Chapter 14 is up!

Well here we go with Chapter 14.

Scene 1 - A conversation with Albus and Minerva. What leverage does he hold over Harry? None. At some point in virtually every Independent Harry story, you have to get to this point. Some do it in chapter 1. I would rather see it develop, so the reader can see it. I always hated the Dumbledore blindly trusting Snape. What is the big reason JKR gives? He felt remorse that he had given the part of the Prophecy to Voldemort and ultimately aided in killing James and Lilly. Knowing all that, Dumbledore puts Snape into routine contact with Harry. If Snape actually is remorseful, then Harry is a constant reminder of one of his greatest failures everytime he sees him. If not then Snape is just a cruel visicous bastard who enjoys tormenting the child he helped to orphan. Not really much middleground in there is there? I wanted to show a Dumbledore who is actually capable of losing his faith in Snape. I through in another mention of Millicent Bulstrode for my own humor. Has Dumbles ever considered removing Snape from head of house but not sack him before? Maybe, but I don't recall any story. I was either going to use Vector or Sinastra, but with the Astronomy

Scene 2 - Of course Harry had a few conditions on his support. My favorite part of the chapter is Harry's recommendation for dealing with Delores. My beta, FairyQilan said she got a warm fuzzy reading that part. I can picture a little crowd of kids following her around tossing stones at her. I made Rufus a halfblood. My guess is that he is a pureblood in cannon.

Scene 3 - Oh dear! The goblins don't instantly recognize Harry Potter and fall all over themselves to serve him. Second favorite line - Well I seem to have acquired a knack for changing Molly Weasely into an ass. Harry offers to let the goblins use his votes. He is direct with his reasons and the goblins while impressed are wary of his offer. Next there is Susan and Harry in the vaults. Sorry folks, I don't write smut. I do get around to explaining the heir compulsion in his ring. Is it in effect right now or is Susan just marking her turf? Probably the latter. They haven't had a lot of privacy and they are both teenagers. Then we encounter the painting of Bella in the Black family vault. I hope you like the "Black Family Home Field Advantage". Pictures are semi-sentinent. I don't see it as unreasonable, plus they are not earth shattering. Mrs. Black's painting casts a silencing charm. I am a big fan of irony. I also picture a teenage Bellatrix smiling as she selects the slug vomitting hex. We get back and I have Cleftskull explain the mechanics of how the Wizengamot works. I also had Cleftskull be smart enough to look out for his own hide. Who doesn't doubt that students wouldn't come up with "Club 134"?

Scene 4 - Dumbledore and Coedus. I enjoyed writing the bitter vampire delighting in Dumbledore's frustrations. Finally he pushes Dumbles a bit too far and he gets an idea of what it is like to be Albus Dumbledore.

Scene 5 - Couple bits of humor, Harry and Susan encounter Marietta and Terry. I do enjoy using reoccuring minor characters. You'll see them again occasionally. Hope you liked the bit on Wizarding Trivial Pursuit. I can picture seventh year Terry seeing Malfoy after the match and going "Boy, Potter sure whipped your ass even with your brand new broom." One thing I have always noticed is that Girls with engagement rings on attract each other like magnets. Finally, we get to the actual voting and Dumbles confronting Harry at the end.

Up next - Harry and Dumbles 'have words'. Penny arrives at number 12. Plus anything that crosses my twisted mind.

Jim

 

Good chapter, Jim.

Only one thing...why did you go with the Goblin thing? Sure, it's a slap in the face for bigoted purebloods, etc...but one would expect that this new rise of Independence would make Harry far more decisive. He wouldn't hand over his power to vote with mutiple votes to a Goblin, giving just a set of cursory regulations.

Fuck Hogwarts...despite school, he would go to Wizengamot meetings regardless of whatever powers (Dumbledore/McGonagall, etc.) tried to hold him back.

I liked Dumbledore's conversation-ender when he was talking to Darius Longbottom...powerful words to use. Well done.

 

Ah the slow pace chapter to the next very enticipated chapter. It was a fairly good chapter and i like that you are using minor characters.


/Myst

 

You're a cruel man, pulling a cliffhanger on the Harry/Dumbledore confrontation like that.

