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Complete Path of Decision by lulu42 - T - HP/Sandman

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Vorpal, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Dark Fucking Harry

    "(He was unaware of the double meaning in his words, that this was the lesson the Prodigal had taught him. That every new beginning meant the end of something. If he had, Harry would have been aware of his own slow ruin, and fled; because cowards make poor heroes.) "

    This felt a bit clumsy. And it made it unclear later on when you did the italicized thing regarding portraits. "When did all his friends become portraits." I wasn't sure if this was a 3rd person omniscient narrator, or what, and then later you did that bit where Harry recites what he knows so far, "Hogwarts, Gringotts" etc.

    Also, it took me a couple of readings to get that Dumbledore was distracted by Draco, thus allowing Harry to get the jump on him. I don't know if I was slow on the uptake on this one, or if it genuinely wasn't clear (with the intercutting).

    Anyway, my first thought was that Harry could not take Albus unless there was some sort of disadvantage. Once, I realized he was distracted by Draco. Thus my next question was Albus Dumbledore can be so easily ambushed, if you just sneak up behind him silently? Why did Albus not notice Draco there? He didn't sense him or something? This part was a bit of a stretch. It could be thrown up to Destiny, but I don't like doing that. Destiny works more subtly I'd think...

    I'll admit also, I was surprised that Harry killed Albus. I expected Albus to die, or at least lose Elder Wand somehow, but I never anticipated Harry would actually do it. Represents a big shift for him.

    Murdering someone who had done no intentional wrong just to achieve his own ends. That said, your story, and its not out of left field given the character. Seems Harry's moral erosion is increasing. The other stuff in the past was vicious, but this is certainly upping the ante. (I remember him sparing Draco) etc, but I guess after killing Umbridge (a bitch) for his own ends, it became easier.

    But he's now in burgeoning "Dark Lord" territory. I mean, how different is this from Tom Riddle framing Morfin Gaunt for the deaths of the Riddle family to get Family ring? Both are Hallows, and both are literally sacrificing others to achieve their own priorities and goals.

    With Umbridge, he had the rationale that she was destructive and wicked ("crucio") and ultimately had to be removed. Albus's death has no moral justification. In fact, he had helped this Harry during the DA and gave him knowledge on Voldemort. Harry might have been right on certain issues (Hogwarts Horcrux), but this is not a moral issue, just a matter of understanding. The biggest reason was he wanted the Elder Wand.

    He wanted Power. And Albus wouldn't part with it.

    Really good chapter, and no other critiques besides the two at the top.

    EDIT: How is Harry going to get the Ring now? The whole point of this was to unite the Hallows presumably.
    Now all sorts of alarms or warnings will be going off as McGonagall loses her shit. Also, where is Fawkes and what was he doing when Albus was getting killed?
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2009
  2. lulu42

    lulu42 Second Year

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    That's really high praise knothead. It's going to take me longer to write the next chapter now though. :p
    As for the son's name... I think not. It's a fairly repulsive idea.

    I prefer italics to commas when it comes to thoughts. So even though Harry didn't realize he was repeating Destruction's words, there was a subconscious quality about it.
    And I should edit the sentence to:
    When did all his friends become portraits, Harry wondered.


    And the intercutting was purposely written to confuse. I wanted people to be off guard and try to guess what would happen. I wanted to imply that Harry was reading from Destiny's book, and I wanted to play with the idea with canon vs. my story. In all of the classic stories, the mentor dies so the hero can grow and take charge, which is why most people weren't surprised when it happened in HBP.

    As an archetype, Dumbledore's Destiny was to die, whether it was Snape, Draco, Voldemort, Harry, or that curse on his hand. Dumbledore trusted Harry. He saw a person who was essentially good, more so than Snape. He knows that Harry likes to think things through, has ambition, and has quite a few friends who he cherishes. When Dumbledore turns around he's not expected to get AK'd in the back from someone standing inches away from him.

    It's not, which is why I mentioned Harry and Voldemort's similarities in the chapter again.

    And Harry used the Resurrection Stone already, so he's all set as Master of Death. I couldn't think of what to do with Fawkes, so I rationalized it by placing Harry inches away from Dumbledore. Not to mention Harry didn't really plan it out, so Dumbledore couldn't really think about asking for help.

    I was really surprised by everyone's shock. I always had hints of Harry's darker qualities, but he's always exhibited control. But it was his first real experience with death.

