TUPAC LIVES!

(I heard his next album is going to be duets with Elvis and Jim Morrison)

 

I have no Idea how Tupac got introduced in this thread.

Jim, I refuse to read the teasers. So get a move on and update really fast.

 

Chapter 27 is up!

Chapter 27 is up. Here is a quick and dirty version of the author's notes. Obviously read the story first otherwise spoilers abound.

Scene 1 - Most were right about Jones and Vance being the two masked DEs. Our Mercenary Curse Breakers from the Azkaban chapters return. I hope everyone appreciates the irony of Hermione's extra credit assignment being used and the way Snape manipulated her.

Scene 2 - Still sorting out some of the Goblin\Dark Lord\Centaur jokes. I may decide to not use them and leave it as the really funny implied joke, but we'll see. I used Justin to give yet another perspective on the Wizarding world. He comes from an affluent muggle family, but his monies and titles mean diddle here. I also like the idea that the Wizarding world would put restrictions to protect their small and somewhat stagnant economy from the big bad economies of Britain and the EU.

As you can see from the tease, I upgraded to slightly less stupid nicknames. Someone pointed out that Harry and Justin could possibly bond over their mutual hatred of Peter Abbott. I gave Justin a good bit more anger, but the realization that he wouldn't do so well against Harry in a fight.

Scene 3 - I worked on making Susan and Hannah's exchange as real as I could make it. Kokopelli, IP82, Cubdom and hell just about everyone else I thanked help me through that difficult scene. I couldn't resist poking fun at Harry Harem stories out there. Susan is experiencing some of Harry's emotions through their weak bond. The flash of pleasure and desire was from seeing Fleur timed nicely for their conversation about her and Harry boinking.

Scene 4 and beyond - Who cares about the rest of this. Get to the damn fight already. I think I'll let the fight speak for itself. I wanted it to be a dirty back alley brawl instead of some dignified duel. IP82 told me that a Snape death scene can make or break a fic. Hopefully this will be the one you compare the next twenty Harry vs Snape fights you read. Yes at the end Harry isn't doing all that well in the mental health department. Can you blame him?

And now for your comments.

Jim

 

If you weren't a guy, I'd give you a glomp. Awesome chappy Jbern, though I'm a bit disappointed that Fleur did die. Other then the way the wards were so easily dropped, I loved the whole thing. Especially Snape's last moments. So go Jbern's writing skills!

 

I believe the word I am looking for is WOOT. I've already commented on the first scenes in the tease so no need to repeat myself apart from saying I glad you gave Justin a little more of a reaction to hearing that his girl was mind fucked.

The fight was everything I never knew I always wanted in a fight scene. I think that may very well be the best duel/fight (Since it isnt really a duel so much as a 'Who can cause the most pain" fight) The only thing I can compare it to is IP82's fight vs Rockwood but this is better cause Harry won with skill not just dum luck. I understand Harry is losing his grip but I hope Bill wont turn him into someone for being crazy. Maybe this will help to establish the Harry/Bill relationship you set up in earlier chapters. He has been one of my favourite charecters in the Potteverse and you use him to great effect in Bungle and hope to see it here to.

Shame there will be no fall out from Hermione helping with the ward breaking. She couldn't have known what would happen about it but since she is my less favourite charecter I am always rooting for her slow and painful death.

I hope you manage to kill of either her or Ron in this story. You never really see one of them die in a fic unless it is one of them when everyone die's like Sardonic Satisfaction.

I love Harry quoting Snape in his final moments. My only question is "Does gressy hair burn better?"

 

Once again, I am amazed by your writing abilities. The fight scene between Harry and Snape is all I can ask for. There's even a mutilation part at the end ! The question "Does greasy hair burn better ?" made me laugh out loud.

I would really be interested in how you are going to make Harry calm down. Maybe he will stay insane and kill everybody within range ?

The only thing that bugs me is that I can't see the relation between the chapter's title and its content.

 

Eh...MB: Harry just lost it (darkness HINT HINT!). So maybe he has to fight it now. Who cares!!??!!?

Epic chapter Jim (ever wondered how your name sounds so similiar to G*n ) .

Plus ten points for the chapter. and minus one point for killing Fleur(cant be helped the male in me demands it).

Just so if you are wondering. Greasy hair does burn better, as my friend found out in chemistry lab much to his dismay.

 

That was great. I don't mind that Fleur died; I mean, look at how she died! Naked!

Also I'm a little disappointed that Harry was kind of crazy when he killed Snape. He won't be able to look back and laugh now.

 

I was really hoping to see some more of that dementor power in this chapter.

