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Abandoned Return by Seratin - M - Pokemon

Discussion in 'Games' started by Seratin, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Title: Return
    Author: Seratin
    Category: WIP
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Rating: M
    Chapters: 5
    Words: 27,270
    Updated: March 15, 2010
    Published: February 12, 2010
    Status: Abandoned

    Pairings: Ash K./Satoshi & Lyra/Kotone
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5739567/1/Return
    Summary: After a devastating attack on their childhood, Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak are sent to the first safe place Oak could think of. Now, eleven years later, it's time for them to return.

    Got past 25k words so I figured it was safe to post in For Review. Let me know what you think.


    Checked by Minion, May 12, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2013
  2. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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  3. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Oz is hinting at the fact that he's a good beta. I agree.
     
  4. Sully

    Sully Groundskeeper

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    Whitney sighed. "Alright, what's your name?" she asked.
    "Jim, but my friends call me Gold."

    :awesome

    Well played sir.

    4/5
     
  5. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    Not bad Seratin

    Whitney being a bitch is on point

    4/5

    Lyra is whorez though
     
  6. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    Epic stuff. I was going to suscribe but figured why bother when I can just check it during my routine check of DLP.:awesome
     
  7. lucis

    lucis Seventh Year

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    Best chapter yet. I saw this (and downfall) a while ago, but I didn't realise it was your (pleural) work.
     
  8. MattSilver

    MattSilver The Traveller

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    Don't quite know why you linked the user account instead of the actual story, but whatevs. I'm enjoying this one, though the spelling/grammar mistakes that appeared quite a bit in the early chapters was a bit off-putting. That aside, the world is nice and grimdark, and the characterisations not at all off-putting. Little too early to call the story "super duper awesome", but things are moving along at a nice pace.

    I'm going to say it's Library worthy - because it's always good to get another decent Pokemon fic hanging around apart from Sun Soul.
     
  9. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I have cast my vote. The tribal elders have spoken. 5/5
     
  10. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Ehh yeah, that was totally intentional and I didn't just fix it. Achem.
     
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