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WIP Man off the Moon by FiendLurcher - T - Fate/Extra x Mass Effect

Discussion in 'Fate/Stay Night' started by Zel, May 29, 2018.

  1. Zel

    Zel High Inquisitor

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    Title: Man off the Moon
    Author: FiendLurcher
    Fandom: Fate Extra x Mass Effect
    Rating: T
    Status: WIP
    Length: 195, 693 words
    Summary: Hiding from the force that ravaged it 14.000 years ago, the Moon Cell slides into another world where humanity advanced along a completely different axis. There a man of many regrets is given a second chance to walk among the living, but when granted the ability to walk away...Can he take it?

    FFN, SB (Threadmarks)


    This story hasn't been around for long; the author has a prodigious writing pace and also a firm grasp of the technical aspects of writing. The Fate Extra game is one of the less known works of the Fate franchise, but the main character of the story is basically EMIYA, the Archer of the Fifth Holy Grail War, with a few tweaks - he's less cynical and lived a slightly different life. It's likely that, to get a full grasp on the story, a few visits to the wiki or to other more reliable sources will be necessary.

    Instead of being summoned to fight a Grail War, EMIYA is assigned a mission by the Archimedes, the Heroic Spirit that is currently in charge of the Moon Cell - basically, it's a big ass supercomputer left by an ancient, advanced civilization that was placed inside the Moon - and where EMIYA has been 'living'. The Moon Cell was created to impartially observe the Universe, and to further develop its database it needs an agent to plant the necessary devices on Mars. That's where the Mass Effect part comes in, since the goal of the investigation is the Prothean ruins located there.

    Now, onto the plot. EMIYA decides that his best shot for getting to Mars is enrolling in the Alliance military. He manages to make his way to boot camp and is determined to just get the mission done and go back to the Moon Cell. We follow him as he learns more about the futuristic world of Mass Effect and his times in one of the greatest boot camp depictions I've read, including his budding relationship with Fem!Shepard, the ME franchise protagonist. It's also one of the best EMIYA characterizations in Fate fics and it's obvious the author did his homework in that regard. EMIYA's time on Mars was one of the most inspired parts of the story.

    As for the flaws in the story, sometimes it gets bogged down in infodumps and technobabble. The pacing became an issue in the Brazil training mission, and I found myself skipping huge amounts of text. Even so, the good points more than compensate these flaws, so I give it a 4/5.

    E: Fixed link.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2018
  2. Ceins

    Ceins Second Year

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    Read it before and planning to keep on reading.

    This story constantly makes me think that there's nowhere to go from here or that doing this thing, whatever it might be at the moment, is pointless. But then I'm happy to still keep on reading and enjoyed what happened and how it went down. Kinda weird.

    To anyone who has read a crossover or a SI to Mass Effect where the 'event' happened before canon, a lot of things that happen are going to be familiar. But the author either does it better then everyone before or just perfectly plays to my biases.

    Either way 4/5 or 5/5, couldn't really decide.
     
  3. Jarsha

    Jarsha Seventh Year

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    The link provided for FFnet starts at chapter 9.
    Only just started to read it, I'll leave a proper review when I'm caught up.
     
  4. Mishie

    Mishie Fat Dog

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    I've been following this fic since around chapter 4, and it's honestly a delight to read. The update rate is insane, but despite that every chapter has been very well written and it's very clear that the author actually has something plotted out as everything that happens in the story fits together nicely and every decision that is made makes sense for each character. At the same time, it's refreshing to see a character, especially in a Fate or Mass Effect story, that isn't just getting endlessly wanked by the author about how cool and awesome they are, but instead they're actually capable of showing restraint and making mistakes.

    So many other stories would have had Nameless constantly showing off how much better he was at every opportunity, especially in the military sections early on, so it was a refreshing change to see him actually pacing himself and thinking about how his actions will be viewed by others. Or at least he does until he starts to enjoy living again thanks to Shepard and he starts to push himself further, but instead of the expected stomp of abusing magic, he actually does some really creative and impressive stuff which makes for a really interesting story.

