Yeah, I have low hopes for this.

While the story itself is above average so far, it has two massive things going against it. One, it is still super early. There has been no interactions with any other characters that matters and that is always a bad sign. Two, Magicks of the Arcane, his other story that is of a decent size, it is terrible.

 

Going to chime in that the author does not speak English as a first language, and most technical issues considering that are quite minor. Other than the plot, which hasn't exactly gone anywhere considering they just finished their first C-rank, any issues I noticed have been sufficiently covered by others.


Grammar/Tech - 3/5
Plot - Abstaining for the moment.
Characterization - 2.5/5

Tentative low 3/5 possibly rounding up to a 3.5 if the author is able to take the story somewhere and make it enjoyable.

 

The problem with this is that this is exactly the premise of the beginning of the fic. Kakashi is given six months to turn them into a freaking pure Combat Squad.

Also, you're assuming that Boot Camp turns you into a proficient soldier. You'd be wrong. Boot camp turns you into a basic soldier. Boot Camp is mostly about attitude, it's also about teaching you some basic skills, but the rest of it is about one thing.

Toughening you up. Teaching you to think tough, to ignore pain, to ignore discomfort, to ignore stress. To be able to push your body past the soft, untrained physical limits that it had before.

Soldiers may not be Samurai/Ninjas, but the method of a few harsh months of intense training for beginning warriors is an old one, not just part of the modern military, and Konoha IS a modern military, just with ninjas who wield magic powers as opposed to soldiers who wield guns and explosives and calls for supporting fire.


I agree with you about the training method in the Manga, actually, but I think that's why the trope of Hardass Training is so common in Fanfic. Lots of people find it inexplicable that training to be Assassin/Spy/Warrior/Magic Wielder combos is done in the equivalent to a modern school.

So people decide that the school system must actually be terrible and bad at it's job, in universe, and the burden is on the Jonin Sensei to shape Genin into Warriors.

And lets face it, Canon!T7 is terrible and has huge amounts of issues. The only thing that saves T7 from getting killed on their first C-rank is Kyuubi. Haku would have put down Sasuke+Naruto much quicker, and then Kakashi would be left facing off against Zabuza and Haku at the same time. Because Sakura was too busy 'Guarding' Tazuna.

Personally, I prefer the idea that Rookie Warriors are treated like they are being trained to be Warriors. Not to be soft civilians. That means that you must teach them to accept the difficulties and stresses of a Warrior lifestyle.

He's actively dismissive, and insulting, not antagonistic. Antagonistic implies that he's going to work against them. Except he doesn't. He makes it very clear that he is going to do his duty and teach them. The entire point is to shock them through their 'pride' and get it into their heads that they are weak, physically and mentally. That their vaunted 'training' at the academy was crap.

This is where you are wrong. Duty and the Chain of Command has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with whether or not you like the person above you. It has nothing to do with them being nice to you. It has nothing to do with your first impression of them.

You can absolutely despise a person, and still trust them to have your back when push comes to shove. You can really, really, REALLY dislike one of your commanding officers, and still know that he will do his damnedest to see you safely through the fires of war. Because that's what Duty is. Because that's what Trust is in a warrior culture.

It has to do with Discipline. You are a Soldier/Warrior/Ninja, this man has been placed above you, you WILL follow his orders and you WILL listen to what he has to say, or you WILL face the consequences. Your superiors, who undoubtedly understand what is better for you as a Warrior/Soldier/Ninja have made the decision that this is the right man for the job in training you. That means that whether or not he's mean to you, you will listen to what he has to say because obviously someone with decades of experience has chosen him to be your instructor.

In this case it's even more so! The Sensei and the Genin teams are chosen by the Hokage himself, the Supereme Leader of Konoha has chosen Kakashi to train T7, that lends to his credentials far more than a (really relatively tame) dressing down detracts from them.

You're still thinking like a civilian. The difference between a Civilian mindset/philosophy and a Military mindset/philosophy is as vast and extreme as the difference between a vacation/resort beach and the Sahara Desert.

