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WIP Subversion by Myricle - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Hymsicality, May 29, 2019.

  1. Hymsicality

    Hymsicality Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    On the wild plains of Africa
    Title: Subversion
    Author: Myricle
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Alternatives
    Pairings: N/A
    Summary: When Voldemort was vanquished, Harry inherited the Dark Lord's prodigious mental abilities but hides them for fear of attracting unwanted attention. His twin brother Jim inherited Voldemort's magical power and was hailed as the Boy Who Lived. Sound familiar? Check the title. Starts in Year 4. AU.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12957404/1/Subversion

    Okay so I know that DLP had...issues with Myricle's previous work "Hogwarts Strike Team." But I'm willing to put my neck on the line a little for their latest fic. The summary is a bit self congratulatory but the author mostly manages to make it work, it's a WBWL story without weird childish bitterness or 1 dimensional villains.

    Has an interesting and detailed take on the magical system, especially the mind arts (and no this doesn't mean hackneyed mind palaces).

    The plot is well thought out and goes along at a good clip and I find the characters interesting enough if not amazingly fleshed out. Very much in service of the plot, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

    Probably the best thing this story has going for it is that it's an actual mystery that feels engaging and has a few delightful twists along the way.

    Some negatives are the fact that this is pretty much just Harry in name only, and that the amount of time between updates means that plot threads show up seemingly out of the blue if you don't go back and catch up.

    4/5
     
  2. pbluekan

    pbluekan Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Yeah ok. I'm filled with confidence.

    I read the first chapter. In short, it tries too damn hard. It's everything you'd expect from the summary. Harry is edgy and the prose reflects that. It's wordy with overly obscure synonyms inappropriately sprinkled all over the place. This is compounded by attempts at "intelligent" humor that just fall flat from trying too fucking hard.

    Had this been published in '09 or so, it would have fit right in to the fandom. As is, it feels like a copy of a copy of a copy.

    2/5 for technical quality.
     
  3. Microwave

    Microwave Seventh Year

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    It was alright. Definitely one of the better WBWL stories if that's much of a standard.

    Harry's definitely a bit too edgy and a bit too overly competent for my liking. I know the author tried to level it off by making characters like Crouch Jr. super threatening or whatever, but it still felt like there wasn't really much conflict, as the main challenges Harry was supposed to face were all resolved through piles upon piles of deus ex machinas. These also seem to take away from the so-called "flaws" the author tries to add to Harry's character, because they never seem to ever serve in his detriment, kinda just talking away from the purpose of them.

    2.5/5 rounded up to 3 because it's a nice guilty pleasure.
     
  4. Sowaka

    Sowaka Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2018
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    Location:
    Northern Japan
    This certainly was interesting.

    The author fulfills his A/N promise of having no filler, because the story moves at a lightning pace. I have to say he managed to create a really intriguing AU. Especially his depictions of Mind Arts shine. I enjoyed their inventive usage, for example Harry and Theo checking emotions of everyone after the fourth champion reveal.

    The main problem is of course Harry being too overpowered. In fact, the story would be million times more interesting if the author took things slowly, started from Harry's childhood, had him learn about and train his abilities, forge connections in Slytherin etc. All this of course without Harry being stupidly OP, perhaps just with noted extreme potential.

    The second problem is the AU being visible in contours only. The author has a Voldemort who's been appearently a terrifying master of the Mind Arts and more, and whose name really shouldn't be spoken. I'd like to learn more about this, more about the war etc. And more about other worldbuilding elements too, like the Unspeakables etc.
     
  5. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    Location:
    Argentina
    As it was said before, it is an interesting story. The author is technically skilled, it shows since the beginning, I enjoyed a lot the vocabulary used and the level of description helped in the submersion.
    The thing is, Harry is very powerful and no matter the odds, he usually wins. But for someone with Voldemort's level of mental skill and intelligence, he takes some time to connect the clues. The author tries to challenge him with some powerful foes but Harry ends winning. That's the problem when you have a character with Voldemort's memories, power, some skills, etc, schoolyard drama it's not enough.
    The AU it's very good, the Mental Arts skills and description feels fresh and I don't think I read it before. The rest of the Magic System showed it's also very interesting. I hope he can keep the level of development in the next chapters.
    The story has only 6 chapters, but I think the first ark is almost over. I hope he explains a bit more the mystery about the Dark Lord, it feels really interesting.

    I gave it 4 stars (3.5 rounded up) mainly for the AU construction and some of the characters development, hopefully he can balance more Harry's overpower.
     
  6. InfernoPlato

    InfernoPlato Squib

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Currently in the United Kingdom
    It's certainly both more engaging and more interesting than most other WBWL/Slytherin fics. It's also probably for me more interesting than many of the other Voldemort's skills merging with Harry fics.

    Others have already hit on the main points; AU is interesting, the mind arts system that the author has written is something I haven't seen before and it's good fun (although not in sync with the main canon Harry Potter magic system just so we're all on the same page).

    One thing that gives me cause for concern, however, is how powerful this new mind arts magic is. It's extremely powerful to put it bluntly and it opens up a lot of cracks and just makes you wonder why, when it's such a huge powerful set of magic, it's not more widely known. Voldemort is a master in the art, and we have seen the impact. And yet, it is very much an underground art that nobody talks about aloud. Of course we're also not talking about the other issue in that because the art is so powerful, and Harry is a master at it via Voldemort, you need him to face powerful foes. But that complaint has already been touched upon.

    I'll give it 4/5 starts just for the good and engaging story, with the potential to round down based on how the mind arts world building develops
     
  7. Nexis

    Nexis First Year

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    I'm at the 5th chapter and I like it so far. Yeah, it's not a masterpiece or anything but it kept me entertained for a few hours and I didn't want to stop reading.

    Harry is super overpowered, but the story makes that clear in the very beginning, so you know what you're getting into. Basically, it's kind of stupid, but still very enjoyable if you're just looking for something fun to read.

    I'm willing to give this a 4/5. Might change as the story goes on, but I'm liking it for what it is now.
     
  8. Lord Of The Sand Grains

    Lord Of The Sand Grains Second Year

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    When I read stories like this one, I realize how much Taure has spoiled me.

    The moment I read that Jim has Voldemort's raw power, I lost all my interest. It seems like such a cheap plot device. It makes hard work, intelligence and your understanding of magic useless.

    Also, Mindscape. 'nuff said.

    Overall, 2/5 for somewhat decent technical writing.