Following KrzaQ in the noble task of spontaneous beta-ing, I hereby do present some finer points that escaped his attention.

I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be a fullstop. <-- Like here.

Deirdre

every

chauffeur

Denarians'

again, chauffeur

I might be wrong, but should it not be 'dared to interfere'?

mortals

again, Deirdre

KrzaQ: there's no mistake in the repetition. The first 'Order' is the subject, the second is the object.

lead

Haha, finally Harry is referred to with capitals by somebody other than the wand-wisards! A well-deserved respect...

... Seems to be all.

An interesting development of events. Oh, and the cliffhanger is just EVIL! Keep writing, we like you despite everything.

I'd like to ask some questions though. Concerning the scene with the search: why didn't they use magical scanners of some sort? An unforgivable oversight, as it appears. And so is that the rooms of the manor aren't constantly monitored by the security, and that the magical surge accompanying the activation of Harry's little device (wonder what that thing is) was not detected. Is it not highly unlikely for people so afraid for their lives that 'there is a standing order to flee on sight' to overlook such simple things? As magic-wielding entities, the Denarians should not be relying so much on muggle guards. Even with dogs. Yes, and the fifty-ton tanks too.

And there is no mention of this yet, but Jon deserves another round of 'thank you's, yes, yes?

 

Very interesting turn of events. The Denarians do seem to be a little to reliant on human technology and manpower, but I think that may be due to a lack of resources on their part and not simply oversight. I'm wondering what will actually come out of Verrine's discovery by the other Denarians. It came as a surprise to me for I thought that she would know enough to be more discreet in her meetings with Harry, but I guess not. Also, I'm looking forward to finding out what Harry's little device is for. Good Job.

 

Probably a hole puncher in what ever defences they have set up. Remember Harry was studying his ceiling. You can shore up walls, reinforce foundation but what can you really do with the roof? Why go through ground or the walls, when you can punch down through the ceiling.

"Here he comes to save the day!" <--- Line doesn't really mix with Harry's personality but it is an amusing image in my head. XD

 

Mabey it had something to do with the ward runes on his roof?

 

I thought at first that in the box of cards were cards, but with runes and she left some in different places and rooms.
Like the runes in a magic circle that Harry could use.

A good chapter, a great way to better understand what Verrine motivates.

 

You'd think she would be more than happy to be "excused" in this case, so I'm going to guess you meant "accuse". FFnet version btw.

 

You Sir, are one evil bastard for stopping there. A very talented one at that but still a bastard!

 

One word: Epic.

Epic fight scenes, epic spells and epic (fucking cruel) cliffhanger.

Can't wait for the next update.

 

missed

created

thin

Awww, you leave us with a cliffhanger again. Good fight scenes, ward sex joke was awesome first time, got old pretty quick though. I can't wait to see ramifications of this attack, or, to be more exact, massacre.

 

Incredible chapter.

I like Tessa. A part of me really hopes she survives, simply because it was so damn fun reading her lines.

 

The fight scene was very good, but that's not what interests me the most anymore. I am very curious about how the black hole treats the Denarian coins. Judging by how much of the manor it has already consumed, it had to have reached at least some of the coins lying around. It has been repeatedly stated that a Denarius cannot be destroyed by any known manner, so will they remain unaffected by the gravitational force like the Sword of the Cross, or will we be in for some extreme, as of yet unforeseen epicness?

 

My immediate impression is that you've made Tessa far too powerful. She's put up more of a fight than Nicodemus and Vesper combined, especially considering that Harry's more powerful now than he was when he fought them. If she was this powerful all along she would have been in charge of the Order, not Nic or Vesper.

Additionally, she gets rid of his Fiendfyre far too easily, IMO. The whole point of Fiendfyre is it's durability.

Cool scene, yes, but it doesn't feel right.