 

[disclaimer: any reference to Naruto canon I make is pre-timeskip only, since I stopped reading it just after that]

Funnily enough, though, I can't remember any member of team 7 ever giving the slightest little bit of a fuck about things like duty, honour and the chain of command in canon - can you? Any time their primary motivation for fighting wasn't career advancement it was a personal relationship. If Naruto ever had the Hokage in mind it wasn't because he had a clue what duty was, it was because the Hokage was a father/mother figure.

None of them have ever acted like soldiers, and if they have ever been treated like soldiers it's only in the most superficial way, e.g. Kakashi nominating them for the Chuunin Exams over Iruka's objections - 'They aren't your students anymore, they are my soldiers', or words to that effect.

Perhaps the modern American military is really like that now, as it seems to be where you are drawing your ideas from. Do they send drill sergeants out into the field as part of the units they train now? Because I was under the impression that they didn't as the abuser leading the people he abused into battle was very likely to meet with an 'accident'.

Regardless, in a modern military trainees enter knowingly and willingly into that culture - they know all about boot camp from TV, film etc.

Kakashi suddenly turning drill sergeant on a bunch of unsuspecting kids who can have had absolutely no expectation of that kind of treatment, given that it is totally different from the military culture found in the rest of the organisation they have been part of since they were practically toddlers, is absolutely not the same, and absolutely would not get the same reaction.

He's not supposed to be training a team for a few weeks that will then go off and never see him again (at least not in the field), he is meant to be part of the team too.

Sometimes people who hate each other can form an effective team, but often they do exactly the opposite. And as I said, if duty is supposed to be the unifying force that will get them to not stab Kakashi in the back as soon as he teaches them how, then someone is going to have to go back in time and get the academy to actually fucking instill a little bit of it.

 

@Tinder: Yeah, and canon is aimed at tweens and early-teens. Good fanfiction, however, is often written by people in their twenties or older, that means that the world is going to be adjusted to fit an older demographic.

Also, the 'But it wasn't like this in canon' is a silly argument. That's what fanfiction is for. To take some parts of canon, and change them so as to write a different story from canon.

Also 'abuser' and 'abused'. ROFL. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and do your best to paint it as a victim/oppressor relationship. These two words alone show you know absolutely nothing about a military/warrior culture.

And no, Drill Sergeants don't get sent out with the Units they train, because soldiers get sent to different bases. Some are Active Duty, some are National Guard, some are even Reserves. That being said, I didn't know many guys in my unit at graduation who wouldn't have followed those men into the fires of hell if ordered to do so, because we trusted them. They were assholes and we got frustrated and tired and pissed, but nonetheless we trusted them and respected their knowledge and leadership.

That being said, you all are likening Kakashi to being their CO. Except thats only partially true at best. Kakashi is a training officer. Genin are (supposed) to be still ninjas-in-training. They're not meant for combat or stealth operations against other Ninja, a Jounin's job is to get them to that point so they can be promoted to Chuunin. Jounin-Sensei are training officers.

At least, that's the way it was at the start of the series. Then Kishimoto made a mess of his own series by completely ignoring the 'D ranks are supposed to have no danger and C ranks are meant to be bandits or thugs, not ninja combat' idea and threw it out the window with every C rank ever shown suddenly getting upgraded to an A-rank or B-Rank.

In the end, the reason Naruto is so popular fanfiction wise is, just like Luckylee sas, because it's a great sandbox. But lots of the issues of canon are held onto too tightly. The characters have potential and lots of the ideas are great.. but the series was and is aimed at young teens and earlier, not at adults. Nor is Kishimoto the most internally consistent of manga-ka.

This story is just an example of someone trying to make the tone of the story more mature, but not going the extra mile and skipping past Japan's obsession with young teenagers.

 

This is an interesting start. Like others said, the 'real' story hasn't begun yet, so I don't want to make a final judgment.

