1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. DLP Writing Competition
    Topic - Master and Apprentice (or Mentor and Protege!)

    Click here for more info!
    Don't miss the due date this time Guest - it's March 13th!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Sighs of the Neglected Flower by Nuhuh - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Glernaj, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. Glernaj

    Glernaj Stab Executive DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    364
    Location:
    Round Rock, Tx
    Title: Sighs of the Neglected Flower
    Author: Nuhuh
    Rating: M
    Genre: Drama
    DLP Category: Time Travel
    Pairing: Harry/Lily
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 27,102
    Updated: April 28, 2008
    Published: August 4, 2007
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: What if Voldemort complied with Snape's wish on Halloween 1981? What if the Harry we know used the Resurrection Stone at the same time as a heart broken Lily? Two different eras, two different realities...Post DH
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3703435/1/Sighs_of_the_Neglected_Flower

    Pimping this since Nuhuh appears to be too lazy to put it in WBA.


    Checked by Minion, January 1, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2013
  2. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    Still feels like a prologue, so more chapters are needed for review.
    I do like how it is currently character wise.

    *Also, I can't help thinking of this as a soon to be smut fic. Something about Lily and Harry reminds me of something Vash wrote.*
     
  3. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    7,910
    Location:
    Australia
    -refuses to comment on it until some character interaction is shown.-
     
  4. Rated RKOver

    Rated RKOver Second Year

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2007
    Messages:
    59
    Location:
    FL
    Like I said, so far so good. I do like how you've portrayed Lily as the bitter, only remaining member of the Potter family. But a part in the first chapter bugged me.

    “I will castrate the bastard before he even looks at me,” Lilly Evans Potter swore with feeling; imagining a faceless man
    Suddenly she snapped her hair back from where it had been hanging in front of her like a tangled curtain, a determined glint in her eye. She was not going to let anyone take advantage of her grief or her being without a family in the wizarding world. It was sad that even in this time without a blood relative or someone by marriage in the magical world left her less protected. A lone witch could be pushed, harassed and no one would know better.



    For some odd reason, whenever I read that part, the sentence I bolded seems very abrupt and quick to me. Kind of like it comes out of nowhere, but it's something that's easily overlooked. It might just be me though. And obviously I'm waiting for more. Oh yeah, whenever you get back on IRC or whatever, send me that picture in your sig. The original one that is.


     
  5. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Forty-Six & 2
    High Score:
    1,832
    I think it was meant to be. It was a sudden feeling of determinaton and strength which she didn't have before, something that usually just comes on like that in a burst of inspiration. I would have thought it more weird if it had been a slow, easy transition from the former thought to that one.

    As of the story, please wake up Harry soon as these chapters almost seem like you are just placing in filler and are hesitant to actually get to the beginning of the real plot. Just by your writing as of now, I have wondered about this either being a smut fic or an angst fic. Hope this feeling goes away soon, but at the moment I'm still not sure exactly what kind of rating I'd give this.
     
  6. Iztiak

    Iztiak Prisoner

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,784
    Location:
    India
    Good so far, but as said above, there's been no character interaction.
    I'll wait 'til it gets farther along before I rate it.
     
  7. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    Yey! I wasn't the only one who thought this could end up smut!
    HUZZAH I'M NOT CRAZY!

    Anyways, wake Harry up!
     
  8. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,742
    Based on certain assurances that have been made to me by Nuhuh, this gets five stars from moi.
     
  9. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    2,232
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    13,152
    Before I read this, is Harry batshit insane like in most of Nuhuh's other stories?

    'Cause, despite how a good a writer Nuhuh is, insane!Harry is a massive turn-off for me.
     
  10. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,078
    Location:
    USA
    Glernaj~ Thanks for the pimping. I will get around to posting it in the WBA when I have edited the first chapter and taken care of typoes etc.

    SmileoftheKill~
    In these few chapters I was more focused on characterization so glad you liked it.

    Rated~ Happy to see you liked Lily's portrayal.

    As Kolskit said, it was deliberately done that way. Stressful situations can give anyone jerky responses. Often one has to go from being down to up to get a control of the situation - wanted to show that here in a very small example.

    Dark Oblivion~ Yes, there hasn't been Harry/Lily interaction yet. Where they were both awake, but I wanted to give some spot light just to Lily for a while. Next chapter you will see it.

