Matt, have I ever told you how awesome you are?

I just lost a good three or so hours reading all of it when I was supposed to be studying for my midterms.

(failing was never this awesome)

 

CrackedMind: Thank you very much, lol. Being responsible for school-related failures is why I became a writer. /me sheds a tear.

Annnnnd Chapter Ten: Inception is now on FF.net. And no, I've never stopped seeing that title without automatically thinking about the movie, and sorry, no relation. The majority of this chapter and the next is taken up by a flashback story, and while it might get called out as being a bit iffy to have it where it is, it's essential for rounding out a few character arcs as we head to the endgame, and given the opportunity of introspection allowed, I went for it. This right here is one of the first things I ever wanted to write about this story when the idea was conceived over three years ago. I regret nothing! (Mostly)

Also, as I've said so many times now it's not funny, this is another split chapter; originally, the flashback story told here was just one flashback-y chapter, and even in the rewrite I debated leaving it intact in its 35,000 word glory, but I decided against. The split isn't my favourite, and doesn't really get to the meat and action I'm trying to convey, but what's done is done and all. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it, and, so yeah, until next week.

 

Yeah, a review is necessary here.

Outside of a pair of annoying spelling mistakes:

fried --> fired

flushes --> flashes

So yeah, outside of those, this chapter was easily the best so far in this story, and it gives me definitive proof that you can indeed write a zombie story. You nail the tension and the environment without fail, your description is excellent, and the bleakness you create is superb. Hunt is a great character, and even though his arc is limited, it was excellently executed.

And here's the infuriating thing about your story, because while I don't mind the framing device of the memory to set up the outbreak, I can't help but feel getting so much more interested and invested in the characters here than, well, anywhere else in your fic. I can tell you really enjoyed writing this section of the fic, and while I like it because it's awesome, it also has the unfortunate problem of being way more interesting than all of the politics going on. I want to read about the outbreak of the Dementor's Stigma from this point of view, not reflecting upon it while Harry stumbles through a rather awkward relationship with Astoria, or running a political game with Malfoy, or trying to defend a town of rather unlikable characters (I'm sorry, but between Stanthorpe and Juliet and Fortess, I just don't care enough about them). And while the Nott segments have been a huge highlight for me, I just can't stop thinking that your fic would be so much more interesting and dramatic and potent if it focused on the actual time of the outbreak.

So yeah, while I really like your story, it frustrates me. Still very good, and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter, but it frustrates me.

 

As Silens said, by a long way the best chapter. Not just in this story, I think it's one of the best pieces of writing in any fanfiction that I've read. This has become, imo, one of the two best stories being written anywhere (along with Heartlands of time).

I have to disagree that it would be better if this was the main part of the story. It is very well done through the flashbacks, but if it was all there is you would just end up with a sort of shoot em up zombie rampage. The politics adds more depth and the Astoria relationship is probably more interesting to read then the one with Sarah. The whole adultery element adds to it.

Also:

Nothing wrong with flushes

 

I'm... going to have to agree with Silens, to an extent. I also thought that this was the best chapter of the story, and would actually have liked to read a two-part story: the first describing the outbreak, like this chapter, and the second covering what the rest of this story covers, or the fallout and resolution.

 

Woah. Was not expecting so much positiveness. If you all think this one's the best, the reaction to next week's will be rather... Potent.

As for your comments about the rest of the fic, Silens, at a certain point I kinda agree. The story told in St Mungo's was once a planned oneshot, but I got attached to other ideas in the world and decided to go from there and leave the events in St Mungo's as a flashback at an introspective moment, as here. When I was writing it I did like how it felt self-contained and I hope that even if the rest of the fic's a bit lower scored in your mind, you can still take away these two chapters as what they are, and as long as they're enjoyable, then I've somewhat done my job. Just gotta remember to write more like these two than the rest of the story next time, eh?

Also, fixed those spelling mistakes. Must've slipped by on account in my 3am betaing, lol.

 

Chapter 10 is so fucking good. Seriously amazing. Easily the best of the story, and one of the best chapters in not just fanfiction, but literature that I've read.

Bravo, bravo.

