This story is okay, and swearing makes it even better

 

huh the story was ok but the cussing and slang was kind old and overused u now harry gets chucked into prison he gets out with all this new power plz that is very over used.

only original part had to be Aberforth Dumbledore helping him.......who is he again he has to related to dumbledore...........sry im just out of it so can u guys tell me who is he ill be grateful

 

I have never seen a vice city/Harry Potter crossover before, so I don't know... (Don't worry, I abandoned that idea)

What I think of this fic? I made it to Chapter 3 before I closed my computer and banged my head against a wall. "Peace".... Holy shit, this made me have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that rose to my throat. I think it's called bile.

This story has no varient on cliches. I have seen this plot in over a dozen other Azkaban stories. Dumbledore puts magical restrainers, frame's Harry for murder, Harry escapes with animagus... blah blah blah. I have even seen that Aberforth thing used before in another fic.

Those diary entries.... beh! If you are in a small prison, and find a diary and pen that is left there for some strange reason, would you waste the limited amount of pages writing about where you got the diary? I know I would just jot down important yet small itsy bitsy notes to save space.

 

I didnt like the recovery into an adonis and the training arrangement with the american is too convenient.

But I like the selfrightious Dumbledore doing bad stuff for a good cause and expecting/hoping for forgiveness.

Its a bit too fast and I dont understand why he needed his animagus form, the author could have him escape without devoloping animagus, that would be more believable. Maybe I just dont like that he's a panther.

 

Ya... the start is... More than just a little predictable...

After he gets away from the prizion it's pretty decent though... Your right about the 'American Unspeakable' being a rather convient plot device, especally as harry 'for some funny reason' seems to instantly trust the guy... I'd Have to say 3/5. Not terribly bad, but the author is making it far to easy... I keep half expecting harry to yell 'Accio Horcrux's' and then destroy them all in a burst of wandless magic causing voldimort to Die of a heart attack when he feels them all go...

 

Not a bad idea, and most the plot points are more logical then a lot of the other Harry goes to Azkaban stories. I like the idea of Albus's brother sending him books, american ministry trying to help him etc. I think Albus's actions are a little wierd though, I could see framing him and shoving him Azkaban but why didn't the old man wipe Harry's memory of their meeting in the office so he wouldn't blame the old man? Not to mention why Harry would mouth off to the man in his office after he already learned he couldn't trust him. It seemed like a rather stupid thing to do imo.

Over all this story seems to fail and not because of any real plot problems, but the ability of the author is lacking. Practice makes perfect they say so I hope you keep going. But the choppy writing, the out of character swearing by Harry, it's not even english swearing it's american style swear words that just come out of no where.

This may not be the best Azkaban story, but it's not the worst either. To bad it seems like it's been years since hte last update.

 

American Harry= fail
Swords that aren't Gryffindor's = fail

 

I used to be a very anti-swearing person. That has changed a bit and I accept it more than I did before, but this ridiculous. The first two chapters, which is all I could stand, seem like an excuse to mouth off at characters. I won't rate it, since I didn't finish it, but the swearing is just too much for HP.

One mistake in the second chapter I found quite amusing.

 

I didn't really consider all that original, or even interesting. The writing style was definitely teenaged, the chapters too short, and the plot had absolutely no twists. You could see where it was going at almost every moment. and even worse, predict everything that both happened and will happen.

 

I agree with the later comments in the thread. I've never seen so high a curse word to non-cursing ratio before, and the writing is insubstantial.

The one exception is American McGee's Vorpal Blade, but that speaks for itself.

 

And here I am with 7000+ words of assorted scenes of a Harry Potter/American McGee's Alice crossover.

Don't worry, its quasi-fluffy horribleness will never be unleashed on the innocent public. I'm simply not that cruel.

 

Seriously? I'm 6,533 words into a crossover too. It'd be really cool if I had 7000+. That, or just creepy.

How does fluff enter the story though? Just curious.