    I could go on longer about all of the positive qualities that this story has, but I feel like I do have the address the one major negative that I've noticed in the story. The fact that Spacebattles is really starting to have an effect on what the author is focusing on when they write. Their autistic obsession with the author explaining literally every single part of the story does feel like it gets in the way sometimes, although to give credit to the author they do do a good job of keeping the extra details actually relevant to the story. I'd also suggest avoiding reading the thread on Spacebattles since it feels like it's 90% people sperging out about harems and how every single female character is obviously going to end up wanting to fuck Nameless because reasons.

    Overall I feel like this is one of the few stories that I've found lately that I can actually rate as a 5/5, and I'm very much so looking forward to any future updates.
     
  5. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Am at chapter 9 and while it is certainly fun so far, I am not that blown away by it yet. In most regards, this is still an OP character breezing through the setting and while I like the character development Nameless is going through and how his relationship to Shepard is evolving, it also is a bit meh that Nameless is starting from a position of being so much better and experienced than Shepard.

    The thing here is, to me at least, well Shepard doesn't need Nameless to become great. Throughout 3 games, Shepard will do the impossible, unite and rally together various alien races and save sentient life in the universe from an eldritch threat. She will, on her own, become one of the greatest heroes ever, even by the standards of the Fate series. Arguably greater than any other hero in the Throne of Heroes. So to have that kinda being taken away from her by making the story start with her basically being just a mistrusting, gun-crazy idiot who learns strategy, communication and all that from Nameless rather acquiring them through her own talent and effort does feel a bit ... unpleasant.

    Not saying it can't work, that it doesn't make sense or that it can't make for an interesting story, Nameless taking Shepard under his wing and finding in her a kindred spirit that also teaches him something and that he can find the saving thing through her, so that both of them get something from this but I will say that I would have preferred it if their paths had met on a more or less equal footing. As it stands, everything so far is ridiculously easy for Nameless and if he struggles it's because he is holding himself back. He still is the best though, in every regard, in his insights into people, into technology, into strategy, into combat, into military doctrine and all that and it shines through. True, he isn't exactly celebrated for that the way many other OP characters are but it's still very much there.

    3.5/5 so far. Stories like this are the reason why I prefer rating on scale of ten, it's easier to express nuance there than it is here. Would like to give it a 4 for its quality but at the same time, I wouldn't put it on the same level as other 4 star stories.
    The writing is good though and it is a fun read, it just didn't click with me very much.
     
  6. Jarsha

    Jarsha Seventh Year

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    This has some pretty solid writing, the errors I did notice weren't glaring and didnt take away from my enjoyment of the fic. The action is paced well, and it flows well one scene to the next without getting bogged down in conversation or excruciating detail about the environment. That being said, this is going to be a monster of a fic if the author keeps this update rate going. We're right above 200.000 words and Nameless has only just gotten out of basic and into what should be the meat of the story. I don't feel like any words were wasted though, every chapter does have a point, and there is solid character and world building here.

    I do agree with Nemrut on how Shepard comes across, but I'm also not sure if I really dislike it. She doesn't need the help of a heroic spirit or magic to achieve what she does, and if you took the Fate elements out of the story, I feel like the first ten chapters or so could fit well into her Earther background and expand on how she grows into the woman who saves the universe.
    I don't think I'll be checking the SB thread for it ever again, but I do plan on keeping an eye on the FFnet updates.

    A solid 3-4 out of 5, assuming that SB doesnt leak too much shit into it.
     
  7. Tasoli

    Tasoli Minister of Magic

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    I like this story a lot. Emiya playing around with Cerberus and how they try to get one up on eachother was a delight to read. Also latest chapter shows a definitive imprvement in pacing and infodumps by working it in to the conversation rather than being pure info dump.

    A also liked how Shirou did get his motivation to do over by talking with Archimedes. IT was well done character moment.
     
  8. Otters

    Otters Groundskeeper ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I'm about 50% of the way through this just now, at the end of the Brazil training mission. But that's around 100k words. Longer than some full length novels. And the only - ONLY - thing which has happened has been a gimped Shirou going through military training. With a conscious decision to hold back on using any magic in any way. Nobody reads Fate crossovers to read about mentions of all the magic Shirou is deciding not to use.

