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The Wheel Unbroken by TheAnimaniacDude - Game of Thrones / ASOIAF

Discussion in 'Game of Thrones / ASoIaF' started by Otters, Aug 21, 2019.

  1. Hakairyu

    Hakairyu Slug Club Member

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    I agree with Nazgus; I'd actually been feeling really out of it since Jon got back above ground (the only thing I was interested in for the last two chapters was the priest on the ship); now, between the protagonist being Asha knowing Balon's hellbent on committing their entire nation to suicide by knight and the Victarion hook, I'm interested in seeing where you're going with this.

    That being said, a timeskip would be a good way of maintaining momentum now that it feels like you just got the ball rolling again. I guess it depends on what material you have for the rest of this arc, but anything ironborn-focused will be about as divisive as this thread represents, that we apparently have a god borrowing Jon's body simultaneously feels like a cheap way for you to do exposition for both the audience's and Jon's sake (I'm sure you'll only give both us and him as little info as possible and Jon having no idea what he's caught up in is a hard problem, but still) and deprives us of the protagonist we've been following (who has already spent some time thinking he was a bird, too much downtime where Jon isn't lucid really doesn't gel with the mystery and time loop elements, isn't the main driving force of the plot Jon figuring things out each time?). That we switched to Asha as a protagonist is fine, I find her compelling, I liked her exchange with Balon a lot. But even if you make this whole thing work, you wanna be quick about resolving this subplot. The Yi Ti arc comparison is apt, I actually really liked all the ideas in that arc, but it has the potential to really hurt your story if we're still going to be in life 6 by chapter 20.

    Or it would if this wasn't one of the like 5 active stories in the entire fandom that are good, and Halt's writing half of them.

    In any case, yes, to someone who hasn't been following this story and started reading now (like Rep just now) the story as it is would look extremely disjointed and random since the Raven died. I liked the cave, I like the last chapter, but you really need to stop lobotomizing Jon so you can put the plot on hold and go exploring tangents. I get that you want to fuck with Jon's head, and this one might have been necessary for Jon to actually start understanding whatever's going on, but one more and you lose what cohesion you have left.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2020
  2. Zilly Sawdust

    Zilly Sawdust Professor

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    Just sat down to read this over the weekend and I really liked it. I think as Republic said, the time-loop is an interesting device and you do it well. However, once the eldritch started, it seemed to go off the rails.
    I suppose it makes sense to have some god mind-fuckery in a story that's about Jon being fucked with by the gods, if he is ever to figure what is actually going on and solve the mystery of the plot, so I don't take it to heart too much, but I think if not entirely a time-skip, some quick resolution until Jon is himself again would do the story good. I feel like those parts where Jon is incoherent add to the tension, and I enjoyed those obstacles being resolved eventually so far, but it felt a little bit tedious until it got there.

    Anyway, overall I would rate this 4.5/5 and depending on how you finish it, with potential for a strong 5.
     
  3. Donimo

    Donimo High Inquisitor

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    The new chapter was excellent. Really brought the whole Ironborn arc together.
     
  4. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Headmaster

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    Im looking forward to the end of Life Six. Not because I havent liked it (far from it) but im really interested to see how @TheAnimaniacDude builds off this going forward. It’ll be really fun to see a more ‘normal’ Jon Snow who’s also worldlier and more a-tune to the weird shit in Planetos.
     
  5. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    I told y'all I knew what I was doing. Just had to give me time to spin up the gears.
     
  6. aspiring_failure

    aspiring_failure First Year

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    I liked this chapter just because Jon is remembering bits of himself. I can't say I'm terribly liking all the wild magic in general, but I think that one of the weakest points of this life (him not remembering anything - being a completely different character) was corrected a bit.
     
  7. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    I imagine that when Jon eventually starts his next life the Seastone Chair will still be destroyed (much to the Ironborn’s confusion)? Maybe that’s the mission whatever god is resurrecting him; destroy the remnants of the black oily stone/13 pointed star god?

    also good stuff.
     
  8. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    I wasn't terribly surprised nobody caught the significance of the altar, but I really was surprised nobody caught the connection between the altar and the Chair before I spelled it out explicitly. I mean, there's a wiki page for that material and everything. Learning experience for me: not everybody is as autistic about spotting patterns as I am.
     
  9. Spanks

    Spanks Chief Warlock

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    I've always been a bit fascinated by the black stone that pops up from time to time in the series. The Seastone Chair is by far the creepiest in my opinion. The Ironborn just found it sitting on the coastline like it was the freaking monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I really want to see where you take it and how it compares to the black stone used by the Valyrians.
     
  10. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

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    Just finished reading thing.

    It's quite an interesting story, and the mystery with the 3ER was pretty well done for the most part (started to get bloated towards the end, and the whole chapter with the cave people was kinda ???

    As for the Ironborn Arc, the most recent chapter (16) has made things interesting again, although I continue to hold reservations about the actual feasibility of the plan (which does not account for the Tyroshi or the Myrmen, but then again this story was never focused on the realpolitik). Stepstones colonization is still a fairly interesting path to take the story, so that can be forgiven.

    The beginning of the Ironborn Arc was in my opinion pretty terrible though. A lot of gibbering nonsense and mystic double talk that didn't really come across as interesting and more borderline senile at points.

    3.5/5, rounding up tentaitvely.