You were already a thing.

So Vira, when you turn this run into a fanfic, will you list it as a Pokemon/Lion King crossover?

 

I mean yeah. But Wishiwashi me was already dead.

 

I don't think I've ever been a graveler before. It could be worse, I could die in the same post I get caugh-

Hey wait a fucking minute!

Graveler is bulky as hell how did you....?

Edit :

In summation, you are a terrible trainer. You're bad and you should feel bad.

/me salty AF. FEATHER THE ROCK I DON'T EVEN-

 

Nice!! A snorunt is a pretty cool choice for my first nuzlocke Pokémon! May the great god Mamoswine keep me alive long enough to get to Sheer Cold someone.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQwNN-0AgWc

This is how Poliwrath feels after beating the totem boss

This is a fun read Vira!

 

I'm sad.

/10

 

Why do you name things for your friends and then murder them?

 

Finally got a chance to catch up.

I regret that I have but one like to give.

Shit and giggles, duh.

 

Thinking of doing a Monotype Challenge with Fire Pokemon only.

Posting it here cool with everyone? Can also upgrade it into a Nuzlocke I suppose

 

It's been awhile, but I'm kinda feeling one of these right now. Someone pick something DS/3DS era for me to run, excluding ORAS which I don't own. No special rules other than the standard Nuzlocke this time, except that I will make an honest effort to prioritize using things that I haven't in previous runs.

 

Black/White 2 sound alright?

 

That's probably my favorite game in the entire series, so it does indeed sound alright. I'll get started in a bit. Just need to think a bit on whether I want to use a starter (have taken all three in previous Unova runs, though I seem to recall using Oshawott a bit less than the other two) or ditch it altogether.

EDIT: Flipped a coin. Heads = starter, tails = no starter. Landed tails. So, I'll be taking Snivy to give the rival the starter that I think suits him best and then putting it in the box ASAP.

 

While Gen V is easily my least favourite of the series I'll look forward to your progress regardless.

 

I like it. It plays 'fast' and looks good with the Pokemon not being completely static in battle, and doesn't have some of those later innovations that I don't really care for (Mega Evolution and Z-Moves). I wasn't a huge fan on the transition to 3D that we got following Gen V either, especially seeing as it seemed to slow the gameplay down quite a bit.

Anyway, as I said, I start the game and picked Lantis the Snivy as starter. She wins all of one battle as an active team member, barely edging Hugh's Tepig in a match that I would have whited out in had he not gotten dumb and started spamming Tail Whip towards the end. After getting running shoes from mam and a pair of maps from Hugh's sister, it's up to Route 19 to learn how to catch a pokemon. While Bianca catches a Purrloin in the tutorial, I have somewhat better luck and bag Lace the Patrat instead. Lucky enough to find her at Level 4, which makes the early leveling a bit less dicey. With that, Snivy is boxed and forgotten.

I grind Lace up to Level 8 on the route, and then drop into Floccesy Town. Master Jiraiya...Alder is waiting to jump down a cliff at me and check me out before I can enter town. Not at all creepy. He wants to give me special training, but I have to give Hugh his Town Map before that can happen. So, it's up into Route 20.

Sewaddle is the pick of the litter as far as wild pokemon go here, but I'm unlucky and encounter Pepper the Pidove. She's not worth bothering with at a paltry Level 2, at least right now. I might have to revisit that come Castelia Gym if I don't grab something else that can deal with Burgh's Leavanny in the meantime, but that's a matter for another day. After letting Lace chew up a couple of rookie trainers, it's up to Floccesy Ranch since some big dude is blocking the road east to Virbank.

Someday I will get that Riolu in a Nuzlocke run, but today is not that day. Lots of variety here, though Patrat and Pidove are ignore encounters since I am (as always) running with a No Repeats clause. I still remember the one time I waived that rule and ended up with nothing but Pidgey encounters for half a run. Never again. Anyway, the odds play out roughly as the percentages indicate they should and I encounter Sherlock the Lillipup. A veritable cornucopia of Normal types thus far. This one is at least decent (wish it would have come with Vital Spirit as opposed to Pickup, though) and renders Lace obsolete. I backtrack a bit to Route 19 to grind Sherlock up to snuff and then tackle the ranch proper.

