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WIP The Merging by Shaydrall - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by dhulli, Jan 30, 2014.

  1. DragonSin

    DragonSin Disappeared

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    There is so much potential that can go into giving Harry a new wand, you can even make up some creatures (it's a fanfic after all) so why do people always resort to giving him a Basilisk core wand? It makes no sense.
     
  2. CareOtters

    CareOtters Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Because snakes and wands are both phallic metaphors, and basilisks are the biggest snakes.
     
  3. LiquidThought

    LiquidThought Squib

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    I've enjoyed this as a pleasant, fun read. If you are looking for something more profound than a light, friendship/romance-centered story with the occasional bonus of quality action, you are likely to be disappointed.

    The plot has been picking up in the last few chapters so it seems to me that the fic is now either going to get a great epic finale or go to shit - depending on how well and how far ahead the author has planned the storyline. We'll see... For now, I give it 4/5.
     
  4. Astaphta

    Astaphta First Year DLP Supporter

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    Despite some good creativity and an overall enjoyable tone and style, this fic is weighed down by some terrible bloating and can get quite boring. The author really has to learn how to streamline and purify his/her vision.

    The first part of the fic (up to chapter 11) features an irritating level of detail (an example of this is an inane conversation between Tonks and a random co-worker at the start of chapter 10, which is possibly supposed to provide context and colour but really just succeeds in weighing down an already weighty fic), an overabundance of poorly-developed, emotionally stunted, Harry-reliant female characters (Hermione, Daphne, Cho, Tonks, the Hufflepuff Head Girl OC), whose purpose is entirely dubious. In essence this first part is a canon-rehash (quidditch match, Weasley ban, Hagrid's inspected class) supplemented by generous flirting, which seeks to set the tone for what follows, establishing who this Harry is and what he is like, and does so quite well, but at too much length.

    The story only picks up around chapter 12 as the divergence only really begins with Y5 Christmas, and by chapter 18 it's roaring along quite comfortably. This middle part is quite good: the second part of Harry's fifth year is interesting and divergent, and the author gives the pointless flirting filler a rest. The lure to the Ministry, the double duel with Bellatrix and Voldemort, all this is rather good. Relationships are explored a bit more fully, and Harry's character is further developed. Some bits and pieces rankle, such as the ridiculous grandstanding in the Great Hall (rotting Ravenclaw's house table, for God's sake! how can he not be expelled or at least suspended for that?), which reads like something from robst.

    However, a number of elements continue to badly damage the story, chief among which is the fact that it is insanely bloated, which means it is structurally unsound. The plot goes in too many different directions and utilises too many different artifices to do so: the whole Stella idea I'm uncomfortable with, and it's not clear where it's going and how it will be explained, the Founders' paintings were already a stretch but getting them into an expanded trunk is really a cliché too far, the Room of Requirement is generally overused and becomes a sort of reified Deus ex machina. Some developments are obviously authorial ideas for one-shots that have been included in the fic, such as the parallel-dimension travel, but this is a story, not an omnibus!

    Then you have completely mad developments such as the cohabitation of Narcissa and Harry, with absolutely no character development at all beyond a sort of spontaneously-occurring, turbo-charged mother-son relationship, which I don't think canon-Harry would be particularly open to. This development is actually what really sealed it for me, as I couldn't stomach the artificiality of this relationship and its complete superfluousness to the main plot. When you already have fifty plot threads going, you don't start adding another one. Unless the author can set about trying to repair this bloating, this fic which is already over-wordy will become completely unreadable.
     
  5. smaxxx

    smaxxx Squib

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    I actually really like this story up until now. However I do agree with some of the reviews already given in here.

    First on one hand I like the fact that Harry seems to be interested in more then 1 girl, since lets be honest which teenage male has only ever had one girl he liked which happens in alot of the stories. However it seems to change rather fast, especially now with him basicly dating Tracey which comes somewhat out of the blue, even though Tracey clearly liked him for a couple of chapters.

    Also his relationship with Narcissa, while I think someone who grew up without a mother figure in his life can connect with someone who acts like a mother rather fast. To have it happen so fast. I find it hard to imagine that living with someone you know form what 1 day ,is anything but awekward. So while the whole Narcissa acts motherly to Harry is fine for me, it should have been a little bit slower.

    Overall though pretty fun read for me, I like how Harry seems to work harder but still is pretty far behind Voldemort.
    4/5
     
  6. Miner

    Miner Groundskeeper

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    Updated.

    This whole Harry's gonna die screams contrived to me and I think there were a lot of better explanations to the magic stuff going on with Harry.

    That being said, if we're to accept that the situation is the reality, I think the author's done a decent job so far of describing how Harry's handling the news.
     
  7. momo

    momo Second Year

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    Alright, I am six chapter into this story. All I can say is that once they come back to Hogwarts, the entire story is cannon rehash. Nothing new out of the authors find except a shrinking charm on a letter from Tonks.