That said, the fight scene was absolutely out of the charts...best one i've seen ever...enough said

Oh....and I propose we all pitch in and help Jbern buy the harry Potter wrights think burning HPB and replacing it with one of Jbern's masterpieces

 

Jim I love you so much I may turn gay. Not really but still... AWESOME this fight scene broke this fic. Im sorry to have to tell you but it broke it. IT BROKE THE BARRIER BETWEEN GOOD AND AMAZING. To fight the coming darkness is such a good title for this fic since Harry is fighting the darkness within. Ill add more later.

 

Did the darkness cum hard and fast from within Harry?

That's all I got. Erm, good fic. Yeah.

 

Well, You guys really seemed to like it!

For the record, Susan putting her foot on Hannah's bed was my idea, so HAH!!!

Seriously, Jim this was awesome. I didn't want to post and jinx it, and I normally don't review (as I'm a beta and its kind of unethical if you're somewhat involved, even as little as I am. )

Anyway, awesome. THis could go down as the best fight scene in fandom. I don't know what could have been better. Exceptional work, even for you.

I can't wait to see what you got in store for Harry vs. Voldemort!

 

I know already posted. But I made this one with specifically this chapter in mind Jim..

​

 

All ive got to say is amazing. Im going to have to agree with the rest and say definitley top 3 fight seens and probably number 1. Harry vs Voldy will be amazing

keep up the good work

 

Excellent Snape killing, absolutely delicious. He deserved it. And how completely awesome is it that he turned the greasy bastard's pompous opening speech from potions class against him? 'nuff said.

A scattering of errors but on the whole, a solid chapter with a very, very satisfying conclusion.

Well, considering what happened at the end of the chapter and that the chapter's title is from a nursery rhyme about someone who ends up in so many pieces he can't be fixed... In addition to the obvious, Jones will be lucky if she survived and there can be no denying that no one will be putting Fleur back together again.
Luckily, the interpersonal relationships seem to be a little more likely to be repaired, at least between Susan and Hannah, if no one else.

 

Epic, disgusting, and sadistic. You've outdone yourself.

It would be a hell of a party if Bungle!Harry and Darkness!Harry met. I can see the fireworks......

Yes, it is like Resistance!Harry vs Rookwood, but, no offence, not as funny, with an end thats about a billion times more digusting. My heart to firewhips, though, not enogh stories have them.

 

Although I've read better battle scenes, I've never read a better one between Harry and Snape. The whole chapter was brilliant, but Harry's little speech as he killed the greasy bastard was truly memorable. Excellent work.

I also really like the fact that you had Harry have a break down at the end. Even though he's obviously grown as a character in your fic, it's unrealistic to expect him to be completely different from canon Harry in so short a time, and in my opinion, canon Harry is completely unprepared to deal with anything resembling an actual war. As such, I think the break down adds an extra dimension to the gritty realistic feel you've presented throughout the story.

Your work is definitely among the best in fanfiction, and I look forward to your future chapters in both stories.

-the Jack

 

Thanks for all the feedback. I actually thought about the wards going down so quick. One option I considered was to have Vance and Jones 'escort' Severus through the wards. In the end I decided to go with Hermione's extra credit project gone awry.

As I said in my author's notes the fight scene, alot of people had a hand in making the fight scene what it was.

I make no guarantees on Hermione or Ron surviving. Hell by now I'm not even guaranting Harry's life. Don't count on there being no fall out coming back to Hermione. This is my story after all.

As for the title of the chapter, it refers to Humpty Dumpty. Next chapter most likely will be some variation of Putting Harry back together again. I was tempted to call the chapter Snape Tartar or if you wanted a holiday theme, I could have gone with Greasy Hair Roasting on an open fire. I think that would have been too revealing.

Hestia is dead. Emmy Vance is still alive. It will be awhile for her to be deprogrammed and what not. Fleur being dead is sad, but considering how much she's around in Bungle, its the same trade off I made for Luna. I do want to write a Harry/Fleur sometime.

Chuck is underestimating his involvement. He was also the deciding vote between Spazz and Tails for Hannah's nickname. Just kidding Chuck, you know how much you've worked on the story. Though I must say he had a marvelous idea of Harry sort of coming out of his bout of insanity and with Bill there he wants to try to put the pieces of Snape's body back together so it doesn't look so bad....


I'm happily married, so I don't need glomps or anyone turning gay for me. I err appreciate the thought though.

Here's a little something just for MBond98 a request to crossover the two fics.

A scene from - Bungle in the Darkness a bizarre crossover of JBern fanfics

You don't know what that item in the City of the Damned did, but you open your eyes. You'd almost rather ridden the Bulk Transfer System again. Your in the dark in a bed. Hell, you've probably been wounded again. You can hear the rest of the expedition giving you shit already. Not good. You feel okay. There's no bandages on you. That good. Hey, someone's in the bed with you and whoever she is she's naked! Can't be Karina. Too tall to be Amy. Knockers are too small to be Lauren? Luna? You don't suppose Bill lent you Fleur? A bloke can dream...