No drama there. By the time I battle Hugh, I outlevel his Tepig by a good margin. Dealing with Alder's training is similarly simple, and so is Aspertia Gym. Entering with Sherlock at Level 14, I have enough advantage over Cheren that his team doesn't threaten me. Plain Badge acquired. I also get a Return TM from Bianca shortly after, which of course replaces Sherlock's Tackle (I didn't bother learning Take Down, paranoid as I am about using recoil moves in Nuzlocke games).

Sherlock continues to beast all the way to Virbank City, evolving to Herdier mid-trek. Once in town, I decide to attempt to play the odds game and make my capture on the city side of Virbank Complex. Magnemite is what I'm stalking here, and I have a better chance of getting one without Growlithe or Koffing mucking up the encounter pool. That doesn't work out, but I get a decent consolation in Marco the Elekid. A quick check on my old Platinum save (a Nuzlocke Squared that I ran here some years back) reveals that I have a spare Electirizer ready to go when I need it later.

A little Audino abuse to get Marco's levels up (even that gets a little dangerous once or twice when Doubleslap hits too many times) and it's on to tackle the complex and then Roxie.

Marco is able to handle Roxie's trainers and her Koffing, but his damage output isn't quite good enough to handle her Whirlipede. I find this out when Shock Wave is just a little insufficient to three-shot the thing, and switch over to Sherlock rather than risk losing Marco in a war of attrition or to potential crithax. A couple shots of Return are enough to seal the battle, though Protect spam makes hitting them a bit more of a hassle than it should be. And with that, I've got the Toxic Badge.

After the battle, I'm being scouted by Pokestar Studios. Pardon me while I go to powder my nose. Until next time.

The Team

Sherlock the Herdier - Level 19 (Floccesy Ranch)
Marco the Elekid - Level 19 (Virbank Complex)

Reserves

Lace the Patrat - Level 9 (Route 19)
Pepper the Pidove - Level 2 (Route 20)
Lantis the Snivy - Level 6 (Aspertia City)

 

I'm a movie star! Free lemonades for me, and none for ye. That last movie in the Invaders series pissed me off, by the way. Took me like five tries to get through it due to things always going wrong, be it via flinching hax or crithax on my poor rental Krokorok. And I didn't even get lemonade when I cleared it. Fucking backpacker gave me lava cookies instead.

Right, so once I'm done making Mr. Stu Deeoh (get it, get it?) literally billions of pokebucks and not getting paid anything for the service, it's back onto the trail. Roxie's dad failed his movie debut, and he's ready to take me to Castelia City. But first, Team Plasma. Sherlock chews up one grunt, and another runs away and gets the same shortly after. Hugh seems mad. Like an avenger. Get those bastards, Sasuke.

After taking the boat to Castelia City and seeing the sights, I have to go with the rival into the sewers in pursuit of Team Plasma again. I spray on a repel before doing it, as I don't want my capture attempt potential screwed up by Hugh getting overzealous and killing whatever I get. I let it wear off once the lone double battle is done, and almost just kill Allie the Rattata out of spite. Tired of the Normal types, and I rather could have used a Zubat here. Bad break. A quick hop north into Relic Passage yields little better, after one (ignored) Rattata encounter I come upon Taishan the Roggenrola. This has some Burgh-killing potential due to Rock typing, but I know that he runs multiple part-Grass members of the Leavanny line and I'd rather not depend on that route. And I was really coveting a Timburr here.

Next step is to leave the sewers and skip a bit ahead to the desert Route 4 in search of the Darumaka that I always seem to get there on Nuzlocke runs. I don't get it this time, though, and instead encounter Bonnie the Sandile. Actually quite happy about this slight setback, though, even more so when no Intimidate at the start of the battle means that she has Moxie. I love Krookodile and IIRC have never had the chance to use one in Nuzlocke. So this is a definite add.

But she won't help with Burgh, and with all other options either undesirable or unavailable it's time to fall back on Pepper. Raising her up goes very quickly thanks to the Exp. Share I received at the Battle Company coupled with classic Audino abuse. I'm not sure why I've never made proper use of that in previous runs, but I'll be amending that mistake this time and going forward. Really marginalizes the risk of losing potentially good things while trying to level them through weaker parts of their evolution lines. Better yet, this gen's version seems to yield full experience to whatever is holding it. I do this leveling at the little park inside Castelia City, where the first encounter yields Anak the Petilil. No Own Tempo, though, which makes her not very interesting to me. I do like using Lilligant with Petal Dance spam, but I don't want to deal with the confusion that the right skill would have made a non-issue.

