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WIP The Bureaucratic Error by Iniga - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by aspiring_failure, Dec 3, 2020.

  1. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure Banned

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    Title: The Bureaucratic Error
    Author: Iniga
    Rating: T
    Genre: Family/Friendship
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category:
    Pairings: Remus L./N. Tonks
    Summary: After his death, Remus finds himself 5 years in the past, having undone Voldemort's defeat and Teddy's birth. He's going to need his old friend Sirius to help him with this one. Trying again with chapter 92. I think the site is fixed and those of you who couldn't see it last week can see it now. 11-6-2020.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13052940/1/The-Bureaucratic-Error

    A time travel story with Remus going back five years right after he dies in canon. Interesting to see someone not in the know, time travel. There aren't many technical errors and frankly I'm surprised this fic isn't already in the library. Ongoing(?) but at ~400,000 words I'd say it is enough to satisfy most, plus right now (on chapter 93) if the author never updated I'd consider the story complete. On the minus side, it's not terribly engaging and definitely not the way Remus would act in such a scenario but if Remus's actions, or rather his inaction isn't a deal breaker for you, it's an alright story.

    I'd give it 3/5 stars but since from what I've seen the stories with 3/5 here are generally much worse than one would expect, I'd give it 3.5-4/5 stars.
     
  2. Drachna

    Drachna DA Member

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    So, I'm a few chapters in at the moment, and so far I'm really enjoying myself. Iniga's strength seems to mainly lie in writing character, which is generally the main draw of a story for me. The writing is good on a technical level, and everything flows well and is completely coherent. I'd hesitate to give any sort of 'score' so early on, but I think it's decent.
     
  3. Drachna

    Drachna DA Member

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    Okay, so to continue on with my earlier statement, the author really gets into their stride as the story continues. The dialogue is great, and the characters seems to leap off the page. However, one dis oncerting habit of the author is that of lifting lines directly from the book, and from places like Pottermore. As this is mainly done to make pensieve memories and flashbacks more consistent with the books, it usually isn't a problem, but when it slips into the main body of the text I tend to skim through it. The quotes are, however, all credited in ANs at the end of each chapter, and the original writing is stellar.

    I'll give The Beauracratic Error a tentative 4.5/5, rounding down.
     
  4. Barzûl

    Barzûl Seventh Year DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

    Joined:
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    I read through this fic over the last two days and I cannot remember a fanfic where I felt more emotionally involved with the characters.

    Remus felt slightly depressive, prone to slagging himself off and a great man, very much like I remember him from the books and movies.
    The other characters (Sirius, Tonks, Harry, Dumbledore etc.) felt very real and sympathetic. Sirius in particular has grown to be a particular favourite of mine in this fic despite his rashness always being a problem for me.
    The fic has a lot of dialogue but like Drachna mentioned, it's very well written and keeps your interest throughout the fic.

    At times, the relatively frequent quotes from the books were a bit annoying, but not overwhelmingly so.

    The plot was not earthshatteringly unique, but I was entertained the entire way. The butterfly effects from Remus's presence and knowledge does show but not always as expected.

    My biggest criticism with this fic is the fact that the plot does not diverge overly so from the book in the sense that Voldemort and his horcruxes are still the main obstacles. It should be said that the plot is different enough that I did not care too much. Just don't expect Blood Crest-levels of divergence.
    A few plot elements are present from the books but seem to be a bit hamfisted in.
    However you should read this fic not for the plot (although it is well executed) but for the characters and the interactions between them.

    It is technically not finished yet, but it seems to be almost at the epilogue.

    I would've loved for the plot to be a bit more ambitious, as it would've taken the fic to a 5/5 for me.

    As it is now, I would give it 4.5/5, rounding upward.

    I do highly recommend.
     
  5. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Very enjoyable, albeit I'm not really a fan of fics where Harry isn't the main character. Very well written though, and very...different from the usual fair I think.

    4/5
     
  6. Gaius

    Gaius Fifth Year

    Joined:
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    I enjoyed this fic a lot. I wasn’t sure what to think from the summary but it is a very compelling Peggy Sue, especially on the emotional/psychological portrayal of characters.

    I normally read and prefer Harry-centric fics too, but Iniga has cleverly used Remus’ ignorance of the Horcrux Hunt to add some difficulty for him as a time traveler. This was an original touch I hadn’t seen before and thought was well-conceived.

