What are the two things that actually happen?

 

Leaving the Dursleys' and finding his inheritance. No other particularly major events had happened with any gravitas by chapter 10.

The problem is it failed to grip me. There's things I enjoyed about it, absolutely, but it felt a little bland.

 

Sooooo, turning into a dark wizard, and becoming besties with Malfoy don't count as major events to you?

 

Yes, they do. You might notice that in my original post I wrote;

and

And, indeed, by chapter ten, neither of those things have happened.

So what exactly was your fucking point?

 

So I see you used your secret mind powers on me to prevent me from reading those crucial words.

Not cool, man.

 

Don't feel bad. I am Spartacus.

 

Updated.

A little shorter than I would of liked but otherwise pretty good.

 

Overall I loved the story but two things jumped out that just annoyed me in it.

1. Harry giving himself a dark mark so carelessly. I saw no reasoning behind it. He jeopardised his identity by taking the mark without knowing if it would be visible in his Harry form or if he could hide it from other dark wizards. On top of that Draco says that they're only a means to recognize others. Seeing as Harry doesn't even like attention it's not justified.

2. The way Granger was brought into Harry's secrets. Zate thoughtlessly putting her in Harry's room unsupervised like he can't afford one for her, Harry slipping with his form and staying in it(He could have changed back anytime. Her mind is unprotected after all), and him leaving all his stuff out. He had two chances to hide his stuff.

Those seemed like extremely forced plot devices to me.

I do also think the Albus/Tom power scale needs clarifying. What the author said makes it seem like AD has a lot more internal magic and LV evens it up with external magic.

 

Updated again, would have liked to see more action in this chapter but that's about the only thing I can complain about.

 

New Chapter.

Spoiler

We finally get a substantial Non-Harry centric chapter. Even if the by-play of Dark children was a bit cheesy I still liked it and Harry's attempts to convince Astoria were somewhat adorable.

Harry's looking out for the Dark kid placed in Gryffindor and sort of takes her under his wing. Does anyone else feel he is being WAY to obvious about it all?

 

Maybe a little but it'd be pretty easy to make up some excuse about not wanting her to friendless in her own house like he was before Hogwarts.

 

Nah... I'm not saying someone from outside should nail it, but Hesper is in a unique position to expose him. He's being so OOC from canon Harry, it's painful.

From other news, I don't know what you think but the route taken with Astoria and other Dark children is refreshing and brings to mind Luan Mao's wonderful fic "Ice Princess". Maybe it's the originality of it all but it still struck me as noteworthy.

 

He spent most of the summer being indoctrinated into a secret society. The author spent a long time describing and showing how he wants to be a part of this society. There is half a chapter of Hermione's point of view about how comfortable Harry appears now that he's a dark wizard. Harry is getting additional and in some cases remedial history, magic, and culture lessons from the the Malfoys, Zate, and that Lady where he's with the pre-Hogwarts kids. Emotionally, leaving that life for Hogwarts is more OOC for how he is now, then reaching out to someone from that society.

He's a bit direct about it, but then Harry has never been subtle and the wizarding world has never really been observant.

 

You're right. But. What I'm saying is Hesper is a second year (or third, I don't recall) she has seen Harry before and knows how he behaves, usually. I just think he could be more careful.

 

I don't see this as a bad thing. Canon Harry, IMO, is an unmotivated guy with ungodly amounts of luck at best, and a little bitch at worst. A Harry who seems to be looking past his very limited social circle isn't something I'd mind reading.

While we might see Harry's status as a precarious secret (knowing all as we do), it's pretty much the last thing anyone would ever suspect him of being, especially with the about face the Ministry and Prophet would be doing in the wake of Voldemort's reveal.

 

Been around 10 months since I last read this I guess, and theres been about 10 new chapters since then. This is probably one of the only stories that I would rate a 6/5 if possible. I enjoyed it that much. History and traditions of dark magic is one of my favorite genre's, but there are not nearly enough stories. I can't think of many others besides 'on the wings of a phoenix', but this is much better. I like how being a dark wizard is more than just throwing around unforgivables. It adds a lot of depth to the world, which is already quite deep.

 

Can you guys give specific examples of this depth? Spoilers are fine. These comments make the story sound good, but it's been consistently difficult to get through the first couple of pages in the first chapter.

 

Like Anarchy mentioned, the idea of a Dark Wizard being so much more than throwing around Unforgivables is a big part. There are parts that look at how closely the everday activities and lifestyle of a Dark Wizard are entwined with magic. RainingInk fleshes out magic as being much more than a tool, but rather a way of life for them.

Dark Wizard also doesn't equal Death Eater, although the vast majority of them are joining Riddle because he offers a way for their culture to survive (not necessarily because he offers pureblood supremacy). A big part of it is just offering an explanation/perspective as to the Dark Wizard's motives that isn't too extreme either way.

Although, I do admit it has been a little while since I've read this one. Those are just the main points that've stuck with me.

 

Well, I have several problems with this fic.

The way she redefined dark wizards opens a lot of unanswered questions which make it not believable to me. She could have just used a different term and different sub culture here.

Knockturn itself could have been the biotop for this class of magic users but the way she did it with all these old mostly Slytherin families being threatened by the light wizards/ministry while these people are the ones which are actually in control of the ministry of magic is ridiculous.

If you look at the most known cannon dark families we know of with Malfoy, Lestrange and the Blacks(their family slogan) she could have constructed some historical conflict between native magic user's believes and the Norman's conquest of the british island around 1088. The wiki entry here would give the necessary material, quote "The Norman conquest was a pivotal event in English history. It largely removed the native ruling class, replacing it with a foreign, French-speaking monarchy, aristocracy, and clerical hierarchy." With the Ministry being their tool of control.

Another real big problem for me with the story is Harry's not believable behavior in even dealing with the Malfoys which are directly responsible for Sirius's death just a few weeks earlier. Or his moral problems almost killing a DE by reflecting a deadly spell who was involved in killing the parents of his *best* friend. How should that be believable to anybody?

Dumbledore not knowing about this brand of dark magic isn't a believable concept to me either.

I think all these logical issues are caused by the main premise of the writer to write a !slash harry/draco story by an obvious slash fangirl. The environment she created to allow that is just a tool to her and not the real premise/interest here. You need a strong suspension of disbelief to really accept her world as deep.

Where the story is really strong and which imho affects a lot people's good impression about it is that the writer shows some real strength in describing the life of people in Knockturn where she created some lovely characters you really like to read about.
It doesn't feel so static like a lot other people's descriptions of Diagon/Knockturn and wizard's life.

 

From the afternote at the end of chapter 6: "(...) if there is a pairing it will definitely by het." , and: "HPDM: To those of you who were hoping for this couple, I apologize."

I agree that the story has some problems, but I'm not sure you manage to pinpoint them accurately:

1. Is there any canon evidence that the traditional dark families control the Ministry? I have the feeling that - notwithstanding the corruptability of Fudge - the perceived control of the Ministry by the darker families is mostly based on fanon.

2. Harry is quite uncomfortable meeting Lucius. Draco was not involved in Sirius' death. Meanwhile, I don't think Harry's reaction after almost killing his classmate is that much out of character. It seems comparable to the incident in HBP in which he uses Sectumsempra against Draco.

3. Dumbledore probably does know about the existence of Dark Wizards. Even the Ministry knows about them - otherwise there wouldn't be a death penalty for being one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this story is particularly brilliant. It's just that I feel that your arguments against it are not very convincing.