That was a good end note of the chapter. Too many people make Voldemort believe that he is invinsible. He will always be afraid that someone will rise to challenge him. It's why he attacked a baby based on nothing more than a bit of divination from a known fraud.

I never like it when Hagrid dies in a story, but I liked it this time. Too often Hagrid is gentle to the point of weakness. Seeing him cleaving people in two and almost killing Voldemort was great.

I can see that Hannah is going to cause some problems. I only hope that she has the sense to talk to Harry about it before getting Susan worked up.

It seems to me that Dumbledore will not live much longer, with two epic battles with Voldemort so close to each other. Great chapter.

 

Yes I agree Hagrid is a half-blood giant. He is a nice gentle couldnt hurt a fly(on purpose) most of the time. But if you get him mad The inner blood thirsty giant comes out. Too bad he dies.

I like the chapter. If Hannah opens her big mouth to susan it wont be nice have her accuse Harry in the dorm. Yes Tom isnt invincible He would have been beat if he hadnt managed to get on the offensive. Hagrid kicking his ass was awesome.

4.5/5

 

Loved the Chapter. Definitely one of the best fight scenes I've seen in quite a while. I liked seeing Moldyshorts taken down a peg and it proven that he's not all powerful. Now he'll be looking over his shoulder worrying about what Hagrid said. I really enjoy reading this story, keep up the good work.

 

Good chapter. The action scene was strongly written. It was nice and terse, and I'm glad to see that it was pragmatic and not fanciful. I especially liked the tricks with the illusion and the quicksand. I thought the poisoned slicing curse was clever too.

Your Hagrid was pretty cool. I'd forgotten that he has a personal score to settle with Voldemort, and I enjoyed seeing that play out. I'm sorry he's dead.

It looks like Susan's not going to turn into a super-soldier-sidekick, which I'd been worried about earlier. I'm curious to know where you're planning to take the tension between our star couple. So far, their relationship's been pretty solid, and this latest curve ball looks as though it'll be more of a misunderstanding than a conflict rooted in something more substantial, like personality differences.

QR

QR

 

I guess if you gotta kill Hagrid, this was the way to do it...

But, sheesh...Aragog, Hagrid and Norbert? At least Grawp is still kicking.

I see that Tommy-boy finally learned to respect Hagrid. It was interesting to see him order the Rat-boy to give Hagrid a proper giant's funeral. I guess facing your mortality at the hands of someone who was your whipping boy kind of does that to you...

That was a nice little trick, Hagrid luring Tommy in and then falling on the blade.

It would also be nice to have Snivelly give a report in the next chapter detailing the major DEs killed in that battle. I kind of lost count...

So, what kind of replacement is AD going to get for his arm? I'm going for something a little ostentatious...probably in red and gold. Something that will clash horribly with his typical wardrobe choices, of course.

 

AAAH, I'm dying here! ffnet seems to be down again and I can't read the new chapter. I don't suppose there's any chance of seeing it in the Work by Author section? Please?

 

The reviews have been very positive so far. Though I hope that Dranco's 4.5 was out of 5 and not 10.

Take just about every Hagrid dies scene and I be that most of them will have Hagrid being dragged in chains and killed while Harry watches via a vision. I wanted to go a different route this time.

My Voldemort is every bit as mortal as Harry is. Had Dungbeetle Malfoy been there, he might have taken his shot at unseating the Dark Lord right there. Since Hagrid was using an axe created by Harry's conjuration, it could have theorhetically fulfilled the prophecy.

Susan isn't a super soldier. She's going to try and keep up and she'll be constantly getting better, but she simply isn't in Harry's league.

As for a replacement for Dumbles arm, we'll see. How many other stories give Aragog or Norbert any storytime?

Should I have called the chapter "Hey, can you give me a hand?"

Jim

Vanna - I post on ficwad too! Just go there.

 

Yes I am sorry i was debating about making it 9/10 or 4.5/5 and didnt pay any attention to that part I guess

4.5/5

 

Great job, Jim. That was one helluva chapter. Great action sequences. Amazing Voldemort, once again. I can only wait in suspense for you to conclude the several questions you have raised...

Keep it up, update soon, and GREAT WORK!

 

Finally someone gave Hagrid a decent part in a fic beyond his rather pitiful role in canon. I mean the guy works with dangerous creatures everyday, has a 3 headed dog for a pet and everyone has him as a big sissy. Great chapter.

I wonder what is going to happen to Gwarp now that Hagrid isn't looking after him and if the spiders now become troublesome.

I hope you take away Peter's silver hand and give him Dumbledores.

