Title/summary in different language than story itself. It's confusing. Just imagine that something catches your interest and then you see that (surprise!) story is in language whose name you can't even read.

 

No, it was an even shittier fic where Vernon hurts Harry and then Lucifer shows up straight outta hell (I kid you not) and then conforts him in a pedophilic way.

 

Are you masochistic? Why would you even touch something like that?

 

Because, from time to time, I take a look on a blog where shitty fics are slowly and painfully torn apart. This one was on it and I simply didn't want to believe that anything like this really existed. So I searched for it.

Suffice to say, it was that bad. And worse.

 

That could be good for a few laughs. What's the site?

 

Sorry, in German. If you can speak a little German, it might work for you:

http://verreiss-mich.livejournal.com/306756.html

 

Thanks for the link.

 

Dunno if it's been mentioned, but a character (usually the protagonist) fainting just before or just after something dramatic happens. It's basically the author saying 'I don't have the ability or the drive to convey the fallout of this situation so I'll just have another character explain to our bedridden protagonist how totally awesome it was.'

Fan fiction is making me take up drinking.

 

The characterization of Aberforth Dumbledore in fanfiction is starting to irritate me. I'm finding that the more I read about him the more he is characterized by only one trait and that's hating his brother. Yes Aberforth resented Albus for the death of his sister, but Aberforth was still more than a bitter old man who wanted to screw over his brother as is portrayed in fanfiction.

 

I hate the way sentient creatures are portrayed in Harry Potter fanfiction.

If they have superior magical abilities, why haven't they taken over?

Fanon usually makes Goblins too nice, imo. I don't want to read about a protagonist that has everything handed to him by a banker, of all people. The bankers I've run into in my life will say what it takes to keep my money in their care, so I understand them giving Harry basic information on how much he has. But to go into details of what he can do with it, what his "lordships" are? They're goblins, they couldn't care less about human politics that doesn't directly affect them.

It is not their job to walk you through being a Lord of a house. I'd think that they're more likely to con you for your money than tell you how to make sure its under your control.

Werewolves have a super sense of smell, awesome physical strength and stamina, and they're trying to fit into a society that shuns them for... some reason. They want to make nice with wizardkind because... I don't know.

Why would a species that can turn into a spell-resistant magical creature that hunts humans specifically be on the dregs of a society if they were bad ass anyway?

In canon, Remus wasn't the strongest and one could argue that he was downright sickly around the full moon. If they were badasses and were so much better than wizards, why aren't they the ones that rule the wizarding world? They're capable of wielding magic, and we can use Remus as proof of that.

I think they're human beings that change into monsters on the full moon. They get sick around that time, implying that Remus wasn't going to be more aggressive on and around the full moon. He may have been willing to kill Peter that night, but Harry and Sirius were as well. So it was something he came up with on his own.

There shouldn't be an inner wolf trying to possess Remus and I'm pretty sure that Fenrir Greyback wanted to embrace his identity as a werewolf in society by acting like a wolf on two legs. Are packs even mentioned in canon? I remember something about a community.

Vampires aren't an ancient race of people, but I never gleaned much from the books about them anyway, only that Sanguini was a vampire and he couldn't resist blood. I suppose it implies that they do get mindless in the presence of blood, much like a shark would. Maybe the scent of blood turns them into mindless bloodsuckers?

I don't know since Pottermore didn't have much to say on the subject.

I will not start bitching about the various made up creatures that people use to give their characters the means of getting pregnant no matter what their gender is or a personality that makes them into something akin to a prison bitch for someone specific.

tl;dr there's a reason wizards are at the top of society, don't make an entire species filled with pussies just to keep them there.

 

This is mainly on FFN.net, though there are certainly occurances on other sites too. I have a pet peeve with authors who mark a story as complete when they have not, leaving only an author's note and then they don indicate their story is abandoned and incomplete. It is incredibly disappointing and underwhelming to think you are reading a complete story, only to get sucked in by that false promise.

Secondly is the irregular update schedule of fanfic authors. Far from me to think i am entitled to the work of any author, but i just cannot start any work that is still in progress because Real Life can just get in the way and boom, it's been 2 years since the author last touched the work (Looking at you, Forging the Sword!)

