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WIP Rebirth by Aya Macchiato

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Kurufinwe, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. Kurufinwe

    Kurufinwe Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2010
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    Location:
    Cracow, Poland
    In advance I should say that this is slash. I normally hate slash but in this story is only occasional mentioned. Story in 50 days got over 850 reviews!

    Title: Rebirth
    Author: Aya Macchiato
    Rating: T
    Pairing: HP/TR
    Status: WIP, 18 chapters, 136k words
    DLP category: Alternate Universe
    Summary: When Dumbledore visits orphanage in London, he finds two very talented young men. Follow their sorting into Slytherin, they coming back for summers in muggle world. Graduating and travelling Europe and death of one and rebirth.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6486690/1/Rebirth

    I encourage to writing opinions.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2011
  2. Dellez

    Dellez Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    267
    Reviews don't mean anything on a site like FFN.

    Will read now, then edit/make new post. with opinion.

    Edit: Read first few chapters, got bored, skipped to the last one, that didn't end my boredom. Not worth reading. There was too much tell and not show.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2011
  3. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

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    No.

    /thread
     
  4. Tehlaziboi

    Tehlaziboi Ninja Meido

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    Male
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    Review count doesn't mean shit. The story's boring and doesn't have anything worthwhile to hook you in.
     
  5. Scrib

    Scrib The Chosen One

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2008
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    2,029
    You lost me at 'slash'

    /inb4 cries of 'Open your mind and give the story a chance!'
     
  6. EarthSerpent

    EarthSerpent Muggle

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Location:
    California
    Im actually hooked on this one and cant wait for the next update. The whole remembering past lives is an interesting idea, and well thought out. Gotta love those Dark Harry, Manipulative Dumbledore stories.
    Cant wait, keep it coming. ;)
     
  7. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    The first chapter has Harry's character renamed Herakles Jude. I'm not going to deduct a point for that alone, but the fact that Harry is there in the orphanage at all is stupid. Is it a time-travelling plot Harry's pulled off? No. Is it related to the retarded plot bunny of souls undergoing reincarnation/rebirth that the story is unfortunately hinting at? I hope not.

    The second chapter is where I concluded that this writer has no imagination. The school year is glossed over egregiously, Harry and Tom get full marks on every single class without exception. No.

    Harry's presence should have been incorporated better, but he makes actually zero impact in the storyline. A few times the writer feints, tricking the reader into expecting a divergence point from canon, only to laugh and go back to the rails.

    The writer tries to do something unique, insightful, and original by linking Tom's prejudices against muggleborns to WWII and the Nazis. Parallels between eugenics and Tom's determination to massacre the muggleborns. I'm not going to actually give any points for that because it's not clever at all, and the WWII backdrop was done by Altered Destiny by DobbyElfLord, a superior fic.

    Infuriatingly, all the interesting stuff that would require the most is time-skipped over. Harry and Tom interacting at Hogwarts, their studies abroad, the war between Grindelwald and Dumbledore. This kind of laziness should offend the readers, but no one fucking cares.

    See? Harry's and Tom's travels abroad and Dumbledore taking down Grindelwald is infinitely more fascinating than anything that's actually been written out.

    Note the exclusive telling over showing. Never once if Tom's charisma actually demonstrated.

    Grindelwald is conveniently dispatched despite the acknowledgment of WWII into the setting. It's like the author's saying "I could pursue what has the most potential to make a great plot, but I'm consciously choosing not to."

    Of course, we know that she lacks the ability to make it interesting even if she did opt to write on that front. At least she understands her limitations and quits before wasting more of our time. I don't think much of that, but whatever.

    Complete lack of any talent in portraying action/combat scenes, but at this point I'm feeling pity.

    Anything the writer doesn't choose to summarize and conveniently avoid having to write is boring shit that isn't as interesting. The writer is also too much of a simpleton to try and pull off a revolution plot with anything vaguely political. "Ministry is stupid, gotta eradicate it, it's not as if SUBTLY INFILTRATING IT AND WINNING THE HEARTS AND MIND OF THE PEOPLE WHILE HIDING MY SINISTER AGENDA WOULD BE THE SLYTHERIN THING TO DO AMIRIGHT? derp derp"

    I don't see much slash here, but the problem is that this fic is cripplingly lacking in creativity and has nothing to offer. Any of thirty DLP writers could write something better in a straight jacket.

    1/5 or 1.5/5.

    A preemptive statement that the low score is NOT because of slash, because I know otherwise Feanorrr is going to try and pull the DLP-is-prejudiced-and-doesn't-give-the-story-a-chance card. Fuck you Scribblerus for trying to give him fuel.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2011
  8. Dellez

    Dellez Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
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    267
    No you don't. Especially when they're this bland and completely boring.
     
  9. EarthSerpent

    EarthSerpent Muggle

    Joined:
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    California
    Of the few well thought out Dark Harry/Manipulative Dumbles, this one is out there i admit. But im still liking the idea. Granted it is more info then action, but i like the depth and politics. Maybe im just running out of FanFics that are new plots to me. Seems i've read most of the good Dark Harry/TimeTravels, and will settle for less. :facepalm
     
  10. Lindsey

    Lindsey Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Seattle, WA
    I have such a strong opinion on this story, that it has forced me out of lurking.

    I hate this story... Actually I have strong dislike on all three of her stories, and it's not because of the slash. I am not fond of slash but I can deal with that, but these stories just pissed me off.

    Here is a writer that actually has some skill. Yes, she needs to be polished off and learn how not to ramble, but she has talent. When I read her first story, Harry Potter and the Descent to Darkness, I was interested at first. I liked the way she presented the Dark Arts and just the story overall until about half way when it crashed and burned.