Pepper evolves to Tranquill, and I switch the Exp. Share onto Bonnie (who isn't going to be too useful in battle until I can get her Dig via either TM or level) and pop my Eviolite onto the bird. She rips through Burgh's gym with Air Cutter, taking out everything aside from the occasional Dwebble with one hit. Against the man himself, Air Cutter oneshots Burgh's lead Swadloon. It then two-shots the Dwebble, taking moderate damage from a Smack Down in the meantime. Love that Eviolite. Two Air Cutters shred Leavanny while it twice tries and fails to connect with Cut. Really expected a oneshot there, considering Leavanny's double weakness to Flying. But it's fine, considering that I'm likely dropping her back into the box after this anyway. Insect Badge received.

All those battles have also caught Bonnie up to the level of the rest of the team, which is nice. And now it's back to continue my film career before continuing on towards Nimbasa City. Dem lemonades.

The Team

Sherlock the Herdier - Level 24 (Floccesy Ranch)
Marco the Elekid - Level 22 (Virbank Complex)
Pepper the Tranquill - Level 25 (Route 20)
Bonnie the Sandile - Level 24 (Route 4)

Reserves

Lace the Patrat - Level 9 (Route 19)
Lantis the Snivy - Level 6 (Aspertia City)
Allie the Rattata - Level 13 (Castelia Sewers)
Taishan the Roggenrola - Level 16 (Relic Passage)
Anak the Petilil - Level 16 (Castelia City)

 

Been a little preoccupied these last couple days, so it took me awhile to make some progress here.

After defeating Burgh and then taking on the starring role in the Timegate Traveler movie series, it's time to pack up and head back into the desert. On the way out of Castelia, I run into some dude in a lab coat who battles about bringing out the power of Pokemon and then asks for a battle. Never one to turn down easy experience, I accept and the match will take place up on Route 4.

And that's where things take a bad turn. I was so happy to have that Sandile and wasn't planning to use it until it evolved. But the rest of my present team matches up badly against Steel, so I send Bonnie out against Colress. Big mistake. Gear Grind hurts a lot, and the attempt to KO his Klink with Sand Tomb goes awry when the attack misses. Goodnight, sweet crocodile.

That death has me teetering on the outskirts of Ragequit City, but I take a minute and decide to persevere. My own fault anyway, even if the RNG had a hand in it.

After Sherlock finishes dispatching Colress, I traverse through the route. The interact Braviary sits in the ruins (it's Monday at this point), but I've used up (and wasted) this area's capture. I didn't even remember that it existed until I saw it, and had I known I likely would have gone for it instead of trying a random wild encounter. Continuing on to the Desert Resort. First encounter is a Sandile, again with Moxie, but I have to ignore it. No repeats means no repeats, even when it would serve as a benefit. Second up is Balrog the Darumaka who inherits the Exp. Share and a resolve not to repeat the same mistake I made with poor Bonnie. He will not see the field until he becomes a Darmanitan.

I pop into Relic Castle, using Repels to avoid encounters while I grab the Rock Tomb TM. I don't want a Yamask here, and have better choices in this place come Driftveil (Baltoy or Volcarona, though using the latter is a bit cheese and I don't plan on doing so). After doing that and clearing out the trainers around the resort with Sherlock, it's time to head into Nimbasa City.

But before I can get there, I get But Thou Must'd into agreeing to help with developing Join Avenue. But that's alright, I know how to not deliver on promises. Go fuck yourself, Join Avenue. First order of business is to grind now that I've reached Nimbasa. For that, it's due east to Route 16. Wild encounter here is Frieda the Liepard. Would have liked a Solosis, but it's not a big loss. From there, north into Lostlorn Forest and some rematch abuse with the breeder just inside the zone. An hour or so here sees Sherlock evolve to Stoutland and Marco to Electabuzz. That whole time, Balrog is reaping dividends to to Exp. Share and reaches his own evolution. I wait out a chance to use shaking grass here, considering the odds of getting something Not Audino to catch and out pops Klaus the Emolga. Had been hoping to get one of the elemental monkeys, most preferably Panpour. But whatever.

