If I could have written the prequels...


...Darth Jar Jar.

 

I mean, I don't even think the ideas in the prequels were bad, I've just always thought the writing was terrible.

I could have maybe done without the DBZ scanners telling us that Anakin was indeed over 9000 though.

 

Just saw this on reddit, a pretty entertaining theory on Jar Jar.

 

Darth Jar Jar is my jam. Headcanon forever forth.

 

If I were to write the prequels, I would make Anakin the main focus from the start of the Episode 1 and make his journey to being the Sith Lord be a mirror image of Luke's journey to become the Jedi Master. A Villain Journey pretending to be a Hero's Journey.

I would start with a little older Anakin still living on Tatooine as a slave. First scenes would establish just how bad it is for him and his mother even if Watto is actually less vicious owner than their previous ones. From the beginning there should be no doubt that there is a lot of anger in him and for a good reason. Additionally, I would use these scenes to show that he has an uncanny ability to intuitively use the Force.

Then he would meet Qui-Gon Jinn, but we would get it all from his perspective. A chance to finally be free even if it means risking his life in murderous Podrace. But because it's not a Hero's Journey, neither Qui-Gon nor Obi-Wan is the Mentor. No, this role is taken by Senator Palpatine who from their first meeting takes an interest in young boy as he senses not only his strong connection to the Force, but his anger that he managed to contain and hide from the Jedi. A perfect candidate for a future Sith Lord.

One change I would make is that the Order doesn't just train future Jedi. Their Academy teaches all strong in the Force, but for a money and it only changes if they consider someone talented enough to join their ranks and they agree. And while Qui-Gon thinks Anakin could be trained because he witnessed his use of the Force, it's Palpatine that decides to help the boy and pay his tuition allowing him to become his unofficial guardian.

Most of the other events from Episode 1 happen as they did, but like I said, it's mostly from Anakin's point of view. There probably would be a little more going on between him and Padme, but nothing romantic since both are barely more than children. Instead, I would have them clash since they couldn't be further apart in the society. One literally a slave, other literally a queen. Though they would in the end find common ground that in the future would allow their relationship to grow.

That's all I got for now.

 

Related: this video makes the prequels actually look pretty good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf4-A33XNTQ

 

I saw those videos a little over a year ago and, while he makes some good points, by the time he begins talking about episode 2, it starts sounding like bad fan fiction (I may not have finished the second video, possibly having turned it off in sympathetic embarrassment - it's one of the reasons, other than having an IQ above 10, that I can't stand reality TV).

And, in all fairness, his complaint about Toydarians doesn't hold much water, since it had long been established that not all races are as susceptible to mental manipulation via the Force as others are. Hutts are an example that was established as far back as RoTJ, since Bib Fortuna was mocked by jabba for being a weak-minded fool, when Luke used the mind trick on the former to get an audience with the latter.

His comment about using Toydarians as storm troopers because of this immunity is just moronic: Just because you can't mind trick someone doesn't mean you can't force push them into a wall or cut them in half with a lightsaber. That's like saying Harry can't be hurt by a cutting curse because he can resist the Imperius...

I've heard that Christensen is a decent actor, but I wouldn't know because I haven't seen him in anything but SW stuff, as far as I can recall. There are a lot of people that don't like those other people's acting in SW, either, and I admit there are some stunningly bad takes that made it to the big screen.

Bearing that in mind, it lends credence to what I've heard about George Lucas being a shit director. So he did a lot of damage with the bad plot, then dealt the killing blow by being a lackluster director.

 

I've seen HC in other things. He's no Denzel, but he's definitely not a shit actor.

Neither is Natalie Portman or Ewen McGregor, despite what the movies may have you believe.

 

Episode 2.

Anakin almost finished his training at the Academy and it's time for him to decide whether he want to be the Jedi or not. He's unsure, but the Order doesn't like wasting talented people like him and they allow them to become Padawans without swearing full oaths. They even choose Obi-Wan, who is like older brother to Anakin, to be his master.

Of course, there is additional reason why they want him in the Order. They hope to use his close relationship with Chancellor Palpatine for their gain.

Anakin doesn't hide that even if he's going to join the Jedi, he's going to take side with many younger Jedi who want to, against the Council decision, fight with the Separatists. He believes that the Order became too passive in their actions, not doing enough to help people in need on planets like Tatooine.