    I expect Rebirth to be very similar to DtD, they are filled with every popular and lame plot device known to man. Actually, I was shocked to see how many cliches she managed to pull into a single story. The more it went on, the more pathetic it became.

    Both her stories, Harry is like a god. He is so boring. I love Harry because he can do the impossible, this is a Harry that everything is handed to him on a silver platter. Dumbledore is just an idiotic old fool, and I do mean very idiotic.

    After reading way too many words on both DtD and this story, I sent her a review. I told her that her writing was good but she really needed to find some original plots. I even recommended her to go look into the DLP community to go look and read some truly original stories. I never received a response back and her stories went on in the same fashion, so I conclude that she has no interest in improving her skills and so she can burn.

    I hate when people have potential and waste it on shit like this.

    -sigh-

    And on an unrelated topic, I'll go introduce myself tomorrow, now that this actually forced me to write a response. It's too late tonight.
     
  11. Kurufinwe

    Kurufinwe Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Cracow, Poland
    Andromalius, firstly I usually don't read slash and I would never said that somebody, quoting you "DLP-is-prejudiced-and-doesn't-give-the-story-a-chance card". This forum is for everyone giving their own opinion and if everybody agreed about particular thing, it would mean that members just lack the balls too express themselves. Everybody is prejudiced: pro-some idea, and hating something with their whole being. I posted info about story, and no I did not post it because of large number of reviews, it would be just silly. I posted it because, in my personal opinion story is interesting and wanted to share it with you dear forum members :). There aren't many stories out there, which touch the subject of necromancy, which I just find fascinating - the whole synopsis with magic and death has many opportunities, which can only be limited by imagination of authoress.

    Edit:
    Lindsey, I must confess that I didn't read the rest of her stories, I'm starting with Descend into Darkness right now.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2011
  12. NoxedSalvation

    NoxedSalvation Temporarily Banhammered

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2010
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    Location:
    Germany
    A Tom Riddle/Harry Potter slashfic? In the DLP for review section? REALLY? Don't want.
     
  13. Sacrosanct

    Sacrosanct Auror

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2009
    Messages:
    606
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    I have read Aya's other stories Descent into Darkness and Breeding Darkness and they were pretty good. About a 4/5. But they were slash, not only that but its a highly improbable slash pairing (TR/HP) so I put them in the almost recommended thread... actually just the first one haven't posted the sequel yet.

    Anyway, Rebirth was a disapointment for me because the author is a pretty good writer and she writes a shitload before she posts anything so her update rates are ridiculous. But Rebirth just doesn't cut it; I couldn't make it past the second chapter.

    I read slash. But I don't read bad slash. So understand that I am not being prejudiced or biased or whatnot when I say that this fic does not belong in the DLP library. I say this because it just isn't up to standards. My rating has nothing to do with the fact it is slash.

    I give it a 1.5/5

    If you think that it should be in the limelight then by all means post it in the AR Thread but it really doesn't belong here.

    If you find a really good slash fic then post that in the AR Thread too and I'll probably read it but you'll just get lots of people fired up if you post it here.

    Now I'm off to post Harry Potter and the Breeding Darkness in the AR Thread. I expect to see you there soon, OP.
     
  14. Grinning Lizard

    Grinning Lizard Supreme Mugwump

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    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Slash has nothing to do with it. The story is bland. Several 'meh - could've been interesting' points, but no real flair for getting anything decent down on paper and it falls far too quickly into every stupid plot device, cliché and shortcut imaginable. I say that having used plenty myself.

    Tripe. Avoid.

    1/5
     
  15. EarthSerpent

    EarthSerpent Muggle

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2011
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    3
    Location:
    California
    You know, if you kept reading it you'd most likely enjoy it. If you didnt even get past the second chapter, then ofcourse you're not going to like it. I've been reading it, and love it so far. The first couple of chapters are a bit slow and seem like copys of many other stories, but it changes fast. She has thought of a plot that i have yet to read its like. Its a twist on the H/TR like i've never seen. She now has 23 chapters up.

    If you havent already, you should give it a try. (Its worth it!)
     
  16. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

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    Location:
    Colorado
    If a story can't keep your attention for two chapters, it is by definition unenjoyable. I don't care if the latest chapter is the best thing since sliced bread, I'm not going to wade through 22 chapters of shit to get there.

    So no, it's not worth it. Not only is this story not the genre DLP enjoys, it's also mediocre drivel. This doesn't even belong in the Recycling Bin.
     
  17. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    3,947
    Bastards, I did wade through through 22 chapters (by which I mean 11), and there's nothing to wade through to reach. Just a continuous, circular loop of AIDS and fail.

    Also, Feanorrr,

    This authoress's imagination is really, really goddamn limited.

    If you're so fascinated by it read Gravesong Requiem.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  18. ficfan

    ficfan First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Rain City
    It is way too cliche, but actually the writing is good. And it seems improving in every chapter.

    The minus is that it lacks of decent plot and storyline. Cliche, predictable, and boring.

    Another minus (personally): It is a Slash. And not written well enough.

    2/5
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  19. Tenages

    Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
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    820
    Location:
    Philadelphia, USA
    :facepalmWhy? Why do you insist on pushing this? It's terrible. Andro's post lay out all the reasons why.
    (And he didn't even have to bring up the point that it's HP/TR slash.)

     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  20. Paradosi

    Paradosi Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2009
    Messages:
    121
    Location:
    VV Cephei
    HP/TR. Not sure why this is on DLP, but out of boredom I read the story.

    The redeeming factor is that it's readable. 3/5 for an average fic.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
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