So...why exactly is Harry going back to Hogwarts, anyway? He could make more progress on his own, not to mention not having to be around Dumbledore. I was liking Darius as a character until he agreed to aid the crooked old coot. Now I can simply hope Harry finds out and finishes what he started earlier. Another of my violent requests, I hope he figures out Penelope and sends her head to Tom and Dolohov.

 

Good. I have no complaints., Although, Harry's interaction with the Goblins seems VERY foolish. He COMPLETELY reveals his hand, and doesn't ask for ANYTHING in return. On what? Shock value and the promise that he MIGHT be able to prevent a future uprising assuming he survives the current war first?

He could have gotten GOLD, and power. Connections and influence. I don't know if you meant for him to be so stupid, but if the move was meant to seem shrewd, then it really didn't work for me.

It seemed like he shortchanged himself, and took a very foolish offer. The fact that the goblins "considered" it was funny to me. I understand them not wanting to make it seem like such a sweet deal.

This was my one problem.

I like the way you gave the vaults character, but didn't do the whole "mountains of gold" thing with hidden shit everywhere. Also, Harry should start carrying his Invisibility cloak everywhere. He does in HBP, and it would seem wise here too. (in canon its big enought to cover, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, with their ankles and below exposed. It could EASILY cover Harry and Susan then.)

I also liked the way you made the Wizengamot run. I was wondering why Harry chose an "average dueler" like Tonks to train him. Why not go for the best to teach better? I understand the protection clause, but...Tonks isn't an Occlumens (remember how rare it is), so she can't REALLY be trusted. Maybe being a metamorph protects her? Like she can change her eye shap slightly, so Legilimency won't work on her?

Anyway, Harry REALLY has to start using Parseltongue. Its an INCREDIBLY rare gift. VOldemort uses it with Nagini, and probably passwords stuff with it. I'm not talking about getting a familiar just...something. Tonks ALWAYS uses her metamorph gift. I understand Harry's reluctance to do it in public, but he really should do something. On the other hand, its still only been a day. Man, its starting to JUST get frustrating now.

I liked the thing with the Portraits. However, Please don't do the whole, "Portrait trainer" thing.

Last thing about trainers, will Coedus teach Harry at all? I don't think I've ever seen a vampire trainer, and Coedus REALLY knew his shit in your story. He rivalled Albus. You don't get more impressive than that in the Wizarding World. Plus, I think it would be interesting to see Coedus caught in the middle between his moral obligations to Albus and his feelings towards Harry. When does Coedus need to feed again and how will that be dealt with? Lastly, does he owe a Harry a Life debt?

And Please don't bring back Narcissa. I love her, but she's more interesting gone, and with the Malfoy votes for grabs, than she would be hanging around and interfering. She'd be a distraction.

I Love this story. UPDATE!!!

 

I think the goblins were handled fine. I was under the impression that they only got to use the votes when Harry himself was not able to be present. That being the case, he didn't give them quite as much power. And by asking nothing in return, he portreys himself as someone who will keep his word if/when he promises them something to keep them off of Voldemort's side. And I doubt that Harry would want the very best dueler to train him, as that will take that person out of the field for a period of time. Tonks, while not the best, is still good enough to make the Aurors (one of the only ones in the last few years); plus she is the only survivor of the Azkaban raid, and it gives her something to do while she waits for the transformation to wear off.

 

Transformation takes less than a day, and I was thinking of Coedus, who can't go out during the day, but was exceptional in his prime. Obviously he's forgotten some shit, but still. The guy knows his stuff.

And we'll agree to disagree about the goblins. I think Harry was weak, and showed he was a push over. You think generous. But in this world, Harry can't afford to be randomly generous without any guarantee of return ESPECIALLY with something as valueable as that many votes.

 

Figured I will catch up on my replies while I work on chapter 15.

Yarrgh - Harry is trying to develop leverage with the goblins. If his influence helps keep them neutral, or tilts them to Harry's side then it's a victory. There is no rock solid guarentee that he will go to Hogwarts, but it is most likely what is going to happen. There is still a good chunk of the summer left and several things are going to happen.

Myst - I am sure fictional Ron and Hermione are chafing "Damn, I am barely in this story at all."

LT2000 - What you don't like a good cliffhanger? We'll see what happens with Penny.