Oh, and Harry allowing himself to get hit with the bullets at the beginning didn't really feel right either, given his reflexes and the fact that he had the drop on them. Why hadn't he applied a charm to divert the bullets' path away from him before he even entered into the fight (Impervius charm)? That would have made the conjuring of a shield unnecessary, or if you don't want the Impervius to be that powerful, then a secondary measure to deal with the ones that get through. Or he could have utilised some other countermeasure. Or even just started the fight by casting a shield, rather than waiting for them to start firing.

Harry, for all his power, doesn't seem to be that good at fighting from the way he acts in this chapter. He allows himself to get injured when he could have avoided it, he allows Tessa to talk for far too long (for all he knew a trap was in the springing), and when he finally does start fighting Tessa he's fighting like a character in a story, not like a real person would fight: he starts with weaker magic and works his way up, rather than going all out from the start.

He could benefit from reading the Evil Overlord List.

 

Agreed. I understand what you said about Nicodemus being killed by a fluke but not Vesper, she was one of the Lords yet Tessa seems stronger. It also doesn't make sense what you said about Vesper's host being near the end of her lifespan, I thought they were immortal?


Oh, what happened to his demonic form?

 

Metaphorically (and metaphysically?) burnt away by Harry's acceptance and use of the Sword.

 

I think I actually voiced this sort of concern to Shezza even before he wrote the chapter. However, I think he justifies both Vesper and Nicodemus' demise by his explanation in the chapter, Nicodemus only died because he grossly underestimated Harry, lets face it. He was stupidly playing with them, and then paid for it.

Vesper... well, lord she may of been. But she didn't have anywhere near the kind of magical power that Tessa apparently does. If you compare the fights, Vesper vs Harry was FAR more physical, while Tessa vs Harry is far more magical, and therefore, looks better.

I'm not trying to justify it, just understand Shezza's reasoning.

Agreed about Fiendfyre.

Overall though, I really love her personality, directly in comparison to Harry's. See, now if you made someone like her fuck Harry, i'd be all for it. But Verrine? Meh.

Either way, I do agree with Taure a lot. As soon as the chapter started, I got the impression that Harry seems really out of practice. He has faced guys with guns MORE than enough times to understand that shielding early against guns = good. Maybe you were trying to show his indifference? It didn't come across like that.

But overall yeah, Harry seems kinda stupid in this chapter, but its only really small things in small places. Easily fixed up.

Overall, really enjoyed it, gotta say.

You are a fucking dick for leaving it right there though.

 

Denarian's are immortal but maybe Meciel's curse on Vesper coin weakened her host overtime.

 

A black hole? They both got sucked into a black hole? XD Evil cliffhanger.

 

Am I the only one who was sad when Verrine died?

And I'm probably the only one who really didn't like Tessa that much. I guess it's just how I expected the scene to go. I thought it was going to be a dramatic as hell final battle deal, complete with explosions and well-timed speeches. I walked in expecting Hamlet, but ended up with the Comedy of Errors.

Not saying it was bad. It was just... off. Didn't feel right.

 

Fuck. I spent about an hour carefully reading through the chapter and finding the mistakes, and then accidentally pressed some key sequence (screw me if I know what it was) that totally eliminated all my work. Beyond any recovery. I'm thoroughly pissed now, so let somebody else do the beta-ing... Fuck.

Oh, maybe I'll return to it tomorrow. Who knows.

The fight is epic. I agree with the points risen by Taure and others, but still, epic. I'd ask to make such scenes appear more often, if only that wouldn't erase pretty much all the epicness.

...If (when?) Harry emerges from the black hole victorious, he'll have a lot of fun searching the place for coins, dodging/killing the remaining guards and possibly wizards who'll arrive to the sight of the greatest magical disturbance in the area in who-knows-how-many years...

It's usual for such situations to progress in one of two ways. First: with some luck Harry manages NOT to land himself in the black hole, while poor Tessa is not so lucky. Second: they both are transported to who-knows-where (or who-knows-when, though I pretty much doubt it will be the case) (or maybe You-Know-Who? hehe...) and finish their battle there, and then Harry is stuck trying to return. Let's see what Shezza will come up with.

 

I can't find any mentions of "black hole" on the FF net version..what verison are you reading?