4.5/5
Really liked the story. The time hopping was done very well and it had me hooked till the end

 

New chapter is up at both FF and PC.

It's completely Harry-centric, and both darklordmike and mira mirth helped me to get it in shape, so hopefully people enjoy it.

 

One thing I definately liked about this new update was the interaction between Harry and Dumbledore. It was nice to see Dumbledore quickly catching on too Harry's lie.

Too many Independent!Harry fics make him easily able to lie and deceive Dumbledore. Something that shouldn't be possible from what canon evidence we have of Dumbledore.

Another point, is your characterisation of the Flamels. Somehow, I don't like it. It isn't as if you are doing anything wrong. Its actually hard for me to put my finger on exactly what I do not like about them. I know its not much of a help. Maybe its just that I think of them a bit differently than how you are portraying them.

However, I will not hold that as a negative, since, Flamels are pretty much an OC. You are free to portray them as you wish.

I rated this story 5/5 in the Wba, I will be a bit more critical here and give it a 4/5 rating. I might increase it if I like the upcoming chapters. I am especially looking forward to see how you portray Quirrel. Something tells me that its going to be very different than what we are used to seeing.

 

Thanks for the comments, JF.

Interlude chapter posted on both FF and PC.

 

Agreed. It wasn't the most eventful chapter, but it was a neat way to show the passage of time. Tinn did something similar in Song of the Trees.

The seven-year flash-forward at the end was intriguing as well. It will be interesting to see who Undesirable #1 is and why he was keeping tabs on Harry at some point. Voice is certainly not afraid to experiment with moving backwards and forwards in time. He keeps the reader guessing.

It remains a great story.

 

Sixth Movement now posted on FF and PC.

More Flamel interaction, so hopefully you enjoy, CheddarTrek.

Thanks for the kind words, DLM.

 

Good work !
Very cool, looking great so far. Keep going, I wanna see it finished!

 

Delightful.

I must admit, the second chapter was a shock, and i didn't like part of it, but i do like the story as a whole.

Keep going!

 

Seventh Movement posted on FF and PC. Enjoy.

Thanks for the kind words, all.

 

VotN, while its been a pleasure to read so far, and I have to say, the first few chapters were stunning, it seems that it has... gone into the whole cliche ideal a bit. I assume that this will disappear once Harry gets to Hogwarts though.

Another concern I have, is that you seem to be making it a tad too melodramatic, prime example being Perenelle bursting into tears as soon as Harry says that he wouldn't mind them as parents. I mean, I could understand it for Molly, perhaps, but not for Perenelle.

Nothing major really, its just the little details.

 

I don't know on the one hand it is rather melodramatic but on the other hand she has also never had children before so that is probably one of those things that has always really, truly hurt her deep down, 600+ years adds up to a lot of regrets for a person.

 

Well she has had 600 years to pick up a stray, but she only did now because Dumbledore gave them one? Bit silly, but in the end it doesn't really matter, no use nitpicking. I like how the Flamels have been written.

Curious if the stone is going to be destroyed, and if so, how long are they going to have. It'd be pretty lulz for Harry to be all "Yay, I can spend the summer with my family!!" only to have them die halfway through.

 

Eighth Movement is now posted on both FF and PC.

Thanks for the kind words, all.

I tried to set up Harry as being the child that Perenelle never could have, which is why she's very emotional regarding him. She feels like she's been given a chance.

I hope that Harry's first year at Hogwarts proves to be interesting to the reader. Rest assured, this will not be a canon rehash of the first year.

 

Excellent update. The infrequent Slytherin Harry stories usually have either him being accepted right away or just ignored. The in depth intro to the house in your story felt much more realistic and conveyed the isolation much more than the usual two lines about how nobody spoke to Harry or something.

Of course I'm still hoping he crucios the shit out of Draco for being such a bitch.

 

I'm up to chapter 6 but am concerned with the direction the story is going. It seems to be heading in a direction of the standard independent Harry story.

Is Harry going to turn evil? Is he going to rebel against Dumbledore? Is he going to work with Dumbledore? Is he going to become a "real" slytherin manipulating others for his own gain? As of now this Harry seems like Canon Harry with a bit more intelligence added, whose also in Slytherin.

Is Harry's character going to stay mostly static or are his views on the scheme of things going to change?