surprising is that he managed this level by thinking even more than usually.

Riiiiight... Still didn't catch the time travel when Dumbledore explicitely told him? Or I miss some memory charm or side effect?

I must sound pretty harsh but fankly I just can't understand someone being so stupid. And as you seem to go for a very canon Harry at the begining, whatever the situation I can't see Harry waiting so long to act.

Anyway I will keep reading this story since well, it's your works. Which means perfectly written, very original plot, a lot of confusion for the reader and sadly
always a WIP...

 

Vash~ Thanks bro.

LOL, I really have to do something about that. I thought this one was fairly straight forward. I know Demon's Feign is very hard to follow for some, and Binding seems to werid out folks, but I thought this was failry linear.

Anyway, your comments on Harry's stupidity being unmatched in fanfiction. I should be insulted given the fics I've read but I'm not, your last few lines stroked my ego

The thing is that Harry didn't know how far back in time he was being sent. It could easily be a few months to a few years. If it were a few months Deatheaters could be incharge of the Ministry and looking for magic in muggle areas.

Though yes, being cautious was probably out of character for him.

 

I'd have to agree with TripticWriter. When I read that part, I was really struck by how I couldn't imagine someone like Harry doing anything but immediately helping out the little girl.

Honestly, I was actually ashamed of him.

I did like the chapter, though.

 

I didn't like the first chapter at all.

If there is a thing that JKR did well in that part of DH, it was to give an oneiric quality to it, a quality that here is completely absent. The dialogue is too 'direct'. There is no description of the place, or of the baby and his cries (there was a baby crying in canon, right?) or the bench. And the characters don't do nothing at all. They just talk. There isn't the tiniest action (or too few).
Harry is angry with Dumbledore for stupid reasons and the explanations that the headmaster gives are even more stupid.
The 'visions of the future' thing is cliché (not for the HP fandom, but in general for the fantasy world) and I find the Hermione of the 'bad future' quite unreasonable, and so un-Hermioneish. The reasons for her betrayal are anacceptable and definitely out of character.

The second chapter was better.

The Death thing is fairly original, but badly written. It could have been far more... strong. Yes, that's the word. I mean... There are only vague descriptions of what Harry feels while he revives (relives?) his near-death experiences, too little for me to empathize or simply... feel involved (I don't know if this is the right verb). That was a terrible experience for Harry (I think), but it doesn't seem so in the fanfiction. Death wants to overcome Harry, but all he does in answer is feel sick. It's too little.
Plus, I didn't like "Oblivion"... what was that? It wasn't a good paragraph ending. Well, it could have been, but only with a sort of... better 'preparation' before.

The second part of the second chapter was good and the interaction between Harry and a young Albus Dumbledore will definitely be interesting.

Bye.

 

I don't know I found Hermione's reaction to be within her character. She's more of a thinker then a believer. When she wants to know something she immediately researches the topic. She's like a scientist. Given these facts I've always got a vibe that Hermione's more a Muggle with a new toy then a witch. Add to that the fact that she does what she believes to be right (mostly what authority figures tell her) and her hatred of slavery and I think you have, not a reasonable reaction, but a believable one.

 

Fanboy much?

Seriously, what would you expect Hermione to do once the muggles captured her family? I'd have said that it would be unacceptable and out of character for Hermione to feel apathetic, considering that went to great lengths in DH to memory-charm and hide them from Voldemort. After that, nuhuh hasn't told us enough of her motivations for her continued involvement, although I wouldn't doubt that the muggles still had a tab on the parents that she was afraid of.

OMG!!!! Is it true? Can it be? Nuhuh, are you really JKR writing fanfiction in disguise? Oh, you silly rascal, you almost had us fooled. It's great that we have such observant members at DLP to point the tricksy things like this out to us. Even your different style of writing couldn't get past this man...

 

Srichapan, you are entitled to your opinion, but what in the name of the Pope's left nut are you on about?

I don't know if you took the fact that this flows straight from a canon scene abit too seriously or something, but you seem to just point out the difference between the two. A crying baby? A bench? What do they have to do with this story? This is Nuhuh's fic, not JKR's, be thankful for that. As for all talk and no action? Well Harry does seem abit dead, not to mention it is the first chapter.

I got the feeling that Harry was just disappointed with Dumbledore, but I guess he could seem angry to some. But please, if you can explain why you think the reasons and explanations are stupid then maybe Harry has the right to be angry.

Now I could go on by saying that Hermy the stupid bint could and would betray the wizards if she thought she could save both worlds, or that we don't really care for the cliche's not part of the HP world, but that would mean I would have to comment on the second part of your review.

I'm not trying to chew you out here but next time please review intelligently and give reasons for your thoughts.

Edit: Damn, type too damn slow and Shezza beat me to some points...

