Erm. Some more background information on that one, Riley? Cause it sounds hilarious.

 

Well...there's no real background info to give I guess. Harry spies a Fallen Angel of some kind, Lasciel, Deirdre, whomever. Shit, it could be Meciel and HP instead of HD for all I care. Just include Ice Cream since that's a fairly modern invention and bam, that's what I was looking for.

 

I shall think this over. xD

Yours was awesome too, Tommy. Thiiinking.

 

“I’m not quite sure I understand. What is the purpose of this contraption?”

“Well, it doesn’t really have a purpose. You just put it on your head and it makes you look a little like him,” Sarissa said with an air of confusion. She was pointing up.

Mab glanced at the ‘hat’ in her hand and then at the colorful figure dominating the street sign in front of her. Meanwhile, snotty little human creatures ran around in disgusting glee as their parent chased after them in a poor attempt at discipline. She looked to her retainer and then shrugged slightly before placing it on her head.

The sight of Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears, was entirely too much and she had to be excused for a moment. Mab shrugged again and turned to peruse the shop a little more. Sarissa was still gone when she came upon yet another, similar, odd little contraption.

“Hmm, this is that same as what I have on my head now, but why does it have a little bow,” she mused quietly to herself, “mortals have such odd little quirks these days.” She put the hat back and glanced once more around before walking out of the store, price tag attached and ignoring a stuttering store cashier vainly trying to catch her attention.

She walked up to another vendor and looked at the little conical shaped food stuffs in front of her. She watched as a parent bought a cone for her little hellspawn and the servant behind the counter scooped a ball of what looked to be frozen milk onto it. She narrowed her eyes.

These humans were now serving something from her realm in the middle of this blistering heat? Maybe they weren’t so bad after all. She stepped forward and just pointed at one. The woman behind the counter was slightly dazed by her commanding presence and beauty but quickly served the High Sidhe her chocolate ice cream cone.

Mab looked at the cone intently before taking a small lick. It was delicious she decided, and would be served at every meal within Arctis Tor from now on. She slowly and languidly ate the remainder, unaware of the looks she was garnering from the men around her, much to the distaste of the wives and girlfriends in the area.

Finally Sarissa returned right as a security officer approached Mab.

“Oh this is not going to be good,” she muttered as the man attempted to explain that Mab would have to leave since she was making so many people feel so uncomfortable. Mab eyed the sweating and twitching man with disdain before promptly declaring she would not leave until she had experience the “Rockin’ Roller Coaster,” to learn what exactly a roller coaster was and how it related to her previous experience at a rock concert.

Sarissa ran up to the officer and apologized profusely before slowly leading Mab away. Mab glared at the insignificant speck.

“And where in the world did you get that ice cream cone? We didn’t bring any money.”

“Monetary transactions are below the Queen of Air and Darkness. Now explain what or who exactly Goofy is, and why he walks on two legs when he shares common ancestry with the one they call Pluto who is not in fact a planet but the pet of a talking mouse who should, as far as my Earth biology understanding says should be smaller and less powerful."

 

Bless you, Riley.

 

I stared at it for about ten minutes trying to figure out if I could work my own challenge in, but I felt I couldn't really do Harry any justice since he would have seen not just a Fallen Angel but Mab eating ice cream and I was worried it would never live up to my expectations. Alas, someone will have to write that one.

 

Challenge: Anyone
Length: 1500-2000 words
Prompt: "Heads or tails, Padre," I said looking at Father Forthill through my blood-tinted vision.

Since I created the challenge, I can break the rules.

It’s not gritty and it’s very short.



There's things you just dont do; lines you don't cross. Kidnapping Molly Carpenter is just one of them. If you don't want me knocking on your door with my trustee black leather duster and a blasting rod with enough force behind it to blast you back through time to the days you were catching the school bus.

Yeah, I had the motive to kick some ass. It was just the question of whose ass to kick.

I knew I was having some real bad luck when I smacked my head on the partially opened doors to Father Forthill's church. Clearly, God broke a toenail and wanted to project that pain on to me.

"Padre!" I hollered, the sound of my voice booming off the walls.

"Harry!" His voice came from the otherside of the church where he was stacking his bibles in neat, precise rows. "What's up?"