    Kolskit~ The reason why I am not getting up to the main plot is not to just get filler out of the way. In fact, I don't think what I have up to now is filler really. I wanted to establish some sense of Lily's situation, the magical reaction she has to touching Harry, and a glimpse into what Dumbledore is up to. But mainly I wanted to show what Lily is like before we come to that inevitable scene of Harry meeting Lily properly.

    I will address the smut comment in general below but to your point about Angst: This is not an angst fic, like we have in categories at HPFF...I don't know if FF still has a category for 'Angst.' That said, this is a story where Lily and Harry are under pressures of all kinds, including their relationship development, dealing with the odd position each puts the other in. So there will be enough about that. I don't think it is realistic that there is a happy, wonderful reunion that is immediately comfortable etc.

    Tehan~ Thank you very much :p

    Taure~ I laughed at your comment. Thank you for the compliment that I am a good writer. Don't worry Harry is far from insane in this fic, though you will see him awake for the first time in the next chapter. Besides Harry is only mad in Demon's Feign...he is quite on the level in The Binding...McGonagal just thinks he is insane. Did you think he was crazy in that one too?

    The Alleged Smut

    Ok, since I am getting comments on this in irc, msn and here...I really did not write any of this with the setup for smut in mind. This story has a plot that will be revealed, by no means is this PWP. I have been meaning to do this kind of story for sometime, so any 'action' will be a part of the greater story and not The story.

    Yes, I fully intend on making this Harry/Lily...but I want to get there without a ridiculous,

    "Mum you're hot, can I bang you?"

    "Why, of course Darling. How did you miss the subtext of my spread legs all this time? Come here you nubile young thing."

    But, I really, really don't understand...does the tone so far scream smut? Because that was not my intention. I was trying to show a character, her grief, vulnerabilities and strength too.

    For those of you looking for smut, sorry guys and girls that is not the focus here. Seriously, she can't even touch him yet. There will be a scene or maybe more, but it will take some development before I get there. Until then bug Jon, he has one written up.

    For those who don't want smut and just looking for a story with this pairing, when such scenes come up you will easily be able to skip them. In fact they will only be posted in the DLP versions.

    EDIT: Alright, I'm an idiot. I re-read everything. I was so focused on the emotional turmoil bit I forgot all the hints I put in of Lily's attraction to him. In my defense they were meant to highlight how distraught she is.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2007
  11. Glernaj

    Glernaj Stab Executive DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    364
    Location:
    Round Rock, Tx
    For real smut, bug Tehan for his Harry/Lily...

    The intro is creepily plausible.
     
  12. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,958
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    ZOMG THIS IZ TEH GREATEST WORK EVAR! SO MUCH EMOSHUN! SO MUCH DEPTH! TEN OUT OF FIVE!!!



    but seriously. Im liking it and I was the one who gave Nuhuh the plot idea. I helped plan a bit of it. So I know there is going to be No Smut of any kind.
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,789
    Location:
    California
    Pretty good so far. I really like it. Good story, Nuhuh.Can't wait to read the rest of it. Will rate with more chapters.

    Richard.
     
  14. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    7,910
    Location:
    Australia
    You took the original idea from me, you cunt. :p
     
  15. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,078
    Location:
    USA
    You both just wanted to use the Resurrection Stone...the rest is mine.

    And Jon, Nobody puts fangirl!Vash in the corner!...or call her/him a cunt.

    -Gangsta pirouettes-
     
  16. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,958
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    Jon: no way. Nuhuh and I were talking about it before you ever started your story. So fawk you, cunt! I was gonna write a smuttier version but couldnt be fucked, so Nuhuh took it.

    Nuhuh: die. Just die. I am not a fan girl.




    well..

    not anymore.
     
  17. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    I can't help thinking 'sex change' hearing that.

    Also, update the story! I want to review!
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2007
  18. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,958
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    I ... walked into that one. For shame. -__-
     
  19. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,891
    Location:
    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    Yeah you kinda did Vash. You walked into that and it was similar to the whole church getting really quiet right before you say Go to Hell. It was bad.
     
  20. MysterioX

    MysterioX Professor

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    421
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    off the record
    Read it and to the three chapters I give 4/5.
    :cheers:
    Good luck