This needs just a little tweaking:

1. Harry cannot and will not remember the name of the lowly bank employee who took him to his vault on his first visit unless he has super uber Memory.

2. Harry does not have a super uber memory.

 

Quidditch does not result in rippling abs and bulging biceps. At most, it helps with the thighs.


A random spell in a book in the restricted section probably won't defeat Voldemort. He's not THAT incompetent.


Unless there is extreme magical intervention, Harry cannot transform into a 6'6'' 'dashingly handsome' hottie over the summer. It doesn't happen.


Voldemort isn't a kind old man who's just 'misunderstood'.


Devotion of entire chapters to a shopping trip in Diagon Alley (involving goblins and multi-compartment trunks) should be prohibited. Or at least tightly restricted.


Squealy fangirls between the ages of 10-13 should not be allowed. Actually, squealy people, in general, should not be allowed. High frequencies are painful.

 

The Restricted Section is not called the Forbidden Section for a reason. It does not contain detailed manuals of how to destroy the universe, become God or simply kill Voldemort.

 

>.>

"No Harry, I don't think Dumbledore is manipulating your life at all. Why do you ask?"

 

Voldemort is not stupid, and he does not succumb to fits of rage like a Gryffindor and mess up his own plans. ...He does, however, base his survival and most of his plans around easily-guessed personal values. And however amusing it may be to read, he and Wormtail do not have a Pinky And The Brain-type relationship.

 

Gryffindor does not equal stupid or succumbing to fits of rage.

Gryffindors have as many qualities as Slytherins do; they also have just as many flaws. Belonging to Gryffindor or Slytherin isn't an indication as to the IQ; it means having some characteristics that lead the person to appreciate some values more than others. It is a question of what your priorities are, not how intelligent/cool/collected/noble/refined/aristocratic you are.

On a side note, Gryffindor or Slytherin may not be used as adjectives. Throwing one's cloak over one's shoulders with a Slytherin elegance or guffawing stupidly in a very Gryffindor way don't make sense, and are excellent pretexts for a nice and long flaming.

What can I say, I have pet hates.


PS: And the fact that Rowling shows the Gryffindors as better and smarter than the Slytherins for the whole series isn't an excuse for going to the opposite extreme.

 

I'm sorry, I should have said "stereotypical Gryffindor". You know the stereotype. Heroic, brave to the point of stupidity, and usually hot-tempered.

I don't believe that being in one house defines the personality, either, and shouldn't be used to describe someone. It's just something like extra traits. Slytherins aren't all evil, devious and scheming, the traits are "cunning and ambition". And Gryffindors are just a lot more likely to try something new, or get into a dangerous job.

 

Since the subject of wizarding contraceptives have been brought up, how about the subject of magical STDs? Mr. Potter isn't James "Boff-her" Bond, he can not partake in the shagging of a copious number of witches without getting the magical version of the crabs, the clap or genital warts.

Magical Genital Warts, there's a plot buny so evil I almost pity certian characters. <<shudder>>

 

I cant believe I just found this but heres my little contribution to the Potter laws:

1. Voldemort nearly took over an entire magical country, He could not have managed this if his response to everything was A. Crucio B. Avada Kedavra

2. Harry's eyes are simply green they are not deep wondrous pools of emerald.

3. Sirius was his godfather and Harry did love him in the familial sense but not nearly enough to burst into tears at simple sight of a picture of him.

4. The Room of Requirements is a nice room with interesting features but it cant suddenly produce every book Harry wants on the dark arts and most importantly it will never produce long lost letters from Harrys folks that they hid there with their super magic skills.

5. Even if he is slightly more mature than average if a teenager suddenly comes to the realization that he has large amounts political influence and large sums of money he will not use this to try thwart his enemies or better than world. He will use it to get women and live like a king.

6. The Potters were a Pureblood family and so it stands to reason that they might have owned a large manor somewhere, however this manor is not populated entirely by free house elves or other wonderful happy magical creatures.

7. Nowhere does it state that the Potter family were all philanthropists and humanitarians. They could easily be the number one supporters of the muggle hunting bill.

 

I'm gonna disagree on this one. The Restricted Section has some powerful and very Dark stuff in there. Like, for example, books that detail the exact process behind creating a horcrux (though Dumbledore later removed these specific books, it shows the kind of material that is in there).

 

I have to disagree with this. If I suddenly gained political influence and large sums of money I'd use it to thwart my enemies and get laid. Preferably at the same time. Harry/Narcissa anyone?

 

I don't recall that there was any mention in any book about the process of horcrux creation being in the restricted section. There were several books that Mentioned them in there, and apparently they went to far in their conjecture and were removed entirely, but nothing that gave a step by step procedure.

I'm I the only guy on the planet who has no Intention of 'getting laid' before I'm Married?

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Remus and Sirius will under NO circumstances nickname Harry 'Prongs Jr.' or 'Pronglet' nor will they refer to him as 'cub' or 'pup' respectively. They didn't in cannon, they shall not in fannon. The only exception to this is if they are trying to embarrass him and/or prank him.

The Marauders were known only by their reputation in school, nobody could definitely blame anything on them because they used their psudo-names in their pranks and in private. they used their real names in public. it is therefore highly unlikely that anyone will call them by they names they gave to each other. Force of habit if nothing else would restrict people to their actual names.

 

Yes.

Need more characters

 

...

Well... At least I know where I stand now...

I laugh at your need for more characters.

 

Sirius called James Prongs in book 5, during Snape's memory. I think it was after Lily insulted him. Sirius said "Bad luck, Prongs," or something similar.

 

Back to Potter laws.

I'd like to add a clarification to this law:

Clarification: No other canon character may have a facial expression copyrighted, despite of Snape and Malfoy's repetitive efforts to trademark sneers and/or glares.


This can stand as its own law, but I thought it might as well go here.

 

As it has been said, Sirius does call James "Prongs" in their fifth year; James also calls all of his friends by their nicknames in that scene. They were known, just like Fred and George, for their habits of causing trouble: they spent half of their time at Hogwarts in detention, after all. However, I agree that no one else would call them by their nicknames. People would think of them as an inside joke and wouldn't use them.

On a side note, the Marauders did not know about the Room of Requirements. Sirius was unable to point it out to Harry as a good training place in OotP; had he known about it, it would've been the first place he would have mentioned.

 

About the Marauders, didn't Snape recognize the names in PoA when the map was insulting him? I don't have my books with me, but I think he might have at least suspected.

 

I'm thinking "plothole"...

 

Well, he did get Lupin over the moment he saw the names...