The war is still going on, but it's happening far away from the biggest Republic planets and the general public is not very interested in it. Even an assassination attempt on the Senator Amidala brings only temporal outrage from them.

The plot with Obi-Wan discovering the clones stays mostly the same. Anakin protecting Padme too, but their relationship is different. They were in contact all these years and are very good friends. It's just the first time when they stay together for so long, allowing them to discover that they may want to be more than just friends.

The big difference is the finale. It's happening on the Coruscant when the Separatists managed to get one of their fleets past the Republic defenses (its disappearance would be mentioned few times in the movie).

The battle, both in the sky and on the ground, is bloody and devastating and the Republic only wins because of the appearance of the Clone Army. The only building major building standing without any damage is the Jedi Temple because of its mystical defenses.

The public finally wakes up and wants the Separatists to pay for what they did allowing Palpatine to gain the power he wants.

Anakin finally decides he doesn't want to join the Order because he wants to be with Padme. To his surprise, the Council accepts it without any problem. As they say, it's not the first time and definitely not the last that they lost a potential Jedi because of love. Anakin leaves the Order, but he's still on a good terms with them which is there to show that for all they faults they're a decent group that doesn't hold unreasonable grudges.

After hearing about his decision, Palpatine is very happy. He tells Anakin that the Jedi agreed to join the war, but for many it's too little too late. Because of that the Senate decided the Order can't have a monopoly for a formal Force using combat groups and decides to create their own. The Council disapproves, but right now all the public see is their Temple completely undamaged and believes that they didn't want to get involved in war because they knew they were safe in there.

Palpatine, who in the past was a Jedi Padawan too, ask Anakin to help him form this group and together "rediscover" secrets of the Force that the Jedi hide from people.

One last change is that Anakin and Padme's weeding is not a secret, but actually a pretty big affair since everyone considers him to be someone like Palpatine's adopted son.

 

I would change nothing.

Read and learn, kids:

https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/3qvj6w/theory_jar_jar_binks_was_a_trained_force_user/

 

I saw that today. It's all kinds of glorious.

I really, truly hope that's actually how episode 7 plays out. It would be amazing.

 

Yeah Nemrut linked that a few posts above.

But yeah, it's very compelling. Certain things, like those two droids following Jar Jar with their "eyes" seem too purposeful (though perhaps the original scene included him jumping around like the springy gungan he is) and him being a part of Palpatine's entourage seem pretty strange if you think about it (though could just be an excuse for a cameo).

 

This could be a good means to exploring the story in a more interesting way if you wanted someone other than Obi Wan to be the focus. It could even be a situation where Anakin could be something like Tom Riddle in the orphanage in HBP. Obi Wan would be like Dumbledore's past, as someone who was stuck in the position of educating an immensely talented but broken young man with sadistic tendencies.

Going off the OP, one of my pet peeves with regard to Episode I is midochlorians. In the OT, the force was, as others have said, more rooted in mysticism, and force power was about knowledge. Then, in Episode I, suddenly Anakin is Force Jesus and it's all about those Force germs he's got in abundance . . . :facepalm

 

George Lucas didn't get the Taure magical core memo.


That Jar Jar theory is pretty badass.

 

It's a good way of ameliorating his presence in the franchise, perhaps, heh.

Relative to the prequels as a whole, I also felt like the viewer was left with the impression of Darth Vader as someone who was fooled, not as someone who was corrupted. Did a lot of damage to his credibility as a villain, I think.

 

WHAT IF STAR WARS EPISODE III WERE GOOD? (Belated Media)

 

Much like the other ones, there's good ideas in it but I don't think his version would really be that great.

 

I liked the previous two much more, I thought there were a couple of beats in this one that didn't make sense.

I also didn't like the whole 'preserving the suprise' bit, when the big reveal (his father) and the Yoda one had already been made. The sister one is relatively mild.

 

Yeah, I don't buy that angle either. I'd think those movies would be made with the expectation that audiences had already seen the originals -- that wasn't among my issues with the prequels.

Watching it again I see he had some similar ideas to what little I had of my own Episode III rewrite... still substantially different, but weird considering I took some of his own ideas for my Episode I and II rewrites.

