Sounds a little cuntish, imo.

 

Demons, I haven't laughed so hard in a long while. I'll edit this post with my thoughts once I've given the first few chapters some attention.

EDIT:

Ok, first thoughts...

This is one of the few cases where I have seen a preface written before a story was finished, and it does little but try to dissuade fangirls and set the story up as an entirely original masterpiece. I found it daunting that the author thought so much of herself and seemed to totally disregard the need for feedback (some rot about being god in her own universe and not caring what others thought). I thus find it ironic that she apparently asked for it to be posted here, a community based on harsh but true feedback. Nevertheless, it is too early to judge. Onwards I go.

1st Chapter;

We are thrown straight into what seems to be an AU world, were Harry had different opinions on the third task and his friends, more specifically Hermione, abandoned him at some point. I appreciate the disadvantages of writing in 1st person, but a little extension of this back-story would be nice. Ignoring the 'whole world is against me' angst, which again makes no sense without an explanatory back-story, the start is a little intriguing.

Then it falls. A lot. Harry's whole handling of the 'kidnap' (I use this loosely, as it implies 'against ones will', something which Harry doesn't really fight for) annoyed me. I find it hard to believe anyone, disregarding their previous trials, would react this way; fuck sakes, an anorexic 14 year old girl with 1 leg would have put up a better fight. Harry has been around a sonorus charm before (Bagman at the World Cup, for one) and never before has he reacted in such a way. Even past his sheer pussy-ness, which betrays his whole character we're seen thus far (even including the opening of your chapter and the preface, not just canon), he begins to have near pleasant exchanges with his would-be captors. The whole scene is contrived and forced as a plot device; understandable, but not excusable. For someone who set herself up with such premise and self-high regard, I was disappointed right from the start.

It gets worse. There are undertones of Dumbledore bashing, something I hate when plotted so loosely, and the cliché scene of 'we would have cared for you but something went wrong' style explanation for the Dursley’s. "The Dursley's were actually nice" is such a fucking choke that it brings tears to my eyes.

Fuckwits talking about wards in such a dismissive manner also pisses me off. Despite the fact we know next to nothing of how wards work (and since it's 1st person, Harry can't have any sort of educated guess for them either), why would Harry take the word of someone who just threatened to kill his 'family' (who are actually quite nice, remember) over that of Dumbledore? Weak plot fillers, and it gets steadily worse. The argument that "Dumbledore is a politician, he says what he needs to say" is dumb in the fact that Greengrass himself is a fucking politician. Harry is, seemingly, being made dumb enough by the author-come-god(dess?) for her plot to work. Lazy writing.

The chapter ends with Harry seemingly plotting to overthrow his 'captors' once the status quo changes... It is such a juxtaposition of the rest of his character that I had to laugh a little.

I'm not going to continue, which is a shame as I like the Harry/Daphne pairing, but even her character so far seems to be written poorly (why bring a daughter with you on a kidnap who makes more noise than a banshee and does nothing important but shout advice at Harry to be less swayed by what people say... Despite the fact that her father is trying to sway him?)

I'm not going to rate, I didn't read enough to get a decent scope of the plot, and I'm not inclined to wade through just to get a rating. Sorry, I'm not that selfless.

Dark-Stallion.<O</O

 

The premise shows promise, but still has a lot of room to turn into spectacular fail.

While the writing is solid gramatically, the writing style puts me off a bit, it seems a bit bland and doesn't pull me in as I would've wanted.

3.5/5 rated up to a four at the moment.

 

You're all missing the point. Harry/Daphne that doesn't make you claw your eyes out in rage.

 

This isn't great, but it's far from terrible--at least so far. There isn't really enough here to rate, imo.

On a side note--Seratin, can we ever expect more Diadem?

 

Really guys, it's not that terrible. I personally want to read more.

 

Eventually, I changed the plot halfway through and then lost the notes.

 

I pulled something like a postbomb strafing run across my account today (16 updates across four stories or so).

You may have gotten spammed, if I'm on your Author Alert. There IS a SN update in that blob, if you just saw a lot of "New Chapter ____" blah etc.

Polite note for those that watch.

 

Kid in a candy store. Explosive candy perhaps, but om nom nom.

Wraithspeaker next, methinks.

Very nice chapter - a definite transition from passive/canon Harry, and much more depth into Astoria.

Oddly enough, it's only now that Harry referring to Mr. Greengrass as Glenn bothers me. His discovery about his own quasi self-imposed marginalization over the past years leads to him beginning to take charge of his selfimage... and yet the fundamental relationship between Harry and the most obvious compatriot doesn't change - because they're already on an equal footing. It's odd, given the shift of dynamic between him and Daphne, and his desire to change how people (Malfoy...) view him. While there is a reversal to some extent in the flow of ideas, it seems that for some reason, Harry already saw himself as Glenn's equal...

So yeah, retro-critique.

Otherwise, I'm sill on cloud nine.

 

/insert post-barhopping ramble.

Astoria's over development in the last chapter is actually purposeful. I know people may think I'm pushing the 'creepy little sister' card just to amuse myself, but it's not that. There's a very specific purpose to it, and she's not the anti-Luna.

Does no one else really see how small children are evil? Even without massive mindfuckery by memory charms.

Eh, next chapter has Dementors, so I'm happy.

 

I hate half the things about the story and dislike the rest, and yet, I keep reading and it's still pleasurable. Good update, I guess.

 

Small hiatus on this one, while I refocus on two other projects.

Grimm II and an original. Grimm II because I'm up to it finally, and the original due to fanfiction is becoming stifling, so I wanted to spread my wings a bit.

I won't be whoring myself out like JBern, though. No offense.

 

Lol This story manages to fit in every terrible Harry/Daphne trope there is. I'm almost impressed. Its cliched but writing is decent. 2/5.

 

A 12 year, 5 month, and 12 day Necro is either stupidly impressive or impressively stupid.

Mods, is this some sort of record?

 

I mean, he's not wrong. 2009 was the tail end of the original Daphne trope train, the golden age of the Daphne Era. There were tons of stories like this back then, they were all about 80% of the same as each other except with a couple different changes. Like, everyone would read Matryoshka Vignettes or The Grass is Always Greener, and then they'd write there own story. So like whatever tropes are in this story (I barely remember it) were what we wanted to see back then, and were almost expected. The thing that mattered most was writing quality, and length. That's not to say there weren't cliches and tropes that we weren't already sick of back then either. All the usual diagon alley shit was already painful, like super trunks, multiple cored wands, zillionaire Harry, stuff like that. But then you have magical cores, pointless animagus forms, elemental mages, founder's (or merlin's) heirs, shit like that. So long as the story didn't hit too many of those ones, or if they're executed reasonably well, it was good to go. A story like this though, I mean, you can say the fandom had to walk before it could run. This was one of the better Daphne stories back in the day. The unfortunate part is that while some writers get better and move on, there's a lot of people who are still writing copycat fics of shit like this, where you have to wonder was it written in 2022 or 2008, and that leads to posts like the above one, because it's not unfair to say that the Daphne community has failed to meaningfully progress, or has even regressed, in many areas.