Chuck - Coedus will help Harry with his training. He will also help Tonks. There will be a resolution to her problem though it will take awhile. You are right about carrying the invisibility cloak. He's more interested in learning to apparte before developing his Parseltongue ability. Though I do have a scene planned already with him conjuring a snake for a purpose.

DarthBill - Thanks for the vote of confidence. Harry thinks he handled the goblins just fine.

Chuck - Dumbledore will probably be agreeing with you that Harry didn't handle the goblins just fine.

Back to work on chapter 15.

Jim

 

Chapter 15 is up!

Author's notes from chapter 15 -

Scene 1 - It struck me as interesting to do a scene with just one of the twins and maybe give just a bit of distinction between the two of them. Plus by my own admission, the twins are probably my least favorite Weasleys. Sadly, I don't even know why. The one author who wanted to write the side story of Penny kind of disappeared on me. If I get inspired I'll write it or if anyone wants a project let me know and I'll give you the backstory to it.

Scene 2 - You just gotta love Rita. One of the plot bunnies that has recently been circling my head is a Rita adopts Harry idea. She's looking for a story on the BWL around age 5 or 6. She finds how dismally he is treated and basically blackmails everyone into becoming his gaurdian. Sounds like a setup for a Slytherin Harry story if I have ever seen one. The scene works pretty good. IP82 helped out by having me cut down on the number of questions and divide them to be similar to a real life interview. Harry realizes that the 'cat is out of the bag' on his and Susan's relationship and you can't get the cat back in. It leads to a bit of a spat between the two and fortunately, our hero recognizes when to cut his losses. I hope you like Faux Kedavra and the other spells mentioned in this chapter.

Scene 3 - Rita getting under DD's skin. DD giving the politically correct answers and Dobby being Dobby.

Scene 4 - What I like are stories that give you limited omniscience. (Course the other story I am writing breaks with that dramatically.) Everybody but the characters knows what Penny is up to. It seems somehow more evil that way, doesn't it?

Scene 5 - Harry and DD have words. I also wanted to do a departure and give Harry a strong woman to support him. In a good chunk of this scene it is actually Susan versus DD. One beef I have with all these other fics is Fawkes betraying DD. I thought Fawkes being angry at Harry was an interesting twist. I picture Hedwig betraying Harry in the same light. It just feels wrong.

I'll go out on a limb and guess that some of you may not have been satisfied by Harry vs DD. It was never meant to be a duel. Much like ChuckDaTruck, DD doesn't see Harry's point with the Goblins. As in life, some people won't agree with the decisions you make and there are two sides to every story. If it's not blatantly obvious by now, I'll just go ahead and say it - Snapes a bad guy in this one. One theme in the scene is that Harry is afraid he will turn into DD. Maybe DD is afraid of that too?

Scene 6 - The Sanctuary room. Hell, I'd make one if I were head of the black family. I'd stick all my really cool stuff in it too. What do you think cool or cliche?

Next we have Ginny trying to cheat her way into Harry's heart. I'm sure the PhoenixSong crowd are making voodoo dolls of me now. Of course if they are still reading this story by this point that is a small miracle in itself. Of course KillGinny009 wanted me to do just that - Kill Ginny. I toyed with the notion, but not today. No guarantees that she'll survive the story. Hell, I am not even promising that Harry will survive to the end of the story. Next chapter I finally get a chance to move the calendar forward. It's Harry's birthday! It only took me 16 chapters to get there! Since everyone but Harry and Susan are going to be moving out, Penny will need to make her move. In the coming chapters expect the body count to rise. It is war after all.

 

Penny now have total clearance? She may not be able to reveal the location of Grimmauld Place, but could she put a tracker on, and lead them there? JK has said that Grimmauld place will remain hidden with Albus's death as the Fidelius has not been lifted, and the secret stays with his soul (hidden within) meaning no new members.

 

Re: Chapter 15 is up!

Yes, it's cliche in my opinion. However, just because it's cliche, doesn't mean it's a bad idea. Your reasoning is sound, of course the Black Family will have something like that. Not using a valid plot element, just because someone or other have overused it doesn't make sense.

 

The room... is somewhat cliche, but it works good in your fic.


I'll be happy when Penny goes to hell, I actually get the feeling of wanting to yell at the characters that she is evil.