I don't mind the harsh training, but I have to agree that some of the reactions of team 7 didn't feel quite natural to me. Also, Naruto seems to have become an almost completely different character. Giving him a harder edge is okay, but now there is almost nothing left of his original characterization. When he suddenly talked a bit like 'normal' Naruto again this last chapter, it seemed really in-congruent.

What surprised me most in the training montage, is how Kakashi just straight out said: "Yeah, we're the bad guys. ... oh you didn't know? What have they been teaching you at the academy?"
Other than a bit of hand-wringing immediately afterwards, there is no reaction of team 7 to that.
I would have expected at least some form of "When I'm Hokage, I'm going to change this!"

Now don't misunderstand me, I don't mind ninjas being the bad guys and parasites upon the greater society. In any realistic portrayal this pretty much has to be the case. But they wouldn't see themselves that way. I mean who sees themselves as the bad guys? I would expect propaganda here to indoctrinate the young and make them loyal.
Is it just to show how broken Kakashi is? But then why do the genin just seem to accept this?
At this point I'm rooting for them to become strong and then defect from Konoha.

I'm giving a tentative 4/5 here, but it could easily change downwards, depending on the next chapters.

 

My problem is that the way the team reacted was kind of ridiculous. Sasuke may be a bit arrogant but he's arrogant within his tier. It's directed at his peers. As a genin he never thinks that he can take a jounin head on. The only time he really did that as a genin was when he went into a murderous rage against Itachi. He's not going to try to attack one just because of a few insults. Now if he saw Kakashi as an eye thief during that scene I could see it going down like that.

 

As another military member of DLP and one who just went through survival school, I'd like to confirm that Kakashi's intro talk felt a lot like a classic Basic beat down.

They're not necessarily as bad a he was describing them, but it was important to make them feel they are. If it feels like he's exaggerating I'm inclined to call it a unreliable narrator problem in the third person sense rather than an actual detractor.

As for it being a stark turn from the softness of the Academy - once again, that's pretty classic military. Classroom settings are much more relaxed than field settings in terms of rigidity and attitude, because it's easier to cram knowledge in low stress. What field is for is retaining knowledge and connecting it strongly enough to practice that it becomes involuntary even in high stress situations.

This fic has been pretty fantastic to me so far. Honestly, the worst parts I've witnessed have been the Kakashi-Sandaime interactions. All of the Third's dick waving and killing intent fuckery make him seem more like a shitty CO than any sort of badass, which goes contrary to canon. Hoping to see less of that.

All in all, 4/5, eager for more.

EDIT: additionally, I'm fucking thrilled about Team Seven's interaction, which are leagues closer to real battle buddy relationships than anything seen in canon. Being part of a team in a life or death situation isn't making combination attacks. It's knowing if you get hit somewhere impolite that there's not going to be any coyness or delay in patching you up just because they're shy around other people's unmentionables. Every time I see body shame or 'hilarious' nudity taboo scenes in what is supposedly a military society it makes me want to put my fist through a wall.

 

In fact, Kakashi pretty directly says that the reason he was extra harsh on them was because they were all very stubborn and there was no way he was going to break them out of their complacency without being that harsh. In some ways, he's also trying to get rid of their childish rivalries by making himself a common target for them.

It's kind of insinuated that once upon a time, this training was more standard through the academy (and it makes sense - Itachi being ANBU by what, 13?) and that during the time of peace they were having, they really pulled that back (which once again makes sense since all the decision makers probably have their own kid's interests at heart).

I figure in the more usual case, the jounin instructor would slowly ease their charges into the real ninja lifestyle more gently. You could argue that this is not because it's a more effective way of training, but because all the clans don't want their kids being cold killers before they hit puberty (like say, they would in Mist).

As for disillusioning them to the world of ninja instead of indoctrinating them, Kakashi did a pretty good job. He first told them about all the dodgy shit they do, then introduced them to the Daimyo's court, creating resentment towards the Country of Fire's nobility. Coming out of that, they'd probably be a lot happier to be extorting the country's main government.



