Coming from the "author" of the abomination in the WBA thread? Hypocritical much?

 

i love abominations


I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE EVERYTHING IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW

 

Christ this guy need's a banning.

 

I love banners.

 

This is a neat little idea, so here goes.

Diagon alley was in ruins, but that was quickly changing. Fires sputtered and died, shattered glass came together, and even broken and burnt wood suddenly became whole.

As a lone figure approached the stunned Death Eaters, damaged buildings all around him fixed themselves as though someone was watching a tape played in reverse. Even the wounded and dying suddenly found their bones whole, their cuts and abrasions gone, and even severed limbs reattaching themselves to become as good as new. Of those already dead, nothing could be done except for their bodies becoming whole once more. At a glance, one would be hard pressed to think that they had not peacefully passed on in their sleep.

"If it isn't Harry Potter," said Voldemort as he stared at his nemesis with a smirk. "I've heard about your accident. Only able to cast the repairo charm. How is that going to save your life today, eh boy?"

"With a little modification," Harry said and started to glow with a gold nimbus as he channeled all of his magic into the only spell he could now and forever cast. "Repairo Incorrecto!" A wave of white light washed over Tom Riddle Jr. and his minions as they were all taken apart mind, body, and soul; and then put together horribly wrong.

There was a brief shout of surprise, a moment of silence, and then massive retching as Harry Potter joined all of the survivors in violent vomiting. That day, most of the witches and wizards in that alley lost what remained of their fragile sanity simply by just gazing on the blubbering oozing inside-out mass of flesh, eyes, and bones that used to be a dozen people and a dark lord.

 

Too bad that Incorrecto sounds retarded, and Repairo doesn't break then rearrange. Also, if you take someone apart, and then put them together perfectly, they're still dead. So putting them together wrong isn't gonna do anything.

Writing sucked too. Why did you bother bumping this topic?

In summary, 5/5 would read again.

 

I was easily able to visualise your description of Harry walking down a war-torn Diagon Alley as it magically reconstructed itself around him. Your description of the end state of the death eaters was equally good.

I like that Harry's ability has come about because of an accident. It was also neat that you were able to seamlessly include this info without exposition. It's left me wondering about the nature of his accident. See, you've already drawn me into your world with these five paragraphs.

Now, for the problems.

Repairo is spelt Reparo. It's based on latin, not english.

Reparo Incorrecto does sound pretty retarded. It's the only point I agree on with Pieman.

I also feel that Harry's complete and utter corruption of the Reparo spell should have cost Harry. There should have been a price extracted for the abomination of a spell he cast. In a longer fic you could have had that price delivered by other people such as a horrified public, Ministry of Magic, or something else.

Personally, I think the spell should have cost Harry his life, or at least a limb. As he cast it on his victims so should it have had the same effect on himself. Perhaps one arm becomes a bubbling, molten appendage of bone and flesh. A physical deformity to reflect his 'sin'.

Overall, not too bad. Not too bad at all.

 

Yay!

Looking back at it, it does seem retarded, although at 3am, it seemed kinda logical. Actually, I always thought the wand waving and calling out the attack spell casting method in HP was always arbitrary anyways. A wizard could train themselves to cast the killing curse by saying 'noodle fish' or whatever. The whole standardization of spells would make sense if you think about what might have happened before Hogwarts or any magic academy was built. Say a wizard took two apprentices. Eventually, they grew up and took apprentices of their own, but their teachings were slightly different from one another. If you've ever played the game 'telephone' where you whisper a phrase to the person next to you and wait until the message comes back around, you'll know that what gets back rarely resembles the original. So if two wizards from the two branches meet and one casts a simple lighting charm whose motions coincidentally resemble a death curse in the other branch, needless conflicts and misunderstandings could erupt.

I do like the idea of Harry being warped by the twisted spell. His wand and wand arm could become a tentacled monstrosity that has to be amputated and what remains of his magic is now put together wrong so that even his last spell won't always work. Thanks for the reviews, though. If I ever decide to flesh out the story, I'll try to improve on it.

 

Oh, no - PLEASE don't mutilate Harry. It's completely unnecessary. After all, "perfection" is based on perception. It seems so much more logical for Harry to arbitrarily decide that Riddle's outside needs to reflect his twisted mind and that his body should SHOW the evil that has been done to it. Think Escher.

The possibility certainly makes me feel good.