 

What I liked most about this thread is that the story is linked to PatronusCharm. I wish there's an emoticon for it.

Dumbledore's dialogue got me thinking that parallelism might be part of getting the character's dialogue right, aside from the suitable vocabulary. Gives what he says a lofty feel to it, like

Yeah, most of the first chapter is dialogue, but it's written well.

For some reason, I had a sense of deja vu reading that.

 

I definitely like her.

Till the family abduction part we agree (Hermione's actions were justifiable), but it is explained that her parents are safe and free, and I tend to trust that sentence because I don't think that possible future will be represented again, considering how far Harry came back in the past in the second chapter (150 years, right?). So, the reason behind her betrayal was not her parents' abduction anymore.

How can you find satisfying the first chapter? It goes like this: Question, Answer, Question, Answer, Question, Answer, Dumbledore sucks his lemon drop, Question, Answer, Question, Answer, Question, Answer, Harry scratches his bum, Question, Answer and so on.
Where are the descriptions? There is only dialogue with very few and pointless actions! I don't like that at all. With the JKR comment, I just wanted to point out that the oneiric atmosphere in canon was lost and was replaced by... nothing at all!

Harry is angry with Dumbledore because he didn't tell him that Snape wasn't his father's 'victime'. This is a stupid reason because Harry did know that and if he didn't he was an idiot. In Snape's pensieve he saw the future professor call his mother mudblood and swear to make his father pay. It was obvious that there was a 'mini-war' between them with attacks from both sides. That was not the behaviour of bullied people.
The explanations that Dumbledore gives are even more stupid. He says that he wanted Harry to give Snape a chance and that he needed someone to vouch for him. How does it matter that he was James' victime or not? Was he a spy for the Order or not? That is the only question that matters when it comes to vauch for him or not. However, I suppose that considering the stupid choises that Dumbledore makes in canon, in this fanfiction the headmaster he is in character.

Well, I could say she's a righteous bitch and her actions were far from righteous.

I care. Cliché are cliché.

Sorry but I thought my reasons were explained. For what concerns 'intelligent'... I suppose you can argue.

Bye.

 

No she believes she is righteous, there is a big difference. If she believed what she was doing was right then God help the person that tried to convince her otherwise. Look at the House-Elf situation, out of all the races that could use an advocate she chooses to pick the one that doesn't want her help. How was forcing a creature to do something it does not want to do an act of rightousness? How was trying to trick them into freedom they didn't want an act of kindness? Hell, whenever someone pointed it out she oh so politely try to explain her action that they didn't know any better, otherwise known as calling them to damn dumb to realize the truth. The phrase 'The road to hell is paved in good intentions' was made for people like Hermoine, good intentions but to damn stubborn to admit she can be wrong.

It's the first chapter. You can't really judge what is and is not relevent to a story in the prologue. Add to that fact that they are both dead and what did you expect him to do? He's not really in a position to really do anything besides talk. The first chapter was about choices and the possible consequences that come from that choice. Tryto think of what the author was trying to accomplish and if he succeeded in a believable way instead of mearly demanding action in every scene.

By saying what is in bold you are admitting that you are simply guessing. We don't know that he did and Harry has a history of making stupid choices even as an adult, just look at his children's names. If you can name a kid after a universally dispised jackass who went out of his way to bully an 11 year old simply cause Snape had an unhealthy fixation with your mom, your ability to think was lost long ago.

So, what's the problem then?

 

Please. HOW can you compare those two things? Hermione is righteous in the meaning that she follows the general accepted moral code, and there is no way that something like what the Hermione of that future did, could be part of that code. The Muggles abducted her parents, right? Then, after they're liberated, she actually sides with those Muggles and takes part of an abduction of a girl no less! I find that highly unlikely.

Did I say that the story was crap? I don't think so. I said I didn't like the first chapter (is not a prologue) and I think that the first chapter is relevant to the first chapter, but I could be wrong...

Maybe I used the wrong word, but when I talk about 'action' I don't mean a fight scene, but simply movements. But the most important things that are absent are the descriptions. I quote myself:

The descriptions were the element that gave that atmosphere.

Yes, but I'm guessing between 'stupid reasons' and 'stupid Harry'. Both aren't very good, in my opinion.

The problem is that if Dumbledore will make stupid choices (thank you for marking my mistakes, but I didn't understand the first one...) and Harry will act following stupid reasons...

 

The comparision is about the way a person thinks and acts. Hermione believes and trusts in authority figures, as long as the argument for thier actions seems logical then she would be inclined to agree.

Also did she not kidnapped that reporter and held her in a jar for a year? I am sure many people would find that action wrong regardless of the reason behind it. However, because she could justify her actions to herself it made the action right. If the government could convince her that they were trying to protect the common folk from crazed wizards then I see nothing in her personality that leads me to believe she would not help. Considering the amount of destruction that would be involved from Death Eaters the government would have enough evidence to make a case for their side.

