Old-Crow I believe he/she involved Madame Bones in a strong light in each fic, I used to like them back in the day.

 

I gotta admit, the idea of good!Umbridge or secret agent Umbridge was what I found most interesting in this one.

Unfortunately, the two most annoying descriptions of Hufflepuff girls ever, the pathetically sheep-like Harry, and cheaply canned characterizations of Amelia and the Head Unspeakable ruin the small enjoyment I got reading this.

Frankly, if Harry found a gun with two bullets he should shoot Susan and Hannah. If it only had one bullet, he should shoot himself. I mean those two are pretty damn annoying. But the idea that the author thinks this is cute, having a couple of girls automatically assert control of Harry's life, and Harry to just passively accept that he has no choice is a steaming load of assfuck juice.

I mean we have the typical, let's see some memories stuff, and FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER Harry shows them his childhood with the Dursleys. They're looking for evidence and understanding about what Dumbledore's doing, the Dark Lord, crimes committed by other wizards and instead Harry starts with showing everyone what a fucking pussy he was before he even knew magic was real. Then we have Amelia and the Magician joking about how Umbridge dosed Harry with veritaserum despite the fact they were listening in on her interrogation. It's like the author forgot what she wrote a few paragraphs ago.

The good!Umbridge idea can work since a whole lot of OotP is tossed out the window, and the idea of a pair of bisexual Hufflepuffs having their wicked way with Harry should be good. And it's the fact that it fails so hard that makes it especially disappointing.

2/5. Borderline Bin material at best.

 

“Hey, disbelief!”
“Yeah?”
“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

If you write fanfiction you have every freedom to tweak. The back story, the personalities of the characters, the vagaries of magic. Why then would you write a “good Umbridge” story and leave the blood quills in? A single paragraph describing unpleasant detentions with her that didn’t resort to torture, was all it would have taken. Enough for the reader to understand that she’s not the exact same person she was in the book. Later revelations might just have been a bit more believable.

I did however take a deep breath, decided to generously overlook some of the most obvious problems, and soldiered on to the end of the story. It wasn’t horrible, I found. It was competently written, short, and—I had no idea how much that means to me—relatively original. Pensieves are lame, and all the characters were at least one dimension short of a proper personality. “Freesomes” are a fantasy. We all know that you have to lie, beg, steal and most likely pay to get in there. That said, though, I don’t have a problem with the pussyfied Harry. He’s fifteen and if he just does what he’s told he’s going to get some. Who wouldn’t do that?

No doubt that the underlying idea could have been realised a lot better and no doubt that the real Hermione did know how to brew Polyjuice. I never threw up in my mouth, hardly ever cringed and only once fought the impulse to close the window. In fanfic terms that’s pretty good. 3 executed potion masters out of 5.

 

3 from me. Different, a little odd, but readable.

 

Okay, it defenitely isn't the best work or anything but I enjoyed the humor in it. There were some inconcistancies (?) of course, like the chloroform and the Umbitch breaking her cover like she did, or even Harry accepting it let a lone being led by is lower head like the sheeple he usually despises, but it was just a oneshot with humor centered, in my mind.

The idea was firm but the execution was kind of poor... though what I was focused on was the humor genre of it, and not the stick-to-the-facts type of thing... I mean, I hate HPSS and HPDM among others very much, but I also don't really understand how anyone would get HPLEP either.