1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    Shit Post Sunday

    Dismiss Notice

WIP The Girl in the Broken Mirror by darienqmk - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by AceOfSpades, Jul 23, 2020.

  1. AceOfSpades

    AceOfSpades Slug Club Member DLP Supporter

    Oct 21, 2007
    Hot and humid
    Title: The Girl in the Broken Mirror
    Author: darienqmk
    Rating: Mature
    Genre: Horror
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: General Fics or The Alternatives
    Pairings: None
    Summary: Fueled by curiosity and tempted by power, Iris Potter delves into magic far older and sinister than the kind they teach at Hogwarts. When she stumbles into a world filled with dark gods and primordial entities, she realizes that she's gambling with so much more than just her life. Fem!Harry. Fifth Year AU.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13540525/1/The-Girl-in-the-Broken-Mirror

    Found this earlier today and didn't find it on DLP. It's still relatively short narrative-wise but there's enough there to get a feeling for characterization and the start of the world building. The technical aspect of the writing is pretty decent even with the presence of some tropes (Lily has magic ancestors, Harry is a woman). It's got a decent hook but it also fills some of my preferences well (fem!Harry, exploration of magic, deeper mythology, Wizards can actually feel Powerful).

    The world building and AU-esque mythology are the real draw in my opinion. Dumbledore comes off as kind but wise and has some great Gandalf-talking-to-Bilbo-gravely moments where he really feels like an immensely powerful wizard.

    Harry is Iris Potter here and her matrilineal line are basically summoners dealing with Others (Fae, Angels, Demons, etc.) Iris being a depressed 15 year old girl does the dumb and tries to summon Eligos, a Great Duke of Hell, much to her detriment. Horror ensues.

    I'm quite interested in where this story goes from here and hope that it doesn't get dropped like so many other fanfictions...

    Overall 4/5 for me (needs more length to really earn that 5/5)
  2. coolname95

    coolname95 Second Year

    Aug 4, 2015
    I find the premise to be pretty interesting, it kept me reading to the last chapter (so far). I think the greatest strength of the story is definitely the interesting twist on usual HP magic. The technical quality of the writing, though not brilliant, was decent enough that it kept me reading.

    There is a danger with writing a story like this: mixing so much non-canon magic in to the universe creates the danger of just trivializing everything else. Who cares about Voldemort when you have dukes of Hell, deities, etc? Much will depend on how well the author manages to avoid this pitfall, but for now, it's a 4/5 from me for the interesting idea.
  3. Murr

    Murr Squib

    Dec 24, 2018
    United States
    Enjoyable but somewhat forgettable for me. There's not enough setup yet, even for what I'd expect for 35K words. The exposition at the beginning of the chapters from Lily's notebook feels heavy-handed, and while the dialogue is snappy and all, it doesn't feel very original or necessary to drive the plot. Dumbledore and Sirius (and Iris) for that matter are in that uncanny valley between "somewhat true to character" and "so OOC they may as well just be a new character," which has never sat well with me.
    It's technically quite good. I don't like the story's direction (or demon stories in general) and don't like the writing style, but it's at least readable fanfiction.
    One of those fics I'll probably come back to when some more updates roll in, but wouldn't follow regularly.
  4. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

    Jun 4, 2005
    Anyone else read this and wish to leave a review?
  5. Barzûl

    Barzûl Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Dec 31, 2011
    Just read it through and I disliked the characters' voice immensely.

    The story introduces an ancient system somewhat reminiscent of the magic used in the Bartimaeus Sequence.
    This initially had me hooked but I just couldn't get over, how different Dumbledore and Sirius was. It felt a lot like the author forcing their voice through the characters rather than the characters being different as a result of a different universe.

    If you don't mind some quite OOC characters and you really love a demon plot, this story might be better.

    For me, it was technically competent, but not library worthy.