 

Yeah, the chapter 10 is probably the best one yet.

...and maybe this explains it perfectly.

All in all, after reading 10 chapters, which, I believe is more than a half (10/16, right?) I'd like to say, that your fic reads... difficult.
Now bear with me for a moment, and I'll explain.
It looks polished and of quality, but every once in a while there is a feeling slight boredom and it seems that I will stop, but then there is a faster paced scene or a more interesting plot point, and the fatigue is gone. Of course, it might be just me.
In my personal tower, it might have dropped to 4.5/5 or even 4/5, but i understand that it's 5/5 material. Just there is something missing for a personal five. (Except chapter 10, that one was worth 5.25/5)

For me, it's kind of like trying to read Kafka without the proper mood - you understand it's a quality work, but if you are not in the mood, half of the stuff slows you down.

I hope I came out clear.

 

Thanks a ton for the comments Ceebee and Nauro, and to address you, Nauro, I will say that you're not quite wrong about how it reads. It's something I'm working on, to keep a better pace and keep boring scenes to a minimum, but I was always a little doomed to bore some people sometimes in keeping with the politics as a personal - as in, "hey nobody else's really tried, and why not follow through?" - challenge... Long story short, something to work on when I write my next stories.

Anyhoo, Chapter Eleven has been posted now. The monster conclusion to the previous one, and I'm eager to hear reactions to this one... though knowing law of lulz, the chapter I posted that I was iffy about got some posts (Chap Ten) and the chapter I'm posting now that I'm excited about will get awkward silence until I post Chapter Twelve next week. Either way, all's cool. I'm proud of the execution of this chapter, and both chapters were a rather trying week-long writing funtime, but ultimately, I'm very glad they came out as good as they did. So yeah, I hope you all enjoy.

 

... lol, I love being right about awkward week-long silences.

Regardless, Chapter Twelve is now up. I don't have a lot of love for this chapter as a whole, what with the fact that it was a slog to write through and doesn't look that much better even after rewriting, but it's taught me for future stories the hazards of having too many storylines without stronger cohesion or even, well, better storylines. Politics and all that, so apologies in advance. Also, this chapter has the pleasure of being in between two of the most pivotal (And in my opinion, awesome) chapters, so it'll have to take a runner-up trophy for quality this week. Ah well. Until next week.

 

Matt, you'll be proud to know I got a C+ on my midterm.

And still a great chapter, as usual.

 

Okay, I blitzed through the second flashback chapter and loved it, though there was one big problem with it. I felt it was a bit heavy on the 'when Sarah would die' part, since you had her almost eaten a couple of times before she finally died. If we hadn't known she was going to die it would have been perfect, but since we already knew it kinda fell flat. I think that's mostly because you had it in mind as a oneshot before the whole story took off, an as a oneshot it would have been brilliant, but as part of a greater story where we already know the ending it didn't really segue as well as I expected it to.

That said I did really enjoy that chapter, and Lobell being a cunt was pulled off really well. It's just that outbreak stories rely on the 'anyone can die' feeling more than anything, which you can't have when it's told as a flashback.

The next chapter didn't hold anything as jarring as that, but it also fell into the hole of being the after-awesome chapter. Still, I'm looking forward to the next chapter, since this one looked to be all build-up.

 

And nary an after-awesome cigarette to be seen.

 

Heh. Cheers Cracked - C+ woot! - Aek and Kai.

So here we are, with Chapter Thirteen: Inescapable up on FF.net (Website was being a dick, hence the delay). This chapter is a pretty big one, and was equal parts hella fun and hella hard to write. It's turned out to be one of my favourites, but given that Inferno didn't get as much reaction as I'd predicted despite it being one of my favourites (See also, Insidious vs Instinct), I suppose there's a bit of trepidation. Of course, what's done is done and plot turns like the ones taking place here were always gonna happen, and were planned to the tiniest detail, but I can never predict how people will react. Some may love it, some may hate it. Could be considered awesome, or stupid. Either way, it sets up the next three chapters, basically a three-part finale of sorts, and I hope you all come with me on the rest of the ride.