I walked over to him, bumping my knee on the backrest of one of the pews.

"I need your advice on a question... sort of," I said, taking a seat.

"My door is always open!" he said cheerfully.

"Partially open, you mean," I grumbled, rubbing my forehead which had begun to bleed.

He shrugged. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, Molly's been kidnapped. She was out with one of her shrapnel buddies when she got snatched."

"Shrapnel buddies?" Forthill asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, those chicks with more metal in them than in a handgrenade."

"Did they see who it was?"

"You, a bartender asking that?"

Forthill shrugged again.

"Someone pale," they said. "Pale and tall and lean and sexy enough to cause a washing machine full of soiled panties."

"Vampire?" Forthill asked."

"Yup, most likely."

"What would a vampire want with Molly, though?

"Well, at first I thought they wanted to get at me through her, but they don't do a snatch in broad nightlight... if you catch my meaning. There were tons of people around..."

"So how do you wanna play it?" Forthill asked, looking at me intently.

I drew a coin from my pocket and just then, a bead of blood fell onto it and mushroomed. "Heads or tails, Padre," I said, looking at Father Forthill through my blood-tinted vision."

"Harry, are you..."

"I'm fine," I cut him off. My skull is thick enough to withstand a blow from God's door. Now, pick a side, heads or tails?"

"T-tails?" he faltered.

I flipped the coin, dripping with that solitary bead of blood and caught it. "Tails it is," I said, rising to my feet."

"Wait, what does that mean?" Forthill sounded alarmed.

"It means I go in the hard way," I said, twirling on my heel and leaving the church.

-----

I went back home to get my rod and staff, tonight was gonna be quite the night to fight for. Then I spotted the note on my kitchen counter.

The only reason I had spotted it was because of the whiteness among all that dust. My eyes rested on that note for a second before scenarios began playing themselves through my head.

The only way a note could get through my door was if someone keyed into my wards could get in and place it there. What had shrapnel bitch said? Ah yeah, "He looked pale... like... he needed a tan or something."

I was going to find my brother and nail his ass to the cross.

Just then, bob padded through the door, a passenger to mouse. My cat, Mister, gave him a "how did you like that, sucker," look which mouse ignored. Bob whisped out of Mouse's skull and down the basement stairs. He didn't even greet me! Time to confiscate his soft porn, I think.

"Hiya, mutt," I greeted my dog and unhooked his leash from the bracket beside the door. "Wanna go chew on some vampire beef jerky?"

-----

The note had said

Give me Molly for one night or I move back into your apartment. If I find I enjoy her company, we could take her in turns. Thomas.

I was fine with that arrangement. I was just gonna take a walk down to the supermarket to go buy a fresh pack of condoms. Unfortunately, I had run out.

 

Call me no fun if you want, but you lost me right there. I think Mab would understand completely about iconography and branding. I think she would understand everything you have her gaping at like a dim-witted alien in an eighties movie.

The things that Sarissa would be there to explain to her are more basic than that, and in someways more complicated. Mab would look at a roller coaster and understand that people like riding it because it's a way to experience the thrill of fear in a controlled setting. She would have a lot more trouble with the concept that a family might go to Disneyland simply to spend time in each other's company and create lasting memories together, which are more powerful than the temporary thrill of the roller coaster.

Any exploration of Mab and Sarissa's relationship should begin from there, with Sarissa trying to connect with Mab on a mother/daughter level, and Mab just not quite being able to grasp the point.

 

You know you want to do it, D.

 

Actually, I was thinking about this one.

It seems a little involved for a TGYH, and I'd probably kick Mab, Laura, and Justine right the fuck out of there and replace them with girls Harry could actually live with himself after fucking, but there's potential.

I'm honestly not sure I care enough about Sarissa to bother writing anything about her, but Riley's effort just rubbed me the wrong way. I have too much respect for Mab to enjoy seeing her portrayed like that.

 

Mm. Do it with the characters you feel has most potential for lulz. The point was mostly that whenever shit goes down for Harry, it always snowballs to hell.

And yeah, it was a bit more like Illyria than Mab. Still, cute oneshot.