EDIT: You know what, fuck it. I'll just post what I have for Episode III here since I already did the other two. I might still end up writing these fully someday, but if not then at least I'll have put something out there.

Episode III

- Some years after the end of Ep. II and the civil war continues to go on, at this point lasting for roughly a decade. The whole galaxy is burnt out on fighting, but there's no peace in sight. Both sides will accept only complete victory.

- Opens with a massive battle on Cato Neimoidia. Anakin, now taken to wearing a full suit of armor and helmet, leads the Republic's assault with his 501st Legion. Obi-Wan, meanwhile, has kept to a smaller group of scouts and special forces composed only of natural-born soldiers, rather than clone troops.

- In the aftermath of the battle, Anakin orders harsh treatment of the subjugated natives, which angers Ben. Their argument highlights the tensions of the long war, as well as the deep divide in outlook the two have developed. They are interrupted however by a message from the Office of the Supreme Chancellor recalling them to Coruscant. Ben is disdainful of "Supreme" Chancellor Palpatine giving commands to a member of the Jedi High Council, but complies.

- Padme is in early pregnancy, and tells Anakin so when he arrives. Anakin is happy at the news -- happier than he’s been in a long time. Padme continues her work representing Alderaan in the Senate, but both she and Bail are now opposed to Palpatine, who has amassed so much power to the Executive Branch that he's practically become an emperor in all but name.

- Anakin has been appointed special liaison between the Jedi and the Office of the Supreme Chancellor. Thus, he seems to work more for Palpatine himself than the Council, and openly flouts the rules of the Order with his marriage to Padme. This makes the Jedi wary and distrustful of him.

- Ben remains in secret contact with Dooku, and is unsure of who he can trust within the Jedi or the Republic. Within the High Council, the problem of Force-sensitive children not being born or found has grown more acute, and the Jedi are in danger of extinction, to say nothing of the state of the Force.

- There are no future visions of Padme dying haunting Anakin. The general idea is to make his fall to the Dark Side more of a seduction, as Obi-Wan said in the OT, than an act of desperation.

- I haven't fleshed it out, but Ben pursues a lead that puts him on the trail of the elusive Sidious. However, he is interrupted by a sudden, massive Separatist attack, beginning the Battle of Coruscant. In the battle, Grievous and Maul are both finally eliminated, tying up loose ends for Palpatine.

- After the battle, the Jedi try to depose Palpatine, and Anakin (willingly) kills them at the behest of Palpatine, who essentially sits back and watches with a big-ass smile on his face. Having steeped himself in darkness and carrying a few more battle scars (he accumulates more and more damage throughout the story, I'm thinking), Anakin is christened Darth Vader, and goes on to lead the attack on the Jedi Temple while Palpatine initiates Order 66. Palpatine isn't scarred by lightning.

- Barely escaping Order 66, Yoda and Ben launch a counter-attack against the Sith while Vader goes after the remaining Separatist leadership. Dooku realizes he's been played from the start by Sidious/"Sifo-Dyas," and he practically lets Vader kill him in despair at the fate of the galaxy.

- The fight between Yoda and Sidious is purely with their powers in the Force rather than lightsabers, though the result is the same. Meanwhile, the fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan on Mustafar is basically like something out of a Terminator film, where Anakin just keeps on taking more and more damage but keeps coming after Obi-Wan in utter fury, before finally (seemingly) going down.

- I envisioned the ending taking place a few years afterward. Padme is in house arrest on Alderaan. Bail has taken custody of Leia and passed her as he and his wife's own to hide her from Vader, who occasionally visits Padme. Padme, depressed almost to the point of catatonia, eventually commits suicide one day, clutching the old wooden necklace Anakin had once made for her. Meanwhile Ben visits the Lars farm, where Luke plays with a model starfighter. Owen, jaded and cynical, does not wish Ben to have any influence on Luke, and refuses to let him train Luke as a Jedi or to even tell him of his heritage -- in fact, it would be better if he were to leave and never come back. Ben simply says that they will see where Luke’s path takes him, and leaves for the solitude of the Jundland Wastes.

There's more I have on the nature of Palpatine and the Sith, but I think I'll leave that for if I actually end up writing these. Besides, there's a lot I'm still unsure about.