2 words sum this fic up. Fucking. Epic.

Im very much split in the decision of what i like more. You're portrayal of Voldemort or Harry.

Thought I'd just stop by here and tell you i think you're story rocks and i await your updates.

thanks again.

 

I finally took the time out to read your story. And theres not much to say that hasn't already been said, such as: It Fucking Rocks. Excellent Excellent job!

I love Voldemort, Harry, and Dumbledore's character.

This has got to be my favorite Hagrid- went out like a hero!

At first I didn't like the romance, it just bugged me for some reason, but now it's just fine and quite well written.

The Abott sisters should die..please just torture them to death. Fucking whores. In fact kill the father also.

The writing style is obviously good, and ideas are simply great. I love this story, keep up the good work! I was reading this story non-stop for the past 2 or 3 days, now I have to wait for the next update...*sighs* I'll wait...

 

Chapter 24 is up.

Thanks for all the recent comments especially Kiklo and Warlock. I'm kind of rushed right now as we are headed out of town for a few days, so I won't get into a scene by scene author's notes for chapter 24. If I get internet access while in Hell (oops Ohio), I will post them. I had intended for the chapter to be a bit longer, but life happens.

Hope you enjoy chapter 24. As much as everyone is advocating Abbott mutilation, I think you realize that it was impractical at the moment.

Jim

 

Very nice chapter. Didn't like that it left off where it did, but like you said, life happens.

Drunk!Hermione is fun.

 

Interesting chapter, we start to see Harry becoming a little more dangerous but slowly, inspired by his anger - works well to keep him in character. Lightweight!Hermione is entertaining and I enjoyed some of the reasonings behind Harry's actions, it's nice to see him being somewhat affected by his exposure to the Dursley's and not turn into an angsty git.

I also enjoyed the fact that we have a powerful Harry who isn't just centre stage in the raid for no reason which is refreshing, a good read.

 

Woot for realistic!Harry! What happened to the authors notes? I love yours, with your snide comments about cliches.
Just caught up with this fic and I'm gonna add it to my alerts on ficwad. nice work.

 

Okay I've got a little time to do this so here are the author's notes for chapter 24.

Scene 1 - As much as everyone wanted industrial strength Abbott Abuse, I couldn't find a way to legitimately do it. Hope you liked Susan cutting off Dumbledore. She did have everything under control until everyone else butted in.

Scene 2 - Harry is angry. He wants to trash something. Preferrably something he doesn't own. The Rufus scene went well. What married guy doesn't think his mother in law isn't out to kill him at one point in time?

Scene 3 - Like I said in the tease, I did this scene as a rebuttal to all those H/Hr stories out there where Hermione pulls Harry aside and goes into great detail of why she and Ron would never work. I think there are just as many reasons that H/Hr couldn't work either. The part with the house elves was just my twisted imagination getting in the way again. Same goes with Hermione not being the top student in the class, yet not being bitter about it. The trio still exists, but they aren't attached at the hip.

Scene 4 - Fleur is such a strong character in most stories even my other one. I wanted to give a different version of Fleur in this one. How did I do?

Scene 5 - I wanted the aurors to seem like professionals. There was a war before Harry was born. Stories that make the aurors and DEs out to be bumbling idiots really don't do it for me.

All for now - Jim

 

Great chapter, very realistic (well at least realistic as a magical world can be lol). Couldnt u have hit peter with just one curse though? Anyway that was my only complaint, its nice to see a logical harry actually going to the minister and not just trying to take all the bases by himself. The drunk hermione was great. I think my favorite part was the aurors though, in to many stories they are a bunch idiots that have to have harry lead them, very nice job.

 

I must say Im disappointed in you Jim.

I WANTED PETER ABBOTT TO BE FREAKING CASTURATED!

other than that. good job. I like the chapter except for the part mentioned above.

4/5 ill edited more later i gotta go.

 

Action!Harry, Ward Crusher!Harry, Broom fighter pilot!Harry This chapter has it all.
So will we see Love life adviser!Bill in the next scene. Good use of Fluer, Hermione and Mandy. (never see enough of Mandy, or her sisters Brandy, and Candi)
And a great one liner for Ron.

 

As always your writing style is superb even if the out come leaves much to be desired. First the Abbot girls get away with hardly a slap on the wrist (Having a few privileges revoked is a joke) and now Peter lives... with all his body parts intact. This is a disturbing trend and if it wasn’t for the fact you had killed off lots of characters already I would be afraid you were turning this into one of those stories where no one but a few secondary characters get killed.

Ok so my writing style sucks but here goes a more pleasing way for that chapter to begin.

"Come on Peter face me like a man" Harry said pointing his wand at the man on the floor.