    So it's basically a generic supersoldier going through boot camp.

    There is absolutely no reason why this should be a crossover. Shirou has stepped into the position of engineer!Shepherd, sidelined the real Shepherd into playing second fiddle for him as @Nemrut said above, and accomplished precisely nothing new. F!Shepherd as well, which concerns me that the entire reason for this crossover is to make Shepherd and Shirou hook up.

    One scene features Shirou interfering with Shepherd's training - the part which was brainwashing her into the mentality needed for a loyal special forces operative. That made me outright angry. The only unique thing accomplished here was Shirou sabotaging Shepherd's development into the protagonist we know.

    It's not badly written. And I'm a sucker for ME crossovers. But absolutely nothing original has been accomplished here.

    Change Shirou's name to Shepherd and this could have been an origin story prequel. As a ME story, this is well done. As a Fate crossover, it is absolutely disgraceful.

    3/5
     
  9. Subcomandante_Taco

    Subcomandante_Taco Seventh Year

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    How familiar do you have to be with Fate/Extra to enjoy this story?
     
  10. Ceins

    Ceins Second Year

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    I wasn't at all.
     
  11. s0ng2Sing

    s0ng2Sing Third Year

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    I've been reading this from the beginning and enjoying it so far. All of the previous ME/Fate Crossover fics that I have seen or read have been the same old cliche Humanity/Magi/Shirou stomp fics where they "show the aliens where to shove it". This fic is novel for me in that the protagonist, Shirou, keeps his abilities on the down low for the simple and logical reason that displaying anything too out there would put him under undue attention. He joins the Alliance in the beginning because he figures that is the easiest way to get to Mars in order to complete the objective given to him by the Moon Cell. The time at boot camp allows him to get in touch with the new era he finds himself in and also time to come to terms with his own demons and issues that he has.

    What I enjoy is that
    Shirou doesn't stay with the Alliance. Once on Mars and after he completes his mission he comes to the realization that he wants to live his live again. The story would have suffered if he stayed with the Alliance. Now that he is his own agent he can work on the 50,000 year old cold case that is the disappearance of the Protheans as well as case of Cerberous

    The fic also avoids those cliches where Shirou tells the existence of Magecraft to Shepard and crew because of "reasons". Shirou rightly acknowledges the fact that his abilities should be kept on the down low. Although I expect something like his willingness to hide his abilities would disappear if he was faced with saving people from pirates of a Collector attack.

    It is by far the best Mass Effect fic that I have read in a long time. 4/5 from me.
     
  12. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Fun story, bit dry at times but it seems to have reached a stage where it is progressing well.

    I don't agree with this at all, though at the time you posted it it may have felt like it was going to play out that way it seems like Nameless is taking his own route toward the canon events of ME:1, if they ever actually arrive.
     
  13. Otters

    Otters Groundskeeper ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Okay, yeah, I was probably being a bit hyperbolic there. I stand by my statement that it's accomplishing nothing new and wasting the Fate crossover, but the rest is much less of a concern later on.

    I'm just salty because I wanted to see subtle and sly magic rather than mudblood scum.
     
  14. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Starting to feel that Shirou is a bit too perfect at everything.
     
  15. Mestre

    Mestre Professor

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    He is a bit too competent but still believable. Nameless is more than a human being a Heroic Spirit and he is extremely competent in things he did in life, he was after all a terrorist and Structural Grasp is that op. Spirit Hacking is the thing I am not really on board but the author recently made an obstacle to it.
     
  16. Zel

    Zel High Inquisitor

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    Well, this updated and the new chapter dealt with the issue that Emiya apparently faced no real conflict. He was put on back foot by Benezia, finally out of his comfort zone and was forced away from Thessia. He was also wrong in many things in his analysis of the Protheans, which put to rest some complaints that he seemed to know more than people who studied them for entire lifetimes.
     