Anyway, I'm enjoying this fic. I always love fics where the whole of Team 7 improves as a group and gain a camaraderie. Absolutely loved the concept of People Lie (though it kinda meandered without a purpose after a while). So quite enjoy this.

Also, one of the better Sakura's I've read. I like reading her when she's in an interesting manner (eg, Tempered by Water) and she has a pretty cool background here too.

The training scenes aren't too cheesy, and I like the way Kakashi hasn't really taught them all that much in the way of techniques. They're not throwing around huge repertoires of jutsus, but instead have just learned what it means to survive in a life and death situation and how to work together as a team.

One criticism I do have is Kakashi's claim that they're already at mid Chuunin level, and that they can take on Jounin together. It'd be a lot better if those levels were still way out of their league - just that they have a bigger head start over the other Genin that might be spending years in the role before being promoted.

So far it's a 3.5/5 rounded up to 4. Training scenes are well and good, but how he handles the coming aspects of the plot will dictate how this fic can be rated. It's a lot harder to get these parts right, and most Naruto fics just get abandoned or go without any direction and get boring. We'll see how it goes I suppose.

 

Story is a major fail. This guy seems to think that the sensei are supposed to teach the Genin all these secret techniques etc etc. No, when in canon has that ever been implied. Yes the Jonin can teach their Genin jutsu, but the Genin are supposed to pursue their own specializations by themselves. The Jonin are supposed to work them on their basic fundamations so that they are good enough to survive their missions. Meaning, the Jonin train them in chakra control, refining their Taijutsu and the Jutsu they already know and drilling team-work into them.

It's not like it would be actively very hard to figure out what direction they want to go in. Sasuke has the Uchiha-clan records, he'd be able to pursue his training from clan scrolls the same way it's implied he did for the Katon: Ryuuka no Jutsu or the Shuriken hidden within the Katon: Housenka no Jutsu. And he has the Sharingan to steal whatever jutsu he wants for the most part.

Naruto has the Kage Bunshin. The sheer amount of combinations he comes up with in canon is ludicrous but are all quite amazing. My favorite has to be the one where he creates like 200 clones and uses them as a form of whip, throwing his opponent hundreds of feet into the air then using the clones to slam them down, hard. That would literally kill anyone not very durable. Hell, the only reason Sasuke survived it was because of the Cursed Seal. Discover his Elemental Affinity and look up how to train in it and he should be good to go with some experimentation after he's completed the basic wind chakra training.

Sakura was said to be a Genjutsu type way way back. Genjutsu isn't a discipline that can be taught easily, as it's implied. It relies mostly on the intelligence of the user and Sakura was said to be very smart. She could have easily asked Kakashi the basics on it or looked it up at the Konoha library - which is a real place in canon. It's actually shown right after the Pein invades Konoha arc.

The council is a bunch of bullshit, especially this civilian council crap. Konoha is basically a military village and the supreme power lies with the Hokage, a bunch of civilians with delusions of grandeur would get killed. Civilians don't even do much for the economy of the village, it's mostly the ninja that accumulate the wealth of the village through all of their missions. The only thing even resembling a 'council' in Konoha is a group of 5/6 people. The Hokage, The three elders, the Jonin Commander and the Anbu Commander. It's different for each village, in Suna they have do have a council but it's implied that they are all Shinobi and in Iwa there is a group of around 8 elder shinobi that work to advise Oonoki.

Now this bullshit about Sakura's father. Yeah, no. Kizashi Haruno is a Konoha Shinobi, and an implied Jonin at that the same as his wife Mebuki Haruno. This was all revealed ages ago, it's been common knowledge for nearly a year.

Ooc Kakashi is lame. He's got nothing on the coolness factor of canon Kakashi. Naruto basically lets him walk all over him, lame. 1/5.

 

Exactly when is this ever stated in canon? Never as far as I know.

Also your entire post reads "I don't like this fic because it's not the manga."

 

You're review is so spot on. I can't believe everyone doesn't see it exactly like this! I mean you definitely showed your understanding of both Naruto canon and this major fail of a story.