Now, I had planned to use that Electirizer on the old Platinum save to make Marco an Electivire, but I can't get that lame transfer mechanism to work as I need it to (using another old White save as a middleman) and I'm not sure I would have been able to send held items along regardless. So Electabuzz with Eviolite it is until the late game, assuming I'm even still using him at that point. Provided I get lucky at Chargestone Cave in a bit, that won't be happening.

With Balrog no longer in need of the Exp. Share, I pull Taishan the Roggenrola out of the box (need a Strength slave regardless) and pop it onto him.

Sherlock is able to handle all things Elesa-related with ease. Return oneshots most things and Dig handles whatever remains. So that's another badge.

West into Route 5, where Bianca gives me the Fly HM and leads me to a Hidden Grotto. I decide to go ahead and catch Jakob the Minccino. He has Skill Link, which might be fun to play with later once I can get the stone I need to evolve him and get him some moves to take advantage of the skill. It's a thought, at least. After defeating Charles and getting Taishan to evolve to Boldore and then to Gigalith via trade, I head into Driftveil Drawbridge and catch Dolan the Ducklett. He'll be my Clay killer here shortly. But before continuing on, the movie business beckons again.

Team

Sherlock the Stoutland - Level 33 (Floccesy Ranch)
Marco the Electabuzz - Level 32 (Virbank Complex)
Balrog the Darmanitan - Level 35 (Desert Resort)
Dolan the Ducklett - Level 24 (Driftveil Drawbridge)
Taishan the Gigalith - Level 27 (Relic Passage)

Reserves

Lace the Patrat - Level 9 (Route 19)
Lantis the Snivy - Level 6 (Aspertia City)
Allie the Rattata - Level 13 (Castelia Sewers)
Pepper the Tranquill - Level 25 (Route 20)
Anak the Petilil - Level 16 (Castelia City)
Frieda the Liepard - Level 22 (Route 16)
Klaus the Emolga - Level 22 (Lostlorn Forest)
Jakob the Minccino - Level 21 (Route 5)

Graveyard

Bonnie the Sandile - Level 24 (Route 4) - Colress'd

 

We're back again. My celebrity grows, and my stock of lemonade with it. And with, er, some fantasy series shot and released to an always half full theater it's time to return to the journey. First thing to do is to raise the Ducklett to deal with Clay. In all honesty I could probably just wreck the old land baron with my Darmanitan and save time, but I'd rather play things cautious and use a throwaway 'mon. And so it's back to Lostlorn Forest to abuse that breeder again. Instead of directly leveling Dolan, he gets the Exp. Share treatment while Taishan the Gigalith does the actual work. That gets both Pokemon up to 34, which should be enough to have Dolan evolved to Swanna before battling Clay if things go as they should.

Entering Driftveil kicks up more drama with Team Plasma and Sasuke, who is whining about his sister's stolen Purrloin. Next time get her something that doesn't suck, bro. A quick battle with the reformed Sage Rood leads to him offering me N's old Zorua. Not going to decline, seeing as it would be just so rude and I might end up needing a Dark type later down the road seeing I've lost my Sandile. I'd rather go with Drapion or Bisharp (or Hydreigon if I get super fortunate), but I'm not guaranteed to get those and it'll be nice to have a backup option.

But before that, I skip a little ahead of where I should be in hopes of settling the question of what to do with Marco. If I'm going to drop him, I'd rather do it as soon as possible so he's not sponging experience that will ultimately go to waste. To that end, a quick run to Chargestone Cave. Route 6 gives me Riddick the Deerling. Interesting option, but the -Atk nature he comes with is a turnoff. I need to get around to replacing Sherlock soon, so I'm on the lookout for a good general physical type. A girl in the hut near Chargestone Cave gives me a Shiny Stone, which opens up Cinccino as a a better choice. Think I'll be doing that here in a bit.

And then into the cave itself, where I'm hunting for a Joltik. And I get one...and he sucks. Skull the Joltik has Unnerve and a +Atk nature that combine to make him pretty worthless. Galvantula is a major favorite of mine, but I want to do accurate Thunder spam via Compoundeyes and I don't get that option here. Better to just stick with Marco, then.