What I liked best was Fawkes, it felt more right then him betraying DD.


Anyways,

/Myst

 

Good chapter. I get the feeling that we might see Death Eater Ginny in the future. I wonder how the Weasleys will react to Penny's betrayal.

 

ginny in cahoots with penny?

was penny's smile because she seems a possible turncoat?

 

I also like the idea of a death eater ginny, and the room, i have only seen its basic idea in a few other fics, the way you have written it is excellent, and fits very well. Damn it boy, I want to read more.

 

Hannah is a receiving empath so won’t she be able to know (feel) the bad intensions that are coming from Penny at least a little even with her occlumency shield in place?

 

Ya i said something like that, maybe Penny or Snape can find a previous note with the location of Grimmauld on it written by DD bringing the battle to Grimmauld allowing the portraits to come active..

See Jim, I'm not the only one who likes the idea of Deatheater!Ginny..

 

Hey, I didn't say that!

And yes, the other idea is a little cliche, but...its necessary I think.

I LOVED the way you handled the duel with Albus. I was wondering where Susan was during Harry's mental battle, but that's ok. Fantastic work.

I know this seems nuts but were you fore-shadowing anything with Fawkes's poop? Like will that couch break at a critical tiime or something?

The portraits were BRILLIANT. I thought too powerful at times. I thought they should only be able to do 3rd year spells. beyond that is too powerful. Tripping hex, slugs, impedimenta, etc. Stupefy is too powerful I thought. Make that character special (incarcerous is 3rd year spell.)

Anyway, GENIUS!!

Update soon!

 

Wonderful chapter. I like the way the feud between Dumbledore and Harry is working. They work together when they have to; Harry doesn't just cut him out of his life like he doesn't need him (because he does).

I look forward to see what you do with Penny. I know what 'I' would do, but not everyone wants to see a story where Harry Imperiouses a baby to eat its way out of its mother. (...I think I just grossed myself out.)

 

Wow! Lots to respond to.

Chuck - Yes Penny having clearance is a bad thing. I always thought there were problems with the Fidelius charm and it would be silly to do the whole thing with the portraits unless there is a big throwdown at #12 coming soon.

Radioactive - Glad you approve of the plot device. I didn't think it was over the top and it was in keeping with what I thought of the Black family and the people who ran it for centuries.

Myst - I think the Fawkes betraying DD has been done to death, plus in this story no one is completely right. As Chuck and I have argued in the forum and outside, there are two sides to the goblin problem and Harry and DD are on opposing sides of it. Glad Penny has you riled. She's a sneaky one that girl.

Niffler Lord / Syn - I will say that chapter 16 starts on Harry's birthday and a week has past. Most people are actively avoiding young Ginevra. She has found a sympathetic ear in her new sister in law, who feels out of place too. HEEHEEHEE

Mordecai - Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hope to continue to meet or exceed your expectations.

MysterioX - Hannah may pick up odd feelings around Penny, but that can be explained away that she is the widow of the estranged Percy Weasley. She only came to them because she had no where else to go. If only someone would notice that her hand on the clock isn't pointing at Mortal Peril and put two and two together.

Killginny009 - I don't recall you advocating DeathEater Ginny. I do recall several instances of you advocating JustplainDead Ginny preferrably by Harry's hand. I may be confusing your input on both stories. It may happen. It may not happen. We'll see, but it is kind of hard to forgive someone trying to slip you a love potion just because she wants you.

Chuck - Well Susan was in the middle of casting her own spell after watching for a second or two. She hadn't really believed that it would come to that. Okay, did you just say that "Stupefy is too powerful"? That's just funny. I see your point, but just because the spell didn't show up until what book 4 or 5 that they weren't taught it earlier. I don't see a stunner as a powerful spell. I actually thought when I mentioned that Narcissa's portrait if it ever becomes active cast the Confundus charm. I thought that might have been stretching it. I consider that one more powerful. Notice the stunner was only strong enough to daze DD. Harry finished him off with his own stunner.

DarthBill - Thanks for your thoughts. You thought patterns are a bit disturbing. I suriprised you wouldn't have him accio the umbilical cord and strangle her with it! (EWWWWWWW!)


And on that disturbing note, I must take my leave to reply to the comments on bungle and get back to writing.

Jim