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WIP The Minister's Daughter by Don E. Delivery

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Averis, Apr 22, 2013.

  1. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    185
    High Score:
    3,065
    Title: The Minister's Daughter
    Author: Don E. Delivery (Averis)
    Category: Humor/Romance/Adventure
    Relationships: Harry/Ginny, Harry/OC
    Chapters: 5
    Words: 36,739
    Rating: M
    Summary: Harry Potter always had a way of attracting trouble. Who knew trouble could be so attractive? Harry/Ginny, Harry/OC. One does not simply sex up the French Minister of Magic's daughter and expect it to stay quiet...

    Author's Note to Readers:​

    If you've ever read one of my stories, you'll notice that I typically use humor and romance to drive my stories forward. This will be much of the same, leaning a bit more towards romance in the beginning, while the story is being set up. Essentially, Harry's loyalty to his first love and the Weasleys is being tested by a new woman, a clerk in his auror department. Little does he know who this woman really is, the company she keeps, and the social circles she dips in and out of. One does not simply sex up the French Minister of Magic's daughter and expect it to stay quiet...

    The Prologue (Teaser):​

    For what it's worth, when we first started fucking, I had no idea she was the French Minister's daughter.

    To me, she was just the tall, slender, long-legged blonde who sat at the third desk down from me in the auror department. Ron had even confided in me that he thought she was a babe; unfortunately for him, he had decided to bring it up at a family dinner and he was still paying for it with Hermione. Ginny had looked sharply at me, as if gauging me for a reaction, but I told her I had no idea who he was talking about.

    I knew exactly who he was talking about.

    In any case, Ms. Dubois' duties in our department were restricted to producing flying sticky notes and occasionally making coffee, so it wasn't like we had that much contact on a day to day basis. But one day, after a remarkably frustrating morning consisting of one bowl of runny oatmeal and a stack of documents chest-high, I sipped the delightful beverage through my perpetual scowl while waiting for Ron to return from the lavatory. Immediately, before I could convince myself talking to this woman was a bad idea, I went to her desk to thank her for the extra effort she put into making something that typically went unnoticed into the highlight of my stressful morning.

    Ginny was still my girlfriend, and while she said our relationship was very serious, I was having second thoughts seemingly every other second. Locking eyes with the blonde for the first time, it became startlingly clear that I had no interest in continuing that particular relationship any longer; at least, not when I could have a woman like the grey-eyed fox in front of me, smiling like the cat who was about to mount the canary.

    That didn't mean I ran out and bought her a diamond ring, nor did it mean that I asked Ginny to return hers. As you might guess, our situation was quite a bit more convoluted than that, considering the wedding had already been planned and replanned by my best friend, my girlfriend, and my soon-to-be mother in law. To cancel now would be the most dramatic turn of events since the death of Voldemort himself, and if I wasn't very badly mistaken, Harry Potter as a runaway groom would be the biggest news story since the Dark Lord's demise.

    So... why did I wake up this morning, unclothed, with Patricia Dubois' long arms wrapped around my waist and her blonde head on my chest?


    Additional Notes:

    I feel like this is the best of the Harry Potter fanfics I've written, and with three of them in the library, I'd expect this one to have the same reception... I'm also selfishly hoping it's accepted into the DLP C2, as few people have reviewed thus far for the large word count and, dare I say, quality of the story. I'd love to hear some feedback from you guys...

    SO READ THIS FIC, PUNKS...

    EDIT: Sorry I forgot the link!
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2013
  2. shizuki

    shizuki First Year

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    For reviewers: There's a link in his signature. It should be at the top yes, but I'll save you a bit of searching.
     
  3. Krieger

    Krieger Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,361
    What's there to say? The quality of the writing is awesome as usual, and it's refreshing to read a realistic Harry instead of a saint. The further the story goes the more the plots build up, but I do think this is still a bit early to rate because there has been no resolutions as of yet and we are just only getting started on the story (I believe).

    I'd still rate 5/5 for the high quality of writing and interesting plots and realism of some characters.
     
  4. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2013
    Messages:
    1,303
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Holy Moose Empire
    High Score:
    1,826+3348
    I hope it's alright for newbs to post in the Review Board.