Now that that's settled, it's Clay time. Dolan hits 35 against the trainers in Driftveil Gym, at which point I have him pop a Rare Candy to 36 and evolve him to Swanna. He has no trouble dealing with Clay, though Excadrill's Slash does take a nasty bite out of his health. Quake Badge acquired.

Clay demands that I help in his latest money-making scheme by participating in the Pokemon World Tournament. But he has to wait until I'm ready to help with that. First, it's a detour to Relic Castle. I already burned the Relic Passage capture back when I was in Castelia City, so it's just a straight shot through to the castle. There's a Volcarona here, but I'm set at the Fire type right now and am almost certain to get a Litwick soon as a reserve, so I choose to fill a hole on my roster with Hinekora the Baltoy.

The PWT has opened up the Move Relearner, so it's time to make that Normal swap. I box Sherlock, thanking him for his loyal service and withdraw Jakob the Mincinno. He gets the Exp. Share for just a bit to get him from 21 to 25 so that he learns Tail Slap, and then the Shiny Stone evolves him to Cinccino and the move relearner teaches him Rock Blast and Bullet Seed. All three moves will have a base power of 125 due to Jakob's Skill Link ability.

The Exp. Share goes over to Hinekora, and my good chum in Lostlorn Forest gets to help train both newcomers. Catching Jakob up to par with the rest of the team also gets Hinekora to evolve into Claydol.

So now that I've made Clay wait for a bit, I allow Balrog to annihilate the Driftveil Cup. He never needs to switch out and mauls all three of Hugh, Cheren and Colress with his fiery fist of fury (that sometimes gets used as a Hammer Arm). More beatings for Team Plasma after that's done, until the Shadow Triad shows up to kick me out of their boat. We'll revisit that insult down the road.

The next leg of the journey is north to Mistralton City. Cheren is kind of to hand over the Surf HM on the way, which allows me to explore Mistralton Cave. Please give me an Axew, please give me an Axew, please...it's Rak the Aron. Meh. It's not a wasted trip, though, as the cave holds the ever useful Rock Slide TM.

The last thing to do before continuing is to return to Virbank City, where I have not used my capture. Surfing into the nasty polluted industrial water there gives me Pringle the Frillish. Great replacement for Dolan, who was never intended to be a permanent resident on the active roster. And at only Level 9, he has plenty of catching up to do. That, of course, means the Exp. Share. Dolan remains as a Fly slave for the time being, but he's done as an active combatant.

And that's where we stop for the moment.

Team

Marco the Electabuzz - Level 36 (Virbank Complex)
Balrog the Darmanitan - Level 37 (Desert Resort)
Jakob the Cinccino - Level 33 (Route 5)
Hinekora the Claydol - Level 36 (Relic Castle)
Pringle the Frillish - Level 9 (Virbank City)
Dolan the Swanna - Level 36 (Driftveil Drawbridge)

Reserves

Lace the Patrat - Level 9 (Route 19)
Lantis the Snivy - Level 6 (Aspertia City)
Allie the Rattata - Level 13 (Castelia Sewers)
Pepper the Tranquill - Level 25 (Route 20)
Anak the Petilil - Level 16 (Castelia City)
Frieda the Liepard - Level 22 (Route 16)
Klaus the Emolga - Level 22 (Lostlorn Forest)
Taishan the Gigalith - Level 34 (Relic Passage)
N's Zorua - Level 25 (Driftveil City)
Riddick the Deerling - Level 25 (Route 6)
Skull the Joltik - Level 26 (Chargestone Cave)
Sherlock the Stoutland - Level 36 (Route 19)
Rak the Aron - Level 30 (Mistralton Cave)

Graveyard

Bonnie the Sandile - Level 24 (Route 4) - Colress'd

 

Nuzlocke time is here again. Ultra Moon edition this time. This was a bit of a bastard - I had to delete every last scrap of data on my old timey 2DS to make room for this to download. I managed to just squeeze it and Pokemon Bank onto my SD card. What prompted this Nuzlocke? Why, someone mentioned to me that Pokemon Switch next year will have new critters for me to abuse. And as I do every time a new Pokemon generation is announced, I've decided to make another shot at completing the pokedex. The bank makes this much easier, though I've got a whole bunch of holes left. 161 to be exact. Mostly from Gen IV, the dumpster fire of the series. Here's the list, for anyone curious:

