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Complete The Birth of Evil by DisobedienceWriter - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palver, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. Vengashii

    Vengashii Unspeakable

    Sep 10, 2006
    Why is everyone saying it was the BEST manipulative Harry story? I'm not understanding that. Explanations would be nice.
  2. Solomon

    Solomon Heir

    Jul 11, 2007
    Honestly, I didn't really feel like reading another DisobedienceWriter fic at the moment, but I did feel the need to comment about something:

    This is actually wrong. Two-hundred twelve is correct, since the word "and" in regard to numbers is used to refer to the decimal point. Using an and between the hundreds and tens place is a common error, but it's still an error.
  3. Alexeyy

    Alexeyy Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Nov 14, 2006
    Just checked my dictionary. It said that, I quote, "in AmE the and is sometimes left out."
  4. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

    Nov 23, 2006
    Virginia, USA
    I loved a lot of this one. The good parts were really good, and the bad parts are endurable. I did think that Harry was too damn powerful as a child, and there were certain inconsistencies that irritated me.
    1) Harry murdered Vernon because Vernon had broken Harry's collarbone the night before. The next morning, Harry shifts into raven form and flies (with a broken bone that is probably a major support for his wing) some fifteen miles, fast enough to catch up with a moving car.
    2) As a kid, he can cast spells on the Headmaster that Dumbledore doesn't even notice. Surely skill would count for something, even against superior magic power?
    Things like that brought the story down, but over all I enjoyed it. I was in a mood for a vengeful!Harry story.

  5. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

    Dec 17, 2007
    5/5 for manipulative!Harry. I know I'm a tad generous here, but there really aren't enough of these around at the moment.
  6. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Jan 31, 2008
    At your mothers house
    *blinks* I just finished this one, and all can say is.......wow. One of the best HP stories I have read to date, and even better, it details the rise of a competent wizard with common sense. 6/5
  7. hance1986

    hance1986 Card Captored and buttsecksed

    Sep 2, 2007
    i don't get why people are ragging on this. why people say that this would not be a logical conclusion for a darklord!harry.

    i have to say that this could have been what harry potter could have been if written by a stephen king or other contemporary instead of a children's book sellout bitch like jk rowling. maybe. at least i hope that this is what a stephen king!harry potter would look like.

    in regards to people saying that this is super!harry, it is not. this is smart harry. in this case, harry wins all the time because no one truly makes the connection that harry is the root of all evil, that every calamity that has ever happened to snape and malfoy and all the other deserving cretins began and ended with him.

    in a magical world, where anything and everything can happen, logic is discouraged or hard to come by, such as tossing a man in azkaban for 12 years without a trial. as i said before, jk rowling seriously copped out, providing a wealth of excellent ideas and mythology, but executing it quite poorly, such as making harry a dumb hero, which doesn't work in this day and age.

    no one wants to believe that their 'saviour' is responsible for this, and no one makes the connection that the boy who lived could be a dark lord because harry never lets them. harry can run circles around fudge and dumbledore and malfoy because they underestimate him and they can't think outside the box like harry can, in this case. dumbledore is too enamoured with using proxies and pawns to truly be vicious and get his hands dirty. dumbledore would never have thought to solve the chamber of secrets mess by staging some sort of molestation event to discredit lockhart and get ginny weasley out the way.

    simply put, harry can and does win because wizards and witches are not logical. as long as they refuse to think, harry can lead them anywhere, even into the grave.
  8. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Jun 23, 2007
    Which brings up the question: why does the author refuse to write characters with intelligence comparable to that of Harry?

    DisobedienceWriter didn't write a genuinely smart Harry.

    He makes Harry seem smart by reducing the intelligence of the characters opposing him. So, if Harry can manipulate circles around retards, pardon me while I remain unimpressed.

    Even though your argument in the defense of the story stands, it's still not really flattering. :/
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2008
  9. DoubleE

    DoubleE Third Year

    Feb 17, 2008
    This is a decent story, not a spectacular one. I think it deserves to go in the bin, because there is a high probability this group sees something I do not. The author cannot seem to decide between ruthless!powerful!harry and intelligent!harry. The manipulation from the shadows could work, but not in the number of words the author used. Recycle Bin, I say.

  10. the13thdragon

    the13thdragon Raptured to Hell

    Mar 15, 2008
    It was quite good but nothing exceptional. As people have pointed out it would be better if it was longer and with more detail put in, if the author can write like that of course. I expect it was written like this because the author wasn't confident describing Harry duelling and killing, so he didn't.
  11. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

    Mar 5, 2006
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    I didn't like the wandless magic thing. The premise of the story was that Harry discovers magic like we saw Tom Riddle did in HBP, but DW has not done this.