You start off on the right note. How dare Kakashi not show them proper fundamations! He hasn't shown them how to be a team, how to survive, how to properly do a mission, or even how to use chakra control techniques. I just can't believe he started off teaching them all those A and S rank techniques right off the bat! It really was a bad bit of writing if you ask me.

Exactly, I can't believe Kakashi is making him learn other random shit. He should be helping him learn some good secret Uchiha jutsu, along with letting Sasuke copy whatever he needs with his Sharingan. Sasuke should obviously be a powerhouse, and the way the writer portrays him as some loser, who doesn't even get his Sharingan until like the third or fourth chapter is terrible. Everyone knows all Uchiha are born with it at three tomae.

The fact that we haven't seen one Kage Bunshin from Naruto is one of the main reasons I hated this story. And the Clone Whip that he uses all the time in the manga was really needed! And Kakashi didn't even teach him any elemental techniques, what was his problem? The story would have been much better had Naruto learned some chakra control, a nice basic jutsu to start him off, and various ways to experiment with it so he becomes better naturally.

Exactly! If only Kakashi had thought to teach her Genjutsu, that would have been a changer. Like you I haven't actually read the fic, but I'm sure whatever Kakashi chose pales in comparison to teaching Sakura genjutsu.

I know! I can't believe that the writer had the audacity to include a council that has so much power! I wish he had just brushed it off as something that had no official power or right to make laws, and only as a type of advisory board to give him suggestions.

You're right, how dare the writer change anything from the canon. Who wants to read some weird Alternate Universe fic where things might be different from canon. Any "author", and I use the term lightly for anyone who deviates from canon, who doesn't rehash the manga exactly how it is obviously shouldn't write.

Mhmm, this Kakashi is so lame. Also he is a really terrible teacher, and I don't think we've seen any real shinobi skill out of him.

I agree with you, this story obviously deserved 1/5. But I'm rating it down to 0/5 because Kakashi doesn't even teach them basic Fundamations.

 

While I agree that in canon the jounin sensei's job doesn't seem to be seriously training the genin, this is a fanfiction and such a thing is a common trope in the Naruto fandom.

 

New chapter is up. The Wave arc was done decently, but I would not call it a great rendition by any means.

Its possible that the reason I feel so meh about the author's version of the Wave arc is that he made what was a whole arc in the manga just a single chapter.

Either way, the story continues beyond basic training. At the moment I'm still giving it my rating of 4/5, but it might go lower.

 

I'll agree with you in that. Better team getting sent in is a pretty common trope, but at least it didn't get bogged down like most fics do. I'm hopeful to see the Chunin exams, especially if the author changes them around. Plus seeing Team 7 go all out and still get wrecked by Orochimaru would be amusing.

 

Gai tried to teach all three of his students a kinjutsu (and then some with Lee). So it's really up to the jounin what they teach.

 

And let it be mentioned that of Gai's three students, the kinjutsu was learned by the one whom it would force multiply the very least. Lee with gates became viable as a ninja. Tenten or Neji with gates would be straight retardation at its finest.

I'm talking kunai traveling at Mach speed, Neji exploding people with one touch retarded. Really, it's no wonder only Lee could learn it, because otherwise the series would have been about Team Gai.

 

Meh. It must be incredibly hard to learn how to open the gates, otherwise the Kages would just send suicide agents to their enemies, have them pop 8 gates and kill everyone.

 

Go sage mode, drink hero water, open eight gates, Boom.

I'm actually grateful that the Wave arc was as short as it was. In the manga, it was a vehicle for doing a reveal on all sorts of ninja world stuff, nature of chakra, chakra control, the power of the Sharingan, Naruto's nindo, the team-7 bonds, etc. None of this is needed in this story (and the arc's plot line is dead boring anyway, especially after endless fanfiction rehashes).

 

I'm not saying they can't if they want to. I'm saying that they don't seem to be obligated to. Guy seemed to be the only jounin sensei so far to take such an active role in training and that may be because he seems to have taken Lee as an apprentice on top of his personality.