 

Another great chapter. First about Norbert, that was genius. I wonder why more authors dont put Norbert in, this was the first time id seen him i think. The battle scene was magnificent as usual, and the necro dragon was really cool imo. Dumbledore becoming weaker is realistic, and your doing it a good rate i think.

Usually im not to sad to see Hagrid die because he is usually Usually man, and also a complete pushover. Your description of Hagrid was great, and even though you killed him i still really liked it. Having his last words be something along the lines of watch your back because of Harry Potter fit in really well, now that Voldy doesnt fear dumbledore he has to have someone to be afraid of, it's just his way.

Im thinking Hannah is going to cause a fight between Susan and Harry? If im right try not to have it take up all the chapter, that doesnt seem your style but you can never be to cautious.

Keep up the good work

 

great chapter!!

hagrid went down with a bang, thats always a plus in my books.

Does Tom owe peter a life dent now since it was him who saved Tom`s ass?


update soon!!

 

Chapter 22 posted

Author's notes for chapter 22

Scene 1 - It hasn't really changed too much since I put it in work by author section. Many of my alphas were concerned that I needed to explain Fawkes' inability to rescue Dumbledore a bit more. I actually didn't think so. Dumbledore's doublecross of the spiders seems to have been very well received.

Scene 2 - Initially I had Harry blowing up statues of DEs and whatnot. Chuck was nice enough to point out how tired, lame and generally overused that was, so I decided to do the wanton destruction of Privet Drive instead. Even in the 'Dark' Harry stories, the house is destroyed as an afterthought after Harry has butchered the Dursleys. In this case the house is a symbol for everything wrong in Harry's life as he systematically destroys it. I added the fountain at Nonjon's recommendation, that the scene should also be about Harry avenging the 'injustices' in Hagrid's life. Chuck and IP helped me get Flitwick back in character as an excitable and jovial type. I had him turning into a pint sized badass. It's more apt to make him a pint sized badass when he steps into a dueler's arena.

Next there is the confrontation with Hannah. She's obviously concerned for Susan and thinks Harry is 'using' her. Harry has a few more problems on his mind and really doesn't like the implications. Even in canon, Hannah is portrayed as an overemotional girl with her transfiguration owl as proof. Her gift is a liability in a fight and Harry is quite correct that if they are ever counting on Hannah to win a duel, they must be getting desperate.

Scene 3 - IP gets mad props for helping with the fake prophecy. It was created using Tonks as Trewelany if that clears it up. It has enough truth in it, no mention of the Power the Dark Lord knows not and is basically trying to buy time to allow Dumbledore and the rest to train Harry. It also is attempting to convince Voldemort to stay away from Hogwarts for the next two years.

Scene 4 - Oddly my favorite scene of the chapter. Who doesn't look down on their desk and see a 1/2 eaten tuna sandwich at one time or another? It uses Rufus to show the political landscape. Lucius's replacement the Faircloth woman is now ordering the troops to fight meaningless battles and stalemates to prevent the call for total mobilization by the Scrimgeour administration. It is a subtlety that I would not expect out of Malfoy. (I'm not his biggest fan.)

Scene 5 - Susan getting back into the swing of things attending the ceremony. Hope you liked Harry's speech. You get a taste of how afraid she is for Harry having to fight a powerhouse of magic.

Scene 6 - Nukular winter and Nonjon really helped out here. IP and Chuck are leading the calls for violent reprisals on Harry's part. Harry's plan is finally revealed. I did drop a hint about it in an earlier chapter, just like Norbert. How do you like it? I've seen some pretty inane uses of the life debt in fanfiction. I wanted to do something bold and unique. Dark wizards tend not to accumulate life debts. As a rule, I would expect that owing a life debt to a Dark Wizard is a really bad idea. It's a good guess that people won't be happy with Harry, Ginny (delving into Dark Magic) or the Abbotts (using Legilmency for something as assine as trying to figure out if Harry and Ginny are doing the nasty.) For those who are curious the consequence of Ginny's oath was 'pain'.

Scene 7 - Harry and Susan setting up for Harry's plan. Susan's a realist. I suppose if FanonHermione! was there she'd try and stop him, but it's a good plan and it has a shot of working. Susan wants this war over too.

Scene 8 - Busty Beach Veela, if it isn't a wizarding gentleman's magazine well it should be. Harry executing both Joe Deatheater and Lucius. Harry's a realist also. None of that 'I have to become a murderer' crappola here. I put Krum in there as a last minute. When I originally thought of the scene it was Harry negotiating with Zabini. That's kind of overused so the last minute substition of Krum. I was also tempted to have Harry leave the muggle girls, but it seemed too OOC for him.

