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WIP The Life He Leads by TonyThePony - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Evil Shnitzel, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

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    Title: The Life He Leads
    Author: TonyThePony
    Rating: T
    Genre: Romance/Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: Harry/Tonks
    Summary: Harry Potter had led a quiet life up until his fourth year. As a remarkable series of events occur, his life is irrevocably altered. A quieter Harry navigates the difficulties of the magical world, while mastering complex, primordial magic and working to fulfill his true potential. AU.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12104185/1/The-Life-He-Leads

    Neville is the BWL, Harry is in Gryffindor but has no friends and basically interacts only with Dumbledore. That is until he meets Tonks, who is stationed at Hogsmeade. He is a Transfiguration prodigy and tries to master antique elemental magic. Not all-powerful though. The writing is nice if occasionally awkward. There is a lot of angst and it goes slowly but the author promises changes from the latest chapter posted (13). I'm a sucker for nicely written Dumbledore but the last scene worryingly descended into some cliches. There are also a lot of questions with regards to how things went differently but it's better to find out gradually rather than have it all dumped on you in some stupid and unnecessary monologue. Overall, while there are quite a few things to be worked out, it is still a very nice fic. 4/5 from me.
     
  2. Seyllian

    Seyllian Auror DLP Supporter

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    It's not too awful, but it's not good.

    Proper punctuation consistently eludes this author, and Harry's characterization is grating after reading chapter after chapter of the same thoughts and feelings. The "Northern magics" are interesting at first, but do not bode well for the story's direction.

    2.5/5 rounded down to 2.
     
  3. bbodysplash

    bbodysplash Third Year

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    The first twelve chapters i was happy to overlook most flaws for what I thought was a promising mentor!Dumbledore, but the last chapter felt worryingly mustache-twirling-y.

    Socially anxious Harry is kind of grating, and the stuttering and blushing is a bit over the top. I liked how the castle feels alive and magical, but I wish Neville as BWL was handled differently rather than just giving all of canon Harry’s accomplishments to him. He even has the invisibility cloak and, as far as I can tell, a talent in quidditch.

    3/5
     
  4. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal First Year

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    The last chapters tone, specifically the Dumbledore point of view just felt off. It started off quite well and I could recognize Dumbledore seeing the need for both Neville and Harry to take the reins when his time as sensible. However the bit about his ego and own grandstanding was jarring and seemed out of place. Prior to this I felt the author had a believable if somewhat Machiavellian take on the !DumbledoreMentor role.
     
  5. startrekfan

    startrekfan Squib

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    Wouldn't you like to know...
    The story has some interesting ideas and is in my opinion working quite well with them.
    The characterisation of Harry is very off from what you usually get but in itself rather consistent and not changing too abruptly to be believable, although with latest chapters I fear this might possibly be no longer the case.
    Other characters apart from Harry and Tonks might benefit from being shown a bit more.
    Creating new magics is always a daring task, especially the balancing between powerfull and "too powerful", but I like the concepts behind the "northern magic".
    The author manages to create a talented but not overpowered Harry (although with the way the first task went I'm getting kind of worried).
    The romance is nice, a major point but not too much in the foreground.
    At the beginning it was rather much telling but that has changed in my opinion.
    It is also nice to see an AU where not every divergence is shoved in your face. A problem I have are the stark similarities between Neville and canon!Harry, but this can in my opinion be excused. I like the Dumbledore that is portrayed in here even if he is not the normal Dumbledore, he is also not a mad cackling villain and so quite an interesting character.

    Summarizing I would say that it is quite a good and interesting story and if it does not fall into the pitfalls I am seeing in the last few chapters it can continue to be so. I would rate it a tentative 4/5