That's a problem with pretty much all HP smutfics. Every woman is described exactly the same, usually with the old "curves in the right places" line used by hacks.

 

Any writer who refers to cup size when describing breasts has never touched any.

 

For that matter, sloppy make-out or blowjob. Sloppy means 'unskilled', 'clumsy', unless my memory is failing me terribly. Maybe 'slobbery' was the word they were looking for.

 

New pet peeve from the Beware of Chicken book 2; People moaning over killing someone or the death of random comrades as if they were your mother and your father and your children. It's like runny shit in fanfiction. It's a blemish in some child's story that's spread into everyone's work. Copy-pasting "oh I feel so bad, oh I'm scum, oh I feeel soooo baaaaad."

Fuck off with that weak shit.

 

Here's a minor pet-peeve.

Dueler (dueller?) vs Duelist. They're synonyms and they're both proper english.

It might be the young Yu-Gi-Oh fan in my subconscious shining through, but duelist is just... much more aesthetically pleasing. It flows better, it looks right, and it sounds better. Dueler just looks wrong on my screen, even as I type it out now.

 

For me WBWL stories always seem to land on the wrong side of extended disbelief. It's like the authors sit down and think 'hmmmm... how should I turn Harry and the audience against his family? I've got it! What if they completely ignore his existence to the point that they don't notice when he leaves and/or abuse him physically and verbally every time they see him.'

It's so over the top and - most importantly - completely unbelievable. Specifically the whole ignoring his entire existence part. It's especially annoying because you completely could write Lily and James as bad, biased parents if you used just a little nuance or restraint. But no, they always have to be caricatures or cruelty.

 

I think the only time I've seen a believable plot line like that involved Lily and James being memory charmed to forget they had another kid. Unfortunately, the memory charm bit was because of "greater good" Dumbledore, so you know, ruined in other ways.

 

It's easier to add unnecessary drama because of the abuse that Harry suffers from. It makes him the shonen protagonist who will have an excuse for his asshole behavior. I personally do not consider nor condone "Mommy and Daddy were mean to me!" to be an excuse for such limpdick behavior.

Its easy to subvert and just write them as loving parents who are doing their best. I've managed it, I just decided to make the WBWL and Harry to be more like James and Sirius when they were younger, thus getting them both into trouble and being punished fairly, but not inhumanely. As they say:

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend."

I wonder what kind of dark place these people are in that they automatically assume that people who remained defenseless for the sake of one child would turn on that same child so easily.

Maybe James and Lily were happy until they noticed that people were telling them what to do with their kids and how to rear them? How many friends would they give up to the curse of the BWL? Would the positive canon relationships even be an entity in WBWL's life if he were nervous and weary of people trying to use his fame?

On Topic:

I wish that people would subvert more instead of rehashing other people's ideas. How hard is it to twist a trope or idea to keep things fresh?

 

I dislike it when authors shy away from potential sources of tension/conflict in their stories.

For example, I’ve noticed that many Harry/Slytherin Girl stories seem to situate the girl (normally Daphine) as being firmly anti-blood purist/anti-Voldemort.

I can’t help but think of this as a missed opportunity. A story with Harry/Daphine that leaned into making Daphine a blood purist who’s death eater adjacent or even a full on death eater could be extremely interesting, albeit difficult to execute convincingly.

I think sanitising these sorts of relationships takes away from what I find most compelling about them: the intense clash of values/world view.

 

I mean the relationship just wouldn't happen if she were a betitted Malfoy. They're not really shying away from conflict so much as just making the pairing remotely viable.

 

I agree with you that a fanatical blood purist simply wouldn't work as a love interest, but I do think there is a middle ground. For example, if the girl's family were staunch supporters of Voldemort but she herself had her doubts. It could be set up in a way that her family is pulling her one direction while her school crush pulls her in the other, leaving her conflicted. It seems like something a skilled author could turn into an interesting subplot.

Still, I wouldn't call an author not doing this sanitizing relationships or avoiding conflict. It's simply easier and, in most cases, more believable that a relationship would form between two likeminded people, especially when the topic they agree on is one as important as blood purity.

