How so? iirc, it's canon that Iwa and Kumo loathe Minato. As such, they'd probably kill him just to make sure he wasn't the second coming of their anti-christ.

 

Seconded; there are enough blue-eyed blonds in the Naruto-verse that nobody would immediately assume he was related to Minato. Unless he does something like the Rasengan or any other signature jutsus of the Fourth Hokage he probably would be able to blend in well enough.

True enough, the Kyuubi manipulating Naruto in order to make him remove the seal is entirely possible. However, that assumes that the Kyuubi is reasonably familiar with and capable of understanding human psychology, which is hardly a given for a demon/chakra entity.

 

28. Shinobi are not samurai, there is no honor. They don't blatantly go off telling whatever citizen they come across that they are a ninja from such and such. They will use whatever advantage trick and/or cheat they have to best there opponent.

 

12. I have to disagree completely on this one, they shouldn't lose for a retarded reason like the power of lurve or something like that but there are a multitude of reasons as to why a chunin could beat a jounin in a one on one fight from proper preparation to just plain overconfidence on the part of the Jounin. Genin versus an ANBU sure genin loses 99.9% of the time but I think your too strict on that one.

13. I think it should be the opposite actually having a bloodline does not make you all powerful or a douche by default but coincidentally enough a large percentage of those who have them are douchbags.

15. I agree, its a village populated almost exclusively by mercenaries dedicated to war, people should die.

16. Agree again the paperwork joke is long past stale and old.

17. This is all dependent on what point in time in the series its at, if its say for instance post time skip then I agree with you he can easily take most all of the Rookie 9. However pre-time skip I disagree completely Neji/Kiba/Shikamaru are easily able to match him.

21. Depends on the writer and how its used really, some make it work and some don't. Also for some characters its an integral part of their personality not just a quirk. Kakashi lives for his porn, now quite a few take the jokes much too far with it but it is still part of who he is and does bear mentioning.

24. I agree with the second half about random family fics but there is evidence to make a reasonable case for Kushina still being alive as far I recall so I have to disagree with you on that.

27. I agree that in all likelihood the Kyuubi is an it however if you want to pick a gender theres really not much evidence one way or another so either one works as long as it doesn't have much bearing on its personality.

28. No that's retarded, they are ninja villages i.e. major military powers they are not going to simply go around attacking anyone who likes a guy they don't like. If they have quality intelligence that suggests he might actually have an honest connection to Minato then yes they might go after him but they are not going to start attacking people in the streets just because they happen to have blond hair and blue eyes.

32. Depends on if your making the fic AU or not, if it is cannon then I agree but if not then no.


Edit: Thought of another one

While Naruto was indeed a crafty prankster he was in no way capable of outrunning and escaping from the ANBU who are the Hokages personal special forces team before he even entered the Academy.

 

I'd say if anything only in Iwa should they have a reaction, and even then only in the first few years after the end of the war/his death.

We don't know enough about the fight with Kumo to make any definitive rules about them before Shippuden (even then we can only focus on Bee, the Raikage, and Bee's team if that).

I'd say my biggest pet peeve would be the Kyuubi calling Naruto Kit. I don't really have a problem with the Kyuubi helping Naruto, as long as it stays only with chakra and it says that it's doing it to keep Naruto alive. A too friendly Kyuubi does nothing for me, unless it's at least semi-crack.

 

21. Agree completely. What I was talking about, however, was the jokes about, say, Naruto's obsession with ramen. It's pretty likely that it's the only thing he could afford as an orphan, living by himself, and probably using most of the money given to him by the Hokage to pay his landlord.

24. Yes, there is evidence of Kushina being alive. Said evidence, however, is that it's not stated whether or not she's alive or dead. As it is, Naruto probably wouldn't immediately forgive her, regardless. He sucker-punched Minato, what the hell do you think he'd do to her?

32. No. Just no. The Sandaime made it a law that if you speak about Naruto's family or his status as the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki without the Hokage's or Naruto's direct permission, you die. End of story. In an AU story, if the kiddies do know about Naruto's status as a jinchuuriki, then it's not much of a stretch for every other country to know about it either, since the kiddies would go blab to their friends and a spy could easily overhear.