  17. Nauro

    Nauro Headmaster

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    I've recently stumbled upon this story, somewhat by accident.
    I liked it enough, to check if the DLP has it in the recommended section - but I do not know if I'd have gone to start a recommendation thread. I'd say it's 4/5.

    I am slightly biased, because I enjoy simple crossovers - in a sense where a single character (or but a small amount of them) are introduced into a different setting and I like to see what changes and what doesn't. Sometimes it's done bad, sometimes a story becomes a guilty pleasure, sometimes it's very good.

    This one is good.

    As for the Emiya supplanting Shepard, it's not what the author is going for, especially with later chapters, but it does give out that feeling. I dislike where a new character introduced from another setting, pushes a main character aside. It's especially jarring here, in the final arc of the military chapters.

    (only vague spoilers ahead, so not gonna mark everything out)

    During the military exercise, Emiya steps into a role of a commanding officer. I kind of understand the reasoning behind it - he's older and more experienced, and Shepard, at that point in the story is quite young. Still, the whole exercise, there are places where Shepard performs well, but Emiya heavily surpasses Shepard's work, and in some ways pushes her aside.

    The fic chooses to use this as a motivation for Shepard to grow further, but it's only ever thought about, and not really shown. Not yet, at least. Had Shepard taken more iniciative, performed something to hint at her ME-canon badassery, taken a decision that would have surprised Emiya, I believe the whole arch would be stronger. You can still have one character looking up to another - especially since Emiya's power level is way on another scale compared to most ME people, but you'd have hints of briliance, and most importantly - independent thought and action.

    Had I written this story, I'd have made Shepard biotic, since it's one thing Emiya didn't have much experience with, and especially at the start, it would have been a nice unknown variable for Emiya to contend with. Now, all he had to interact with, was a young, still broken Shepard, and while he nudged her towards excellence, he did overshadow her a lot.


    What else?

    I dislike one aspect of the story - and that bit mainly becomes relevant after the timeskip:
    The whole Hacking ability, synchronizing with the Extranet and becoming a super cool hacker due to magic is a power without reason to exist. Yes, it's plausible ability to have judging from FATE angle, but this is ME, and Emiya was still way beyond human strength. He is a servant, able to move independent of his physical body - he has power in spades and the challenge was interesting because he had to account for the unknown technologies. I accept all of his affinity with weapons, I accept his powers of structural analysis, but the moment Emiya entered omni-tools, bypassing passwords and protections, was the moment I realised I couldn't give this story a 5/5 rating.

    In any case, hoping to see what brews up next, after this Thessia arch, even though it has dragged on for a bit - I'm still having fun reading this story, and perhaps will follow it until it's conclusion or death.

    So yeah. 4/5. In some chapters, worth less, in some scenes worth more.
     
  18. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Man off the Moon has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 469,131
    Updated: 2018-11-17 11:20:46 UTC
    Published: 2018-04-15 20:03:38 UTC
    Previously updated: 3 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  19. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    It's frustrating. I come back to this story and I don't know how many words I skipped. What chapter did I read last? Does it matter?

    Shirou Nameless is being a super badass and cool things are happening.

    That's it. It's 469,131 words of Nameless being badass. Well I lie. 10% of the story is someone else reacting to Shirou being badass. Then 5% of the story is something vaguely surprising. Of this 33k monster of chapter 25, the only part that managed to hold my interest is Nihlus. He has a chance to be a cool dude on his own and being willing to make the big calls. Then Shirou Nameless is badass and that doesn't happen.

    I keep sarcastically saying badass because that's all I ever get in this story. It is decently written and enjoyable but it just feels so shallow. Maybe it's all my fault since I'm skimming/skipping huge swaths of this story but can someone else who follows this closer tell me if I'm just being wrong?

    Every strikeout is me failing to write Nameless. I managed to get one out of the three times I named him the right 'character'.
     
  20. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Waste of a chapter.

    The guy said he wrote 60k words for this chapter alone and I'd fucking believe it by how much pointless stuff I skipped. Super frustrating because I do like this story when it isn't stuffed full of waffle.
     
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