You know, there's a lot of anglo latin involved in the HP universe. I just accept it. When I wrote HP fanfiction, I took the english form of the spell i wanted and then used a thesaurus and two dictionaries--one spanish-english, another italian-english. I'd mix, and sometimes jumble words to come up with spells. Where's the fun if you just translate straight to latin?

Of course, I couldnt find a latin translator--completely aside the point.

It's almost impossible to write a story while giving credit to the sources for each idea you get--the key is to try and give direct credit to those who you've consciously decided to emulate.

 

Yay! Great chapter. Especially the end. That'll teach her to lie about shit like that!

 

Great chapter, it had a nice look into everybodys thought process and was very well done. I think the part that i like the most is that Hermione didnt get comforted by everybody and tonks blames her. I find this a lot more realistic. Keep up the good work.

 

Bill's vengeance was brilliantly done.

What more can I say...

Oh, Harry being a father. Brilliant. I don't think have read a serious one with him as teenage dad.

Keep em coming

 

Chapter 28 Author's notes

Scene 1 - It caused a lot of problems both with the flow of the chapter and it's continutity as it takes place after most of the other scenes in the chapter. That said, I've been waiting to write that scene for at least 2 months back when I concieved Bill showing he has a dark side. Since it has been discussed extensively in the tease thread, I won't spend that much more time on it. Kokopelli and the rest really helped put the polish on the scene.

Scene 2 and 3 - Mostly just a pair of Susan transitional scenes. Some people expressed an interest in hearing the Nigellus portrait deliver its report, but you read the previous chapter and Bill recaps it in scene 1. I didn't see the point of milking that dead cow. Still it would have been interesting.

Scene 4 - Remember Voldie still isn't at full strength. He's dueling Flitwick and 2 Order members when Harry's emotional upheaval begins. That's just enough time for the unthinkable to occur - Molly Weasley manages to hit Voldemort with a curse! The shame! The horror! The humiliation! If there were such a place as the Dark Lord lodge club (local #666?), it would be doubtful that Voldy could show his face there anytime soon.

Scenes 5 and 6 - Draco had to come back from his trip abroad at some point. Might as well be now. I am still trying to find my take on Draco. I want him to be a bit more sinister than in canon. The only time he is a critical thinking character in fanon is when he gets redeemed.

--- I don't write a redeemed Draco! ----

Still, I want to write a character that is out for himself. We'll see how Draco develops.

Scene 7 - Some of the reviews say that Harry is being Harry. In this instance, I think the reviewers need to remember that Harry just finished going primordial on Snape. He lost it and butchered the man. Susan had to pull out the big guns to snap him out of his funk. Too bad she didn't realize that she was already pregnant. More on that next chapter...

Jim

 

the whole pregnant scene felt like a foot in the mouth. how are u going to make harry accept it? even though he wants a family, would he be all joyous about it or sad that his significant other is now a greater target.

 

o_o

And clean up your grammar.

 

Dear god I hope you don't make Draco another Wormtail. I like what you did with wormtail because it was different and funny. But I dont think I could handle Draco bring anything but a namby pamby bitch.

Nothing important really happened this chapter so I can't really say much. I am glad you just didn't have Harry killing Snape as just another nessesary evil. Having him in a funk trully worried if he's turning dark is great.

I look foward to seeing more of Voldemort in this story since he is the high light of any chapter.

 

YAY LITTLE POTTER I like babies. This is gonna be funny. Umm Headmaster we have a small problem. Susan is kinda pregnant. Other than that good chapter.

Only part I didnt like was Draco(People that think my name is similar to Draco, I HATE HIM, I used this name playing online games a couple years ago). If you hadnt said that you dont redeem Draco, I would say that you are gonna redeem him. But just give him the Snape death special.

 

I love this story.
The Characters are well written, the writing is tight, the pairing is unique.
There just is not enough good I can say about this story.

THis chappy
I like that harry didn't just kill snape and it was alright he had to break at some time and I thought that was a great breaking point. Bills revenge was brillient.
I will admit that I do love the cliche of redemmed!Draco so I will wait and see on that. I also am not sure how I feel about Susan's pregnancy but I trust you.

Just a quick annecdote about RL
Jim I quoted you about a week ago
I had to call a large electronics company(rhymes with pony)about a digital camera I bought and had already returned once and the second one was broken. Anyway I get the guy Chris on the phone after being on hold for about 45 min and based on the transfer system I could tell it was a call center
we go back and forth for a few minutes and I try to get him to escalate the call to a sup. He says he cant and I get angry and argue somemore
finally I ask him
"Chris, you asshole can you smell the shit you are shovelling."
needless to say I got no results from that encounter but it felt really good to call him on it LOL
Reedy

 

That must have been the best chapter ever because not a single person had any constructive criticism, wait... the last chapter was like that too, please, lets actually post some Reviews and not just list what you liked. Gahd, where's TIO when you need him.