As to your edit: I completely agree. It would not surprise me if they merely delayed capturing him so that they could get out of patrolling Konoha for an hour or so. Those fics where Iruka is the only person who can catch Naruto? No. A Chuunin is not more capable than an ANBU.

To suggest another rule for the lulz, and because of gamefaqs:

33. Iruka is the most powerful being. Ever. If he stopped Naruto from becoming another Gaara, he must by godly.

 

21. Oh yes definitely, the endless string of ramen jokes is just really really old.

24. Never said how he'd react, I just said that there is sufficient enough evidence that a skilled writer could make a case for her being alive and make a story from it.

32. I mean in an unavoidable situation, I have read say for instance when the Kumo representative tries to take Hinata, he happens to run across Naruto along the way who was playing with Kiba, and Naruto starts yelling trying to get someones attention when he notices Hinata, being a mildly competent ninja the man promptly cuts his throat from ear to ear to shut him up and when he does so the Kyuubi comes out and rips his face off for his efforts while Hinata and Kiba watch.

 

Entirely plausible. And this is not what I was getting at. What I meant was the random stories where everybody knows that Naruto is the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki, just so he can angst more because of all the hate. Also, link please. Shit sounds awesome.

 

It depends on if she just left him to the village because she couldn't stand how they treated her along with him, or if she was ordered on a long term mission, or she just didn't know he was still alive (I've seen that used a lot).

Whirlpool Country is a good fic and it has both Kushina and Rin alive. Kushina went into labor during the Kyuubi and didn't know what Minato would do to defeat the fox. She ends up going out to the battlefield as Minato is bring brought back to the village on a stretcher, noticeably dead. Then when she makes her way back to the hospital to check on Naruto, Fugaku is standing above him and Naruto looks possessed or something and Fugaku pronounces him dead. She suffers a mental breakdown and Rin takes her out of the village to recuperate. Then from there it's like 5 years before she can hear about Konoha without breaking down, but she can't get close to the village without breaking down. Since Rin (and Kushina) don't have any news from the village they don't hear that Naruto is alive and then when Jiraiya gets a wind master to help Naruto Rin finds out Naruto is alive.

To me that's something that is acceptable for Kushina to be alive, and for Naruto to not want to try to take off her head.

 

1. The author shall not write entire lines of dialogue in Japanese. It drives everyone nuts and does not make the story any more "authentic."

2. The Village elders are not stupid, they're not going to plot assassination attempts on very valuable assets to the village like Naruto.

3. Drunken mobs do not chase Naruto around nightly trying to "kill the demon".

4. If you really want a Akatsuki!Naruto story, then for Christ's sake don't make Akatsuki the good guys.

 

Iruka does have the advantage of knowing pretty much every single one of Naruto's tricks and hiding places; familiarity with the target and experience with the specific task in question (catching Naruto) can do a lot to make up for being less skilled overall. Still, ANBU wouldn't be bothering to deal with Naruto's pranks in the first place, since it's a task that's massively beneath their dignity.

Rank ≠ Combat Power in the Nartuo-verse; Naruto himself is a shining example of that since he's still a Genin yet fully capable of taking down a Kage at his current power level. The Chunin Exams didn't even consider personal combat ability until the third stage, and even then winning the fight was far less important than showing tactical skill/leadership potential during your battle. It's entirely likely there are Genin who are combat powerhouses yet totally incapable of holding a command position, and Jounin who aren't that great at fighting but are brilliant leaders.

I'm pretty sure that at least the other major countries knew about Naruto's jinchuriki status from the start; every single adult in Konoha knows, so it seems rather likely word would have gotten out at some point. Of course, there's a big difference between a few high-ranking people in foreign nations knowing Naruto's the Kyuubi jinchuriki and it being common knowledge for every foreign ninja Naruto meets.

That does give me an idea for a one-shot where every foreign ninja knows Naruto's the Kyuubi container, prompting Sasuke and Sakura to wonder why every time they run into foreign ninjas on a mission the foreigners run away as soon as they recognize Naruto.