Seeing everyone else in the room including his wife frozen in place Peter slowly stood keeping his wand in hand to try and defend himself.

"Come now Peter why so glum, how many people can honestly say they get to duel the chosen one?" Harry said snidely as he saw Peter looking for possible ways out but finding himself blocked from exiting by an angry werewolf.

"Well Peter since you have already had your shot I believe it is my turn" Harry said as he flicked his wand in a twisting motion at Peter’s groin.

The "twister" as it was affectionately known as in one of the tomes Harry had found was a far cry from the muggles children’s game that Harry first thought of when he found it.

Unlike other castration curses this did not rip, cut or even blast off a mans manhood it clamped down on it like an iron fist and twisted. Severing a mans johnson would be considered kind compared to having it twisted until all the blood vessels, ligaments and other essential part were snapped and torn due being slowly twisted.

Peters agonizing screams were cut short by a silencing charm.

"Why Peter it sounds like your voice has raised an octave or two" Harry said as flicked his wand at the man this time sending him crashing into the stone wall of the infirmary.

"That should stop you from producing anymore of these pathetic excuses for humans you have spawned"

Harry did not let up on his banishing spell when Peter hit the wall instead he raised the power keeping him pinned there with what felt like a lorry pressing up against him. With Peters voice silenced the cracking of several of his ribs and other bones was shocking loud in the quite room. Redirecting the power of the spell Harry succeeded in effectively knee capping Peter as the banishing spell shattered his knee caps and crushing his lower legs. With a final flick Harry applied a spell which was rather unkindly known as "The British smile" by the wizards on the continent. In effect it was just a localized destruction curse which chipped broke or twisted all the teeth in the unlucky recipient’s mouth.

Turning to the two Abbot girls who were holding each other on the bed where Harry had left Hannah mere minutes ago he summoned all his power and cast the spell known as the "Inner fire" essential it creates a feed back loop in the persons magic that drains them of there magic over several minutes of excruciating pain. The occlumency the girls knew would just serve to worsen the effect as it would also consume the magic in there brains leaving possible damage but in most cases just one hell of a headache. A notoriously hard spell to cast due to the power needed to cause the feed back loop in another’s magic, the caster had to be significantly stronger than the recipient and have no opposition to the spell which could be blocked by even the most basic of shields.

It would take several months for the girl’s magic to recover to the stage where they could perform any magic at all and far longer for it to get back to normal.

His blood lust fulfilled for now Harry turned back to the floo before anyone in the room could snap out of it and try to stop him.


Now not exactly what I would expect to see in a serious story but it sure does satisfy the bloodlust a lot better then helping take down a ward. All I ask is that someone gets there balls ripped off... is that so much to ask?

 

Way to go, S.
That SubPlot FicLetBunny was exactly what i needed to get past my own disappointment at the git's intact state.
I do, however, realize the difficulties in actually eviscerating him.
As for the consequences for the girls, i noted that Harry didn't smoke any peacepipes. Would he possibly be tempted to take matters into his own hands?
The very idea of a tipsy, lightheaded Hermione bowled me right over. The Holy Grail-status of the delivery system is hilarious.
I found it suspiciously easy to snub Skeeter. Of course, a supercharged kid with no reason to like you would make any sensible person to back off, but she's not noted for her sensibility, right?
Next peculiarity is Fleur. I accept the reasoning behind her superficial persona without flinching, but there has to be more than meets the eye in a Triwizard champion. Unless of course the Beaubatons is a magical Martha Stuart's Home For The Featherweight Minds, or if she was the only applicant.
Now, it's almost impossible to anticipate our resident Homer's (referring to the greek guy, not the yellow one.) escapades, but i'll go out on a limb and predict a spectacular makeupsession with Susan, a Weasley Wardeclaration and Dumbledore's death from emotional exhaustion.
The future will prove me wrong, but i don't really care. I'm just enjoying this most spectacular ride.
g

 

... he took a relaxing shower, washing down grime and Abbot's blood, feeling damn good about himself. That's right bitches, no more goody-good saviour shit, he thought vindictivelly. You fuck me up? I fuck you twice as hard and leave the bill.

He came out naked, whistling a merry tune, only to find himself surrounded by aurors, with Scrimegour standing behind them, shaking his head sadly.

"I can cover up battle magic used against Voldemort, but torture of a prominent light family is where I draw the line. I'm sorry Harry, but I can't have two dark lords on the lose. Take him away."

 

Yes thank you IP for pointing out the glaringly obvious. As I made clear I think Jberns writing is excellent and is currently my favorite author with both of his stories ranked number 1 and 3 on my favorite stories list. What I was pointing out was my own petty need for revenge.