Spoiler

Gen 1:

Venonat
Venomoth
Meowth
Persian
Haunter
Chansey
Ditto
Omastar
Kabutops
Moltres
Dragonair
Dragonite

Gen 2:

Bayleef
Meganium
Ledyba
Xatu
Bellossom
Politoed
Sunflora
Yanma
Houndour
Kingdra
Porygon2
Tyrogue
Hitmontop
Elekid
Magby
Raikou
Larvitar
Pupitar
Tyranitar
Lugia

Gen 3:

Corphish
Baltoy
Cradily
Duskull
Walrein
Gorebyss
Beldum
Metang
Metagross
Kyogre
Groudon
Rayquaza

Gen 4:

Infernape
Empoleon
Bibabrel
Kricketot
Kricketune
Shinx
Luxio
Luxray
Rampardos
Bastiodon
Cherubi
Cherrim
Shellos
Drifblim
Buneary
Mismagius
Glameow
Purugly
Chingling
Bronzong
Hippowdon
Finneon
Mantyke
Snover
Weaville
Lickilicky
Electivire
Magmortar
Togekiss
Glaceon
Gliscor
Porygon-Z
Dusknoir
Froslass
Uxie
Mesprit
Azelf
Dialga
Palkia
Heatran
Regigigas
Giratina
Cresselia
Phione
Manaphy
Darkrai

Gen 5:

Tepig
Dewott
Archeops
Klang
Klinklang
Eelektrik
Elgyem
Braviary
Zweilous
Volcarona
Tornadus
Thundurus
Zekrom
Landorus

Gen 6:

Aegislash
Aromatisse
Slurpuff
Goomy
Sliggoo
Diancie
Volcanion

Gen 7:

Dartrix
Decidueye
Litten
Primarina
Toucannon
Crabominable
Rockruff
Wishiwashi
Mareanie
Toxapex
Lurantis
Morelull
Bewear
Bounsweet
Steenee
Tsareena
Passimian
Wimpod
Sandygast
Palassand
Pyukumuku
Type:Null
Silvally
Drampa
Dhelmise
Jangmo-o
Hakamo-o
Kommo-o
Tapu
Tapu
Tapu
Tapu
Cosmog
Cosmoem
Solgaleo
Lunala
+ all the Ultra Beasts

So, download finally completed after a dozen aborted attempts, we nosedive into AU Pineapple Pizzaland. Mom looks hella tan in this, continuing the trend of Pokemoms being PokeMILFs. We hang out for a while and watch Game of Thrones. She's definitely on board the incest is wincest train when it applies to Lannisters. The age of consent in the Pokemon world is blatantly going to be eleven, and hey, I just had my birthday, so I'm just biding my time. Meowth won't leave the room, the rancid little cockblock. And then this rat bastard Professor Cookie shows up, sans shirt, and my window is gone. Nigga got abs like chocolate chips and all I have is a sun hat and cargo shorts.

Skip ahead a few weeks, and Professor Future-Stepdad takes me out for the day. Some kinda family bonding shit Mom put him up to. I must have impressed him with my shorts (not just comfy, but also easy to wear) because he let me take home a wild animal I found. Mom was pissed and threw me out of the house, but we're bros for life. He has my scent now. His mother will never take him back. Just look at this dude:

Oscar the Round Owlet.
​

Now homeless and unwilling to return until Mom's had her fill of getting choke-slammed in the genitals by Professor Abs, I wander off on a somewhat reluctant Pokemon AdVeNtUrrreeeeeeeeeee there's a bug! Oh wait, that's not a bug. It's a Grubbin.

Lemongrab the Grub I found in a Bin​

I nip back to Stepdad Cookie's place to pick up my iPokedex. He's already sold it for beer money and tries to fob me off with his ghetto ass Androtom model. I'm not especially happy about this, most of all because a goddamn seagull swoops down and steals my dinner; half a bag of discarded chips I found in a bin with Lemongrab. As all I have now is the lingering smell of salt and vinegar, I name the bird after it and force it into indentured labour until it has repaid the cost of those chips (priceless).