Scene 9 - Pretty much self explanatory.

So what do you think? Do I have another twist up my sleeve or is Voldy going to get a quaffle-sized hole through his back? Is chapter 23 the epilogue?

And now for your comments...

Jim

I was tempted to call the chapter "Why Lucius still doesn't eat corn." for obvious reasons...

 

First off,

Onto the critique...or lack thereof. This was a great chapter. I loved Harry's idea, his speech, Chelsea's brutality, hell, I loved all of it. Especially the ironic, "would be easier to just ask Peter to kill me now?" That was great.

I believe that if the next chapter is the epilogue, I will hunt you down and bludgeon you to death with a rolling pin. Seriously. Anyways, this is a fantastic chapter in a fantastic story, and I am finding myself liking it more and more as it goes on.

 

Wow a nice chapter indead.

Although I did guess at the idea somewhat and I was nearly right. I picked the wrong character he'd take over.

I also enjoyed the fake prophecy and the fact that those two abbotts are so damn curious on cheating that the pry into a damn mind of someone important to the war effort just find to out stupid juciy gossip.

Someone punish them. Seriously.. burn them at the stake for being so damn vindictive over trivial matters.

the next chapter better NOT be the epilogue. If so.. Im following fuego to do the same thing.

 

I like the plan, very inventive. Too bad it seems that it's almost destined to fail. I can't see Voldemort being taken out like that, not without some huge final battle or something, though I do think it would be awesome if he died and then the Abbott sisters' story ends in Harry being painted as the next Dark Lord and he goes to war against the very people he did this thing to protect.

 

Damn...

Two great ones in a row.

A good punishment for Hannah...Harry should give her the day Sirius died. She would probably be needing a well padded room and a sleeveless jacket after that. If she just doesn't go and do a header off the top of the Astronomy Tower...

Oh, and a pretty good idea for getting Ginny off the bottom of the dung heap...just in time for the Abbott sisters, not that you've actually redeemed her, just made it so she isn't Harry's most loathed non-Voldemort/Dursley person in the world.

 

I knew the Abbot sisters were trouble. They are lucky that I am not Harry. Harry is too, for that matter.

To answer your question, Jim: yes, it was evil of you to leave it there. Oh, well. Great chapter.

 

You evil BEEEEEP! How could you leave it there? Cruel!!!!

I loved it, it was brilliant, amazing...~gushes like a fangirl for 10 more minutes~

The speech was very good, very well written, and i liked the symbolism of the house. Well done!

 

Thanks for all the replies.

Quick question for Fue and Lord Myst, did you guys get my reply to your reviews on ff.net. I have noticed since like 9/18 or 9/19 that ff.net hasn't been sending out any new story updates or you've got reviews. I get up this morning and check my mail and see some ficwad reviews and nothing from ff.net. I log in and find out that there are 22 reviews plus 3 for Bungle that I didn't know about. I just wanted to make sure that I'm not wasting my time writing replies to people if they aren't getting them.

Fue - ChuckdaTruck is handling all my threats of death and pain. Please schedule an appointment with him and he'll work you into my calendar. Actually, blame him for how the chapter ended.

Myst - I am guessing you thought Snape. Though I think you are off by saying that the Abbott sisters would guess at Ginny Weasley's importance to the war effort. Part of the point I wanted to show with the Puffs was that they still don't 'get it'. They don't realize that it is war out there. It's a good bet Harry won't be pleased. Poor Ginny isn't doing so hot in this fic. I am guessing the phoenixsong folks are united with the portkey folks in their distaste of this story. See Chuck for a spot in line behind Fue.

LT2000 - Thanks for the praise. That would be an interesting turn of events. It's worth a thought...

mjc - Thanks. I'm going to be tossing around a few ideas for an Abbott sister punishment with IP82, ChuckdaTruck, nonjon and the rest of my prereaders. I don't know if Harry's vengance will be on par with Lucius getting turned into a dungbeetle and fed Peter's buttchunkies (I wonder if that was his last meal? He only recently would have been turned back into a huma.) Oh well I digrees. Anyway, we'll produce something suitable. It can't be over the top though, kind of hard to justify that to Susan... "Uh honey, I know your a bit upset about my recent use of the Dark Arts, but I kinda had to use Crucio on Hannah and Chelsea for a little while. You don't mind do you?"

DarthB - Thanks as always. Why would Harry be lucky that you aren't him?

Jim