Now, to add some more laws:

34. There is no remotely plausible way a 12 year-old Naruto can wield Zabuza's sword.

35. Naruto likes orange. He is not forced to wear orange because nobody will sell him any other type of clothing, nor is he eagerly waiting for someone to buy him clothes that look cooler so he can stop wearing orange. Compared to some of the outfits people wear in the Naruto-verse, an orange jumpsuit isn't that outlandish.

36. Naruto does not need to end every line of written dialogue with "Believe it" or the Japanese equivalent of "Dattebayo." The fact that this term shows up so much in the Japanese version is a result of that language's unique oddities, and trying to carry it over to English is both pointless and annoying.

36a. The people responsible for dubbing the anime should have figured that out a lot sooner than they did.

 

37. AU stories where Naruto is picked up and raised by someone who does not belong in the Naruto-verse are stupid and should not be done. Yes, I am looking at you, DMC/Naruto crossovers.

38. Just because it's awesome by itself does not mean it belongs in the Naruto-verse.

39. If Naruto becomes something he is not, there had better be some serious shit going down.

40. It is perfectly acceptable to alter the graduating age of the Academy. This would better prepare them for their ninja careers. It is, however, not perfectly acceptable, for a five-year-old Naruto to kill a man and walk away whistling Baby I Love Your Way.

edit: Question regarding proposed law 39. Punisher!Naruto, anyone?

 

Judge.

Jury.

Executioner.

"Present."

I'm disliking this already.

You confuse "bloodline" with a "bloodline limit." Naruto does hail from a rather epic bloodline. His father was one of the strongest ninja in the world and was said to possess reflexes that could defeat the Sharingan in single combat. The current Raikage had to create a powerful ninjutsu to simply emulate Namikaze Minato's movements.

Naruto possesses exceptional chakras that have nothing to do with the Kyuubi. He is only able to subdue it thanks to his powerful "bloodline" and inborn powers.

This speaks nothing of his mother, who was named Uzumaki and hailed from the nation of Uzu. His style of fighting and personality were said to favor hers, which can only speak to incredibly powerful kunoichi.

Really?

Because unlike Harry Potter's parents, Naruto's were the fucking shit, and presumably Minato's ninjutsu (the sort that could be written into scrolls, if he so chose) were capable of defeating any bloodline. Madara was the only ninja able to fight him in canon, and for all we know Minato abandoned the fight to seal the Kyuubi not because he was losing but because the Kyuubi had to be dealt with to protect his people.

Except the one ANBU that jumped headfirst into a powerful barrier and died?

ANBU are fodder, and so are many "veteran" shinobi that may come to mind.



So, trouble within the first three posts. You can't look at this like you do the HP universe. You may be tired of some cliches, but in reality you, like me, are simply tired of substandard writing. The canon universe is so diverse that there is little excuse for an author to fall into the more overused cliches and pitfalls, but so many of these "laws" are absurd and don't mesh with what is possible in canon at all.

HP Law made me laugh. Reading this thread past the first three posts will probably make me cry. I'm just sorry that you all had to read the shit that's out there in the Naruto fandom.

Personally I don't read Naruto fanfiction anymore, outside of a scant few stories when I'm bored out of my mind.

Try writing something, please. I'm seriously begging you.


Edit: Oh, look at this, post #4 wasn't so bad.

This thread may be redeemable.

---------- Post automerged at 01:27 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:18 AM ----------

This is the first and only rule.

So far.

(I'm not actually expecting other rules to crop up.)

---------- Post automerged at 01:46 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:27 AM ----------

This explains perfectly why the Raikage attacked him at first glance, even knowing that he was the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki.

---------- Post automerged at 01:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:46 AM ----------

Minato disagrees.

See Wave Arc.

I believe that the quote is about courage, but it still rings true of honor. Ninja are the legitimate military arms of their nations. Don't pretend that in the Naruto universe there is no such thing as diplomacy or ethics. You have to be a "big bad" to get away with that shit.

---------- Post automerged at 01:56 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:49 AM ----------

Most ANBU are chuunin.