Vinegar the Gull with Wings​

Any self-respecting Pokemon trainer leaving home needs to have completed his education. At a ripe old age of eleven, I know just about everything there is to no about anything, so I head over to the school and instantly get my GED. The teacher is rocking out to Boney M's greatest hits the whole way through, so I steal her cat out of spite.

Rasputin often Meows
​

First day in the big city is pretty luckless. Another seagull shits on my head, ruining my chance to grab a new animal for my growing import/export business. I'd been hoping for an Abra. Those foxy fuckers fetch a decent price down at the docks, but noo, all I got at the docks was a fight with a local gang - and worst of all, this prick of a Captain comes by, thinks that I'M the vagrant, and sets his dog on me. That dog is the fucking vagrant. It's covered in paint. I'm just covered in mud. Mud comes off way easier.

I didn't think my day could get any worse, but then a snake jumps out of the grass as I'm exiting the city, jamming its teeth directly into my taint. Thankfully my liver's ability to metabolize toxins is pretty top-shelf after spending my gap year (age 7) backpacking around Europe on heavy doses of Rare Candy. The snake's pretty intimidating, so I take him with me. Should be good for scaring some tourists into giving me change, and failing that, I can feed it to a shark.

Sharkbait the Literal Snake​

I'm trying to teach Sharkbait to box with mixed results on account of his not having hands, when a cunting Dunsparce RollsOut from under a rock and swallows Oscar the Round Owl whole. I'm getting major flashbacks to an entire generation of Quilava being mowed down by Whitney's Miltank, here. Fuck whoever invented Rollout. When the new Super Smash Bros comes out, I'm buying it just so I can make
Jigglypuff Rollout off the edge of the stage to a thousand deaths.

To cheer myself up, I go to the cemetery and make fun of old people who are going to die alone. A small child comes up to me and says that I shouldn't be urinating in a flower vase, so I steal his balloon.

Bubble the Drifting Balloon​

I take a quick nap on the sofa in the reception of a seedy motel. The proprietor offers me candy in exchange for a quick tug. I say no thanks, lemon drops are overrated, and he doesn't take it well. He chases me down to the beach, and I hide in a Sandy Cave to get away from him, just around the corner. Bobbing in the water is a rubber duck wearing a captain's hat. I snag it, eyes lighting up with dollar signs at the thought of its resale value to Arthur Weasley.

Capitan the Sighing Duck
​

I climb back up the hill and trudge my way to a PokeCentre where I am refused entry. I sit outside, fashion a shelter from a discarded newspaper, and count my possessions. I have seven beans, one hat, three thousand, eight hundred and ninety two Lego blocks carried in a hessian sack, and some animals:

1) Sharkbait - Ekans - Level 15
2) Lemongrab - Grubbin - Level 14
3) Vinegar - Wingull - Level 14
4) Rasputin - Meowth - Level 13
5) Bubble - Drifloon - Level 11
6) Capitan - Psyduck - Level 7

MURDERED BY AN UNJUST FATE:

1) Oscar - Rowlet - Level 14
--- Post automerged ---
Minor update: Sharkbait the Literal Snake fell to a caterpie. I am disgusted with myself.

 

Whenever I’m bored in life, I want to kill my friends.

This is healthy, right?

I’ve done it many times. The most recent time is to never be mentioned again because I never finished it, and it’s therefore a failure. I do not fail. I must redeem myself. But how?

Let’s go back. Way back. To twenty years ago, in 1998…



I’ve struggled for this. I paid $15 to get Pokemon Red on my DS, and now I’m all set. Regular rules apply, but let’s go over them:

1. All Pokemon that faint are considered dead and unusable. *Except for HM actions.
2. All dead Pokemon are stored in the RIP box in my PC.
3. I can only catch the first Pokemon I see in a route.
4. I can’t catch Pokemon that I already own and that are currently alive.
5. I can’t use gift Pokemon. They must be discarded at the first opportunity.
6. Trades count to Rule 3.
7. All Pokemon are named after DLP members.

That all? Good.

Pokemon Red may be difficult, but it’s easy in one regard…

NO MORE GENDERS. STRAP IN BOYS, FOUR GIRLS, AND OTHERS, I’M ON THE ROAD!



