MOAR! I really couldn't wait for this chapter, and in the end im glad that I waited! Looking forward to the next addition, I hope you can keep this update speed since having this to look forward to at works makes the day got a little bit quicker

BTW to anyone who has not realised, the new chapter is up, its just merged with the last post... it sucks cause it doesn't display the thread as having a new post

 

Awesome final battle. Voldemort escaped but we still got plenty of closure what with Harry chopping Vespers head off. Very nice. Also Harry finally picked up one of the coins. Actually I think in Hindsight it was better for Harry not to pick the coins of the two earlier Denarians. Made acquiring Vespers coin seem more "special".

I do agree with others though, that the starting banter while fun was a bit disjointed due to the whole "your turn"-thing. Also I personally atleast found it a bit jarring when Dumbledore referred to Harry as "Mr. Potter". I mean Dumbledore referred to Harry with his first name just a short time before and I would say that the two of them are somewhat close now. Having Dumbledore suddenly go all formal by using Harrys last name and the term "Mr" was strange. Especially in the middle of a fight.

Anyway the really exciting part might be over but I still want to read the aftermath and Harrys reaction to the prophecy and so on so I hope the next chapter will come equally soon.

 

The worst part of the chapter was "You wish". I did not like it. It stuck out something awful and didnt flow right to me.

Other than excellence. Vesper was actually a challenge for Harry while not so much that he was ever just seriously threatened.

 

This latest snippet was everything I could asked for and more.

My feeling on the pre-fight banter is that it was there for a little comedy relief and as maybe a critique on long boring exposition in fights anyway. The part where Voldemort began droning on and on about being more than human and Harry tossed a spell at him because he didn't want to hear the Dark Lord's sob story was an example of this.

Why should you care anout the sad life of someone you are going to cut up into a bunch of tiny pieces shortly? You really don't give a shit about the person except for the fact that they are going to die at your hand.

And the final motivation for Meciel being pissed at Vesper?

The bitch burned her silk sheets. Maybe she did it for the lulz.

A woman scorned, ladies and gentlemen. A woman scorned.

 

The only problem I have with this was the limited mentioning of Meciel healing Harry. With the severe wounds inflicted on him, I think that this would have been a good time to impress on the reader that even with Meciel preoccupied, Harry is still a great fighter. So, maybe just a line here and there about being without Meciel's help? I don't know. Whatever you feel is best .

Other than that, fantastic job. I can't wait to see the aftermath, especially with the rest of the Denarians.

 

I have to give the utmost credit to Shezza for his fight scenes, especially this last one.

Magical duels are all well and good, but I like the intense mix of the magical and the physical in this last one, especially with the clash between Vesper and Harry.

It seems to me that Dumbledore and Voldemort are skilled and powerful enough that they don't need to fight physically, but can hurl godlike spells at one another, as evidenced by Dumbledore using that cool sonic spell that destroyed Voldemort's construct of darkness.

Harry on the other hand, seems to revel in that mix of the physical, the visceral, with the magical. He and Vesper were tossing fire and lightning at one another, but they were also fighting hand to hand and clawing at one another.

It was all very bloody and very excellent.

 

The last chapter was (again) really top notch - that Harry/Dumbledore vs. Vesper/Voldemort fight was simply epic!

I have to agree though that it would be nice to have a bit longer aftermath before Harry disapperates. I was also wondering why Harry was as paranoid about his blood being left behind as he usually is and why he didn't retrieve Vesper's dagger - after all he just had a bad run-in with a left-over item from the graveyard fight at the beginning of the year.

I also hope that we get an additional scene featuring the DA and their thoughts/opinions after seeing Harry in action. Especially Hermione I guess won't let Amanda's brief explanation about demons slide. Also Neville saw an awful lot of Harry's might and it would be interesting to take a peek at the resulting impressions.

Anyway, I can't wait to read on - as usual!

 

Nice.

I'm wondering what issues the ministry is going to bring after that battle. presumably whoever saw voldemort also saw Harry cast the fiend fire(sp?) as well.

Which I'm guessing is a big no no...

I like the fact that you have Harry stepping in to save dumbledore... you give dumbledore some (he's still a good person) ammunition, while harry can say dumbledore owes him.

Because of Fawkes, does that mean any debts dumbledore might owe, the summer fae might also feel the repercussions of it?

since their linked and all...

If dumbledore dies without fulfilling his part of the bargain with fawkes and without clearing his debt with harry, does that mean the debt might get transfered...

Sorry, Dresden debts give me headaches...

Good chapter, though, honestly I found it a little hard to focus on the fight scene. Not your worst, but not your best either.

