There will an update either later today or tomorrow. There are only a couple of pages left to write.

 

Wish I could pump chapters out that quick. I'm too damned lazy...

 

Meh, I just see the end and want to get to it as quickly as possible. I'm injured and I've had some spare time over the past few days. Add two and two together and the mystery is solved.

 

Chapter XXII: Phoenix Warrior is up!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2508076/22/

Read and Review!

 

I absolutely LOVED that chapter! It was probably one of the best in the story in my opinion! The scene with Beatrice was great! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time reading this, and just wanted to clock Dumbledore a good one for delaying the action! Awesome work!!!!!

 

Not bad. I had thought that Bellatrix was going to end up being the mystery female Death Eater and that Harry was going to be wrong about Trantor.

 

aww... you killed the DE too quickky. So few people take the time to honor the time valued practice of traditional torture these days. He, but then this story isn't DA so it's all good. Pretty good chapter still.

 

Here here! good chapter Master Slyth, im really hanging out for the next chapter now, looking forward to reading how you do the battle!

 

Chapter XXIII: The Power the Dark Lord Knows Not

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2508076/23/

Read and Review!

 

That was interesting, though I had to resist the urge to yawn at the whole dead lover/loved ones scene. Also a bit too much grandstanding for my taste, but since this was the end it's understandable. Pretty good finish. I liked that curse Harry used, simply because I'm really gung-ho about creating obscure Latin spells...

I would give between an acceptable to EE. This story has been too long for me and I just had problem getting back into it.

Btw, can I borrow your idea for using the OWL rating system? Seems like a pretty good way to get some reviews.

Mrriddler

 

Sure.

 

Good chapter, I love the werewolf scene btw. It's not over yet, is it? I wanna see what Harry will do now that Voldy is dead.

 

Still the epilogue to go thus you will know what Harry'll do.

 

Awesome chapter! Finally! they got together!! *does happy dance* I can't wait for the epilogue!

 

I love it...This was wonderful...I can't wait for the epilogue..

 

Just an epilogue to go. You're practically done. Congrats on getting through this story.

Nice work on finishing, but the ending... disappointed me. Or the climax at least. Breaking out some Hogwarts founders out of nowhere? The unrequited love from two characters springing up on us? I mean I know you've tried to downplay the 'romance' even though it's been a constant element and now especially at the end. The Power of Love?

If Harry and Beatrice were going to end up together, it feels like you shouldn't have been avoiding it and should have actually embraced the 'romance' aspects more. Instead we've got a nice bad-ass Harry, one that who wakes up the traitor just so she can see Harry before he kills her. One that Dumbledore treats as an equal. One who nearly fights Voldie to a standstill on a couple of occasions and has the knowledge of Dumbledore.
And then you go and have a climactic final battle with new spells magically coming out of his mouth without knowledge of them? Ghosts or memories of founders popping up helping them out in new impossible ways? As well as an unrequited love Harry and Beatrice declare for each other? Feels like you'd been building up a powerful, skilled competent Harry. Pretty much a respectable Independent or Dark but Lightsided Harry... and then you turn around and give us a sort of generic super!Harry sort of ending. I was just disappointed I guess.

Interesting conflict with killing Remus. I like the idea of an inner battle, choosing something Harry has no choice in, but the whole sequence and internal conflict felt a bit... stale. Maybe we'll get some of the angstiness in the epilogue, but I like the forced choice idea. Adds an interesting sort of emotional pain to the situation. And some nice tension too.

But anyways. Just my opinion. Either way around it, writing and finishing a fic this sized is always laudable and impressive. Congrats.

 

I'll have to agree with Nonjon in this case - this feels like pretty dissapointing and rushed finale of a great story and generally one of your weakest chapters so far (even worse than teenage drama part).

First of all, the whole battle seems kinda unplanned and rushed. Beatrice's fight was interesting enough, but what happened to Frank and Harry's other students? A big subplot throughout the story was Harry training them and preparing them to defend the school. And then finally, when came the time for them to show off their new skills, you completely glossed it over. Only Beatrice's fight was shown and that was only because she had been elevated into the soul-mate category 3-4 chapters ago (before that she seemed just like another student in the group).

Then, the Remus scene. That was an excellent scene, creating a beautiful conflict between Harry and James. The problem is, this is the kind of scene you put in the middle of the story and then build up character relations on top of it. This is definitely NOT the kind of scene to put in the last chapter - whatever you do now in the epilogue, Harry's relationship with Sirius & James will seem incomplete.

And finally, the final battle - I agree with Nonjon 100% regarding that scene. I'm heavily dissapointed by the amount of ad-hoc solution you had NEEDLESSLY thrown in.

Mysterious founders coming to life, with Slyth attacking Gryff for some reason? Harry's hate and anger somehow transforming into the power of love? That love being towards the girl that isn't even his girlfriend at the time, not to mention soul-mate? Then, that power of love automatically conjuring some kind of heart-shaped (!) ring? Harry wandlessly transforming Tom into his old self with his pink beam of love (“No!” he screeched, his voice deeper and more human. “All I’ve worked for these past few years!)? Tom staying around to fight at Hogwarts grounds against both Dumbledore and Harry, while he had escaped from much better situation in MOM only few weeks ago?

This may sound harsh, but what the fuck were you smoking when you wrote this crap?

Without your nice writting style and interesting characters, this scene could have easily been seen as a parody of how the final battle could be like in book 7 - Harry loosing, until Voldemort yells how he had killed Ginny, which awakens mysterious power of love shit. Rowling will probably have to pull some crap like that, seeing how her character is an idiot, but I really don't see why YOU had to ruin the final fight like that. Your Harry was definitely powerful and knowledgable enough to beat Riddle fairly, without some ad-hoc solution coming to his rescue. Not to mention something as lame as heart-shaped ring being conjured as a symbol of love, that was awaken by huge amount of hate and anger (!!?)