The ability to piss a reader off so completely that they want to reach into their monitor and squeeze the authors neck till there eyes pop out of their head BUT still keep reading is simply amazing.

It is a realism of human emotion and interaction that I have never before seen in a fanfiction or in many published novels. The way he builds characters and relationships and the reactions to situations is second to none,

I was pissed off when the Abbot girls got let off... but kept reading, I was VERY pissed off when Peter retained his balls... but kept reading. Not once did my mouse cruiser stray to the back button at the top of my screen... for that not to happen in a fic nowadays after reading so much trash is amazing.

 

Yeah, the DLP group is kinda bloodthirsty. (Hey! Put that away! I was kidding - yeah, kidding!) Let's face it, though; Harry said one thing that was spot on: "Chelsea mind raped Ginny", and Hannah was an accomplice. What Harry did with Ginny was voluntary, and so no one else's business. What Chelsea did to Ginny (and what Harry did to Hannah) was mental rape.

If Harry had calmly read Ginny's mind (with her perssion) after freeing her from the oath, he could have seen what happened without committing the act on someone else. If Harry approached it with less rage, he could have worked this situation so that Hannah, Chelsea, and Peter had to legitimately repay Ginny and Harry in some way for their illegal actions. And, yes, I believe Harry could have approached this calmly - a cold, angry calm. Remember, some part of Harry (and not necessarily just the Voldie-implant) was suitable for Slytherin.

Regardless, I'm still hoping Chelsea and Hannah face some serious repercussions for their actions. How can Susan so easily let them off the hook? Susan dressed down Harry majorly. She dressed down Peter a bit for his ludicrously stupid statement to the person that just saved his life. And she mildly rebuked the group as a whole, which they probably forgot all about by the time the chapter was over. No rebuke to Hannah or Chelsea, though, and they caused this whole episode. Not Harry, not Ginny - Chelsea and Hannah caused all of this.

BTW Harry would *not* have overlooked Hermione mind-raping someone. Susan obviously has holes in understanding of Harry that need to get fixed, and soon. Harry agreed to Hermione's curse on Marietta, but it fit Marietta's crime pretty well. The same Harry stopped Remus and Sirius from killing Pettigrew, more for what it would do to them than for the loss of Wormtail's life.

Yes, it's nice to see someone other than Harry in the inner circle of good guys question Bumble-spoor.

I agree, the scene went well. I especially like seeing Harry set the terms for a relationship with the Ministry, rather than them trying to use him.

Um... I am being instructed by the woman behind me with a rolling pin to say 'No comment'. That's my answer and I'm sticking with it.

I am *so* on the same wavelength with you on this. There are quite a few *excellent* HP/HG authors who I wish would read this scene.

Of course, that doesn't mean I agree with Hermione's analysis of Harry and the situation. But I think you wrote it the way Hermione would see it.

This is actually the scene I liked least, not because it was poorly written, but because it directly opposes the little we know of Fleur from canon. Of course, it's Book 6 canon that depicts her staying with Bill despite his disfiguring injuries, and Book 6 is not included in this work (which is good, I think). However, since we have so little about Fleur in the books, it's a shame not to use that insight anyway.

HOWEVER, you portrayed a very believable "shallow Fleur". She was not (as I have seen at ff.net) just a teenage fluff-head, but an actual thinking, callous, superficial person. Furthermore, she fit what we've seen of Fleur outside of Book 6. So, in what you were trying to write, I think you succeeded.

As for Bill, I think you depicted him spot on. It was nice to see him insightful enough to see what she was really saying, and to know how to get under her skin.

I completely agree with your sentiment. Almost all stories with battle scenes depict Voldie, Aurors, or Death Eaters being defeated far too easily. Your scene was well done, not too easy, but not too detailed or grimy. The ward-breaking, the close quarters fighting, and (especially!) Harry's aerial battle were the right mixture of effort to results.

Of course, I suspect a lot of HP fanfic writers are like me: they agree with your sentiment but just can't write a good group battle scene.

NOTE 1: You didn't mention (nor did anyone else) what I considered to be the scariest moment in this chapter: Pettigrew survived, and is free from his life-debt to Harry. Another point to Voldie for pulling such a major victory out of potential defeat.

NOTE 2: This is absolutely one of my favorite stories that is ongoing right now. However, it's also one of the stories I have the biggest gripe about: it takes time away from you writing 'Bungle in the Jungle'!

More! More! I must have more chapters! BWAH HA HA HA!

Later,
ZM

 

Ok...I have to replies here..