    4/5
     
  7. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    So I'm caught up with this and I really enjoyed it for about the first fifty chapters. After that, a lot felt unnaturally slow and treading water, and harder to keep track of. It's still a good concept, but I'd like it get more on track.
    3.5/5
     
  8. LilC16

    LilC16 Second Year

    Joined:
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    I think it’s a decent time waster. Read it until chapter 21/22 where things just got stupid for the sake of plot development.
    When they find Ravenclaw’s diadem they somehow think it’s a brilliant idea to remove it from it’s nearly perfect hiding spot and just put it in Lupins office for some reason?. And if that’s not bad enough just 2 chapters later the antangonist already has it. And oh boy does that antagonist do some really stupid shit lol. I think one of his super evil plans is to Imperious Harry and force him to ride the dragon in the first task to discredit Harry and Dumbledore?
    Doesn’t really improve at all after that in my opinion. Also there’s a lot of angst.

    Not a bad concept and it’s well-written. I honestly think it would have been so much better to just focus on just one or two POVs instead of everyone under the sun.

    I’d give it a 3/5.
     
  9. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure Banned

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    It has finished (with 7 more chapters, to a round 100). Don't know how to update the WIP tag
     
  10. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    Does he keep it secret or does it tell Dumbledore?
     
  11. Drachna

    Drachna DA Member

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    Is there a reason that this hasn't been moved yet? 3.5 average score (out of 14 votes), minimum of 3 constructive reviews, and it's been sitting here for over 3 months. I noticed that the OP didn't give a library category, but I reckon that this should probably go to General or the Alternates.
     
  12. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    We probably just missed it.

    I'm going to go read a bit of it then move it unless another mod beats me to it.

    I'd guess General though if time travel keeps the world mostly Canon instead of veering off course into an AU. But a lot of time travel ends up AU.

    Anyway if no one else moves it I will when I'm back on the computer.
     
  13. Drachna

    Drachna DA Member

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    Cheers.
     
  14. RandyRanderson

    RandyRanderson Third Year

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    It might be too late to leave a review, but I'm not sure this deserves to be in the library. It's a guilty pleasure type of fic I'd expect to see in Almost Recommended, something I would enjoy if I was particularly fond of the premise. It feels overdone. The writing style feels at times like it's going for one of those melodramatic one-shot styles and at other times it feels like the writing style you'd expect from a serious full-length story. It's not a terrible story but it failed to capture my interest and I forced myself through 20 chapters.

    I rate it a 2/5.
     
  15. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Never too late to leave a review - once it's in the library you can keep reviewing.

    I read the first 20 chapters or so and I think it's a solid 3.5/5 - will finish this arc before seeing how I would round it.

    Moves along at a decent pace. Lupin goes back in time to before Harry's 3rd year and we've finished up 3rd year by chapter 6 out of 100. Makes me wonder where the rest of the story is really going to go.

    There's a few gems in here, and all of these gems are to do with minor bits of character work.

    So far I also feel it falling into a standard trope of "someone fixes everything for Harry so Harry no longer has challenges comparable to canon" issue. I agree it's great that he's not undergoing so much hardship as a kid, but it's still his story even if Lupin is the POV character. So I end up wondering how the author plans to make this work in the end.

    It's good. I'm torn between 'almost rec' and 'scrapes into library' for my own rating so I'll keep reading.
     
  16. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure Banned

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    I don't really have a stake here either way, and I don't greatly like this particular story, for me it stood out mainly because on the whole it passed the test of me not wanting to immediately stop reading this as trash. And having said that, I've tried reading stories from the forum's library and many have failed this test.

    Perhaps stories already in the library should be considered for removal?
     
  17. sirsavagethe21st

    sirsavagethe21st First Year

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  18. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I was in the middle of reading this (finished ch35) when it up and vanished from ffnet?

    I was enjoying it and figured I'd be rounding up to 4/5 for my rating.

    Anyone know wtf?

    Edit: Post above mine, b/c I'm a dumbass and just looked at the old tab I had open instead of refreshing to see new replies. Thanks @sirsavagethe21st

    @Donimo - He mostly keeps it a secret but tells Sirius within the first 10 chapters. They are also willing to change things instead of trying too hard to 'match' canon events.
    Lupin came back during DH at the time of his death. He therefore knows that Snape killed Dumbledore but does NOT know that there was a master plan behind all of that, so that leads to skepticism of Dumbledore on his part.

    Edit: Yeah, rounding up to 4/5. Parts of this are actually quite well done they just aren't always my speed.

    Year 4 and everything to do with the Karkaroff plot was pretty damn solid. If the entire story had been like that I'd have had zero doubts raising the rating another half point.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2021
  19. Yennifer

    Yennifer Muggle

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    As for me I am looking for author's contacts - I'd like to ask permission to translate fic into Russian.
    May be somebody knows her twitter, instagram, tumblr and so on?
     
  20. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure Banned

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    I'm really not that knowledgeable on fanfic etiquette but I would imagine that even without permission if you do a best effort and you mention it's a translation ("this fic from that author") they're not going to mind.