Itachi was a chuunin when he became part of the ANBU. It's a specialized branch of the ninja forces - not a super-elite squadron.

Ninja that graduate after being an ANBU captain are those such as Kakashi and Tenzou - they become the elite jounin. The elite jounin are the strongest fighters in the village - not the ANBU.

Look at Ao. He's the Kiri Kakashi.

 

@Howday: I am writing something! Yay for me! Good rant, though I don't know where the source for the Raikage copying Minato comes from, but I could just have missed that. I am pretty sure Ninja have no morals, and not all of them are strong. That scene where the random leaf nin gets scared by Nagato's parents and kills them by accident isn't exactly a representation of their god like statues, and apparently those were Ninja soldiers.

 

The use of a fox as Naruto's ANBU mask. No one else in Konoha would even dream of using a fox as their mask. From what we know of canon Naruto is the only one with a link to any fox at all, everyone in the know would link a fox mask instantly to Naruto, which kinds of defeats the purpose of keeping an identity hidden.

 

The other villages cannot be incompetent enough to not know about Naruto being a Jinchuuriki. There's no fucking way they don't have a single spy in Konoha. All adults in the village know about Naruto and that means that the spies know too. You don't need blabbering children for that.

 

During the Sasuke v Raikage fight, we're told that the Raikage has a jutsu where he uses lightning chakra to stimulate his neural synapses and nervous system, giving him 'speed and reaction time comparable to that of the Fourth Hokage'.

On ANBU not being so leet, Itachi, while quite badass and strong, had a mission record of: 340 official missions in total: 53 D-rank, 152 C-rank, 134 B-rank, 0 A-rank, 1 S-rank.

Itachi was a genin for 3 years, graduating at 7 and passing the Chunin Exams 10. We know he was made an ANBU captain at 13, and shortly after, committed the massacre. I'm guessing the S-rank was the massacre/Akatsuki infiltration.


There are some rules I'd like to think that any competent writer would adhere to regarding Naruto:

Pre-timeskip Sasuke's vocab should not be reduced to "Hn." and "Dobe", likewise Naruto shouldn't scream "Teme" in reply.

Lee doesn't have some shitty sob story where his chakra coils were damaged at birth or he was dropped on his head (even though he probably was :awesome), or has some rare disease and as a can't use nin- or gen- jutsu. Infact he just sucks really badly at using it. Canon said he had no talent regarding them.

 

True, there's no way this thread can compete with the awesomeness that is Potter Law, though I would point out that Potter Law has been discussed, improved, and refined over the course of several years by the best minds on the board, while this thread has been up less than 24 hours. You can't really compare the two.

If nothing else, we've started a decent discussion of good and bad things in Naruto fanfiction. IMO, once people start articulating what they want out of Naruto fanfiction they'll be more inclined to actually do something about it (like writing their own).

 

@Howdy: ANBU go through a rigorous training program. As such, I would assume them more skilled than the average school teacher. Also, it is very rare for someone to get picked up for ANBU as a Chuunin. If anyone were to get picked up for ANBU as Chuunin, it would've been Neji, amongst the rookie 9. He's a jounin, and we have never seen him running about with a Ninjato and a mask.

Back to the laws:

Obscure summoning contracts. It needs to stop. And no, I don't mean Naruto being able to summon, say, a fucking badass hawk or something. What I DO mean is him summoning mythical creatures or something so ridiculously overpowered it could take on Katsuyu, Gamabunta, and Madara with both hands tied behind it's back.

Hayate is sick. This is canon. He is not using his sickness to make himself look weaker. He is, however, using any underestimation to his advantage.

Naruto possessing the same knowledge as the reader. He is not omniscient. He will not suddenly realize that the barrier the Sound Four sets up is lethal and make the random ANBU not die.

 

Bleach Maxim: For fuck's sake, don't crossover the Bleach and Naruto storylines. Every single damn time I read one of these fics, it starts off with Naruto dying and all of a sudden I'm reading a rewrite of Bleach canon with Naruto inserted. That is not a Naruto crossover. It's a Bleach story with an OC named Naruto who will inevitably end up sexing one of the women of Bleach.