Scene from story

She knows from firsthand experience how corrupt the magical world is, especially when dealing with muggles. It's not a leap of logic to believe that muggles would want to destroy something that they have no defence agianst. Your dealing with the ability of someone who doesn't even see you as human to take away your free will and force you to act in any way they see fit. When looked at from a certain perspective they have duty to their citizens to protect them from these wizards considering the probable deaths from attacks that lead to the discovery of magic. whenyou look at it like that her choice is to either support a blatently racist Ministry or a gov. looking to protect it's own people. That quote is evidence that she believed that they would get a fair account of their actions. From her point of view she probably wouldn't even consider it as betraying her friend, figures she would have more understanding of the situation.

JKR wrote that to help along her story to it's conclusion and Nuhuh has a different idea for were his story is going. My point deals with each trying to accomplish something different with the same scene. What movements were you hoping to see? Why would they be neccesary for the future of this fic? I will admit that the first chapter is rather heavy regarding its dialog and explainations, however, most of the 'movement'(I'm assuming you mean plot development)is dealt with in the dialog and possible futures. Which brings me to another concern, at this point and time we don't know enough about the fic to know whether something is pointless as regards the plot are not.( if I am wrong about what you see as movement then i apologize and ask for detailed expaination)

That doesn't change the fact that Harry has made alot of stupid decisions in his life. Looking at his actions throughout the books one thing becomes apparent, Reasoning is not the boy's strongsuit. Also take into account that harry has many reasons to be pissed at Dumbledore but what there discussing right now is Snape and his father.

Disappointment seems to be the emotion that is brought out in the writing to me though and not anger. I say that because it states that very thing many several times at the start of the fic. Harry's anger seems to stem from his own problem with thinking the worst of his father since seeing Snape's memories(mearly my take on it feel free to argue it if you like).

Harry has always shown a willingness to follow Dumbledore word even when it should have been apparent that there was more important things to be done. His sixthyear of schooling is a great example, instead of preparing to face Voldemort he spends it Talking to Dumbledore about Voldemort's past.

 

It's in character enough for Harry. He's a good fast thinker, but a bad slow thinker.

 

Both for what concerns Rita and the house elves, I don't think Hermione followed any authority figures. Plus, this 'authority figures' thing is only partly true. Think about the Minitry... Hermione doesn't trust it at all.

Yes, protect the common folk by killing wizards. To me it's obvious that Hermione COULD NOT do it.
Then, I quote myself again:

For what concerns Rita Skeeter... that was wrong from my point of view. But not from the point of view of the magical world or so it seems. Ron and Harry aren't scandalized at all, and I remember that neither was McGonagall (but maybe I'm remembering a fanfiction for the latter).

True, but it is a leap of logic to believe that Hermione would want to take part of it.

Again, protect them by killing wizards. Hermione could not accept it.

Look above. And no, there is another option: stick with Harry and the 'good' part of the magical world. Plus, she's the one that says that the muggles are ready to use ammunition 'forever', because if it takes even only one wizard down, it will be worth it.

It is the same place both in canon and in this fanfiction, right? It still is a dream or something, right? Well, I would have liked some descriptions. In the fanfiction, the fact that we are not in the real world, but in an abnormal place, seems to be normal or unimportant.

Yes, you are wrong, but it's my fault. I surrender. I will not try to find the right word anymore, and I'll try to explain myself in another way.
During a conversation, do you stay immobile? No.
If you watch a scene of a movie in which two guys have a long and important conversation that stirs strong feelings in them, but they don't move anything but their eyes, wouldn't you consider the scene as unrealistic?

True, but considering that this forum is generally against a fanfiction with a stupid Harry, I believe that the author doesn't want him that way (but I could be wrong), so maybe Harry is stupid.... 'unintentionally'.

Quote from the fanfiction:

Anyway, disappointment, anger... it doesn't really matter. It is not the point.

You didn't understand my last comment. I explain it better:
The problem is that if Dumbledore will make stupid choices and Harry will act following stupid reasons... then probably the fanfiction itself will be stupid or 'self-ironic'.

 

Canon Hermione is wack. Another Canon character that performs very questionable actions without any consequences.

Would she kill wizards to protect muggles? I think it's possible. Would she help muggles, some of whom kill wizards to protect muggles, I can easily see that.

As to the rest of the story. It was well written and an interesting set-up that has been executed extremely well so far. Personally I'm less interested in the mechanics of the time travel then I am of the interactions and effects on history and plot that it has. So I can't rate it so far.

But now I can't decide if I want to see more of this of "Neglected Flower," so hurry up and update both!