 

Characters pontificating on how much better pens are than quills. That always just comes off as condescending lecturing from the author. It also doesn't make sense. This is a magical world with various quills that write on their own, prevent cheating, self ink etc. Its certainly possible if not even likely that the average quilled is "magicked" to write much better than the actual historical non-magic quill.

If you need circumstantial evidence for this just look at Hermione. Someone who takes frequent and extensive notes. Also someone who doesn't have any qualms with challenging wizarding tradition as seen with S.P.E.W. If pens where so much better she would use them. Instead she still chooses to use quills. Thus, I think its a safe assumption that the wizaridng quill writes at least as well as the average ballpoint pen.

 

Traitorous.

 

Authors who bring up disbelievable things that are done for plot convenience.

The locals speaking the same language is the usual example. If you want to make everyone speak English to avoid the mess of learning to speak the local language and such, don't mention it. Don't have a character go "how weird that these people who couldn't possibly know English, speak English". It's painfully jarring and was not something I was giving any thought to until you brought up how stupid it was.

 

Pretty much all mention of drugs in HP fanfics. I forget the name of the fic, but it involved the Weasley twins being coke dealers. That wasn't even the biggest curveball in the story, but the instant i read that i noped out at light speed. I'm sure it's something that can be done well in the right hands, but i read HP fanfiction for kickass magic, not a halfassed attempt at imitating Trainspotting.

 

I don't mind drugs being mentioned, as long as it isn't a main point to the plot. It comes off as an edgy teen trying to brag about all their drug know how. Like... why are you romanticizing something that traps and ruins people?

Spoiler: Off topic dribble...

It just comes off as childish when Harry or any child-character is selling heavier drugs to people who do take stock in how smart and coordinated you have to be. To sell drugs... It is weird to read about kids doing without the proper logistics behind it.

Who is the loudman? Who would be the dealer? Most importantly... Who would be the triggerman who will take care of those who refuse to pay, whether they can't or won't? I agree that reading about children skipping those three basic people and doing at least two of them is dumb, though.

In drugs, Loud is the product and needs careful hands to make it. People are carefully breeding cannabis and there are some amazing stocks out there. The loudmen are careful as they mix their coke and their heroine, so someone gets enough of a high to like it, but not enough to be pleased. The game is addiction, an ugly thing that ruins many people.

Dealers are the most common people who end up in jail/prison in these operations and are usually the brains behind the smaller operations. You have to be good at mathematics too. You have to remember each face you deal with and have them described in the dots of the I, just in case you accidentally sold to someone working for the law and need one less snitch on the street.

The triggerman... That's a ruthlessness that canon actively discouraged readers. You have to be a stone cold killer, they can explain that they'll have the money the next time, but their child needed medicine or something... Well, it's your job to make sure that the child doesn't see their parent alive anymore once the order is in.

tl;dr: Loud is about making the product, dealing is where the main money is, but trigger is where the big bucks are.

On Topic: I don't like the Quarantine and Cripple fics that have been popping up more and more lately. I hope that the trend goes away sooner rather than later. What's the appeal of reading about someone who is blind as a viewpoint character? It's not like they can see anything. Heck, why would you give someone without the ability to see a wand that can cause other injuries if pointed the wrong way?

Quarantine wasn't fun for you, so you shouldn't have fun writing about people in an imaginary pandemic when you're failing through the real one.

 

When an author decides that an event needs many different viewpoints, a few (ie three or less) in the same chapter can be fine but more just dilutes the writing and makes its more incoherent in terms of a timeline.

 

Wait, is this actually a thing? It's been a while since I was up on new Harry Potter fanfics but whatever types I expected to have sprung up, that wasn't one. I can't see a single way for an interesting story to come from that premise.

 

“As Harry worked/dreamt/looked out of the window, he thought about his past/started reminiscing/went over his history”

BAM! Exposition dump.

tbh, I usually just chuckle about this one.