 

I'm inclined to throw Murphy, Gard, and maybe Ivy (just for the cringe factor) in there, but that's an awful lot of plucky blondes. Maybe I can handwave Inari back from California to break it up some.

The basic idea is that Harry gets jumped by Himeros (Greek God of Uncontrollable Desire) as revenge for putting a spike in Dionysus' comeback plans during "Last Call", and every time he runs into a woman he cares about they end up throwing themselves at each other.

I might do it as an apology for never finishing that Harry/Lily/Maeve fic.

 

Murphy is probably quite submissive in bed as opposed to her normal character. Gard is probably kinky one, doing who knows what with her sisters and Odin. And Ivy, well, how old is she now in the books? Around fifteen years old? Harry having sex with her would be quite questionable, but you mentioned that this is exactly why you want it to happen.

And she is probably the most interesting option. She has all recorded human knowledge in her head which includes everything that there is to know about sex and on top of that she has an experience of all previous Archives. At the same time she is a normal girl. She likes cute things and probably has some psychological issues, especially after being kidnapped by the Denarians. How a virgin like her would behave on her first time?

 

I never really liked Murphy for those kinds of fics, but I'll read it if you write it. ^^

Lily, perhaps? Though that'd be another blonde. Mab really needs to be thrown into the mix.

Aaand yeah, you should feel ashamed of yourself for leaving us hanging with that.

 

Ivy would actually be closer to 13 in the timeframe I'm thinking of (just before Changes). It would be questionable, sure, but that's the whole point of cringe writing. I don't know if Murphy would be submissive, but I do think she would respond to being made to feel pretty. Gard is just an old school Norse girl. I think she would go for enthusiasm over kink.

Zeelthor: Fairy Queens are no good for what I have in mind. Murphy is actually perfect, since Himeros is the guy who makes you fall in lust with someone you either can't have or shouldn't want.

 

Ah, I see. Depends om which queen, though, doesn't it? Mother Winter/Dresden otp!

I'm sure it'll be lulzy. Good luck.

 

Dresden/Titania.

"You took my daughter from me. Now you will give me another one," said the Summer Queen.

 

That would be a hatefuck of epic proportions.

 

In response to Celestin's challenge. Dresden/Titania.

"You took my daughter from me. Now you will give me another one," said the Summer Queen.

I guess this would've made more sense as a smutty fic, but I tried to go for funny. Come on people, keep posting challenges and writing!

***


“You took my daughter from me. Now you will give me another one,” said the Summer Queen.

I just stared at her. “Uh, what?” I managed. There are things not even my snarky powers can handle, alright? “Did you just say what I think you did?”

“That is wholly dependent upon your interpretation, wizard,” Titania murmured, stepping closer, until she stood right outside my protective circle.

“You want me to- give you another daughter?” I shook my head. “I had assumed you’d hold a grudge.”

Titania moved so quickly that I barely caught the movement. Her fist smashed into my circle and it shattered like a pane of glass. By the time I’d gathered my senses again, she sat astride my hips, luminous fae eyes looking down on me.

“You assumed correctly, Knight of Winter.”

I swallowed and tried to find someplace safe to focus my gaze. It’s harder than you’d think. The Sidhe’s beauty is beyond the scope of imagination. Until you’ve seen them, it’s not something you’d think possible. Every inch of Titania was gorgeous. The mail she wore hugged her curves in a pleasant fashion too, though her legs were bare and warm where they rested against my thighs.

“Yeah – Can we maybe take a rain check on this? Sometime later? Like when hell freezes over or when pigs can fly – unless there’s some part of the Nevernever where they can, in which case I take that part back.”

Titania did not seem particularly amused. Nobody appreciates my brilliance.

“You refuse? Many men would kill to be where you are, Dresden.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But after Mab… It’s icky, alright?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“It’s weird.”

“Ah.” Her hand abruptly shot down to my throat and held me down. “My daughter had no choice in the matter and nor shall you. In the end, I suppose this is fitting.

Well shit. Maybe I should’ve tried Mother Winter right away instead?

 

Well, that was... mildly entertaining, and it at least felt close enough in-character. I almost expected Titania to demand little Maggie in exchange for Aurora's loss, when you said you were going for funny.

Hm.

Anyhow, I'll take a challenge. I agree we need more of them!