Combined, it results in me only approaching completed stories and having to partially spoil myself when i flip to the last chapter just to be clear i'm not getting suckeredIt does ruin the enjoyment of any story a little bit

Lastly, I dont like stories that are too long. To be more specific, if the scope of the story is going to be from Harry's school years, spending more than 100k words on Harry's first year, when Rowling could get it done in 88k means there just might be too much unnecessary detail or too many characters. It is even worse if the author doesn't possess enough sense of time and wants to cram everything in one year. *Cough*MoR*Cough*. Most Egregious is a fic that starts off the Summer before 2nd Year and 300k words later, Harry still hasn't stepped into Hogwarts because Goblins

 

I'm starting to get intolerant of stories where they take paragraphs-long digressions to just explain everything about a particular character's mindset in a given moment. It's just such a lazy form of telling over showing, you can call it characterization via infodump. No interpretation, no subtlety, they just tell you what Snape is thinking right now and why he's thinking it. Pathetic. I can accept it as introduction for a story or chapter, maybe, but that's about it.

 

New Pet Peeve for me: When I can tell the gender of the author by reading the story. It's usually that I can tell when an author is female but if your story is so blatantly gender biased (only men are good at doing anything or only women REALLY get stuff done) it's a source of frustration that I have to avoid. Noticeably worse in comedy stories, but in serious stories too.

Case and Point. In this story, her husband (a werewolf), Judas Iscariot (you know, the man who betrayed Jesus and became the first vampire), an ancient Lich who learned directly from Lucifer, and if I recall correctly at least once, Lucifer himself are all afraid of pissing off a squib woman from the black family. I won't go into all the specific things that piss me off about that story (since, in fairness when I ignored those parts I enjoyed it enough to read all 8 chapters)

Stories that also fall into this catagory: Super!Harry stories where his love interest is completely useless (especially if it's Tonks, who is at least theoretically a trained auror...), most crossover stories (especially the ones with prominent female leads that get completely overshadowed), harem fics, etc.

 

I'm sick and tired of writers hyping up the "Red Lights District" and seedy backstreets (that they've invented) as the most amazing, secretive and magical locations, where everyone in them farts rainbows and expels secrets and sage advice.

It usually comes in the form of a character brag - 'Oh, and I know the streets. Stick with me and try not to accidentally sell yourself. I've got an in with the matrons, and all these whores? Fawning all over me. Yes, ladies, I did save the day. No, no, I'm far too virtuous to be interested in sex.'

Worse still is when it's preachy - 'Roxanne, you don't need to put out the red light! I'll save you from the horrible life of debauchery and spend the next ten chapters offhandedly mentioning how grateful you are!'

It's fucking obnoxious. In fanfiction, it's never done well. Worse still it often becomes a central location in a story, and everything starts to involve saving these girls neither you nor the author gives a toss about, but boy, isn't main character great for being so street-smart?

 

If the secrets of unlimited magical power were available for purchase in Knockturn Alley, the place could probably afford to be cleaner, couldn't it.

 

Well I mean, being unclean makes it less desirable to the undesirables.

 

When every little prick has the same knowledge Harry has.

I mean, Harry got most of his special knowledge by being mentored by Dumbledore (perhaps the wizard with the most knowledge regarding rare forms of magic), eavesdropping to a lot of conversations, being in contact with important members of the Ministry of Magic and Order of the Phoenix, and, above all, experience amazing shit that hardly anyone ever did. The average wizard doesn't have those resources or experiences. They've never seen a dragon hatch, or talked to acromantulas, took part in blood magic rituals, researched how to fight dragons, been in the bottom of the great lake or the Department of Mysteries, didn't engage ghosts in conversations about the afterlife or talked with Dumbledore about the nature of souls and prophecies, traveled back in time, took Polyjuice Potion, rode thestrals and hyppogriffs, or suffered a myriad of injuries that made them intimate with certain potions and magical cures.

Yet so often you find characters who talk as if they understand all those subjects and know how to confront them. A random employee at Gringotts or Knockturn Alley knows more about magic than Albus Dumbledore.

The worst is that Rowling herself did it in her abomination of a play.

 

Related is when everyone knows what a horcrux is. It's supposed to be the blackest of black magic yet everyone and his dog knows about it.

 

Let's not forget when everyone and their dog knows Occlumency/Legilimency, and yet Dumbledore insisted that Snape was the only teacher he could find for Harry.

 

Well of course everyone knows occlumency, books on it are quite common after all.