I honestly didn't really like this chapter, not to say it wasn't well written just that it seemed to hit a few snags.

The Bill scene was necessary, but I thought he was very OOC as to how you have him portrayed throughout the story, I can't see him mummifying someone alive, unless this is a major turning point for him but he can't just do something like that and go back to being the same Bill he was throughout the story. Harry, yeah I think he could do something like that, Bill, not so much.

The Draco letter made me laugh so hard, the whole time I was reading it I was picturing the start to your standard Indy!Harry story where he goes to his vaults and there's more money there and a letter from his mother, then he gets emancipated and has a chance to go to a different school. You didn't send him, it's probably a good thing you didn't though because I think I would have died.

Harry and Susan scene, Susan seemed a lot like Ginny in this chapter to me, I can't really elaborate on this but I will say up until here I have liked your Susan a lot.

And then Harry is angsty, but I guess I can sorta guess that, I was just hoping he would have no remorse.

Susan is pregnant, god no, please tell me your joking, or at least have the story be over before she has her child.

Chapter: 3/5
Story: 4.8/5

EDIT: Upon re-reading the Harry/Susan interaction I realized she's not very Ginnyish through out the chapter. Just in certain instances and certain lines such as

And those kind of stood out to me over the rest of the interaction.

 

I liked the new chapter very much. I can't really think of any constructive criticism that hasn't already been mentioned, and it was all played out well. Bill's revenge was very satisfying to read - I wasn't expecting it at all.Your handling of Harry's angst was refreshingly well-balanced, not leaning too far to black depression or casual dismissal as are often the pitfalls. His interactions with Susan were good too, although I'm a bit leery of the pregnancy thing. I don't doubt you'll make it work, but almost every one of the stories I've read that include babies just end up going...weird. Still, looking forwards to the next chapter a lot

 

After I started Reading Bungle in the Jungle two months ago I started putting off reading this fic just to let it progress farther. When I started read this fic yesterday I devoured it in less than 10 hours. It really is a piece of work. I like the way you killed off a lot of characters. It might be coincidence, or it might not be, but it was good since it killed off a lot of possible cliches. I also like how we get cameos with a lot of unused characters both in canon and fanon. This pretty much is an outstanding work. 6/5 rating!

 

Just finished the most recent chapter and have only one thing to say. Psyhco Neville FTW! That whole ending scene was amazing, we can only hope that Draco's eventual "acident" is as well thought out.

 

I get the feeling that Draco's ass will belong to Harry.

I loved the Neville bit, though. It's always the quiet ones.

 

OMG! Neville a bit harsh, isn't he? :-/ And they say that Herbology is useless.

 

Author's notes

Author's notes chapter 29

The chapter is up on ff.net and ffa, but not ficwad. I couldn't access that site this morning. The chapter itself was a tough transitional chapter. Like trying to change the momentum of the of a ship going through the water
without capsizing it. As the story goes off to school, there is less opportunity for Harry to actively particpate in planned bloodshed.

Scene 1 - Too many fics do Budding General Ron! I prefer somewhat goofy best friend Ron. He's not a deep thinker except for Chess. Many fans of Dark Indy Harry fics abhor Ron and Hermione. I think they have their place in the fic and hope you like my take on him. My favorite part of the chapter is Ron's thoughts on the difference between Men and Women.

Scene 2 - Much the same with Hermione. I decided to give her a flaw. Hermione has a bit of a drinking problem. She's a driven girl, who with the exception of Ron, Harry and a few others is pretty much a loner with social
issues. People who are lonely often use alcohol to allow them to act 'more fun' than they would be normally. I think it's a realistic possibility given the stress and guilt she's been feeling coupled with the feeling that she is 'losing Harry' to marriage. I'm sure the Portkey crowd still doesn't care for my portrayal of her, but I like it.

Scene 3 - The scene posted in the tease. Not really much to say that hasn't already been said.

Scene 4 - Still attempting to make Draco 'interesting'. Actually with Neville doing his obsessive training and Draco suddenly 'cut adrift and on his own to make his own choices' they are actually following two of the more
popular themes of most Indy Harry fics for those of you didn't bother to connect the dots. Interaction betweeen the three of them should prove to be volatile. Neville is certainly going to want to catch up with Draco at some
point given the last scene...