 

Oh, all right. No deformed Harry, but there goes Harry's 'Tetsuooo! Kanedaaa!' scene.

I remember a story where Harry made Draco's outside match his inside. It wasn't pretty.

Maybe it'll just be Harry's magic affected. He could either become a squib (almost cliche), or the magic of his one spell could repair him back to normal (meh), or else the new form of the spell could be the only thing he could now and forever cast. Making ordinary things and people resemble H. R. Geiger drawings and unspeakable horrors, either when he wants to or when accidental magic rears up due to intense emotions. Say, the spell also fixed him that Harry's now immortal and inhuman for extra angst, and there you go. Kind of like a magical incredible hulk Harry who you don't want to make angry... or happy, or feel any intense emotion at all.

 

Eh, this did seem to call for a short response, but it gave me a big plot bunny idea which will probably wind up novella length... My idea was actually him being to do the reparo spell, a possible reason being it was cast on his glasses in the first book, or a variant of it was, and he seemed pretty wowed by it. one of the first positive bits of magic he remembers. I was a bit disappointed when I saw that other person's post with that idea, but it was short and the spell was retarded. So I'll keep going with it and make a little novella. probably a sixth year replacement. The post about the patronus also gave me the urge to write a fic with that as the only spell he can use. Doubt they'll be humorous, but they'll in my head and will drive me crazy if I don't start jotting down my ideas. Thanks for the challenge it's interesting

Ok, here's a little three page short story in response to the challenge. Enjoy it, or rip it apart. that's up to you guys.
It's in first person, Hary's pov. I've always wanted to write in first person.

I ran through the upper floors and away from the chaos downstairs. Voldemort had finally decided to attack Hogwarts and try to kill me. Again. You'd think he'd give up by now. I mean we've been doing this villain-hero thing for 17 years, well mostly 7, but he's never succeeded. In our last fight he cast the killing curse at me. Can you believe that? I was surprised honestly, I mean the spell worked so well the first time he cast it on me, why not keep using it? Idiot.


That's something I discovered about good old Tom this year. He's an idiot. A wicked powerful and psychotic idiot, but an idiot he still is. He's easy to anger and lure into traps. Like now for instance. He attacked Hogwarts with all the forces he had. All fifty seven of his psychotic children and some werewolves. Their children attending Hogwarts launched their own attack as well. Minutes before the wards went off and he stormed the grounds the children all tried to attack during lunch in the Great Hall. All seventeen of them. It's surprising what nearly four hundred spells do to seventeen people. I think it's safe to say those families have been knocked out of the gene pool.


I don't know what Voldemort and his minions expected when they broke through the front door and filed into the Entrance Hall. Another showing of his stupidity, has the...man never heard of the term bottle neck? Anyways all four hundred angry occupants of the Great Hall were surging with adrenaline and presented with a bunch of enemies. Like I mentioned before, it quickly became chaos. Of course Voldemort searched for me, but I wasn't going to stick around. You see I can't really cast spells. Well I can cast one, Expelliarmus. That's right, the only spell I can cast is a disarming spell. Nobody outside of Ron, Hermione, and a few core Order members know though. You sit next to Hermione every class and it's pretty easy to mask not being able to do spells. Especially when she's bouncing around wanting to answer a question, or ask one. Merlin I love her like a sister, but she'll always be a know it all.


Anyways my magic has been scrambled for a little over a year now. It's still there, my magic registers on all diagnostic tests. I just can't cast any spells. They always fizzle out and my wand shoots sparks. The first few weeks were agonizing. Tonks wouldn't shut up about it.


“Harry would you like me to clean up that mess with a nice scourgify spell?”


“Wotcher Harry, Still magically impotent?”


“Oh Harry, can you still fly a broom?”


That one always pissed me off. I couldn't fly a broom damn it and she knows it, she was there when I tried. Don't know why, I have plenty of magic, but The broom always sinks to the ground. The first time I tried I fell flat on my ass and Tonks got a kick out of it.


“Oh Harry imagine if Snape finds out!”


She used that one to blackmail me.


“Come on now Harry, it's swish and flick”


I finally snapped at one point. I didn't think about my lack of spell casting ability, I didn't think about it being summer and I might get in trouble for using magic. I just turned towards her and snarled. I lifted my wand and shouted “Expelliarmus!”


