Illuminated.

not seeing. (Not sure about that one.)

wondered
sign

Patronus

Patronum


These are just from the last scene and there were quite a few more.

 

I enjoyed the chapter; it kept my interest and it went somewhere. Which is more than I can say for most fanfiction. Yeah, the chapter took 40,000 words to to do what could have been done in 10,000, but I liked it. I know I'm reading fanfiction and I don't expect much out of amateur works based in someone else's sandbox.

That being said, it took six months for this? What!? Wait a second here....

I understand that the author wants to explore the psychological aspects of Harry and the Dark Knight merging and the concept done right could be fucking awesome. But not like this. Jono's pulling a Rowling here, forcing a rather clumsily done Katie's-cliché-female-characterization!/Harry paring onto the reader thinking it will display that Harry is damaged goods in comparison to Katie. If she's Harry's counterpart, I doubt she'll be a burgeoning example of "normal".

Like that'll work. C'mon Jono! Haven't you ever heard of 'history repeating itself'? If you plug in the same shitty characterizations and planning into a story, it's not going to turn out well just 'cause you did it. There's no originality in that. Thousands of people have done it and failed just the same. Take a look at most Harry/Ginny fics on ff.net if nobody believes me.

I feel disappointed with this chapter mostly because Jono had this complex character she'd created with all these conflicting needs and desires with a healthy dose things he had to get done despite what he actually wanted to do. And that's what pulled me into the first story. Add in yet another dimension where everything was upside down: a reformed Tom Riddle as Hogwarts Headmaster, a Girl-Who-Lived, Grindelwald is still alive and a new unknown evil, Dumbldore's dead - everything that Harry could have possibly identified with is gone. His slate wiped clean. I'm hooked by now.

But by keeping the Death Eaters, the Dark Mark, the Horocruxes, etc - it feels like she's gotten lazy and is starting to give up on the story. She could have done so much with Riddle's character and she didn't; I'm beginning to feel like I did three chapters into HBP. Jono wants to write Dumbledore!Riddle. Okay, cool. Show me. Half the time Riddle doesn't even read like an adult character. Not to mention that most of the dialog in this chapter is increasingly flat and stilted. I mean, hell, you were doing so well! What happened to the freakin' story????

That and Harry's character starting to devolve and just no. No way. One more chapter like this and I'm out of here. I had better expectations for this story.



TL;DR, Swimdraconian is very disappointed with Jono as a writer and is going to sulk in the corner while composing another chapter of Circular Reasoning. And possibly work on a Harry Potter/Needful Things crossover featuring 14-year-old Harry fucking his dead mother amongst other things.

 

lol
what?

But with the rest I agree. Riddle turning his back on Voldemort because of Dumbledore's death and the whole remorse thing was a pretty nice idea. It could have been awesome. Could.
I'd have loved reading a Riddle that is actually struggling to be good, with very dark sides to his character...

 

I guess I was trying to say that as far as regular fanfiction went, it was an okay chapter. But I've been following this series since 2005 when Jono only had eleven chapters of the first story up and it sucks seeing one of my favorite stories falling by the wayside.

Edit: This is why I stay away from ranting. I'm incoherent at my best.

 

Chapter was boring and way overdone. I struggled to finish it without starting a different fic. Considering how much time it took to get for Jono to update. I felt very disappointed, which isn't that bad considering that this story isn't as good as the first one by leaps and bounds.

I'm actually enjoying reading the reviews over at Jonos yahoo group more. Some of them have been very amusing to read.

 

There was a pretty good post on the Yahoo group, I'll quote it here:

 

This chapter was incredibly disappointing. Harry seems to have a personality transplant - and even I couldn't forgive a lot of the continuity errors, mainly to do with the way he seems to forget a lot of the stuff he "knew".

And letting the second-in-command get away? What shit is that? Oh no, Katie will be upset guys, I'd better not kill a significant enemy when I have him at my mercy! Its like Harry has completely forgotten he's trying to get the hell out of Dodge and back home to save his own world.

And the new background to this world is crap. I didn't need to know.

TL;DR: Buck up your ideas Jono, and your beta is full of shit if she's the one who added in the mushy bits.

 

I enjoyed the elements of mystery he added in, the dramatic irony of us knowing things due to our knowledge of HBP and DH that the characters do not. Also, I reckon the pairing will end on Harry/Katie from his world, him mentally noting the "cunning as a fox" could possibly mean he might relate it to her when he returns.

Am I the only one who thinks Riddle might really be a Dark Lord masquerading as the Leader of the Light? He doesnt mention his diary, the cup of hufflepuff or the ring, both made around the time of the locket, if not before, his denial of the murders he committed seem to support this.

Edit: I also hope Harry doesn't go all soft - The Dark Knight was one of my most enjoyed aspects of the story.

 

Just once i'd like to read a story where Harry grows a pair and doesn't look back. This damn regression to 'pussydom' just doesn't cut it.