Well, on the bright side, Riddle's very end was extremely cool.

“But the one big difference now…” A jet of green light struck Tom Riddle on his forehead, the very place where Harry’s lightning bolt scar lay. It ended where it started. “…is that your dead,” Harry finished.

Now this is the kind of Harry I wanted to see in the final battle - powerful, sarcastic, dark and ruthless. Not some lame-arse power of love pussy who spends more time moralizing than actually fighting. Leave that to JKR, that's hers character, not yours.

Well anyway, this is still great story, with some brilliant drama subplots, but I can't help but feel honestly dissapointed by this ending. If you want a mark, this would be barely "poor". I'm not sure if you'll like to hear this, or take this as a flame (which I don't feel it is, condidering the amount of typing that went into this ), but this is my honest oppinion about this chapter.

 

nonjon: haven't heard from you in some time, thanks for the review. This chapter was completely unplanned. All throughout writing the fic, I kept thinking to myself 'how can I end it while making it seem realistic?' I had every other chapter planned except this one. Unfortunately I couldn't solve this problem: end it like a typical Dark!Harry fic or end it like a typical Post-OotP fic. I resolved to do what Shezza does and write unplanned, taking ideas on a whim. The Power of Love...it just seemed to be the only way. I mean it was either that or pull a Bellephron and write a Lord of the Ring style finale. Being the lazy arse that I am, I chose not to do this.

I'll be the first to admit that I kind of messed up on Harry a bit there. I read through the chapter again and he seemed a bit lifeless. I knew while writing it that quite a few people people wouldn't like the ending but meh, I just wanted it to end. But you've got to admit, this is one of the few cases where using the Power of Love was unexpected.

Thanks for the congratulations.

IP82: lmao, I knew when writing it that you'd absolutely hate it but I still think you're being a tad harsh. Writing what Frank, Lily and Nott got up to would be repetitive and annoying (for me). I thought that the little overview at the end was enough and an educated guess would tell you that they got up to pretty much the same thing. Beatrice represented the group as a whole. And I disagree that she seemed like a normal student before 4 chapters ago. If you read it through carefully, you'd find hints of Harry/Beatrice as early as Chapter 8 (or thereabouts). In fact, one reviewer knew it was going to be Harry/Beatrice fter Chapter 14 (or so).

The scene with Remus is one that I'm paricularly proud of. However I disagree that it belongs in the middle. How fucked up would the story have been if Harry killed Remus at christmas? That'd be the end of that litte relationship and everyone would call for him to get expelled! No, it belonged where I put it. The story is not finished and therefore you can't possibly feel that their relationship is incomplete until the epilogue.

Err, the founders didn't come back to life. Haven't you wondered what sort of wards the founders put on? Authors always talk about "ancient wards blah blah" but I never see them in action. Well that was my interpretation on how the wards would work. The ring wasn't heart shaped and if you looked carefully, you'd see that it was actually a product of his old and new wand cores merging and forming a perfectly round (not heart-shaped) wand-ring. I know it's a bit of a cliche but it's an idea I've always wanted to use, even before it cropped up. thus he wasn't casting wandlessly, he was using his wand-ring. Harry has never used a pink beam of love. Once again, if you looked carefully, you'd see that it was a black cloud (a Dark, Ancient Art). The wards around Hogwarts prevented Tom from escaping.

I wasn't smoking anything when I wrote this "crap", the air was perfectly fine and still. I appreciate you don't like the ideas I put forward but you don't appreciate how difficult it is to ignore the prophecy or bend it without seeming very unrealistic.

*sigh* the ring is't heart shaped. I put in 'round ring' many times. Half of the ring is balck, while the other half gold. It isn't a completely love-filled ring, it's a product of the phoenix and augury cores merging.

I'm a bit disappointed you lablled it poor when it was only really a few pages that you actually hated. I know that your thoughts will probably reflect those of all the other Dark Harry lovers but I can't cater for everyone. I suppose this chapter's kind of lik marmite, you either love it or hate it. I appreciate your honest opinion and it didn't really seem like a flame, just constructive criticisms. If you thought I was going to pull a vorlorn, you were sadly mistaken :lol: Anyway, see how you feel about the epilogue when I eventually write it.

 

I wouldn't say it was bad, but it wasn't quite what I had been hoping to see either. Aside from Remus, no 'name' characters on the good side worth mentioning died, unless I missed somebody. That strikes me as wholly unrealistic seeing as this was Voldemort's big final assault. When/if I ever get that far in Dakaath, a whole shitload of people are going to die in the final battle, including some of Harry's closest friends. If I feel like a real bastard I might even kill one of his wives. I had AT LEAST expected Albus or Flamel to be killed in battle. I know as authors we sometimes get attached to our characters, but a bunch of students routing the Death Eaters and taking almost no casualties in an assault like this is a bit questionable (I know I did the same thing in the train attack in my fic, but on either end of the train the student students had the enemy air forces outnumbered about 100 to 13).

Anyway, the Remus scene was good. BUt I'm not sure about the expulsion part. Sure, the Marauders would have hated him, but I can't see the whole school rallying against a hero over a werewolf, especially if he transformed and started attacking other students. Most would probably be furious that Dumbledore allowed a 'dark creature' into the student body to begin with, and I can't see the Board of Governors or the Ministry going batshit over a dead lycanthrope. The end though...I don't know about rings or whatever, but POWER OF LUFF pretty much ills me. This was such a good semi-dark Harry, and reverting back to Rowling's ridiculous canon love crap in the end just seemed like a letdown. I appreciate how hard it was to ignore the Prophecy, but couldn't he have just AK'ed Tom in the head without all the fluffy love mess?