    I suppose the writing is technically correct but the plot itself is too boring for me to continue.

    2/5
     
  8. Jester

    Jester Slug Club Member

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    I never read the prerewrite of this story.

    I enjoyed nearly all of this. It's not groundbreaking. It's competent, easy to read fanfiction. If you're yearning to read an updated take on a classic trope of competent Harry than this is right up your alley. I'm a big fan of the the character interactions, specifically when Dumbledore is involved, also a couple gems with Snape later on. This gives a spotlight to a lot of side characters, and does it without bashing most of the major cast.

    The only thing is that Harry feels like he's rolling on without much issue up until recently. A lot of the conflict feels a bit contrived. This story has a lot of great ideas, solid to good grammar, and is an overall easy read.

    4/5
     
  9. Seyllian

    Seyllian High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    There's a rewrite?
     
  10. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    Some time ago the author restructured and rewrote significant sections of the story. At the time it was something like 22 chapters and was 18 afterwards.
     
  11. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    So I read the whole rewritten version just now, and I agree with the general tone of the comments here: basically a fairly well done Indy!Harry with interesting romance elements but also with consistency problems. It's the type of fic that can be very enjoyable as you're reading it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to muster the enthusiasm to come back when it updates again in however many months, especially with the grim turn it's taken recently. I would like to mention some specific points though (below is super spoilery for the whole fic up until now)

    First of all for everyone who read it before (I didn't, but from Taure's review earlier I can notice some changes) a lot of the cliches have been toned down a bit. No head of house stuff, no Gringotts visit (refreshing, that), just a single-core wand, and probably a lot of other things. It's still ridden with cliches, but a some of those cliches are secretly not as they appear, which makes you forgive it a little.

    Stella was one of those cliches. When you first see her, you groan. Then you warm up to her a bit, and then when you discover she might not actually be what you think she is you think it might be an interesting plot element. Unfortunately, I'm not really impressed with where her subplot has gone so far, but if it ties into a fix for Harry's soul problems somehow it'll recover itself well.

    I like how the romance in the fic is clouded, but yeah, too many girls, and too little focus from Harry. I feel like the Tonks relationship was handled really weirdly; even though Tonks describes Harry as "clingy" he doesn't really seem to cling in the least (and in this situation I would expect most people to fucking cling), and even has this Daphne infatuation throughout. Instead of Harry missing Tonks and sneaking out of the castle regularly to meet her, he's generally content to be separated from his first girlfriend for months at a time without much real bother about it; it feels like an unrealistic swing in the other direction from the laser-guided-romance we get in most fics.

    I don't really like how Tonks' infiltration plot is being handled either, it smacks of angst-for-the-sake-of-angst. How could Dumbledore have planned Harry seeing Tonks die? He was only even near her for that due to a sequence of events so bizarre that Dumbledore literally could've only predicted it by creating a closed timelike curve with a Time-Turner. I think it's fairly OOC for both of them too, and it runs the risk of Harry running into Tonks while she's infiltrating and blowing the whole thing up (I assume she isn't wearing the ring all the time, as Voldemort might be able to notice that himself for all anyone knows.) But that's enough about Tonks.

    Daphne. I honestly feel like she's the most annoying character in the entire fic, if only because she was shoehorned in and never did anything very fun or important. In a weird way the only justification for her annoying existence is that Tracey is pretty cool, so there's that at least. I'm happy to see Tracey is getting more focus over Daphne now (I dreaded this fic becoming Harry/Daphne)

    Bellatrix. I feel this is a pretty cool Bellatrix and one of the most fun I've seen in some time. The whole dynamic between her, Voldemort, Rabastan, Harry-with-Rabastan's-memories, it's all great, and I really want to see the fucked up places it ends up going. Maybe some of it with the one-sided Voldemort crush is a bit cliched, but I don't even care, it all works so well. I'm pulling for this fic to end Harry/Bellatrix, honestly; those two crazy kids deserve a happy ending with each other.

    Harry's magic cancer. It's a cancer to the plot too, IMO. Cliche-ridden romp fics like this get by on pizazz and fun and shock and awe. Magic death cancer is none of those things. And the Flamel being the President was just a dumb cherry on the dumb cake of this whole sideplot. I have a feeling this is going to dog the fic until it's over, harsh the buzz on most of the romance angle that made it so original, keep the dumb Flamel elements recurring in the fic, and generally be an absolute chore. I'd forgive it a lot if Bellatrix notices Harry is depressed and they have a heart-to-heart chat to make him feel better though (I can kind of see it, honestly.)

    Despite the negative tone a lot of this has taken, I do find it an enjoyable fic on the whole (just less so in this most recent chapter, urgh), and since I generally grade enjoyable fics very generously, I gave it a 4/5.