And disarm it did. One of the translations for the first part of the spell is simply to thrust away. The second half becomes something like weapons of war. My magic seemed to focus on the first part. To thrust away. Her wand and her clothes were thrust away. Everything that wasn't skin or hair flew off her with a violent urgency. That was the day I found out Tonks could blush over her entire body. And she had rainbow colored pubes. That was really weird.


We both realized I'd just cast a spell and began to jump around excitedly. That lasted for me until I got a good look at Tonks jumping around and then I just watched. She did hex me and sadly I discovered I could only cast that one spell. But damn could I cast it!


I couldn't cast a cleaning charm or a levitation charm, but I could disarm an entire legion of soldiers. My Expelliarmus is unblockable. A pretty cool little side effect. It's the only spell I could cast, but I could put all my magic into it. I learned to bend it to my will. I could manipulate it into throwing people several feet away. Focusing on the Expello portion of the spell really made it an effective combat spell. I wasn't totally useless in a fight.


So While I played around with all the different ways I could use the disarming spell during my sixth year Dumbledore took me on a nice tour of Tom Riddle's life. I wondered why he was going through the trouble of tracking down memories about Voldemort when he could've been focusing on trying to fix my magical impotency. I asked him once, but he didn't give me an answer. Started talking about understanding the enemy. I honestly thought Fuck that, I want to be able to cast spells again, but I didn't have much of a choice. Hermione was refusing to help research the problem because I thought it'd be amusing to thrust her clothes away. Man can robes and loose clothes hide growth. She's not a beauty like Fleur, but she's got a pair that made me have unbrotherly thoughts. Thank Merlin she's not really my sister.


Anyways after a fun trip to a cave for a fake horcrux Dumbledore and I arrived back at the school only to be attacked by Draco and the twilight boys. I still wonder if Dumbledore really wanted to scar me when he bound me under my invisibility cloak and made me watch him die. That was an asshole move if ever there was one. After that lovely end to a year Hermione, Ron, and I hunted down the rest of the Horcruxes while attending our seventh year and using Hogwarts as a base.


It was only a week ago that we had finally gotten the last one. We'd managed to break into the Malfoy's home. Dobby is one handy son of a bitch. It turned into a huge fight and Voldemort found out about my handicap. Narcissa found out about my ability to thrust clothes away. That prude freaked out and tried to cover herself in the middle of a fight to the death. I'm not ashamed to say it, when she doesn't have that snarl on her face like she's smelling something nasty, Narcissa Malfoy is a milf. I'm quite happy to say Hermione's Duro spell froze Narcissa's beautiful naked form in stone. I put it on the front yard of Sirius's house right near a bird bath. She's probably covered in bird shit now. I wonder if people are aware of their surroundings when they're turned to stone? One can only hope.


Anyways our purpose for breaking into the over sized manor was to destroy the last horcrux. Man was Tom pissed when Ron banished Nagini into the lit fireplace. Who knew snakes were so flammable? That was the fight Voldemort used the killing curse on me again. It hit me and I wound up in a mock version of platform 9 ¾. Had a nice chat with Dumbledore. Turns out I was an accidental horcrux, who would've thought of that? You'd think such a thing would require a preplanned ritual of some kind, but apparently not. I popped back into my body in time to see Hermione conjure a sword that nailed little Draco to the wall via his pelvis. Her aim was spot on if his expression was anything to go by, man he must've pissed her off something major. For some reason everyone was surprised I was still alive. They named me the boy-who-lived and are surprised I lived. No common sense in these people. In the shock of my second defeat of the killing curse I grabbed Hermione and Ron and we fled. That was a week ago and now I'm running through the upper floors of the school above a big chaotic battle being waged downstairs. Voldemort was hot on my tail and casting spells as we ran. He seemed to have a case of Storm Trooper Syndrome as all he was hitting was the walls.


I wasn't totally unprepared for an attack on the school. In fact I was hoping for one. While playing with my disarming spell I discovered that while I could disarm like Luna could confuse a person, I could also arm people. Sounds kinda dumb, but I had a plan for how to use it and I tested it. It works and my plan was made for if Voldemort attacked the school. With all his horcruxes destroyed Voldemort was mortal. And He was still easy to lure into traps. I turned around when I reached the seventh floor and cast Expelliarmus at the crazy man as he charged up the stairs. It knocked him on his ass and sent his wand back down the stairs. Perfect. I turned and ran towards the Room of Requirement. That room is the greatest thing ever made.