    One, Harry doesn't really believe in forgiveness, he believes in penance and revenge.

    Two, Harry's emotionally slow. If Harry was better and handling his emotions he would have been sensible and talked to someone about Sirius. McGongall, Luna, and Aberforth would have been willing to listen and Harry would have been comfortable enough sharing. Instead, he convinced himself he was fine. Learning the truth that Draco cost him Sirius, (his confidant) and that Dumbledore (the man he was beginning to confide in) chose to forgive him was incomprehensible, and he fell completely apart.

    So through misplaced guilt and anger has somewhat convinced himself Dumbledore's death isn't wrong, it's convenient solution. Both of them are half wrong, so he kills the old one and lets the young one live. It's also bit masochistic in that he has to deal with the Horcruxes alone.

    Three, he likes being in power.
    Four, the irony.


    Did I mention I like layers to stories? ;)

    Actually, I probably over think things. My head hurts now.
     
  3. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    It is high praise. I'm also a bit surprised that I've given it considering that I've read HP fanfics for several years. That being said I've read very few scenes of that nature in fanfics having similar qualities to yours, so I stand by what I've typed.

    As far as the name is concerned, I knew my suggestion was repulsive when I made it. I just couldn't help but wonder... I'm looking forward to your version of Book 7.
     
  4. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Cool.

    All good EXCEPT:

    "And Harry used the Resurrection Stone already, so he's all set as Master of Death."

    I'm calling bull.

    Otherwise Albus was Master of Death as he Used Potter Family/Hallow Cloak at some point while he was "studying" it (PS). He had the ring, and you mention how he stopped Harry from turning it 3 times meaning he had tested it (Would have been nice to give him a scene with him using the ring to see Ariana). And he Used the Wand everyday for over 40 years. But he still croaked, had used the cloak, clearest possessor of ring (his office, and he could have used it in the days after Sirius's death so last person to use is too big a leap). But still croaked.


    In DH, even though Harry is Wands master, its not in his hand, and Voldemort CAN use it.

    "Voldemort uses the Elder Wand to blast multiple opponents off their feet. Harry then takes off the Invisibility Cloak and confronts Voldemort, informing him that Draco (not Snape) had become the Elder Wand's master by disarming Dumbledore.[HP6] This allegiance was transferred to Harry when he won Draco's wand, and so Harry (not Voldemort) is the wand's true master. As in their first duel,[HP4] Harry then casts Expelliarmus, while Voldemort casts Avada Kedavra. The Elder Wand's allegiance prevents it from harming Harry, and the Killing Curse rebounds off Harry's disarming spell, killing Voldemort." HP Wiki. Wand just can't harm Harry. But if someone dies of old age, you could pick it up, and start using it.

    I say you must have all three on your person and used it. They are all small enough for this to be possible, and seems to be the intended purpose. Your walking around as an old wizard, what do you carry? Family Ring, Your Trusty Cloak, and Your Wand. Full Simultaneous Possession. Harry becomes Master at the end of Deathly Hallows, as he is the wand's true master, has cloak, and is wearing ring. He throws Ring into woods, buries wand with Albus, and keeps cloak. But he had died and is saved EXPLICITLY not by Hallows, but by Blood thing from 4th year, even though he was "Master" of them all. Possession matters.

    Anything less is mental Gymnastics to rationalize it.
     
  5. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    Possession doesn't imply or equal mastery even though it is important. Canon provides the example of Voldemort not being the Master of the Elder Wand even though it was in his possession.

    Possession is important in that Dumbledore did not have all three Hallows at the same time. Harry, on the other hand, does.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2009
  6. lulu42

    lulu42 Second Year

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    Well, I agree, which is why I'm a bit fuzzy on where we part. :confused:

    The Cloak is a easy to understand, and Harry just secured the Elder Wand. The Stone, while not on his person, is his as well. I was always under the impression that Dumbledore never used the Stone. He was so blinded by his desire that he forgot the horcrux. He learned his lesson when he was injured and didn't try to use it. Dumbledore decided to give it to Harry, so he would find it easier to die. (a kinda douchy inheritance)

    The Slytherin line carried it on a ring for ages, but its rather hard to argue they had mastery over it. Because of this, the Stone was open for anyone to own. But my Harry used the Stone, and he used it for a purpose other than his own grief, he wanted to discover the truth to Regulus' death and the horcruxes. And thus, gained another Hallow.