    I must say that when the very first sentence mentions fucking I tend to cringe, but perhaps that's just the prude in me (insert_lol_here).

    But I kept on reading and I'm glad I did.

    As far as the quality of writing goes, I think I noticed a few things that did not quite sound correctly, but that could just be my really bad eyesight or the fact that English is not my first language and therefore I don't know all about its grammar. And it was once or twice in 36k words, so even if, it doesn't matter.

    Lovin' the plot too. Can't put my finger on what the French are up to and that's the fun of it. And it's always a plus if the characters are not all black-and-white.

    5/5
     
  5. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    365
    Location:
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    Pretty much this ^

    But 4.5/5 for what we've got so far, which will be a 5 if I get to read about the first fight with the giants today ;)
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,245
    Location:
    The South
    A 4/5 from me.

    The writing is high quality, the scenes feel realistic, and the amount of humor is just right. Dialogue also feels natural and whatnot. The romance elements aren't over-powering. Magic is there in a believable amount (some authors seem to forget that magic exists in HP fanfics).

    So why isn't it 5/5? Well, to be honest, it's because this just isn't quite my cup of tea. I have a strong preference for reading about a younger Harry and romance has never been something I enjoyed (in this instance I am using "romance" to describe casual sexual relationships and whatnot as well). I can recognize it's good though.

    But it's not "fun" for me to read. That's just a personal thing though and this story is worth the time to check out.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
  7. Materia-Blade

    Materia-Blade First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2011
    Messages:
    40
    Location:
    Fussa, Japan
    My review is in the work by author. Loved the writing and the first sentence was a hook that just snared me. A harpoon I tell you! 4/5 within stepping distance of 5/5 easily.
     
  8. Rapscallion

    Rapscallion Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2011
    Messages:
    356
    Location:
    Vaes Dothrak
    I saw this fic in Wba many times but didn't try to read it, until now, when it was put up in review board.

    To be honest, while Averis' writing is very good technically, no grammatical mistakes, a smooth flow throughout, no awkward sentence structuring etc, there always have been something that prevented me from getting into his fics.

    For instance, in this fic, characterization of harry looks realistic but when he starts retelling the story of Ginny and himself to an almost stranger, I involuntarily cringed. Ron, Ginny (and even Hermione to some extent) are always on his his back, as if he is a famous cheating bastard. While yes he is cheating right now, but the way everybody of them is suspecting his every move was bit too much, and a bit irritating, makes me feel he has been committing this crime from his birth. Arrangement of the OC i.e. Patricia seemed entirely too convenient to me, and Harry's interaction with her was very average to me, felt too forced for the plot and not at all in the flow.

    Everybody is quite liking this fic, so maybe it's only me and my wretched cup of tea. But I tried to point out what I felt honestly and since I couldn't read ahead, I would refrain from rating the fic.
     
  9. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    185
    High Score:
    3,065
    For anyone interested, the sixth chapter has been posted in WbA. I appreciate all of the favorable reviews, and especially Rapscallion's, as you're being complimentary toward my writing while admitting this isn't your favorite flavor of fic (and why).

    And for psiharry - thar be giants in the WbA. Do I still get a 5? ;)
     
  10. Invictus

    Invictus Master of Death

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    3,882
    Really good fic. The writing is fluent, cohesive and overall very well done. Harry is awesome. He is humanly awesome, and that's something few fics can do. OC's are good, Xavier and Lurch are reakly good. I will give it 4,5/5, because I strongly prefer an younger harry. But I will up it to 5 because the author is awesome. Fans are like that. My only criticism is toward Patrice, she doesn't feel human like the other OC's, personality wise she seems bland. We are told much about her but we see an annoying Daddy's Little Bitch.
     
  11. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    185
    High Score:
    3,065
    The story has been updated today, and is now at 7 chapters and 51,000 words. If you haven't tried the fic before, I'd love to hear what anyone has to say about it, positive, negative and somewhere in between.

    Big ups...
     
  12. Ravnius

    Ravnius Auror

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2013
    Messages:
    687
    Location:
    South U.S.
    Amazingly executed from an interesting premise, but it's just not my cup o' tea. That being said, 5/5. Just because I don't like something doesn't mean I don't recognize its quality.