I managed to get there and begin my walks to make a room. Thinking I need an Armory over and over again. The door appeared just as Voldemort rounded the corner. I opened it and ran in. It was just like before. A shadowy round room. The walls were lined with bladed weapons that were hard to see in the shadows. I ran right to the far side of the room as Voldemort stormed in.


“Ha! I've got you now Potter. I know this room, but it wont help you!” Voldemort shouted as he walked further into the room and looked around trying to see through the shadows at what the room created. Good luck with that you moron.


“Of course you've got me oh master of successful plans. There's no chance I lured you here so I could kill you once and for all. You're mortal now ya know and I need to get you back for scrambling up my magic when you possessed me,” I said with a grin.


Voldemort chuckled as he stared at me and twirled his wand in a showy manner. The man was so vain, always showing off his skills.


“What are you going to do, disarm me with your super Expelliarmus,” Voldemort asked me in an amused tone.


I chuckled as the shadows began to vanish and the room grew bright. “Something like that,” I said with a grin as I lifted my wand.


Voldemort's eyes grew wide as he looked around at all the bladed weapons on the walls.


With a flick and a swish I said “Addoarmis”. To give, Weapons of war. My own creation.


The spell smacked right into Voldemort and for a moment nothing happened. Then every bladed weapon on the walls began to shake before they broke free of their hangings and flew at incredible speeds right at Voldemort. I've never been a fan of seeing lots of blood, but there was something cathartic about watching Voldemort bleed out with fifty bladed weapons skewering him. After I was sure the bastard was dead I smiled and walked out the door. After all there was still a battle going on and it's fun to watch prudish purebloods try to cover their sudden nakedness and forget all about the fight.

 

It's pretty good, certainly decent enough to justify the slight "necropost" (which doesn't really exist with challenges anyway, in my opinion).

You handle first person POV well, painting an interesting portrait of MagicallyCrippled!Harry with enough humor to keep it interesting. The pacing is fine, though in a few places you suffer from the same thing I do (though not quite as badly) in writing first person--a love of the aside, which can make the cadence stumble.

I think your story worked overall. A couple things could be improved, though. Nagini's death could have used a little more flair--she's a big snake, after all, who could crawl out of a little fire if she needed. Maybe she gets hit with a Reducio, is banished into the fire, and can't crawl out because someone's closed the skirt? Maybe Harry empties a Super-Soaker full of gellified gasoline onto her before she's banished into flame? Something a little more.

The bit at the end with Voldemort was probably the weakest part of the story. I understand the dialogue was intentionally wooden, but I think it could still use a little more work. Also, I thought the second spell was a little bit cheating for the challenge. An alternative would be Harry holding over his left shoulder a large bundle of spears or pole arms or the like and in his right, hold his wand backwards in his hand and cast Expelliarmus, thus disarming himself and propelling wand and all the sharp weapons he's holding at his enemy. That might have been a little more fitting with the challenge, at the expense of leaving Harry himself naked (which I'm sure you could find something to do with).

A very nice first effort nonetheless. You talked about a novella, hopefully on another idea and not this one. (I'm not sure this particular story has legs for 30k words--it's at the right length now).

I'll definitely be looking out for your other stories. You might want to check out the "Thank God You're Here" thread for more.

 

I enjoyed that. Dead Voldemort and Lucius is a nice way to start the day.

I do have one minor suggestion: for all those people who you don't want to see naked (which is an awful lot of the Wizarding World,) simply banishing their shoes in a battle would be a significant handicap. Stepping on sharp things that are covered in really horrifying stuff would distract almost anyone.

* giggle *
Maybe Fudge or Lucius are actually very short, and wear magical lifts in their shoes to make themselves seem more impressive?

 

lol well I'm glad my first try was decent. and your suggestions were good. I couldn't sleep and got the idea to play with the expelliarmus, as it was the spell that Harry used most often with voldemort. So I wrote it, I actually thought it would be shorter but I kinda got into describing a summary of his year or so of being a cripple.

In regards to the novella, it's from this challege, but I'm planning to use the reparo spell. I'm not sure about all of it yet, but it'll probably be more serious than this one and I think I can make it work 30-40 k words. It'll probably be third person though. That was my first first-person pov and I don't know how I'd do with a whole novella.

though a question.. what did you mean when you mentioned the aside?