Scene 5 - The Handfasting, I didn't want to go into extended detail with the chapter going over the 11k mark. As indicated previously, Susan and Harry's relationship requires work on both thier parts, but Susan gets a brief reprieve on her wedding night.

Scene 6 - Bill and Harry are not Bill and Harry from Bungle. There are similarities, but you can sense how uncomfortable Bill is talking with Harry especially when it turns to rumors about the death of Aimee Beaucourt. I
hadn't really planned on scene 7 and 9 until I wrote the comment about being happy that no one we care about is fighting for their lives this evening.

Scene 7 and 9 - by the request of damn near everyone I drag Charlie and Narcissa out to update everyone on their little romp on the continent. I hope you enjoyed it. Narcissa is particularly fun to write. Depending on your comments they may turn up occasionally as a side story....

Scene 8 - Harry is still young and tends to make rash choices. 'Fine I'll go, but no way in hell is Susan gonna be on that train.' Hence the need for a bit of maritial advice from two old codgers. My version of Scrimgeour is a
practical man. He doesn't try to manipulate Harry into riding the train, he simply lays it on the line.

Scene 9 - Scrimgeour's comments remind Harry that there is something he's been putting off and hoping it would correct itself - Tonks. He's reached a point where he had to put his foot down.

Scene 10 - Susan and Fred. Again, Susan is a character in her own right. I do my best to make sure that she isn't just a Gin/Hermclone. Everyone knows there is no escaping the Chicken Dance...

Scene 11 - Voldemort doing something interesting. Monsters don't make themselves. Someone's got to do it! All his peons are making Inferi. I hope you like seeing him do something that doesn't involve him torturing someone or setting at his table plotting his next move. He even gives you a bit of insight concerning his future plans...

Peter's mania continues. Voldemort sent him out to do something special for Harry and Susan's wedding. He is unaware of the rift that exists between Harry and the Weasleys and still believes that striking at them directly strikes at Harry.

Scene 12 - There sure are a lot of scenes in ths chapter! Harry and Susan's 'disagreement about her presence on the train' is told from a flashback. The by play between them was good although some may believe that Harry's a bit whipped in this section. Little Harry has grown up a bit and understands the power of a good lie! That rumor is going to dog Draco for some time to come...

Scene 13 - I wanted to do Goyle as the equivalent of Dudley with magical powers. You see that he actually has a brain and can put two words together. Same with Crabbe. As often happens in this story, I give you a glimpse into a side character and then....

Scene 14 - Someone kills him. In this case, Neville. You get a hint of things to come and what's going on inside the mind of Neville Longbottom. It was hinted at shortly after what happened to Luna. Much more on that to come...

Hope you enjoyed it!
Jim

 

Holy shit Jbern. That was bloody awesome. You don't usually find any decent badass! or violent! Neville stories, but that was A+ material. How do you plan on Neville getting away with it?

 

What's there to get away with? Forensic investigation in the Wizarding World is virtually nonexistent. Consider their response to the CoS. "Let's see, last time we threw Hagrid into Azkaban and the attacks stopped. We should try that again...." I won't even mention the whole Sirius Black case....

Hell, they can't even figure out in most stories that they should check everyone's arms for a certain tatoo.

For a serious answer to your question, the report could look something like this - anyone tracking the movements of Greg Goyle will see that after leaving Mr. Crabbe, he then went to see Ms. Davis and Greengrass. Harsh words were exchanged and Mr. Goyle left rather abruptly. From there it is speculated that the boy went into the baggage car area to be alone. As evidenced by the five wrappers of Droobles on the floor, he ingested all of them at the same time and accidentally swallowed the large mass of chewing gum. It is unfortunate that all the prefects and the teacher's that the Headmaster had assigned to the train were all in in the Prefect's/Head's meeting discussing the safety of the students on the train at the very time of this tragic accident.

Mr. Goyle's wand shows that he tried to cast a water summoning charm. He most likely was trying to flush the obstruction in his throat out. Perhaps he should have tried summoning the gum... End of report

If anyone recalls Neville, being chased by Goyle he can say that he was an angry bully who made Neville give him a bunch of candy and then left him alone, which is pretty much what happened. Neville knows enough Occlumency to detect a probe and basic shielding. Also psychosis has it's own way of protecting the mind.... As I joked with Crys on FFA, there isn't really CSI: Diagon Alley. Though I offered that we could cowrite it.

Jim

 

it was bloody awesome,Neville the bad ass????????keep it up and 5/5 for this fic