Can anyone say 'whipped'? (and he isn't even going out with Katy...)

And, sorry, a person on the floor with a wand/gun/grenade/etc is not exactly 'defenseless'. Said person was not tied up, hand cuffed, unconscious...just knocked over, while in the middle of casting a lethal spell...and was the middle of a battle...anyone with half a dram of sense would have said it was a 'legit' shot had Harry completed the swing. I sure hope "El Gato" comes back around and bites Katy in the ass...

 

*peeps out of his hole in the wall*

I actually was expecting more, but I shall refrain from stating what other have said (because they can say it better than I).

All I am going to say is thus: he updated.

And for that, I thank him

*crawls back to his hole*

 

Jono's group is currently experiencing a mild civil war over the issues that myself and Sree brought up, if anyone is interested in viewing the debate.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/messages

 

That group looks like a lost cause.

The romance doesn’t make sense. In stories like Altered Destinies by DobbyElfLord where Harry stays in in the past, Harry stays in the past for a few years - not so in this case. Harry fully expects returning to his native dimension. The payoff is probably an opportunity for an ’emotional’ farewell scene, if it is indeed Harry/Katie and Harry doesn’t leave the dimension abruptly.

 

I didn't even make it halfway through the chapter.

First thing wrong as when Harry entered the Order's place and he was frightened, scared, and intimidated by all the people there. Wut? I just blinked and hoped I hadn't just read that. Harry is a fucking lone-wolf. He stands on his own legs. He doesn't get scared by looking at adults that are his fucking allies.

Then Harry's apparently forgotten everything the Dark Knight has ever done... except who he's murdered. Woah. Blood and dead people.

I defended Jono because it felt like everything he was doing in this book was intentional, but if this chapter is of any indication, he has no plan. He's just writing with some vague self-gratuitous end in mind.

 

I'll just paste what I said on Jono's group:

 

With this chapter, I've done what I normally never do... I've read the chapter reviews of a new chapter of a WIP I love. And the reviews have been... illuminating, especially since Katie has been a rather annoying character so far.

I think I'll take a break for a year or two (two chapters, the way it's been going) from the story, and not spend my time and energies reading and screaming in disappointment. I hope Jono continues to be awesome though, and as nonjon said, this chapter probably won't matter when the story is finished.

Unless, of course, Jono pulls a Jordan of old age first. -_-

 

Its possible that Harry will have Parents and a family in the Unholy Land, a girlfriend in the Promised Land, and friends in the Canon Land, and then be forced to choose between them.

 

Tried to put off reading, but we see how that went.

You know when I looked at this chapter I feel compelled to break it into two different levels. Firstly looking at it for plot development and secondly examining the different elements involved in the creation of the chapter.

When I think of it that way, I have to admit, Juno can still weave a plot that keeps me intrigued, Meeting the Order, a battle in the Hall of Mirrors, revelations about characters, all and all it was a suspenseful read. Certainly well thought out plot line. And Juno's battle scenes, while long, are some fanfic readers' dreams. He employs a very visual quality to his battles, alloying you to feel a sense of surprise even when you have to know half of what is going to happen.

However, when you leave the plot behind and look at other aspects of the story there are issues. I'll agree that the Harry who left the Unholyland isn't the Harry we are currently reading. But that has been discussed to a point both here an in the group. Some will argue that there was 'reason' behind the shift from 'calm part I Harry' back to 'confused/lost part II Harry' but that is some thing that can be quibbled about.

You know my slight annoyance was the preachy tone that this fic was hovering on. I agree that a good story has a theme and message, but there was reaching the point that I felt it was being shouted at me. A good fic doesn't 'tell' you what you are supposed to learn, but rather the message emerges from the text.

Which brings me to the other problem I was having while reading this chapter.

And perhaps nonjon is right, perhaps this will merely be a speed bump along the road to a great fic, and this pesky annoyance will be answered, but currently, I felt like the fic was preaching a message it wasn't too clear about.

Primarily, when is it okay to be a killer?

Katie and Riddle seemed to was to go with the whole, "never" approach. Okay. Harry was voting the "When it's tactically advantageous" and Grindlewald took the "When I want to" method. Three clear looks at the issue...if only everyone would bloody stick with it. Grindlewald didn't want to kill Dumbledore, Harry felt bad and was guilted into letting a dangerous man live, and Riddle and Katie for all their nobility didn't seem to mind much when other people were doing to dirty work. (You didn't see them stunning the muggles who were blasting away Death Eaters did you?)

Perhaps this was all a plan to showcase the question and the different possible answers...some how doesn't this debate seems similar. Rubs forehead, feel like we explore this same issue another fic ago....hmm.

Well, either way I suppose I'll still be waiting in 6 mos. when the next chapter emerges. Which does say something about a writer.

Let's just hope Harry will have figured something out a little sooner this time round.