I wake up in my childhood room, and marvel at all things 90s. Ah, to be a kid again…

I take the potion from my PC, then talk to my long-suffering mother downstairs. “All boys girls leave home one day,” she said. “I saw it on TV.”

k mom

I ditch her and explore my town of three buildings in a daze. I’ve always thought about time travel but I never thought it would happen to me.

I enter Oak’s lab and spy three oversized balls on a desk, but Gary (that jackass) is guarding them. I’ll come back at night. In the meantime, I find an email on Oak’s computer that’s calling all trainers to the Elite Four. I have NEVER seen this before. Wow. The things you learn.

I finally get bored and go in the tall grass, but Oak yanks me out and drags me to his lab. Aha, I think smugly. Free Pokemon.

Gary is an asshole of a ten year old. What a whiner. As my rules state, I can’t use my starter once I get another Pokemon, so my only thought is: How do I fuck this kid the most?

Because it’s old, the starters don’t have a varied movepool. What starter will be the easiest to deal with considering what types of Pokemon am I likely to catch? No way will I get fire, and flying may be iffy, so Bulbasaur is out. Adding on to that, I don’t want to deal with the various spores and powders. In all, I think Squirtle will have the most varied power since water hits a lot. Meaning, Charmander will be the easiest to deal with, as long as I pick up a rock or ground-type. Water I’ll get eventually.

So I choose Bulbasaur, and Gary gets Charmander.

A battle ensues.

Charmander immediately starts off with a crit and starts Growling the fuck out of me, while my Bulbasaur is flailing. Fucking hell, should I count this battle if I lose? Bulbasaur chips away at Charmander’s HP, basically doing 1 HP a hit while Charmander goofs off. When my HP gets low, I throw in my Potion and finish off the Charmander.

I knew I would win the whole time~

At lightning speed, I race through my fetch quest. I won’t count these Route 1 wild encounters until I get Poke Balls. I snatch Oak’s Pokedex, buy 7 Poke Balls, then rub my hands together.

Red is a game of strategy.

Without a starter, I have three ways to take on Brock:

1. Butterfree’s Confusion.

2. Mankey’s Low Kick.

3. Being a dumbass with only normal-type attacks.

I know which route I’m taking! I bought Red just to get Butterfree since I know Caterpie is Red exclusive. I think Mankey may be in the Route next to Viridian City, but honestly I can’t quite remember. I guess I’ll find out.

First, I go to Route 1.

Out comes a Pidgey.

Interesting sprite, kinda a realistic bird. Hmm… my grass-type against a Pokemon who’s only attack is Gust. Maybe this is a bad idea…

But then Pidgey uses Gust. Does normal damage.

Gust is a normal-type attack. Oh my god.

I catch the Pidgey. For my first update names, it’s only fair I used Nuzlocke thread names, and the thread was bumped just recently. CareOtters did it, so welcome, Otters.

Next I go up to the route north of Viridian City and enter the grass.

Pidgey. Meh.

Whatever. I’m highly likely to get a Caterpie from the Forest and I peak in, sneaking into the closest grass. Oh, here it comes!!!

Kakuna.

What.

Um.

Am I misremembering things? Maybe both Caterpie and Weedle are in Red/Blue. I mean, I have Leafgreen and I get Caterpie in that game…

…

…

…

FUCK.

I catch the Kakuna. The post before CareOtters was from LT2000. Can’t get numbers in the names, so LT, here we go.

Lastly, leastly, there’s the route with Mankey in it. I don't get a Mankey, because why would I? I get a Rattata, which I name Seratin, since he had the post above LT2000’s.

I deposit my Bulbasaur into the abyss, sit on a bench, and fold my hands.

Pidgey, Kakuna, and Rattata against a Geodude and an Onix.

I’m fucked.


Current Team.

Otters the Pidgey. L2. Gust.
LT the Kakuna. L5. Harden.
Seratin the Rattata. L3. Tackle, Tail Whip.

Bench.

None.

Rest In Peace.

None, yet.

 

Pretty certain that you get the Weedle line in Red, not sure that you can even get a Caterpie. Outside of that... boy are you boned. I don't think Pidgey, Beedril or Rattata learn a single special move between them and given Onix's rock solid Defense stat... well all normal, poison, and flying moves are basically worthless. Although I guess you could go full scum mode and level Rattata until it gets Super (or was it Hyper?) Fang if that was even a thing in Gen 1.