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Abandoned Maelstrom by Inconclusive - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ip82, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Title: Maelstrom
    Author: Inconclusive
    Genre: Mystery/Action/Adventure
    Rating: T/M
    Pairing: Undecided (no H/G, H/Hr and H/DM)
    Words: 25,638
    Chapters: 3
    Updated: March 25, 2007
    Published: February 7, 2007
    Status: Abandoned

    DLP-Cat: Alternates or Independent!Harry
    FF.Net Summary: Things aren’t going right: the best solution? Obscure rituals, timetravel and the unfortunate side effect of alternate personas that switch at the worst of times. Independent!Harry

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3382166/1/
    Link: http://fictionhunt.com/read/3382166/1

    This is the first fic of, IMO, the most perspective new author in the last few months. Lush, precise writing style, careful presentation, innovative plot... If he keeps up a solid update rate, he'll get far.

    As for this story, it's a weird sort of redo fic, where two very different alternate personalities are plummeted into the body of a 10 year old Harry about to start at Hogwarts; One is 17 year old post!HBP Gryffindor who had created the whole mess in the first place and the other is 27 year old dark wizard mastermind (who sucks at dueling though).

    Like I said, the first chapter is a bit confusing, but solid writing style pulled me through the strange introductory parts. Several interesting new ideas and careful characterization spells good for this fic's future, if the author manages to keep up the update rate.

    So far,
    4.3/5



    Edit by Minion, Jan. 2, 2016
    I added a link to fictionhunt.
    If I linked a wrong story, or if you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2016
  2. Dasha

    Dasha Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Well… Wow. It’s great story, I’m really impressed. All I can hope now is a decent updates, other characters description and that his(her) way of “school year adventures” will be just as original as main plot idea. Through I somewhat at loss what guy with memories of 27-year-old mastermind is going to do in Hogwarts. But that is author for, I think. I read his(her) profile by the way and he(she) likes slash, but mostly Harry/Riddle, so its probably not the case. Also I’m a bit at loss over the third personality (11-year-old) – isn’t too smart for eleven? I mean he only got memories, not mind, so I suppose he somewhat influenced by them both? I sould read it once more and think again.
    It’s 5/5 for me now. I like the begining.
     
  3. haroon_angel

    haroon_angel Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    karachi,pakistan
    nicely written even its weird
     
  4. Amadan

    Amadan Second Year

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Location:
    England
    It was somewhat confusing to start with but I felt it became clearer at the end of the chapter.
    I look forward to an update but as Dasha has pointed out the author likes slash just as much as he/she likes het so for now I would give 4/5 but it would quickly lose my interest if it turned into a slash fic.
     
  5. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Location:
    United States
    it's good but the end is a little bit confusing.
     
  6. yojorocks

    yojorocks Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    286
    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    Very nice start, esp the hints that Harry isn't sure of exactly who he is. The conflict provided by the different sets of personalities is very refreshing opposed to the traditional godlike!Harry overwriting his previous self and sucking the goblin's and Dumbledore's dicks. It has a great deal of potential: look at the way he is trying to figure out how to handle Hermione: is she a bitch out to kill him or his left hand that watches over him at night? These internal conflicts can lead to very nice character development given time.

    4.5/5 so far, but I will be waiting for one or two more chapters before placing a rating to make sure it doesn't go downhill.
     
  7. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    2,541
    Location:
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    The writing style seems very much like a thickened version of Razz's.

    I love it.

    5/5

    EDIT: And she also likes Harry/Fem!Harry. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2007
  8. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

    Joined:
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    1,302
    Location:
    United States
    aghh i hope it doesn't become h/fem!h i hate that.
     
  9. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,541
    Location:
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    Oh really?

    And why is that?
     
  10. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Location:
    United States
    It's just weird. I mean it's amusing if the story is a parody, but in a serious story i just find it sickening that the person Harry finds most attractive is a female version of himself.
     
  11. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,282
    Location:
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    I really like this. It takes an old idea and gives it a new and interesting twist. I await the next update.
     
  12. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 2, 2005
    Messages:
    387
    Location:
    Heidelberg
    it is quite original, fluent and interesting. i really like it. it's been a while since i read a story with a lot attention. i really wish it didn't become slash, and i don't see how a fem!harry could be integrated in this story due to its flow of events and logic. 5/5 for now.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2007
  13. Midevildle

    Midevildle Squib

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    17
    I didn't find anything about the first chapter confusing, but the writing style and somewhat unique twist on a reasonably cliched plot has me really liking this.

    I especially like that the evaluation on Harry's dueling capabilities and strengths.
     
  14. Kalistar

    Kalistar First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2006
    Messages:
    32
    Location:
    Seattle Area
    Nicely written twist on an oveused plot device.
     
  15. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Messages:
    6,122
    Gender:
    Male
    Surprisingly good. I liked the confusion that the author tried to generate. Makes a reader think.
     
  16. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2006
    Messages:
    652
    Location:
    Terra Atlantus
    Interesting, but just didn't grab my attention for some reason. I'll check back on it once it's further along.

    Interesting plot: 3/5
    Dark!Wimp!Harry: 2/5
    Idiot!Harry: 1/5
    Kid!Harry: 0.5/5
    Overall: Meh...3/5 for plot and the fact that it's at least something different
     
  17. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Interesting start. I find it a little hard to believe that an 10 year old harry would want to be anything but the 'Knight in shining armor' but then I suppose that 10year old harry could probably have his own agenda seperate from the other two as well... this is shaping up to be a rather unique story, I'm not catching where you guy's are finding the Fem!harry however...
    4.5/5
     
  18. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    71
    High Score:
    1756
    All right, now THIS is a story I can sink my teeth into. A fascinating start, with a reasonably fresh approach to the "multiple Harry's in one body" AU. I'm a bit concerned about potential issues in continuity and "contrivance overload trap" that is all too easy to fall into in time travel/AU stories. I'll certainly keep my eye on it - and naturally, abandon it completely if it even hints at a possible slash pairing.

    4/5

    -J
     
  19. bornagainpenguin

    bornagainpenguin DLP Archivist

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2005
    Messages:
    779
    Location:
    Illinois
    Hmmm...

    So far I'll give it a 2/5 because it was quite confusing and seemed to jump around a bit too much. I may give it more depended on where the author goes with this, so my vote is not finalized and I'll be waiting a bit. I'm also thinking her use of 'voices' in Harry's head reminds me quite a bit of the seminal work Insertion by Carrotglace, so I can't exactly claim this is an original idea since I've seen it used in other fandoms.

    --bornagainpenguin
     
  20. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 2, 2005
    Messages:
    387
    Location:
    Heidelberg
    i wish the author wouldn't give up on writing the story. the internal war between the darklord harry and golden boy harry will be very interesting.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2007