The nice person inside of me voluteered awhile ago to rewrite and finish Perfect Soldier for I-Like-Llamas. I don't know what made me do it, but I have since then killed that nice person.

I finally got some time the other day to start rewriting the damn thing and I'm not too pleased with how it's turned out. The only way I could see how to write it was from first person pov - which is something I rarely do.

This reads almost like a stream of conciousness - does any body have any tips on how to avoid this? It fits in some places, but I don't want the whole thing like that.

Link to story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3276433/1/

 

Very inciteful, and very realistic. I like the style; it seems to flow very well. Very similar in that wasy to a story i read, Speak. It, too, focused on a character's inner monologue and criticisms of both the character and the people around her.

If you don't want to do the whole thing like that, then you can do something along the lines of a scene being narated like jk does, and then suppliment that with a bit of harry's opinion in the first person. that may work. although, once again, i like the way it's going so far.

 

I'm trying to keep this all in first person - I don't like jumping around from third person to first. My problem is that I'm used to writing intense, complicated plots and I'm having a hard time getting this thing off the ground.

This is the link to the original story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2652929/1/

Can you see now why I'm having a hard time?

 

Well, the hard, complicated plots are hard to write from a first person standpoint, because the narator rarely can perceive the entire plot--if he could, well, then what's the point? you'll have to give this a second first person perspective, at the very least--likely whoever's plotting whatever it is harry has to deal with. You can't do a straight up first person, its rarely any good and rarely very clear.

 

What you're doing is underemphasizing the outside world.

Try to think of the enviroment as an extension of Harry's feelings and the mood you are trying to convey. It sounds simple, but getting it right is notoriusly difficult but immensely rewarding.

This is especially more true in the case of FirstPs, as Harry's perception often is not what is really happening. His perception of the outside world is influenced by his thoughts and feelings.