I had a hard time visualizing where harry was in respect to his enemies and dumbledore. And I kept wondering where the other gryffindors were.

Not that I'm saying you should copy the movie or anything but still some clarification would be helpful.

Though I did like harry's parting line with vesper. I completely forgot about that conversation from earlier on. made me lol.

 

Knowing hermione though she might actually figure out amanada's little hints and try to start some kind of wizarding religious crusade on Harry.

Can anyone say, Bible thumper Hermione?

 

I think Shezza took his inspiration for Hermoine from the ever annoying Murphy for this fic.

 

Chapter 32 Spelling and Grammar

Edit: as has been pointed out to me, the original list of corrections were majorly US English rather than UK Standard spellings. I went ahead and indicated the places where the difference was due to US vs. UK spelling.

Should have a comma before "but."

Consider adding single quotes around "thee" and "thou"

Should be scandalized in US English!

Should be focused.

Needs apostrophe.

Should be characterized in US English!

Consider "observing" instead of "who observed," but in either case remove "the."

Should be channeled.

Should be spiraling in US English!

Presumably, there should be a "me" at the end there.

Should be "Voldemort gasped as the"

Consider emphasizing "word" in the paragraph by capitalizing it.

Replace first single quote with double quote, and remove second single quote.

Should have a comma after "Do you."

Should be leveled in US English!

"Normally [...] under different circumstances" is a tad repetitive. Consider removing "normally."

Should be recognize in US English!

Should be defense in US English!

Should be as.

Should be focused.

Should be leveled in US English!

Should be as.

Should be swiveled in US English!

Should be leveling in US English!

Should be Mr.

Should be still.

Should be as.


Overall a very nice conclusion to the fights, and good work showing that this was a much higher-level fight than those before; also a wonderful place to end. I am a bit skeptical of the opening banter - it seems strange that the other three would let Harry direct the opening of the battle so much. I personally would have thought that Voldemort and Vesper would both attack while Harry was distracted by talking.

Good work on keeping the battles connected, with one affecting what is happening in the other.

 

Wow.

Just Wow, I read the chapter, then read it again. I thought about reading it another time, but then figured that was over kill. I'll probably read it again before I go back to sleep.

This chapter was amazing, and the fights were very well done. An interesting difference between dueling styles, at least for seemingly race-based combat. Dumbledore Vs. Voldemort was very spell heavy, whereas it was a 50-50 fight for Vesper Vs. Harry.

I had a lot of fun reading about Dumbledore's spell casting as he does still seem to frown on the dark arts in this universe, so some "light" ( I know several people disagree with categorizing magic in such a generic way, but I don't know a better term for it) spells capable of going against Voldemort's dark magic is incredibly interesting for me. Generally Authors make dark magic the be-all end-all of battle magic so watching Dumbledore mostly dominate the battle (at least that was how I saw it) was amazing.

And Vesper Vs. Harry was beyond words.

The aftermath will be extremely interesting, as to where Harry will go now that he has his owls and what about the Order of the Blackened Denarion (spelling?) will go for leadership, but I don't think it should be Harry. The sword makes it seem kind of anti-fallen, but Shezza hasn't let me down so far and I can't wait to see what gets written.

 

Seriously. Epic. That's the only way the last chapter can be described.

Fucking Epic.

I haven't been keeping up with DK, but this got me back into it in full swing mate.

Fantastic work.

 

Damn Shezza I know everyone else is saying it but that battle scene was just fucking epic and Vesper vs. Harry was the best fight scene you've done. I don't know how you're keeping this constant level of work but damn its amazing.

 

Could have been better.

 

Could have been better how?

If you have problems with this epic fight scene, please spell out your greivances, because right now it feels like you're just pissing on a very good piece of work.

 

I've said this to Nuhuh before and I'll say it now: no one is as good as Jim Butcher and when I read a Dresden Files story I can't help comparing it to the original series. Shezza, the fight scene was great. Really, it's the best one you've written so far. But it just wasn't up to Butcher's standards.

It's the battle of titans, probably four most powerful mortals on the planet. I personally expected a little less brute force and a bit more elegant and subtle moves by all parties... except for Harry perhaps, brute force is simply his style.

The balance of powers was flawless though. If I was to compare this chapter to a painting, I'd say that your balance and unity were top-notch. The level of detail and brush strokes, on the other hand weren't up to the desired level. You've a base to make this a win, all you need is a bit of a polishing touch.

Add some subtlety and creativity, work on character's fighting styles and the scene will be so beautiful I'll want to have sex with it.

 

More eyehurt for me

Gotta love kinky Meciel