Also, the use of spoiler tags for the sake of others who haven't read up may want to be utilised, though I'll just leave that up to you all.

Anyways, read, enjoy, comment, go go.

 

Holy Shit!

I did not see that coming. I cannot say enough just how good this story is.

Something I've been wondering, is the stigma confined to Britain or is it global. the way you've written it makes it seem like it is all over but I don't see how it could spread like that.

 

Great Chapter. I didn't see any of that happening, so it was a real shock. My personal favorite. And I second Bill's question. I can understand the Wizards' population being pretty low, but I can't see almost 7 billion people all turning.

 

Oh. My. God.

Spoiler

That was brilliant. You can really tell that this had been written to be in cohesion with the whole story, because it just makes so much more sense than if you had been writing it while posting. I can look on this chapter and see the end of plotlines going back to the very beginning of the fic, especially since I had also been underestimating the Dementors as the true threat. I'd thought they were either powerless to act against the Wizards, or the puppets of Voldemort. Not the Big Bad and the sole reason for Liliford's demise.

 

You, Sir Matt, are a legend.

I won't rehash what's already been said in this thread, other than stating that I tihnk you did a cracking job with it all. It's all coming together now, and I can hardly wait for the grand finale!

 

Thanks guys. If you read it and noticed how, like Aekiel said, all the plotlines come together in a cohesive way, well, that's just an opportunity for me to boast on the power of planning, outlining, and writing it all ahead of time certainly helped. Keeps things straight and cool. Next three chapters should show a lot more; got a twist or two left up my sleeve, though the biggest were in Chap 13.

As for the question over the rest of the world, it's been said that it's no better, especially with the wizards. I thought I got it across pretty clearly, but the big tip-off should be that the UK's wizards are deciding on breaking an international Statute for just themselves, implying that the rest of the world's wizarding population is either very much dead or just not as organised. I don't believe in a Super Magical America or whatever, so yeah, it's basically just the UK Ministry on their own.

Anyways, cheers again for the comments and thumbs.

 

Right, so I just finished reading this. If you guy don't want to read spoilers, don't read the rest of this post.

I'm not sure how to start this review, but I guess my impression of this fic from the start has been that is very well written from a technical standpoint. The plot is fleshed out, and it definitely has the feeling of a story that has been constructed as opposed to one that has been made up as it goes along.

However, for me at least, it just doesn't really have a hook. From the start, this story is one that I have had to force myself to go back to reading after each time I stop to take a break. It just feels kind of... dry to me. I don't get hooked into the next parts of the story by desperately wanting to know what happens to who next. All I have is the curiosity for the overall plot.

The characters are there, but you don't really feel for them. I don't really care about any of the side characters in this fic, except Astoria and Hunt. However, you did pull those particular plotlines off brilliantly. But even then, I feel as if Astoria's part could of been done with a lot more devastating effect.

In a story for me, it's important to like the characters I'm supposed to like, to care about what happens to them. It's important for me to hate the guys, I'm meant to hate.

In this fic however... I just don't. And that makes it very hard for me to stay focused. The only characters I really felt for were Hunt and Astoria. Astoria was definitely going to get a reaction from me considering how you ended her segment, I don't like tragedy. :/ Hunt is something of the same, and he also really reminded me of House.

This to me is something that takes the story from a 5/5 down to a 4/5. You have every ingredient for an absolutely fantastic story here, barring the characterization.

I also have to agree with some of the other sentiments posted here about the flashback chapters. Those were probably the chapters I enjoyed the most. I loved the descriptions of how everything went from being fine to just absolutely fucked.

I do feel I'm focusing on all of the bad aspects of the story, and none of the good ones though. I just want to reemphasize just how fantastic the mystery in this story is. The way the Dementor's are portrayed and Nott's relationship with them is something that is done beautifully. Especially with the realizations that are being made.

Overall, this is a very good story. It's just missing the key element that I find to be the most important. The characterization.

4/5 from me. Definitely looking forward to seeing how you end it.

Edit: This was a difficult review for me to write, and I still don't think i've properly conveyed some of the things that I've meant to. Please question anything you aren't sure about.