    It's clear from HBP that Tom Riddle's pre-Hogwarts magic is "controlled" accidental magic, not some sort of uber-wandless-magic that DW is showing it to be.

    And Andromalius I think hit the nail on the head. Harry is only as good as he is in this story because the author has dumbed everyone else down. Canon Dumbledore would never have been walked over like in this story.
  12. Jenkins

    Jenkins Forum Bike DLP Supporter

    Nov 24, 2006
    Quite a good story I think. Harry was shown as slightly too powerful but the author made it so in a way that intelligent!Harry was all I cared about so it didn't matter.

    He was a little too ruthless for me, I don't see too many people willingly committing murder at the age of 9.

    It was still fairly good though. 4/5 from me.

    EDIT: Cheers Mordac :)
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2008
  13. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Aug 28, 2006
    Edinburgh, Scotland
    Yea, not many 6 year olds murder people at the age of 9--a 9 year old, I could see. :rolleyes:
  14. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Nov 14, 2005
    Cold, manipulative and utterly ruethless Harry takes over the world by working behind the scenes. Not a dash of ego or hubris; everything he does, every manipulation he makes, he makes sure he doesn't get implicated personally. Pretty neat idea and decently executed as well.

    Pacing is intentionally fast, but the scene selection is good enough, so I wasn't bothered by it in the slightest. Standard DW self-righteous politics is there as usual, but in this case, it doesn't detract from the story too much.

    Like some already mentioned, the biggest fault of this story is one of DW's old problems - everything is too easy. Harry's moves and manipulations may seem clever at first glance, but when you think about it, most of them come down to him acting like a normal, rational human being in a world of irrational idiots. Even those side-characters that are painted as competent (like the ever-present Saint Amelia Bones) are only so in contrast with the stupidity and incompetence that runs rampart in this setting. The whole thing works out in the end, but leaves the taste of a 'rigged' game - looks nice on the outside, but is actually fake and pointless in its core.

    Anyway, despite all that, this was a very pleasant read. In fact, it's probably one of the best DW's stories so far. Or at least, the one that suits DLP tastes the most.
  15. The Sinner

    The Sinner Looked into the void

    Mar 28, 2006
    Somewhere between the heretic and Un'aria
    The story was both equal parts good, and equal parts bad. The manipulation was pretty good, but rough around the edges and in need of sand paper to correct this deficiency. Harry's dueling style, as in using random house hold spells to fight with, was retarded! What the fuck, was this writter watching Fantasia as he wrote this? Insert pens in eyes please.

    Overall, I give this 3/5 and proclaim this a stupid rise-of-dark-lord!idea? Where was the mass murder of innocents!
  16. maidros

    maidros Fourth Year

    Sep 9, 2007
    Yet another super!Harry (who can compel everyone and turn into an animagus at 9, outfly a car, and out-manipulate Dumbledore) and everyone else idiots. Gods! This particular author is really hot on these - no one but Harry has an ounce of intelligence, wizards are all retarded and the only one who is not an utter cretin is the winner by default. Add to that the self-righteous politics and you have the perfect recipe for inducing people to retch.

    Final score 2/5
  17. Demonic Chair Stealer

    Demonic Chair Stealer Second Year

    Nov 3, 2007
    Not an ounce of real conflict, just a godlike character who gets whatever he wants. If you are going to make a character incredibly powerful you need to create others to match him, there needs to be turmoil. This story isn't worth the effort put into reading it.

  18. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

    Apr 7, 2007
    Good read. I like the fact that everything isn't explained. Not much conflict though. I'd write more, but I'd just be echoing ip82.

    4/5 for me.
  19. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

    Oct 4, 2007
    While the Harry in this story did what he wanted, how he wanted, whenever he wanted...he did it in the best interest of the magical community. Not just as he saw it, but truly in the best interest. Sure, he held a lot of power in this society, but if this is the model for a Dark Lord, then we really need to get away from fictional pussies and start writing some hardasses.

    I like the idea that Harry manipulated all around him, and was truly into knowledge, and understood that knowledge is power. I like that he mapped out the Hogwarts Library, and the 'Headmasters' Collection'. These are honestly the only good traits about Harry in this story...and really of the story itself.

    3/5 Because it was a decent read, but nothing important happened. I'm betting I wasn't the only one who just didn't care that Harry was offing people all the time. There's no connection with the characters here. It isn't a story, it's a huge summary that I'd like to see expanded and re-written in true story fashion.
  20. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

    Dec 7, 2005
    People's Republic of California
    Three thumbs up, would recommend to a friend.