"Getting a little frisky there, Mr. Potter. What's next thump my ass like a melon? I thought you said you were too tired after dueling with Flitwick?" Well since she asked, you thump her ass like a melon.

Okay, just how long have you been out for? When were you dueling with Flitwick? Wonder how the crazy dwarf stacks up to Kwan? Did they obliviate you again? Play along, if it's the fuckin Ginslut next to you, you are going to introduce her to the Beast that Kills in a single bound.

"I'm better." You answer fishing for more info.

"So I guess the groping is sublte foreplay?" Whoever she is slides on top of you. Well might as well get some mileage out of this. When in Rome or wherever the hell you are...

Fifteen rather intersting minutes later, your mystery shag is over. "So, Harry join me in the bath for a bit of frolicing in the tub.

"Sure." Might as well find out who Dumbledore has playing your love interest this time. The room like Hogwarts so you must be there. Don't recall having king sized beds or girls to share them though.

You pad your way across the stone floor. So far, here's what you know about the girl. She's about your height and has some serious hair, a slight limp, and an English accent. Could be one of the Patils? Who else has really long hair? You're night vision is exceptional, but it's pitch black. You stay close following her scent.

The light of the touchstone activates. Your bouncy buddy is that girl from Hufflepuff, Hannah's buddy. What is her damn name? Susan! Susan Bones! Pretty enough, especially naked, you're not ashamed to admit that you've had better.

"What's wrong, honey? You're not worried about meeting with Scrimgeour tomorrow are you? You're not still dwelling on the battle at #12. I really layed into Ron after he made that comment about you killing Snape." Susan fills the tub while wiggling her hind quarters suggestively.

Wow, you apparently killed Snape. A quick evaluation of the ups and downs of your current situation. You're at Hogwarts - Bad. Bouncy Bouncy with Susan 'Jump My' Bones - Rather good. You killed Snape - In-fricking-credible! The only possible downside to that is you don't remember doing it! Celebrate good times, come on. It's a celebration!

Long haired vixen slides into water and beckons you to join. Who are you to argue. You slide in behind her. She snuggles back into you and sighs. Wonder why Dumbleshit switched brought her in. Granger and the Weaselslut were probably too prudish for this assignment. Funny you never heard any rumors about Susan being 'loose'. She certainly makes herself comfortable doesn't she?"

"Uhm Susan, have you by chance seen Bill Weasley lately?" Maybe he can fill in the blanks? That is, unless they got to him too!

"In the infirmary trying to help Ms. Vance recover from her 'ordeal'. I think she might be good for him. He's been asking about you. I know you've been kind of skittish around him, but you really should talk to him. He assured me that he isn't judging you over your breakdown."

You suppose 'breakdown' has replaced 'flying accident' in the reasons why Harry doesn't know what's going on. You'd think they'd come up with something better.

"Hey Mr. Tense all the sudden, listen we're a team. You and me. You kill Riddle and I keep your over inflated ego in line." Wow that news. Susan just called Voldemort 'Riddle'. What the hell is going on?

------

Jim

 

I actually found that a bit odd, you mentioned it almost being too easy but it was just that, easy and nothing happened with the wards.

I think Bill would have made just a bit more fuss over seeing his recent ex's mangled naked dead body on the floor.

No Voldemort sequences in this chapter which is a shame because the Voldemort Wormtail interaction is some of the best writing I have seen and is easily my favourite part of this fic.

People seem to cast a lot of bludgeoners and such which to me seems a little unrealistic, I know there is energy to conserve and all but the bludgeoners don't even really seem to slow people down when they get hit by them, you'd think there would be a little more force behind them. Seems they do about as much damage as being punched and in that case it wouldn't really be worth it. Stunners are great spells because they're very easy to cast and require seemingly no energy (from cannon anyways because Neville managed them just fine).

Authors seem to try and shy away from stunners but using a stunner is combat where shields seem to not be an option would make sense. You can't fight back if you're unconscious.

Faux Kevadra, it does no damage and doesn't even really rattle Snape, whats wrong with a stunner there?

I like the Susan, Justin, Hannah interaction and thought the Muggle to Wizard currency conversion was a nice touch, details like that really add to the story even if they aren't going to play a role later on.

I hope this doesn't seem to rude or anything, I think this a 5/5 story and I'm not trying to be an ass about it.

 

No sweat. It's honest criticism. Harry didn't like the odds of casting a stunner when the other DE could revive him. The faux kedavra did by Harry enough time to kill Jones and escape up the steps. He probably could have and should have used a stunner later. Come to think of it, I meant to have Snape hit Harry with one in the fight, but the giant blood amulet absorbed would have absorbed it. Oh well look for that in a future fight sometime.

As the fight wore on, neither Harry nor Snape was looking to stun. They wanted to inflict damage on each other. Something that probably gets lost in the heat of battle.

Thanks for the review, DD and The Jack whose story rules!