Hermione

She was totally off the mark on her analysis of Harry. In my view, Harry would NEVER care about competing with Hermione. He knows that she's a lot smarter than him and never let it bother him. He might take issue with her being arrogant, overbearing, a brain-snob, and bagering him about homework...but he wouldn't have any problems with competing with her. In fact, I can't think of a single time (prior to the stupid HBP's potions book idiocy) that Harry and Hermione ever competed with eachother; they have different strengths: Harry is athletic, a great Quidditch player and great at DADA; Hermione is the brainy one. He might have a problem is she took up Quiddich or beat him in a duel, but her getting reconition for being a genius wouldn't phase him He'd probably totally support her, so long as she doesn't go overboard and forget about him and Ron. After all, all Harry wants is to be a normal guy. He hates his fame and (going with canon through OOTP) once Voldie was dead would probably be happy settling down, being a Quidditch Pro or DADA teacher at Hogwarts, and plaing stay-at-home dad to more munchkins than the Weasleys have. It's Hermione that's the political one and wants the reconition, Harry wants LESS of it!

As for Ron's little take on why he's good for Hermione...I was very impressed with his little speech. BUT, I thought he seemed a little to mature there. Granted he's just lost 2 brothers and has had to grow up some, but I think that at this point in his life Ron is still to inmature to admit what he just said. I could on the other had see him making that statement in a year though, but at this point I don't think he has the maturity to realize that.

Fleur

I rather liked how you made Fleur so shallow here. For those of you who point to her standing by Bill at the end of HBP, keep in mind at that point they had been together for over a year and were engaged to be married. At this point, they've probably only been together for a few months and their relationship probably hasn't gotten that serious yet.

 

Finally sat down and read it, A++ thats right TWO plusses.

Now I have a new favorite story, I like this better than Bungle but both are great.

I have a question though, Why does Dawlish have to float around. If muggle's can make working prosthetic legs why can't magic? You know Voldemort can (Pettigrew) so I am sure an accomplished healer or even Dumbledore could do so. Trivial, I know, but it was bothering me.

This was my favorite depiction of Hagrid and it was a shame to see him go.

Grawp? What happened with him, did he die? Maybe I missed it. I think Norbert would of taken a few DE's with him personally.

I like how you make Ron and Hermione still a part albeit a very small one and still friends with Harry just not on the same level as before. It's refreshing because it's usually either friends forever or enemies. You are doing a great job with Ginny too, I hate her but she was actually of some use. You keep her in the story but make her suffer, that's great.

Easily the best action scenes, no contest. Voldemort is perfect and I'm glad you didn't kill Pettigrew of because he is probably my favorite character in this story besides Harry. I'm impressed you were actually able to give a virtual OC (Susan) a personallity and stick too it.

My only problem with action is when you are describing a fight between two people, say Dumbledore and Voldemort there is no outside interference, the fights seem a little too organized, a little confusion would be nice.

Long story short great story 5/5.


sYou should maybe give a description of Sua

 

I have an addition to why I think Hermione & Ron's conversation with Susan is off the mark.

Ron...

Ron has always felt as if he was in Harry's shadow. He's a good guy and a great friend, but he's not a praticually great wizard. He's nowhere near as intelligent and skilled as Harry and Hermione and while he could probably make up for his shortcommings if he tried, he's too much of slacker to do so. I know what canon says, but I can't see Hermione and Ron lasting. Hermione, provided she survies the war, is going to make a name for herself. Ron, I think, would try to support her, but would fail because he'd end up feeling even more in her shadow than he did Harry's. Hermione is already regarded as the brightest and cleverest witch of her generation, she's got the potential to be a great Minister of Magic, Unspeakable or whatever she puts her mind to. Ron on the other hand, I could see him becoming head of the Dept. of Magical Games and Sports....but nothing close to Hermione's level.

 

You seem to be missing the forest for the trees.

Hermione doesn't want to be with Harry for *EXACTLY* that reason. She realized that if she ended up with Harry, no matter what she did in life she'd STILL be regarded as just "Harry Potter's wife/girlfriend."

First of all, in PoA Remus Lupin said: "Hermione, you are the cleverest witch of your age that I have ever met." (I'm fairly certain that's the quote, my book is in storage).

There seems to be some ambiguity here, because you can regard "your age" to mean either "fourteen years old" or "your generation."

Taken in context, he probably meant that she was the brightest 14 year-old he'd ever met. It's not the same thing as "brightest witch of your generation," but it's still a nice complement.

Second, in this AU Rufus Scrimgeour (a half-blood) wouldn't have been Minister of Magic without Harry's help. Hermione (a mudblood) is probably not destined for success in politics due to circumstances beyond her control.

-Sean

 

But think, Harry got Rufus the Minister position with but a word. He would support Hermione and probably spend time and money to help her be known and succesful without people thinking of her as Harry's project.