    It doesn't help that the Deathly Hallows were a wonderful idea that was not used properly. It's a bit fluid to interpretation.
     
  7. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Updated. Part 3 is complete.

    This is still one my favorite on going stories. I check every day to see if it's updated.

    Looking forward to part 4 and beyond.
     
  8. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Updated

    Story was updated for any fans of it who would not have otherwise known.

    Spoilers lie ahead.

    REVIEW with SPOILERS:

    Essentially seems to be a chapter of set-up for the finale. Harry seems to be muddled and frustrated. Harry seems to be undermining his actions from earlier, and I'm not sure what he was supposed to be building towards now.

    Otherwise fine. Its set-up for final chapter and is mostly exposition, consisting of the old stand by of a bunch of people sitting around a table and discussing the concerns of the story mostly for the audience's benefit. Fine for a beginning, but I hope future chapters are more exciting once moment gets going.

    -Chuck
     
  9. Anya

    Anya Harley Quinn DLP Supporter

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    I'm kind of confused about the key thing Death mentioned. Is she referring to the Hallows?

    Will edit this post later
     
  10. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    That also came to mind when I read the bit about the key, but the hallows by definition allow someone to have influence, if limited, in the realm of death and not in the realms of the others.
     
  11. lulu42

    lulu42 Second Year

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    Holy cow, I'm updating.

    And it looks like the writer's block is dead too. I haven't started on the next chapter yet, but I don't think it will be another month-long wait.
     
  12. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Auror

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    Good good, I was feart that it had been abandoned.
     
  13. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    The newest chapter introduces a newer dynamic. I don't really like where you're taking Harry, but the reasoning behind the change is both logical and compelling. Still a 4/5 lol
     
  14. lulu42

    lulu42 Second Year

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    It's the crappy LOVE thing, isn't it?
    One of the problem's I have since I tied myself so close to canon is that I can't avoid the subject. It is such an integral part of the Harry Potter story that I have no choice but follow along, despite my general disinterest with love as a great power. I have to wiggle around the issue as best as I can.

    4 out of 5? Yes!!!!
    I still Don't Suck! Good enough :)

    The draft for the next chapter is almost complete, so I'm hoping for an update next week.
     
  15. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Great

    Looking forward to more.

    Not much to say truthfully as these chapters were largely set-up.

    But if Harry is Master of Death, shouldn't he have some sorts of abilities or something that he can use?

    Why doesn't he talk to some people (Dumbledore), who may be able to offer him information?

    Umm...

    That's it for now.

    Glad you're back.
     
  16. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    More worried about his sudden lack of self confidence. He's continually second guessing himself and searching for help from another source (Desire) rather than dealing with a problem he is perfectly able of taking care of on his own.

    It's definitely a different way of introducing the love concept, so I have no real beef with that.
     
  17. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Updated...moving along nicely.
     
  18. Mr.Hyde

    Mr.Hyde Squib

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    An interesting story.

    First I must give it extreme props for managing to start when Harry is 9 and not get bogged down or abandoned. I am currently in the 5th year, and the plot has continued onward. It is one of the best "change little things" stories I have ever read.

    Only two things detract from it. 1) I sometimes find myself zoning out during whole pages devoted to the Endless. I love their involvement in the story (having never read the Sandman it reminds me of something from Terry Pratchet), but whole pages to themselves get a bit excessive. 2) Someone get this poor author a beta!!! It is a testament to the quality of the story that I can keep reading despite repeated misuse of apostrophes (NEVER USE AN APOSTROPHE TO MAKE A WORD PLURAL!!!)
    There are also quite a few missing words that a quick read-through would find.

    Overall I give it 4/5
     
  19. lulu42

    lulu42 Second Year

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    *sighs* I know about the typos.

    I didn't have a beta in books 1-3, so it was me reading the chapters over and over again. Nobody cared because there was only 200 people reading it. Then I had three volunteer when it was linked her and now I'm back down to one.

    As soon as the story is finished I'm going to go back over to fix the mistakes. I know book four alone was a hundred pages, so it is going to suck. But I want to finish the story because people want updates, not improved old chapters. I fix mistakes if a reviewer points it out, but most don't, so they remain.

    Huh... that's the first time anyone has asked for less of the Endless.
     
  20. Juggler

    Juggler Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Updated. Still one of my favourite stories, but the end of the new chapter was interesting.